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Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

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  • Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it


  • #2
    Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

    :salams:

    I think you will have to seek refuge and recite surah naas and falaaq

    Just think of all the blessings Allah has given you. Be content about it and remind yourself there are people out there in worse conditions. Also, remember Allah has said that there will only be a few of us that will be grateful towards him.

    Some women don't have a degree, they don't have a job, they are struggling and are living in poor conditions, their husbands beat them or maybe no one is marrying them because they don't have these things.

    Other people are fighting to get food on their plate and struggling to pay the gas bills.

    It's the satan that is whispering these thoughts in your head, like you said yourself you're not usually like this but now you are being tested.

    I'd like to think we always focus on the negatives, it's just something so easy to fall into. The evil eye is real and as soon as you think like that just be happy for your friends and keep away from them before it has a bad impact on you even more.

    You can still make dua for all these things, keep making dua even if you have to wait all your life. Everything happens for a reason.

    You have made it far, but you have made it far because of Allah and you've achieved things that are just different then theirs. The more you will compare the more depressed you will get for nothing because this world is an illusion. Think about it, even if you feel envious, the only person that is getting harmed here is YOU. You will have to purify your heart by doing dhikr and reflecting. Find the actual cause of it, there is a solution to all of this :insha:
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    • #3
      Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

      To add to what the sister mentioned, remind yourself that jealousy in essence is being displeased with the Qadr of Allah, because it is as if you are saying "Ya Allah I am displeased that you bestowed this blessing on that individual instead of me". I find looking at it from that perspective helpful.

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      • #4
        Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

        [MENTION=43833]Kya[/MENTION]

        Zuhd is the answer. You need to detach yourself from the dunya, because this dunya is worthless in the sight of Allah.

        Watch this video sister, it helped me immensely.

        https://youtu.be/J5AB3ZGc-mY
        Last edited by Stoic Believer; 22-04-16, 11:06 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

          As for being envious of others in terms of deen, all I can say is the deen is not a competition. All of us are on a path that is uniquely our own. Make dua to Allah that he increases you in imaan. Also engage in extra acts of ibaadah, like tahajjud, and increase your good deeds, for this will have a positive effect on your imaan.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

            :wswrwb:

            Each and every person whom you are envious towards, make sincere Dua'a for them in private that Allah grant them increase in His blessings, and grant them goodness. In sha Allah, this will clean your heart when you get yourself to make Dua'a for those very people.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
              :wswrwb:

              Each and every person whom you are envious towards, make sincere Dua'a for them in private that Allah grant them increase in His blessings, and grant them goodness. In sha Allah, this will clean your heart when you get yourself to make Dua'a for those very people.
              :wswrwb:

              Also remember that when you make du'a for others the angels also make the same du'a for you.
              Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
              "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Kya View Post
                I don’t know what happened. I am usually not envious type of person. I personally checked myself out of “rat race” long time ago & always pride myself in being somewhat “unique”. Yet in last 2 months I find myself constantly comparing myself/my life with those around me in negative way. It’s not just materialistic thing, it’s being envious of others in deen as well. For example:

                • A friend went to umrah this year. I am very happy for her but I find myself envious more. I have been wanting to go to umrah or hajj for last 2 years but did not make any progress, mostly because my desire for umrah/hajj was passive. It still made me feel like, gosh she has everything in place: finish med school, pregnant, complete umrah, purchased a house all in last 2 years while I made very little progress in my life

                • Another girl from high school I met recently after 5 years who alhamdulilah changed for best. She was not very practicing Muslim back in high school: dating, dancing, non-hijabi and just all out there. But now she changed so much: wears burka most of the time, constantly talks about allah, has a beautiful family & always conscious of fulfilling Sunnah. I am very impress with her progression and happy for her but at same time I realize I haven’t changed much since high school. Still the same girl and similar level of iman

                • There is of course materialist envy as well: recently went to a friend’s housewarming party where they had their house built & that left me feeling envious even thought I personally would not want to live in new built house or deal with the hassle.

                • Went to a halaqa at a friend’s house who had the place beautifully decorated & that left me feeling envious because I have a small place where I can’t even host any type of gathering.

                • Recently I have been searching for car, so I have been noticing everyone’s ride more than normal. I see so many people with luxury cars which made me feel like I need to get something cool to keep up even thought I really don’t care.


                I don’t like being envious of others, I don’t like looking at others life. But last 2 months I just can’t help myself but keep feeling like everyone else is doing better than me or making greater progress in life while I am just stuck as same ol me.
                Sister dont be jealous,, you have no idea what they're going through rather be happy for their fortune and ask Allah swt to further bless them.

                You've been blessed with a great gift Islam and what can be more special than that. I know i know maybe they have islam and that other stuff but do you know their emotional struggles, the fact that they may have jinns in them, a horrific past or been inflicted with evil eye. It may even be that they were made more emotional than you so a smaller thing can have a larger affect on them. Dont look upon people with envy look at those less fortunate(kuffar are especially unfortunate) and remember death. maybe then you'd understand your blessings.

