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  • #31
    Re: I don't like him

    Disgusting..

    Put a warning next time. I did not want to read this. My EYES!!! WHAT do I DO!!!

    Personally if it was upto me, I'd be harsh and aggressive against him. I'd advice you to not let him touch you. Do not be shy or anything, it won't work.

    I'd punch anyone who'd try to get close to me. lol. Perhaps do the same if the situation sends alarming signs? Rather hit him than let him do nasty stuff..

    I say, PUNCH him, do NOT seclude yourself with him, and if he comes to you, privately, be HARSH and stern! If he tries to get close to you, and touch you, PUNCH him!

    Everytime he tries to talk lewd etc. Or harass you, either speak up. Or rather punch him in anyway, that'd get him uninterested!

    To be in seclusion with him is CERTAIN FITNA!
    Personally I'd give a person like that a beating lol.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-01-16, 06:16 PM.
    La ilaha illallahu, wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa 'ala kulli sha'in Qadir
    (there is no true god except Allah. He is One and He has no partner with Him; His is the sovereignty and His is the praise, and He is Omnipotent),'
    Do not say about Allah but Truth.

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    • #32
      Re: I don't like him

      Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
      No, all he needs is a solid beating.
      Agreed, no amount of ruqya will be as effective as a few punches to the liver.
      There is rest only in the aakhira.
      Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

      - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

      If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
      and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
      then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

      - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

      I saw a dog without any clothes on .
      That's right, a nude dog.
      The Deepweb is disgusting.
      - Unknown -


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      • #33
        Re: I don't like him

        Originally posted by petals View Post
        Thank you. I don't know how to relate to my parents but there's nothing wrong with them. I don't blame them for anything, especially my dad. He is usually out working and had been over the years so most things my brother does my mom just likes to keep away from him. My mom didn't tell my dad about the drugs he uses for a while. Like, she sort of keeps the problems to herself and deals with him. It's hard to explain but I don't blame them at all. They are older now. I don't ever want to hurt them.

        And I know. But I didn't relate this to past abuse. I know, my mind is messed up. I am, but I try. I did try going to a doctor after so long and I got to afraid to tell about other pain. I just told them about a lot of physical pain I was going through, like stomach pains and losing weight. They gave me some pills..like iron and stuff.

        For that other stuff, I try just praying for now and other things. Back then it got so bad that I left school. Now I'm trying to put everything back together because I know I have to start somewhere. I used to stay in my room all day and that but I decided to go back and study. They told me I have to get good grades or else I can't go back. I tried really hard and did well and it's maybe nothing but for me it's a big accomplishment and makes me really proud of myself. I'm doing small things like that. I don't know why they hurt me but they did and I do ask Allah to protect me from harm. I understand, about the childhood abuse and not this, why a lot of women from similar stories don't tell anyone. I hear a lot from women who grow and then finally go against their father or whoever it was. It's hard to explain but I do understand why. I know I'm annoying. I've been this way for years. But I see small changes in me that makes me feel I've done so good. Yesterday I had a good day because I thought about how I'm going back to studies and all that, but coming home he, my brother, spoke really bad about me. I just don't get things like that and it hurts me a lot too. I wish I could ignore bad words from people but when it comes from those who are hour own family and those meant to protect you, it really hurts. I wish I had brothers who were actual brothers but I guess it's okay. I just hope I am not sinning because I don't speak to him anymore. I avoid him as much I can because I don't like how he is to me.
        Alhumdulillah I am sure that you are trying your best to do well. I cannot stress enough the importance of support and not suffering in silence. This is what destroys people. Alhumdulillah that you have even been able to talk to us here on the forum, but sister you can never truly move past something if the perpetrator is in your face every day. It is near impossible to, after everything he has done. Have you tried to access support via charitable organisations where you live?

