How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

[bhshawon]

Assalamu Alaikum, I'm a 22 yo male. I've been addicted to pornography for about 5-6 years. And in the last 3-4 years I mostly watched twisted pornography like rape, torture, bondage, humiliation, degradation etc. I became a friday muslim(I didn't even used to attend every jummah, rather once in 2-3 weeks, because I heard a hadith that a person becomes disbeliever if he doesn't attend 3 jummahs in a row). However, even though I prayed little, I asked in my prayer often to be able to get rid of these things. And for 3-4 months I had been trying to reduce the amount of porn I watch gradually. I was able to reduce it from daily to twice a week, but after a while I forgot the plan to eventually get rid of it, and rather started to feel I deserved those 2 days of porn and masturbation each week.

About two months ago, some events(including death of a friend) in my life made me realize how dire my situation is, and how I wouldn't have anything to answer to Allah if I die now. So I stopped watching porn completely. I also stopped watching movies, listening music. I also used to be an avid gamer, but I don't play much now(a racing game in my PC, and a couple of casual games in my phone. I used to hate these kind of games and was into fantasy/action RPGs). However I can't delete the porns I already watched, and I'm often thinking of those things. Sometimes I'm justifying my thoughts by imagining I'm doing this with my future wife. I realize myself how crazy it sounds.

But recently 2-3 days ago, I was browsing amazon, and after a while found myself browsing sex toys, fetish wears and bdsm devices, I after about 2 months, I relapsed and masturbated. The same thing happened yesterday(I even watched 2-3 minutes of porn) and after that I was wrecked and ashamed of myself. I offered salat-al-tawba and prayed for guidance. After all that, I found myself searching for and looking at bdsm devices today morning, although I was able to stop myself this time alhamdulillah.

I don't know if these things are plot of shaytan or are they from myself. And I don't know how to get rid of them. These thoughts are eating my insides.

I do offer salat 5 times everyday, and I spend a great deal of time watching islamic lectures and reading islamic materials. I finished reading 'The Sealed Necter' few days ago alhamdulillah. Stories of the sacrifices of prophet(SAW) brought me to tears a couple of times, but it also brought moments of weak faith where I was questioning why the prophet(SAW) did such and such. I also don't look at girls at street anymore and and trying to stay away from wrongdoings and lies.

Please help me with any advice you can. I'm also interested in knowing there is anyone who had gone through what I'm going through. Am I going to hard on myself? From my experience as I already mentioned, going through steps doesn't work for me. Can I ever be normal again about my sexual fantasies and live a normal life? Zazakallah khair.

[Creamcake]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Assalamu Alaikum, I'm a 22 yo male. I've been addicted to pornography for about 5-6 years. And in the last 3-4 years I mostly watched twisted pornography like rape, torture, bondage, humiliation, degradation etc. I became a friday muslim(I didn't even used to attend every jummah, rather once in 2-3 weeks, because I heard a hadith that a person becomes disbeliever if he doesn't attend 3 jummahs in a row). However, even though I prayed little, I asked in my prayer often to be able to get rid of these things. And for 3-4 months I had been trying to reduce the amount of porn I watch gradually. I was able to reduce it from daily to twice a week, but after a while I forgot the plan to eventually get rid of it, and rather started to feel I deserved those 2 days of porn and masturbation each week.

About two months ago, some events(including death of a friend) in my life made me realize how dire my situation is, and how I wouldn't have anything to answer to Allah if I die now. So I stopped watching porn completely. I also stopped watching movies, listening music. I also used to be an avid gamer, but I don't play much now(a racing game in my PC, and a couple of casual games in my phone. I used to hate these kind of games and was into fantasy/action RPGs). However I can't delete the porns I already watched, and I'm often thinking of those things. Sometimes I'm justifying my thoughts by imagining I'm doing this with my future wife. I realize myself how crazy it sounds.

But recently 2-3 days ago, I was browsing amazon, and after a while found myself browsing sex toys, fetish wears and bdsm devices, I after about 2 months, I relapsed and masturbated. The same thing happened yesterday(I even watched 2-3 minutes of porn) and after that I was wrecked and ashamed of myself. I offered salat-al-tawba and prayed for guidance. After all that, I found myself searching for and looking at bdsm devices today morning, although I was able to stop myself this time alhamdulillah.

