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I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

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  • I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

    Assalamu Alaykum dear brothers and sisters

    ***I apologize if this post goes through twice as I am not sure if my first one went through, as I can not see it***

    I am in desperate need of any type of help, advise, or even any prayers/duas I can get right now. Ever since I can remember, my parents have been arguing and arguing. They have always argued and fought over the smallest to the biggest of issues. It drives me crazy seeing them this way. When they argue, it is as though they have become some type of other personality, and the talk bad about each other. (When they are normal, they are always saying how helpful and kind the other is). So as you can tell, big difference.

    However, just about a few weeks ago, they had a major major argument between them. I'll explain what occurred.

    My mother works part time to support her mother overseas. She isn't able to make enough money from just working, so she also does haircuts of her friends at our house in a separate room to get some extra money. However, my father does not like her doing this. He doesn't want her to call her friends into the house to get their hair trimmed. My mother says to my dad that she has no other way to raise money to support her mother (as my mother's dad passed away a few years ago). The two of them had a major argument over this issue about three weeks ago. They have not talked to each other since then! Its been more than three weeks!!

    The worst of it all is that we have a trip booked to our home country for this summer. Today, my dad told me to tell my grandmother (in other words, my mom's mother) that when my dad comes for the trip, he is going to go to my grandmothers house and open a tuition/coaching center there to get even with my mom. I could not believe this! He is disrespecting my grandmother.

    I am really upset and disheartened and do not know what to do. This is not the first time this has happened, so they already know how I feel and whatnot. I have already done the entire thing of telling my feelings, explaining that they are making shaiytan happy, and all of that. I have no elders whom I can get involved in this as it is just us. I've prayed and prayed to Allah each day and night to help me.

    If anyone can please advise me what I should do to get them back together, I would greatly appreciate it! Please remember me in your duas in sha Allah.

    Jazak Allah Khair

  • #2
    Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

    :salams

    Bro, where is your grandmother from?; if it is a third world country then it don't take much money to look after one person there; a little money of west goes a long way over there; your mum sending about 100 pounds a month should be enough

    your mum really should be listening to your dad; this is what is causing the arguments. your dad has a right to tell your mum not to allow certain people in the house ...

    I am guessing but if your family lives in uk then really your mum having one job should be enough to look after her mum ... there is enough free money coming from the government as it is bro and it shouldn't be too hard to cut down on our expenditure a bit and save about 100 quid a month for dear granny!

    show your mummy my post; inshALlah I want to get reward for breaking up a big fight! ;)

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    • #3
      Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

      I'm kinda wondering....what about your parents rights to privacy?

      I doubt they'd be thrilled their proble s were posted on the internet to be oogled and oggled over

      And honestly, I didnt read past the part where you said your parents argue...

      TMI!!!

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      • #4
        Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

        Jazak Allah Khair for your reply! It is a third world country, but you see the amount my mom earns in a month from work is really not enough as it is very low. As there is no one for my grandmother except my mom, she is almost 98% supporting her in house rent, and expenses.

        Would you happen to know the hadith or reference which says my dad has that right? I would love to show that to my mother!



        Originally posted by Salaam786 View Post
        :salams

        Bro, where is your grandmother from?; if it is a third world country then it don't take much money to look after one person there; a little money of west goes a long way over there; your mum sending about 100 pounds a month should be enough

        your mum really should be listening to your dad; this is what is causing the arguments. your dad has a right to tell your mum not to allow certain people in the house ...

        I am guessing but if your family lives in uk then really your mum having one job should be enough to look after her mum ... there is enough free money coming from the government as it is bro and it shouldn't be too hard to cut down on our expenditure a bit and save about 100 quid a month for dear granny!

        show your mummy my post; inshALlah I want to get reward for breaking up a big fight! ;)

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

          After reading what you wrote sister, I sort of feel bad for explaining too much :(

          I guess you are right actually. Is there any way I can edit the main post?

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          • #6
            Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

            If your mother is the only one that can support/help her own mother then who else is gonna help your grandmother if your mom doesnt help her?
            I mean, what does your dad think of that situation? He doesnt mind his mother in law to be without anything (maybe no food or whatever) ?

            I am confused.

            Lets say your mom listens to your dad and stops working, what is going to happen to the grandmother? Is your dad going to work more to support her or something?

            I would never let down my own mother, I mean, they are our parents soubhan Allah, I dont even have the words to explain that.
            And I would never let down my spouse's parents too. How can we sleep at night knowing that they are suffering or sad etc...

            And [MENTION=136766]islamforpeace15[/MENTION] what do YOU think your mom should do? And your dad? I mean concerning the grandmother, do you have any idea that can resolve the issue and share it with your parents?

            Remind good qualities of your dad to your mom and vice versa, try to explain your dad that if your mother is doing all that it is not to bother him but to help her own mother and what would he do if his own mother was in the same situation? And try to tell your mom that your dad is worried and stuff thats why he is acting this way...

            I think our parents in law should be treated as our own parents, we are married to their son/daughter soubhan Allah, if we truly love our spouse then we want them to be good with their parents and happy just as we want to be with our own parents...

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            • #7
              Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

              [MENTION=108716]Nuuna[/MENTION] is not right at all. She's entirely wrong. This is a major problem with us Muslims. We keep our problems and feelings locked up so much then we don't know how to respond to them. What better way to ask for advice than an anonymous post.

              Depending on how your relationship is with your father, maybe try sitting down and explaining the Islamic benefits for helping someone financially, particularly someone who can't support themselves. Also maybe ask him to think if it was his mother in that situation and no one was there to help her, how he would feel.
              Last edited by BadarR; 09-02-16, 01:44 AM.

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              • #8
                Re: I need help and advise desperately, regarding my parents!!

                Is there any specific reason ur father is not helping is mother in law. Before u show him the hadith that wife should listen to husband, u should also show duty of children to parents. Ur father can help ur mom easily If he helped her out financially

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