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        • #34
          Re: I don't like him

          Originally posted by Nawar View Post
          Alhumdulillah I am sure that you are trying your best to do well. I cannot stress enough the importance of support and not suffering in silence. This is what destroys people. Alhumdulillah that you have even been able to talk to us here on the forum, but sister you can never truly move past something if the perpetrator is in your face every day. It is near impossible to, after everything he has done. Have you tried to access support via charitable organisations where you live?
          I tried online things but didn't go anywhere in person. I tried looking online for places within my area that could help but it never worked out. I only tried my doctor but I couldn't say because he is our family doctor and he's known me my while life and knows my parents well. I don't want to tell him this because he knows my other relatives too. I know he would probably just refer me to somewhere else but how do I do that without my parents ever knowing though.. That's all I usually think about. If I go places for help, how would I do if without them knowing and how would I pay for it too. I had to tell the advisors at my school why I did so bad and I mentioned it was personal reasons that I couldn't really describe. They gave me a card that showed me where the counselling services were and said I could speak to them if I ever needed to. That's not anything major though..sort of just someone to talk to when you need it.

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          • #35
            Re: I don't like him

            But about my brother though and not that other topic, is it still okay that I'm not speaking to him? Is that okay in the religious sense? I'm still confused a bit.

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            • #36
              Re: I don't like him

              Jibril is right, pepper spray is a better option than stabbing him. It's absolutely fine that you're not speaking to him. A long time ago, a pious sister said something on here about leaving an abusive marriage. She said she left the marriage because the more he was hurting her, the more he was incurring sins upon himself and one of the reasons for leaving the marriage wasn't just to protect herself and her children, but also to prevent him from sinning further. There is a hadith that says something similar which says words to the effect that; help your Muslim brother whether he is doing right or wrong. Someone responded to this by asking the Prophet (saw) that he can understand helping a brother who is doing right but how does he help a brother that is doing wrong and the Prophet (saw) said prevent him from doing wrong, that way you are helping him.

              So if by staying away from him, you are preventing him from wronging you and sinning against you, then in a way you are helping him as well as yourself. Really it is the responsibility of your family to advise him and to protect you but as they're not doing that, the next best thing is to use pepper spray whenever he says or acts in an abusive way. Then tell him that every time he behaves badly towards you, you will keep doing this until he learns his lesson. Also make sure you have a lock on your door so that he doesn't try to retaliate while you're sleeping or anything. Bullies only understand one type of language and that is being beaten into submission until they realise they can't get away with it.
              The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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              • #37
                Re: I don't like him

                Pls stay away from him he sounds dangerous. Alcohol & drugs can make people do dangerous/evil actions
                :lemo:

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                • #38
                  Re: I don't like him

                  Originally posted by petals View Post
                  Thank you. I don't know how to relate to my parents but there's nothing wrong with them. I don't blame them for anything, especially my dad. He is usually out working and had been over the years so most things my brother does my mom just likes to keep away from him. My mom didn't tell my dad about the drugs he uses for a while. Like, she sort of keeps the problems to herself and deals with him. It's hard to explain but I don't blame them at all. They are older now. I don't ever want to hurt them.

                  And I know. But I didn't relate this to past abuse. I know, my mind is messed up. I am, but I try. I did try going to a doctor after so long and I got to afraid to tell about other pain. I just told them about a lot of physical pain I was going through, like stomach pains and losing weight. They gave me some pills..like iron and stuff.

                  For that other stuff, I try just praying for now and other things. Back then it got so bad that I left school. Now I'm trying to put everything back together because I know I have to start somewhere. I used to stay in my room all day and that but I decided to go back and study. They told me I have to get good grades or else I can't go back. I tried really hard and did well and it's maybe nothing but for me it's a big accomplishment and makes me really proud of myself. I'm doing small things like that. I don't know why they hurt me but they did and I do ask Allah to protect me from harm. I understand, about the childhood abuse and not this, why a lot of women from similar stories don't tell anyone. I hear a lot from women who grow and then finally go against their father or whoever it was. It's hard to explain but I do understand why. I know I'm annoying. I've been this way for years. But I see small changes in me that makes me feel I've done so good. Yesterday I had a good day because I thought about how I'm going back to studies and all that, but coming home he, my brother, spoke really bad about me. I just don't get things like that and it hurts me a lot too. I wish I could ignore bad words from people but when it comes from those who are hour own family and those meant to protect you, it really hurts. I wish I had brothers who were actual brothers but I guess it's okay. I just hope I am not sinning because I don't speak to him anymore. I avoid him as much I can because I don't like how he is to me.
                  I just want to say that sis, you are not annoying at all, why would you think so? You are brave and strong and don't ever let anyone tell you other than that.