I don't know if these things are plot of shaytan or are they from myself. And I don't know how to get rid of them. These thoughts are eating my insides.

I do offer salat 5 times everyday, and I spend a great deal of time watching islamic lectures and reading islamic materials. I finished reading 'The Sealed Necter' few days ago alhamdulillah. Stories of the sacrifices of prophet(SAW) brought me to tears a couple of times, but it also brought moments of weak faith where I was questioning why the prophet(SAW) did such and such. I also don't look at girls at street anymore and and trying to stay away from wrongdoings and lies.

Please help me with any advice you can. I'm also interested in knowing there is anyone who had gone through what I'm going through. Am I going to hard on myself? From my experience as I already mentioned, going through steps doesn't work for me. Can I ever be normal again about my sexual fantasies and live a normal life? Zazakallah khair.

wa alaykumussalam

i'm hoping the males here can give more advice.

Anyway just some general things: make du'aa for it to be easy upon you and always seek forgiveness, stop watching this and engaging in this, and try your best never to go down this route again. insha ' allah the thoughts will go from your mind, after some time.

also there's a search facility in the top right of this, there has been lots of threads on these kinda topics, use that n search, lots of advice will come up.

[.mirror.]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

:wswrwb:

Stay away from computer and smart phone and use it only when you really have to. Just cut out anything that leads you to these things. If you can suppress the trigger that leads you to this, then :insha: you won't get carried away.

[Mohamed Mifxal]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

there is a one button fix for this...most are too lazy for it.

[bhshawon]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

:wswrwb:

Stay away from computer and smart phone and use it only when you really have to. Just cut out anything that leads you to these things. If you can suppress the trigger that leads you to this, then :insha: you won't get carried away.

That is rather difficult for me since I'm a Computer Science student. Also most of my study materials are in digital form.

I'm going to block certain sites from my router(namely amazon and reddit and maybe even Wikipedia). InshaAllah I will be able to keep myself from those this time. Alhamdulillah every time I do that I feel remorse immediately. Please make dua for me.

[.mirror.]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Study in a library or other places where people are present, then. I am sure you get the urge to go to these sits when you are alone, so try to reduce that.

[rafhelp]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Do you think being muslim has anything to do with this?

If you look at stats its the muslim countries that are into all the weird stuff like sex with animals and young boys. We are taking are perversions of muslim men in muslim countries, where these things are shunned and frowned upon. yet in private Google tells us their search habits.

I dont think then that you can ask other muslims for help, if you think this is a problem then you need counsellors help, talk it through. why do you have these feelings, do you think you would enjoy it, have you tried it.

If it is something bad or haram then best to avoid it.

Remember also what you see in this world esp on the internet is not what you get. Today they sell you things that are bad for you and make them look good. For example look at smoking, it was sold to people in a way that people were told soking makes you cool/tough and it helps deal with stress etc... now they tell you its bad. Same with this. they sell it to you showing you its fun and enjoyable. But the people who enjoy this and sell it to you have already lost that which is most dearest to them yet they know not.

This is testing time for you maybe. Even Jesus and all prophets were tested with many temptations and they found them very hard to fight. But to fight them you must accept these as YOUR tests, then you know only you can conquer them if you want. The key factor is protection from shaytaan. Seek refuge in Allah from the traps and tricks of the shaytaan. You must find something to occupy yourself with, something you enjoy and use this to distract yourself from the need of temptation. Temptation is from shaytaan and he will usually use this if you are depressed, angry or bored to trick you into beleiving that that will benefit you.

It really however is just down to you. What you watch is watched by millions round the world. Most people watch killing and murder on TV everyday, it doesnt however make them bad people or murderers. Many priests sometimes are found to have sexual fetishes, then they get banned from practice or worse.... but if they were not caught they would still be preaching and you would be non the wiser. But people would still think they are nice people as they are priests.

So it matters on how it affects you too. If you watch rape movies and it makes you feel like rape is good and want to do it, then yes seek help right now. If it is not then seek to reduce gradually and replace with good actions. Take up sport or jogging. go outside. Stick on some music or motivations lectures while you jog etc... exercise and then that will make you focus on the body and make sure to exert yourself so you are tired physically.