                Umar ibn al-Khattab used to say:"I do not care in what state I wake up in the morning whether it is good or bad, since I do not know what is good for me or what is bad."
                [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
                [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

                [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

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                • #9
                  Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

                  salaam,

                  The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Envy is permitted only in two cases: Of a man whom Allah gives wealth, and he disposes of it rightfully, and of a man whom Allah gives knowledge, and he applies and teaches it.” [Bukhari]

                  -------------

                  On the authority of Abu Hamzah Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) - the servant of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) - that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said :

                  "None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself."

                  Related by Bukhari & Muslim

                  --------------



                  it is ok to envy people who know, recite, and teach Quran better than you and those who spend their wealth in charity.


                  As for materialistic envy, just remember that Allah swt lowers and degrades a person by raising him. there are people with lots of money who can't sleep at night, who aren't happy; some make fools of themselves by spending heedlessly.....how much peace do they really have in life?
                  Last edited by Aloo; 23-04-16, 12:33 PM.
                  لآ اِلَهَ اِلّا اللّهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُوُل اللّهِ

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

                    Originally posted by Kya View Post
                    I don’t know what happened. I am usually not envious type of person. I personally checked myself out of “rat race” long time ago & always pride myself in being somewhat “unique”. Yet in last 2 months I find myself constantly comparing myself/my life with those around me in negative way. It’s not just materialistic thing, it’s being envious of others in deen as well. For example:
                    When you feel envious you have to figure out the root cause in order to change it. To me, at least from reading your post, it seems like you're not really envious. You're just annoyed that life is stagnant for you at the moment and you are not moving forward. So when you see others who have what you want, you're not envious of them in a way that you wish it didn't happen to them. You're happy for them, but you wish that you could have done it too. There's a difference. If you wished that they would fail and you could have it, then this is haram. If you are happy for them, make du'a for them, but wish you could also benefit then this isn't haram. It's human.

                    Think of it as Allah opening your eyes and telling you to take more of a commanding role in your life. Stop being passive, stop remaining stuck, and move forward. A believer is meant to improve each day, but when you feel stuck it's hard to do that. Allah is testing you with seeing success stories in order to tell you go for your own.

                    • A friend went to umrah this year. I am very happy for her but I find myself envious more. I have been wanting to go to umrah or hajj for last 2 years but did not make any progress, mostly because my desire for umrah/hajj was passive. It still made me feel like, gosh she has everything in place: finish med school, pregnant, complete umrah, purchased a house all in last 2 years while I made very little progress in my life
                    So in this, you mention that you were passive about going to umrah/hajj. That passiveness has made you miss opportunities that you could have taken if you showed more initiative. Now that you know that, you need to put one foot ahead of the other and start making plans for hajj/umrah. Talk to your husband and set up a goal. "Next year, we're going to Hajj." Then take the necessary steps to plan for that.


                    • Another girl from high school I met recently after 5 years who alhamdulilah changed for best. She was not very practicing Muslim back in high school: dating, dancing, non-hijabi and just all out there. But now she changed so much: wears burka most of the time, constantly talks about allah, has a beautiful family & always conscious of fulfilling Sunnah. I am very impress with her progression and happy for her but at same time I realize I haven’t changed much since high school. Still the same girl and similar level of iman
                    I'm sure you have changed, since everyone does. It may not be at her level, May Allah keep her going strong and raise her status in Jannah. Ameen, but that's the fun thing about this deen. You can always get better if you put in some effort. If you move even an inch closer to Allah He'll shorten the gap between you and make it easier for you to learn. Ask yourself, "what is stopping me from learning the deen and getting a better connection with Allah?" If you can't think of a valid reason (because there isn't any) you need to start trying.


                    • There is of course materialist envy as well: recently went to a friend’s housewarming party where they had their house built & that left me feeling envious even thought I personally would not want to live in new built house or deal with the hassle.
                    For this, you need to ask yourself why you are feeling this way when you don't want it for yourself. Is it because she has something she worked hard at achieving and now sees the fruits of her labour? Or because it's shiny and new and your place doesn't feel like that any more? If it's the former, you are just equating the house to your lifestyle. If it's the latter, then head over to ikea or whatever home furniture store you guys have and redo your living room. Make it affordable, but a simple change can make the world of difference to ones outlook on things.

                    A change in a room can also spark a change in ones self too.

                    • Went to a halaqa at a friend’s house who had the place beautifully decorated & that left me feeling envious because I have a small place where I can’t even host any type of gathering.
                    Even if one has a small place that doesn't mean you can't have gatherings. If your friends are good friends, then they won't care how the place looks. They just want to spend time with you. Like before, try sprucing the place up and rearranging furniture. I've watched enough home reno shows to know that a small place can feel bit with the right accessories. It's all about the mindset and effort though.