                  People on forum including me complain about very very minor things all the time. You on the other hand, subhanallah I can only imagine the level of sabr (patience) it took to tolerate all this going on in your home....it is truly mindblowing and from the nature of your thread it seems as if you have never complained very much.

                  May Allah reward and protect you. These things are not easy to read or hear about, let alone suffer from it on a daily basis for years without end. I am proud of you and I definitely applaud your efforts in going back to studies and everything...that is a very smart move. If you have your education it will allow you to be financially independant and open doors for a positive future. Insha allah you also take the advice we gave you in order to protect yourself bi idhnillah.

                  -Figs
                  Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

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                  • #39
                    Re: I don't like him

                    Sounds like your brother may be sexually attracted to you and his behavior could well change from mental and physical abuse to sexual abuse towa
                    rds you if nothing isnt done soon. Sadly muslim families dont want to confront sexual abuse within family members eg father brother uncle sexually inappropriate towards a sister daughter niece etc. You family arent helping sort the problem they are only covering up the problem from others and society. One poster was right, you must protect yourself from this man, living with him is not healthy for you, are you of marriageable age, can you move to other relatives, move out etc..? The best thing would be if your family told your brother to move out and keep little contact but like most muslim families they wont cut him out despite his very disturbing ways and strange obsession with you, he sounds psychopathic and controlling too and the drugs may have caused or added to his mental illness and behavior.

                    Please talk to your family about this asap, your doctor or imam etc..this isnt safe environment for you. Muslim families need to do more to recognise and stop and limit abuse within their homes and protect those vulnerable victims. Look online for support groups or forums about family abuse especially sexual abuse as it may help you understand you situation. Your brother may need to see his doctor in case hes damaged his brain with drugs. Theres also local support groups near you so do a goolge search.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: I don't like him

                      Originally posted by petals View Post
                      I tried online things but didn't go anywhere in person. I tried looking online for places within my area that could help but it never worked out. I only tried my doctor but I couldn't say because he is our family doctor and he's known me my while life and knows my parents well. I don't want to tell him this because he knows my other relatives too. I know he would probably just refer me to somewhere else but how do I do that without my parents ever knowing though.. That's all I usually think about. If I go places for help, how would I do if without them knowing and how would I pay for it too. I had to tell the advisors at my school why I did so bad and I mentioned it was personal reasons that I couldn't really describe. They gave me a card that showed me where the counselling services were and said I could speak to them if I ever needed to. That's not anything major though..sort of just someone to talk to when you need it.

                      Sister this isnt something you can or should hide from your parents because hes making your life hell and your parents arent protecting you like parents should, and you can ask to see another doctor or chnage surgeries yourself but you cant hide this and cant sort it unless you marry or move out. I know you feel shame or fear but no one will make a drama only family and authorities would know. A sister had an abusive father it started with violence but as the years go by he started turning sexually abusive and luckily she wasnt harmed but the police were involved social services doctor etc and now shes free of her father. He wont be the perfect dad ever or wali at her wedding which is his greatest loss but shes SAFE & healthy alhamdulilah. The problem will only prolong itself, does your father know any trusted aunts uncles etc teachers?

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                      • #41
                        Re: I don't like him

                        Originally posted by joe111 View Post
                        Sister this isnt something you can or should hide from your parents because hes making your life hell and your parents arent protecting you like parents should, and you can ask to see another doctor or chnage surgeries yourself but you cant hide this and cant sort it unless you marry or move out. I know you feel shame or fear but no one will make a drama only family and authorities would know. A sister had an abusive father it started with violence but as the years go by he started turning sexually abusive and luckily she wasnt harmed but the police were involved social services doctor etc and now shes free of her father. He wont be the perfect dad ever or wali at her wedding which is his greatest loss but shes SAFE & healthy alhamdulilah. The problem will only prolong itself, does your father know any trusted aunts uncles etc teachers?
                        I'm confused... That reply I wrote was about some other topics I wrote about. She said she read my past posts and I replied about that. Yes, I was sexually abused as a child and teen by a male relative..so now I'm confused because both topics are here and I was only asking about my brother. I was confused when you said I can't hide it from my parents. My parents know how my brother is and all that. I only meant I hide the sexual abuse from them but that's a different topic. I'm sorry, it all makes no sense..I know.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: I don't like him

