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How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

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  • Cptn._.Mario
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    BTW I am interested in tafseer, I was listening to Nouman Ali Khan(I have bayyinah membership), then I found Abu Mussab's video where he shows how NAK can be misleading, may Allah guide him. Can you guys recommend someone on youtube for listening tafseer? Specially surah Kahaaf, Nouman Ali Khan built a great interest for that surah in me.
    Not sure about that but you can try search for Mufti Ismail Menk and Zakir Naik

    Leave a comment:


  • Cptn._.Mario
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum, I'm a 22 yo male. I've been addicted to pornography for about 5-6 years. And in the last 3-4 years I mostly watched twisted pornography like rape, torture, bondage, humiliation, degradation etc. I became a friday muslim(I didn't even used to attend every jummah, rather once in 2-3 weeks, because I heard a hadith that a person becomes disbeliever if he doesn't attend 3 jummahs in a row). However, even though I prayed little, I asked in my prayer often to be able to get rid of these things. And for 3-4 months I had been trying to reduce the amount of porn I watch gradually. I was able to reduce it from daily to twice a week, but after a while I forgot the plan to eventually get rid of it, and rather started to feel I deserved those 2 days of porn and masturbation each week.

    About two months ago, some events(including death of a friend) in my life made me realize how dire my situation is, and how I wouldn't have anything to answer to Allah if I die now. So I stopped watching porn completely. I also stopped watching movies, listening music. I also used to be an avid gamer, but I don't play much now(a racing game in my PC, and a couple of casual games in my phone. I used to hate these kind of games and was into fantasy/action RPGs). However I can't delete the porns I already watched, and I'm often thinking of those things. Sometimes I'm justifying my thoughts by imagining I'm doing this with my future wife. I realize myself how crazy it sounds.

    But recently 2-3 days ago, I was browsing amazon, and after a while found myself browsing sex toys, fetish wears and bdsm devices, I after about 2 months, I relapsed and masturbated. The same thing happened yesterday(I even watched 2-3 minutes of porn) and after that I was wrecked and ashamed of myself. I offered salat-al-tawba and prayed for guidance. After all that, I found myself searching for and looking at bdsm devices today morning, although I was able to stop myself this time alhamdulillah.

    I don't know if these things are plot of shaytan or are they from myself. And I don't know how to get rid of them. These thoughts are eating my insides.

    I do offer salat 5 times everyday, and I spend a great deal of time watching islamic lectures and reading islamic materials. I finished reading 'The Sealed Necter' few days ago alhamdulillah. Stories of the sacrifices of prophet(SAW) brought me to tears a couple of times, but it also brought moments of weak faith where I was questioning why the prophet(SAW) did such and such. I also don't look at girls at street anymore and and trying to stay away from wrongdoings and lies.

    Please help me with any advice you can. I'm also interested in knowing there is anyone who had gone through what I'm going through. Am I going to hard on myself? From my experience as I already mentioned, going through steps doesn't work for me. Can I ever be normal again about my sexual fantasies and live a normal life? Zazakallah khair.
    Ask Allah for protection sincerely.

    Pray on time. And I mean dead spot on exactly on time. Prayers protect you from shameful acts. Fajr,Zuhur,Asar,Maghrib,Isha..

    Pray with khushooh(commitment). Pray All the sunnah, nawafil or tuhujjud if you can. Do as many good deeds as you can, in hope that it'll erase the bad ones.

    Such as: dhikr (easiest, check this link ) , charity etc

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?453748

    Stay away from bad influence. Distance yourself and turn people down if they invite to anything which brings you away from prayers.

    Just know that the feeling you have now (to repent) is a sign you heart hasn't hardened. Don't let shaitaan tell you otherwise. No matter how many times you fall, don't fail to get up.

    Whenever you get such thoughts, start reciting the quran, even if it's like surah fatiha. Recite it slowly and beautifully. It might help change your mind. Just know that it's all in your mind. Those urges etc, you're in control. Fear death and know that Allah is always watching everything you do.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    You can report the thread using the report button on bottom under REP Power.

    Leave a comment:


  • bhshawon
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    I just realized there's a lot of young people in this forum and this thread might be inappropriate for a lot of them. They could just out of curiosity look up the explicit terms I have used in my first post and get waswasa from Shaytan. Also this thread should have been in the counselling section and there's a nice sticky thread already (http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...-t-I-Just-Quit!).