Remember porn is shoved down peoples throats these days, from early age, kids watch music videos and movies with more or less naked women, and its now part of culture as the norm.

[sandman123]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

See a counselor. There are some behavior modification exercises that a professional can help you with.

[Rosine911]

How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

What's so good about porn??? I honestly find it disgusting tbh

[Rosine911]

How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

But I ask Allah to help you fight these urges. Remember this is a test and you will overcome it inshallah because Allah does not give a soul more than it can bare.
-with every hardship comes ease:)

[ninety1daisies]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Flush your phone down the toilet and throw your computer out the window. Or lock them up in a storage area you have to drive quite far to. Next repent. Then get a copy of the Quran and tafsir and read. You need to access a computer? Go to the public library and communicate with people via email. When you think you're strong enough to prevent yourself from engaging in such filth then get your devices back.

May Allah forgive you and make it easy for you.

[bhshawon]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

What's so good about porn??? I honestly find it disgusting tbh

So do I. But it had become a long time addiction; age of jaheliah for me. I was young, many of my friends used to watch porn, which eventually led to the addiction.

However the problem is, I'm wandering off to bad things from seemingly harmless sites like amazon and reddit. I don't really watch porn anymore.

[bhshawon]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

But I ask Allah to help you fight these urges. Remember this is a test and you will overcome it inshallah because Allah does not give a soul more than it can bare.
-with every hardship comes ease:)

ZazakAllah sister.

[bhshawon]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Do you think being muslim has anything to do with this?

If you look at stats its the muslim countries that are into all the weird stuff like sex with animals and young boys. We are taking are perversions of muslim men in muslim countries, where these things are shunned and frowned upon. yet in private Google tells us their search habits.

I dont think then that you can ask other muslims for help, if you think this is a problem then you need counsellors help, talk it through. why do you have these feelings, do you think you would enjoy it, have you tried it.

If it is something bad or haram then best to avoid it.

Remember also what you see in this world esp on the internet is not what you get. Today they sell you things that are bad for you and make them look good. For example look at smoking, it was sold to people in a way that people were told soking makes you cool/tough and it helps deal with stress etc... now they tell you its bad. Same with this. they sell it to you showing you its fun and enjoyable. But the people who enjoy this and sell it to you have already lost that which is most dearest to them yet they know not.

This is testing time for you maybe. Even Jesus and all prophets were tested with many temptations and they found them very hard to fight. But to fight them you must accept these as YOUR tests, then you know only you can conquer them if you want. The key factor is protection from shaytaan. Seek refuge in Allah from the traps and tricks of the shaytaan. You must find something to occupy yourself with, something you enjoy and use this to distract yourself from the need of temptation. Temptation is from shaytaan and he will usually use this if you are depressed, angry or bored to trick you into beleiving that that will benefit you.

It really however is just down to you. What you watch is watched by millions round the world. Most people watch killing and murder on TV everyday, it doesnt however make them bad people or murderers. Many priests sometimes are found to have sexual fetishes, then they get banned from practice or worse.... but if they were not caught they would still be preaching and you would be non the wiser. But people would still think they are nice people as they are priests.

So it matters on how it affects you too. If you watch rape movies and it makes you feel like rape is good and want to do it, then yes seek help right now. If it is not then seek to reduce gradually and replace with good actions. Take up sport or jogging. go outside. Stick on some music or motivations lectures while you jog etc... exercise and then that will make you focus on the body and make sure to exert yourself so you are tired physically.

Remember porn is shoved down peoples throats these days, from early age, kids watch music videos and movies with more or less naked women, and its now part of culture as the norm.

No, I don't think rape is good, rather I despise rape. I have utmost respect for women. Even when I didn't used to practice Islam seriously I used to always keep my gaze down when I talked to girls.

[bhshawon]

Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

Flush your phone down the toilet and throw your computer out the window. Or lock them up in a storage area you have to drive quite far to. Next repent. Then get a copy of the Quran and tafsir and read. You need to access a computer? Go to the public library and communicate with people via email. When you think you're strong enough to prevent yourself from engaging in such filth then get your devices back.

May Allah forgive you and make it easy for you.

If I were to do that, I might have to drop a semester. I don't want to do that.