                          Originally posted by neelu View Post
                          Jibril is right, pepper spray is a better option than stabbing him. It's absolutely fine that you're not speaking to him. A long time ago, a pious sister said something on here about leaving an abusive marriage. She said she left the marriage because the more he was hurting her, the more he was incurring sins upon himself and one of the reasons for leaving the marriage wasn't just to protect herself and her children, but also to prevent him from sinning further. There is a hadith that says something similar which says words to the effect that; help your Muslim brother whether he is doing right or wrong. Someone responded to this by asking the Prophet (saw) that he can understand helping a brother who is doing right but how does he help a brother that is doing wrong and the Prophet (saw) said prevent him from doing wrong, that way you are helping him.

                          So if by staying away from him, you are preventing him from wronging you and sinning against you, then in a way you are helping him as well as yourself. Really it is the responsibility of your family to advise him and to protect you but as they're not doing that, the next best thing is to use pepper spray whenever he says or acts in an abusive way. Then tell him that every time he behaves badly towards you, you will keep doing this until he learns his lesson. Also make sure you have a lock on your door so that he doesn't try to retaliate while you're sleeping or anything. Bullies only understand one type of language and that is being beaten into submission until they realise they can't get away with it.
                          :salams

                          Sister, I don't think this is a good idea at all really. He may not retaliate when she is sleeping with her doors locked but he is most likely much stronger than her and can beat the living daylights out of her whenever he gets the chance. I think this is only going to put her into even more danger, she's not going to pepper spray him and then never see him again but she will have to deal with the (more than likely) physical consequences. I agree bullies only understand only violence but that should be coming from someone who can actually physically defend themselves. I don't know what the sister can do besides reach out for help from a relative or organisations that deal with these sort of matters.

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                          • #43
                            Re: I don't like him

                            Originally posted by petals View Post
                            I'm confused... That reply I wrote was about some other topics I wrote about. She said she read my past posts and I replied about that. Yes, I was sexually abused as a child and teen by a male relative..so now I'm confused because both topics are here and I was only asking about my brother. I was confused when you said I can't hide it from my parents. My parents know how my brother is and all that. I only meant I hide the sexual abuse from them but that's a different topic. I'm sorry, it all makes no sense..I know.
                            Youre understandably confused because youve grown up in this abusive nightmare and know no different sister, whereas others who come from somewhat 'normal' families and as outsiders can see clearly whats going on around you and see this abuse for the crime it is. If youve been sexually abused before by a relative and now your brother then your family is not a healthy one and even though you say your mother protects you from your brother shes not really helping at all.

                            What i meant by not hiding things is from the authorities and family about the true extent and nature of the sexual abuse youre suffering at the hands of this brother and have you reported your past sexual abuse to to the police or doctor so its on record, was the perpetrator punished? Youre a vulnerable person and really need to get out of the situation youre in asap. Please start saving money and keep a few items you use and can you get a job also? I know its hard and sometimes you just want to bury your head in the sand and hope all will be ok but it wont be so you have to take charge yourself even slowly. How old are you roughly and what country?

                            Also dont worry you arent sinning by avoiding harmful family members since islam says that even if your own parents are harmful to you or your religion then you must save yourself and your religious beliefs. Your situation sounds extreme and it would be foolish for anyone to suggest you keep in touch with such a brother. Your family should know about the sexual stuff and really should cut this family member out and have little contact since you as a muslima and because of the extent of the abuse are their priority not him. Please ring around local mosques to find a imam or sheikh you can maybe speak to in private as this needs some professional islamic help and they may also be able to keep an eye out for your safety and well being as you need people watching out for you other than family like professionals.
                            Last edited by joe111; 06-01-16, 06:59 PM.

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                            • #44
                              Re: I don't like him

                              I got my marks back from my school and I did so well. Well enough for me to remain in the program. They told me before that my marks were too low. I was really bad back then and it made my marks low, to the point I failed almost everything. They told me I needed to raise my grades and gave me this one chance and I did it. I'm now back in school and will be staying there. I'm really happy today.

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