    So I'm requesting the moderators to delete this thread.

    And about my current update, the router block is somewhat working, I also decided to use Internet on phone with images off.

    Leave a comment:


  • `Abd al-Azeez
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    constant zikr; heart and brainwash yourself from wicked thoughts entering you ... and soon you would have forgot!

    Leave a comment:


  • bhshawon
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    Nouman Ali Khan is good and informative. I wouldn't really listen to Abu Mussab's views on him or others, to be honest.
    It's not about Abu Mussab's views, I watched the whole video and he spoke with reference and logic.

    And the recent incident where he(NAK) mentioned a fabricated hadith and calls a companion 'pokieman' is pretty disheartening.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    BTW I am interested in tafseer, I was listening to Nouman Ali Khan(I have bayyinah membership), then I found Abu Mussab's video where he shows how NAK can be misleading, may Allah guide him. Can you guys recommend someone on youtube for listening tafseer? Specially surah Kahaaf, Nouman Ali Khan built a great interest for that surah in me.
    Nouman Ali Khan is good and informative. I wouldn't really listen to Abu Mussab's views on him or others, to be honest.

    Leave a comment:


  • Linkdeutscher
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Pray tahajjud. Do it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Serinity
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Bite yourself whenever you get tempted to...

    Do lots of dhikr of Allah. I mean, think of Him SWT a lot. In shaa' Allah you will find it more disgusting that way and leave it.

    Keep yourself in good company. If you have no company, then whenever you get tempted.... Eheeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............

    Think, if it was your sister that was on that tape? your mother? your aunt? Yeah I know what you are thinking.

    You are violating another's future mother, sister, grandma or whatever.

    Leave a comment:


  • Nawar
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by Londoner1 View Post
    Get married.
    Well, it is a good way to destroy a marriage before it has even got off the ground, that's for sure.

    Leave a comment:


  • Londoner1
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum, I'm a 22 yo male. I've been addicted to pornography for about 5-6 years. And in the last 3-4 years I mostly watched twisted pornography like rape, torture, bondage, humiliation, degradation etc. I became a friday muslim(I didn't even used to attend every jummah, rather once in 2-3 weeks, because I heard a hadith that a person becomes disbeliever if he doesn't attend 3 jummahs in a row). However, even though I prayed little, I asked in my prayer often to be able to get rid of these things. And for 3-4 months I had been trying to reduce the amount of porn I watch gradually. I was able to reduce it from daily to twice a week, but after a while I forgot the plan to eventually get rid of it, and rather started to feel I deserved those 2 days of porn and masturbation each week.

    About two months ago, some events(including death of a friend) in my life made me realize how dire my situation is, and how I wouldn't have anything to answer to Allah if I die now. So I stopped watching porn completely. I also stopped watching movies, listening music. I also used to be an avid gamer, but I don't play much now(a racing game in my PC, and a couple of casual games in my phone. I used to hate these kind of games and was into fantasy/action RPGs). However I can't delete the porns I already watched, and I'm often thinking of those things. Sometimes I'm justifying my thoughts by imagining I'm doing this with my future wife. I realize myself how crazy it sounds.

    But recently 2-3 days ago, I was browsing amazon, and after a while found myself browsing sex toys, fetish wears and bdsm devices, I after about 2 months, I relapsed and masturbated. The same thing happened yesterday(I even watched 2-3 minutes of porn) and after that I was wrecked and ashamed of myself. I offered salat-al-tawba and prayed for guidance. After all that, I found myself searching for and looking at bdsm devices today morning, although I was able to stop myself this time alhamdulillah.

    I don't know if these things are plot of shaytan or are they from myself. And I don't know how to get rid of them. These thoughts are eating my insides.

    I do offer salat 5 times everyday, and I spend a great deal of time watching islamic lectures and reading islamic materials. I finished reading 'The Sealed Necter' few days ago alhamdulillah. Stories of the sacrifices of prophet(SAW) brought me to tears a couple of times, but it also brought moments of weak faith where I was questioning why the prophet(SAW) did such and such. I also don't look at girls at street anymore and and trying to stay away from wrongdoings and lies.

