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My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

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  • #16
    Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

    Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
    That's a beautiful explanation. But I also believe that you feel guilt when you realise what you have done is wrong, regardless of whether you have failed someone you love. This is in the fitrah of all of us; which is why Qabil felt guilt when he killed his brother. If the individual (truly) convinces him/herself that what s/he did is not wrong, then they may eliminate that feeling of guilt.
    Did you mean my explanation? Aw thanks sis.

    And that's an interesting point you raised about Qabil feeling guilty. However, the distinction here would be that he felt the guilt after committing the sin, right? The OP wanted to know why he doesn't feel guilty at the thought of committing the sin. So before it.

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    • #17
      Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

      [MENTION=131831]learnedseeker[/MENTION]

      :jkk: for your story - it was so interesting to read about how your soul has probably been pushed close to it's limits in all your years so far

      I'm pretty rubbish at logical explanations so i don't know if this post will even help butt what I noticed from your post is that you say STAY AWAY from drugs - like you reinforced it a few times and it just made me think - you know the ill effects of taking them and that's why you can warn others with full conviction in your heart. The same way Allah swt has told us to stay away from certain matters.

      I think if we knew our Lord like He was meant to be known then these questions wouldn't arise in our minds, so everytime you get that doubt why doesn't it push you to learn about your Creator further. There's so many things in the Quran that people didn't know before but know now like how in wine there's both a benefit and harm, but the harm overrides it. If back in the day people had just said yeh well if i drink a moderate amount i don't see how there will be harm, just like these medical professionals have told us it could help with heart disease. This shows weakness in our understanding, nothing else.

      Why do you have to feel guilt to stay away? Why can't it be that you love your Lord and so for that reason you will obey what He has commanded and stay away from what is prohibited.

      i just feel like there's a lot of wisdom in your post but a lot of confusion too.

      I hate to oversimplify it, but it really is that simple. Only you know the pains you have been through, the times of complete loneliness and despair, and how you overcame all of that by the mercy of Allah swt. Why would you risk ever feeling like that again? Although your personality has developed because of the trials you have been through - isn't it enough to just accept with complete belief to never EVER have to feel like that again?
      ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
      "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
      :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

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      • #18
        Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

        Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
        Did you mean my explanation? Aw thanks sis.

        And that's an interesting point you raised about Qabil feeling guilty. However, the distinction here would be that he felt the guilt after committing the sin, right? The OP wanted to know why he doesn't feel guilty at the thought of committing the sin. So before it.
        You're welcome. :)
        Last edited by Ajabah; 29-11-15, 11:14 PM.
        Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

        [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

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        • #19
          Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

          Originally posted by learnedseeker View Post
          Hey guys, thanks for reading, hope you gained some insight from my stumbling blocks so that you may avoid them yourselves Insh'Allah.



          At first, my gut reaction was that dhikr was just a "thing that muslims should do", and I realized that actually it very likely will have subliminal benefits that will long term create a shift in perspective that would help me with these interpersonal issues Insh'Allah. The real reason I posted this is because I am a very logical person, and my learning style is that subliminal things like this do not affect me like logic does, and that is partially why I posted this here, to get some sort of logical "ah ha!" towards this issue.

          Regardless, I will continue to do dhikr, perhaps try to do it even more than I already do (I had already established in my mind that this is an area of my worship that needs improvement) and see if that helps (I'm sure it will, at worst, take the excessive burn off). Thanks!



          This is more along the lines of what I was looking for. Still not there yet, but a great "hint" that's pushing me mentally more towards where I need to go to "understand" the ramifications of this improper mentality. Thanks for reading!



          What I bolded is what interests me. "... lack of knowledge can lead us to feel this way (not intimately understanding Allah (SWT)'s dictates for us)." That is what I am trying to get at. I am trying to really logically break down the laws so that I can swallow and digest it in a way that is "agreeable to my stomach (psyche)". You said further "... even in matters of the unseen"; yes, but I have found the more I ponder and question, the more I can learn about the unseen. These drives within me are not the "whisperings of Shaytan", they are my personal deficiencies, and by learning about their base elements, I can break them down and "stop the whispers".

          One thing I've learned about myself is that "just doing it without understanding why" doesn't work with me. It's just not my style. Once I have a way to say "Okay, this is absolutely bad because "xyz reasons", then I can literally cross it off my list - perhaps on the spot, like many other interpersonal issues I have handled in the past. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate your insight.



          Okay, here is certainly some psychological gold here. I never really thought of it this way: "... you would be willing to marry the woman you become intimate with the very next day; logically, it seems you are able to marry her before the act, so why fall into a sin you are able to avoid?"

          This is very true, it's not THE epiphany I am looking for, but we are getting close. This is a much better way to look at it then (as you said afterwards):



          This is where I have lost you entirely, and I'll explain why.

          One thing that REALLY irks me about this wali thing (which at the same time, I totally understand, I actually have come to accept the concept of arranged marriages to a large extent - having used to consider them "suicidal") is that SEXUAL AND COMPATIBILITY INTERACTIONS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN ARE LARGELY SUBLIMINAL. IT IS A DANCE. Sex is NOT required for this "dance" (this dance is totally psychological - sex is the "culmination of the dance"), but having a wali there prevents the dance from happening AT ALL. This dance is very much real, almost impossible to explain, but it a big part of understanding if your compatible or not. In my life experience there has been zero exceptions to this rule, which is why I cannot accept the wali concept.