                    • Recently I have been searching for car, so I have been noticing everyone’s ride more than normal. I see so many people with luxury cars which made me feel like I need to get something cool to keep up even thought I really don’t care.
                    Here's another thing Sis, you want a luxury/cool car to fit in when you know that it isn't practical. Like I said before, this isn't because of fitting in or whatnot, you just feel stuck in life and want to be successful like everyone else. The problem is that you're passive about it when you should be proactive. You don't need a cool car, or a new house, you need to feel happier in your own life and realize that there are people out there who may look at your life and feel envious of it.

                    I don’t like being envious of others, I don’t like looking at others life. But last 2 months I just can’t help myself but keep feeling like everyone else is doing better than me or making greater progress in life while I am just stuck as same ol me.
                    Sis, first off say alhamdulillah Allah has made you realize that you were stuck in your life and that you could be doing so much more with it. Ramadan is right around the corner so you have a perfect opportunity to pick up some good habits and continue for the rest of the year.

                    Another idea is to get a notebook and write down something about your life that you are grateful for. Write one thing every day, but reflect on it. This will increase your gratefulness to Allah and help you be more content in your life. There's this website where one guy did this, only be wrote about 1000 awesome things in life, and once you start doing that or even thinking about it then you'll stop being so envious. So get a notebook and write about something awesome in your life, something heartwarming, something you're grateful for, and experience that made you better. It might sound cheesy, but once you do this for a month and then read back on what you wrote, you'll feel happier.
                    My suggestion: Write down your goals for Ramadan, for this year, and for five years from now. Don't over estimate yourself, but don't under value what you can do. Be reasonable in your goals. Now that you have a plan, you can work towards it and try to be success story yourself.

                    May Allah make it easy for you and all of us, May He help us get better and better and May He bless us all with Jannatul Firdos. Ameen.
                    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                    Surah al-Baqarah
                    [2:245]

                    .:.
                    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                    .:.
                    ...said the spider to the fly...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

                      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                      When you feel envious you have to figure out the root cause in order to change it. To me, at least from reading your post, it seems like you're not really envious. You're just annoyed that life is stagnant for you at the moment and you are not moving forward. So when you see others who have what you want, you're not envious of them in a way that you wish it didn't happen to them. You're happy for them, but you wish that you could have done it too. There's a difference. If you wished that they would fail and you could have it, then this is haram. If you are happy for them, make du'a for them, but wish you could also benefit then this isn't haram. It's human.
                      .
                      JZK for your input, you are right on spot. I am not envious of others in a negative way, I am happy for them but it is making me reflect on my life a bit & i keep comparing. Something i normally don't do because I am busy with my own life. I have always liked self-improvement & setting goals (new year, ramadan, mid year, weekly). Not because my life is bad but because they kept me going. But i always made small goals, never been big dreamer type. However, after my mid-20's life had lot more of "pause" moment when i didn't even know what goals to set. Those brother/sister waiting to get married will understand how frustrating those "pause" moments are & how even more frustrating it is because you can't take an active role in it. Alhamdulilah, I don't have that issue now but i did have it for longer time before.

                      I guess i have always been bad at dreaming "outside of the box" & I am frustrated because the usual progression i am suppose to be making at this point in life isn't possible or has few blockage. I haven't been able to come up with alternative goals. There is always "lose weight" and "increase deen" but after having the same goals years after years without huge impact, those become passive. Then there is the goal of attending hajj & moving in to our own place but now that I am married I have to make sure they alight with husband's goal (which they don't at this moment as hubby is still recovering from his knee surgery). I guess my problem isn't being envy of others, its just i need to find goals to look forward too, something more specific than "be a better person"

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                      • #12
                        Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

                        Help or do a favour or say good things about him in front of other people, to ruin your ego !
                        Note: I am a shia.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Lately I been jealous/envoys a lot, how to stop it

                          Originally posted by Kya View Post
                          JZK for your input, you are right on spot. I am not envious of others in a negative way, I am happy for them but it is making me reflect on my life a bit & i keep comparing. Something i normally don't do because I am busy with my own life. I have always liked self-improvement & setting goals (new year, ramadan, mid year, weekly). Not because my life is bad but because they kept me going. But i always made small goals, never been big dreamer type. However, after my mid-20's life had lot more of "pause" moment when i didn't even know what goals to set. Those brother/sister waiting to get married will understand how frustrating those "pause" moments are & how even more frustrating it is because you can't take an active role in it. Alhamdulilah, I don't have that issue now but i did have it for longer time before.

                          I guess i have always been bad at dreaming "outside of the box" & I am frustrated because the usual progression i am suppose to be making at this point in life isn't possible or has few blockage. I haven't been able to come up with alternative goals. There is always "lose weight" and "increase deen" but after having the same goals years after years without huge impact, those become passive. Then there is the goal of attending hajj & moving in to our own place but now that I am married I have to make sure they alight with husband's goal (which they don't at this moment as hubby is still recovering from his knee surgery). I guess my problem isn't being envy of others, its just i need to find goals to look forward too, something more specific than "be a better person"
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...-do-to-stop-it

                          This video may help you.
                          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                          Surah al-Baqarah
                          [2:245]

                          .:.
                          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                          .:.
                          ...said the spider to the fly...

                          Comment

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