    Please help me with any advice you can. I'm also interested in knowing there is anyone who had gone through what I'm going through. Am I going to hard on myself? From my experience as I already mentioned, going through steps doesn't work for me. Can I ever be normal again about my sexual fantasies and live a normal life? Zazakallah khair.

    Get married.

    Leave a comment:


  • drac16
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    :wswrwb:

    My dear brother, I understand your struggle. Pornography never satisfies. It often starts with something small, but that eventually wears off, so you start watching more extreme stuff because the stuff you once watched doesn't arouse you anymore. That's why there are so many kinds of pornography-- because people need to get a fix, so they move from one kind of porn to another.

    The real problem is emptiness. That's why addictions are ablle to thrive in our society. You feel emptiness, so you use pornography to give you a high. The high never satisfies, though, and I'm glad that you recognize that. You're already making progress, though; Alhamdulillah. I know it can be intimidating to wonder how to get rid of a porn habit, but it's not as intimidating if you take it day by day. Next time you've got a desire to view pornography, cry out to Allah azza wa jal to deliver you from it.

    Take it day by day. Just focus on how to get through today. Working out can help, too.

    Leave a comment:


  • Cone
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    WalaykumAssalam Dear Brother,

    Those who have been addicted to this filth know how hard it is to get out of it. It is not simple as just wishing to leave it. But one can get out of it. It is a struggle. But it is possible.

    However I would say after every act make wudhu and pray two rakat for forgiveness. There is a saying something to the effect of 'Do not let Shaytaan rob you twice, Once by causing you to sin and then by making you loose hope in Allah's (Glorified and Exalted be He) forgiveness.' Call upon Allah a lot by begging Him. Increase in your acts of worship step by step and hold on to each one of them. Just don't give up hope. You will see In sha Allah this struggle will turn you into a better person. Just remember one thing after every act when you are full of guilt and feel like a hypocrite - 'I am not giving up. I'll will try to rid myself of this evil habit no matter how long it takes.' But be sure to seek Allah's forgiveness, His mercy and His guidance.

    Remember your Lord is more Merciful to you than your mother. If your mother knew of your struggle wouldn't she do anything to help you get out of this addiction? Then what about He who is the All Powerful and is over All things Competent? Do not let this thought pass you that he has forsaken you. '... I am as my slave thinks of Me...' So think good of Him and know that it is not hard for Him to help you get out of this. Perhaps He is testing your determination and sincerity. Also remember He is ' ...forgiver of sin, acceptor of repentance,...' but also '...severe in punishment,...' [40:3]

    On a side note I remember reading in Malcom X's biography when he was talking about why most of the dark skinned brothers who joined the NOI where ex drug addicts and were loyal to this group. It was because when one of them made a decision to quit drugs, they would keep him in a room with other members of the NOI. When the addiction got to the man's head and he started to crave for the drugs facing the withdrawal symptoms. The other members would hold him down till it subsided. This they did every time he became out of control. In this way he eventually lost the addiction. They would remember later how their brothers stayed close to them all the time and helped them get out of it.
    If the Muslim community today could stay close together to their brothers and sisters who are addicted to this vulgarity. By constantly reminding them. Guiding them to what is good. Helping them get married and so on. How good that would be.
    https://youtu.be/CqmX_bKWE9A

    Leave a comment:


  • bhshawon
    replied
    Re: How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    Originally posted by 1412 View Post
    wa alaykumasalam

    Read the Qur'an and keep going. Out loud, not silently and in the best tajwid you can. ( it makes a difference). It's more beneficial than reading stories/ listening to lectures/listening to the Qur'an combined. It's like a reset button.

    Dedicate time every day to recite, don't look at it as ibaadah or extra optional good deeds. Look at it as therapy.
    I don't know how to read Arabic. I learned a little when I was a boy, but forgot most of it. I have exams coming in about 2 weeks, I will start learning afterwards InshAllah.

    Leave a comment:


  • zantz
    replied
    How do I get rid of twisted fetishes?

    [MENTION=136016]bhshawon[/MENTION] If you've got issues know that Qur'an is the shifa. Try do hifz like a page-a-day and recite it in salat pondering over its meanings. At the end of the day, it's you're choice to take the advice and if you wanna stop or not.

    Leave a comment:

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