          A quick example that I can think of is when a women will throw a hissy fit, just to test to see how you (as a man) respond - this kind of thing will not happen with a wali around, so even the women will be robbed of her ability to "dance". I wonder if that is intentional, if Allah (SWT) was trying to prevent a society where men would be expected to know these sort of psychological games prior to marriage and to learn them within marriage itself, but I don't think we can really answer that kind of question (what point a man is suppose to reach within the confines of psychological maturity prior to marriage - I think that in this era, there is more pressure on men to be more matured than in previous eras).

          I also do not accept the concept that Allah (SWT) controls my emotions. I control them, and I have spent most of my life learning this lesson. Through experience, I know this to be factual. I don't dismiss Allah (SWT)'s effect on my life, in fact, I had some major underlying issues with peer acceptance and rejection that Tawakkul "cured" in my mind through a psychological process I am still trying to break down and understand consciously, but as far as Allah (SWT) controlling my emotions, I wouldn't dare to put that burden on Him.

          Thanks for the advice guys, a lot of good hints. I have some inner exploration to do to figure out the root of my issue here, any more advice is appreciated - all these insights have been helpful to cracking this code of mine.
          I totally understand, so you need to know the reasoning n understanding, I see your perspective, again this can be explained n broken down, I don't have enough Islamic knowledge myself to give u this info right now, but if u create a thread *with a shorter original post* lol xplaining briefly wht u need explaining, insha allah ppl can assist with evidence n proof from the Qur'an and Sunnah.

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          • #20
            Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

            Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
            Allah will not always 'control' your emotions. But He absolutely can.
            I wouldn't doubt that for a second. =)

            Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
            So if you ask him to put certain feelings in your heart - He will if He wants.
            I need to pray for this more.

            Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
            As for the second thing you said I did a little mental gasp at that. How can you say that ANYTHING you could think of would be a burden on The Almighty and All- Powerful Lord? He created the heavens and the earth and and everything in between and yet you think your little emotions are going to be a burden to Him? Maybe I'm misunderstanding how you meant that but the way you phrased it sounds arrogant brother.
            Yeah, seeing how I typed that I am not surprised it came off as arrogant. The main thing is that I don't want to ATTACH my emotional state to something "outside myself". It's just the way I "look at it". I acknowledge that I am totally incapable of having any power over Allah (SWT). I typed that assuming that you would know that's how I feel (pretty standard muslim mentality).

            Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
            But you can also obey because you love the one who made that rule. Because you love that someone so much you would do anything to please them. Their pleasure means a great deal to you and therefore you would not break their rules because you love them so much. I feel that this is where guilt comes in. You think of breaking that rule and then you think of how the one that you love so much would be so disappointed in you or displeased with you and that makes you feel ashamed and guilty for even thinking about it.
            Yeah, that's probably the right way to "model it".

            It's really easy to always want more, to never have enough. I readily admit I have issues with that in my life.

            Intimacy is basically the only thing that I don't have that I really desire. So it's really no wonder, looking at it from your angle, why that is an issue.

            Thanks for your advice TCK! <3

            Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
            A Muslim is someone who submits; you are a slave to Allāh (SWT) and He is not obliged to inform you of His intentions and reasonings behind what he does. We only hear and obey. This is Islām. We use our logic to understand the world around us and for it to lead us to the realisation that we (and all that surrounds us) were created by One Supreme Creator. But we can never use our logic to understand Him as He is far Superior than what our limited minds can handle.
            That is really true. We are submitters. Yeah. Thinking of it that way actually pricked my consciousness a bit, I felt it.

            Thanks for reading and your advice guys. :o:up::inlove:

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            • #21
              Re: My sinful life story that lead to conversion, with a predicament at the end

              Brother congratulations on the biggest blessing in your life; your guidance to Islam. I remember in my early days the inward struggle that I felt. I would advise you to find some local brothers at the very least online if face to face isn't possible. Shaytan attacks the lone believer the way the wolf devours a lone sheep. Keep up with what you are doing mashaAllah.

              My concern for you is that you want to have sex and are now trying to justify it to yourself (whether this is conscious or subconscious Allah knows best ; and Shaytan is whispering to you and it is becoming a vicious circle.

              This "dance" that you are referring to regarding your future wife and limitations that you feel that the wali will impose; again you are new in your faith and this concept may take time to develop. However I will say that truly getting to know a spouse it not something that happens overnight anyway. And people do change! Of course people will be on their best behaviour initially; I doubt either man/woman will throw a "hissy fit" in the very early days! If you meet some brothers and become comfortable with them then they can assist with the marriage searching inshaAllah. MashaAllah you sound as if you would be a very honest/straightforward with a potential and you can explain that to her and ask that she is too.

              Take things day by day and keep the remembrance of Allah first and foremost; try not to let these whisperings distract you from your way.

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