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My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

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  • My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

    Aslamuallikum brothers and sisters my name is Saiful Amin, Born in England and Im 26 years old
    First of all I am new to this forum and I will try to concise this issue as I do not want to tell you my whole life problem that can be boring, but here goes:
    I have a huge problem with my father who does not respect family, he used to be abusive towards his children and treating my mother like crap. He had given all his financial towards his father (my grandfather) as the money supposed for our support or buying a new house. He had done that for 15 years to think children won't notice, or we think differently of him.
    My father does not care about us or even especially me as he likes to earn more money not spend time with family. This where I got disconnected the relationship between father and son. I even asked my mother for divorce but she hates and loves him same time I cannot tell if she is being honest or afraid being alone and the same goes for him too. The way I see him is selfish, hatred and ambitious.
    Now, the rest of my family is are unbelievers as they make loads of excuses like for e.g. if I ask my sisters why they are not praying because of period and problems in life but I’m not to judge them for their action. When I ask my mother she will say something like “ We need to buy another house so I could pray better” absoutley rubbish, and I have given my point the fact about the financial that was given away towards greedy selfish father. No matter how much I remind them they will not listen I could tell by looking in their eyes. We’re having all these problems in life where my family cannot even see they are delusional or being blind. I thought if one of us prayed to Allah least help the family to get back on their belief. I have been praying and trying to best Muslim I could be, never smoked or do drugs in my life, or even having a girlfriend, but my prayers have not been answered. I have come to the point where I was begging and tears for guidance and help my family to stabilise. I just gaved up I can no longer stand saying this is a test and I cared less. I asked myself what did I deserve to get in this path?
    As you can see the environment Im living is doubtful and hatred, misguided and confused. I see Islam is about peace and clean of discipline, but I don’t see Allah is helping anymore. Forgot mention that my father does pray but I can see in his heart he is not a good person and asks “ Why other people are success than us? ” He is immature and unreliable for not helping family in the first place maybe this wouldn’t even occur in the first place. Plus he went to Hajj and I used to believe that it will purify him and make a better person but did not and this made me more doubt to follow Islam. And also I wanted to get married but again my mother wants a house. I understand where she is trying to do best for kids but honestly she cares about wealth.
    So the conclusion is I cannot longer stand with my family either am the problem, the father or the family is the problem. I am not going to pretend these issues are normal cause I know it isn’t. In the future, I'm going to move out to get my own apartment and find the right spouse to start a good family of my own.
    Please do not say :
    • I'm impatient for not waiting for Allah’s miracle to happen but same time im not asking instant dramatic change, 16 years of my life been pretty same and I have not seen anything
    • Or leading more into sinful but right now it’s no difference what is happening right now

    If I can't follow Islam maybe this where Allah might have guided me to this forum but I do not know that otherwise I wouldn't mention it in the first place but it may show I maybe a believer.

  • #2
    Re: My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

    talk to them brother! I know your problem.. my family is christian and I am the only muslim..
    maybe it will never be good between your father and you but whatever he did, how heartless he was foregive him, for the sake of allah swt as he foregives you then :)
    the case of your mother: talk to her that this dunya is not forever and one day she will die leaving everything behind, even that fancy house she wants so she can pray.. she needs to start now or she will die empty handed leaving straight for hell without her fancy house sis.. talk to them..

    may allah guide you ameen

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

      Hello brother

      The message you have wrote has given me such a positivity impact I thank you for that. Mother will not listen it just generates the problem and my sister will say either leave it or tell me to move away.
      I can't find in my heart to forgive him yet still the way he is.
      It could be a sign I do not belong in this family or believing the fact some people will not change. I'm the conflict of this family in other words I am the problem not them.Either way I need to get out of this family and start building my own belief even if it means to move away.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

        Wa'alaykumussalam warahmatullah,

        Dear br Saiful Amin, I am sorry to hear about your situation. It's hard enough in this day and age having a good, practicing family and staying steadfast, so for brothers and sisters like you (and reverts) it is sure to be really difficult.

        Alhamdulillah, you have been given hidayah and tawfeeq to follow Islam, but we need to remember as people, as harsh as it may sound, our job isn't to guide people. Ultimately, we have to struggle to bring them closer and treat them in the best way, help them see how Islam is a way of life that brings out the best in people.

        This is easy to say and hard to implement, but we need to try to embody the beautiful teachings of this deen. The kindness, compassion, manners, respectful speech and behaviour that Rasoolullah (s.a.w) teaches us and He Himself embodied.

        Many people, even on this forum are in similar situations.
        You could go on asking for their guidance (and you should) for another sixteen years and if they still don't change... you keep going.

        They may not be praying, but don't be quick to see them as disbelievers. Even if they have a tiny bit of eemaan , inshaaAllah, this could flourish into a great amount eventually. We just don't know.

        Nuh (as) persisted in da'wah and efforts for how many centuries with his people until Allah's (Ta'aalaa) order came? Even then, his own son wasn't a believer.

        Br Saiful, please don't be frustrated and let their behaviour stop you. Your duty is to keep trying and praying and dealing with them in the most commendable way possible - even if you do move out and start your own family.

        Allah Ta'alaa grant our hearts strength to remain steadfast and soften it with His rememberance. Allah Ta'aalaa place Rahmah in our hearts and make us a means of His bestowing Rahmah on others.
        LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
        -------------------------------
        "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
        NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

        Comment


        • #5
          My dad tried so hard to get me to pray it isn't easy .. I remember he use to take me to the masjid .. I use to hate it .. He use to make me shake a scholars hand I use to hate it .. Listening to a lecture I use to hate it ... But alhamdulilah with his continuous efforts and dua Allah swt guided me .. Brother I haven't had my mother since 2004 she's in Pakistan .. I just make dua to Allah swt for me to get united with her so I can serve her .. We all have our tests we can't just "give up"

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

            Originally posted by Saifamin View Post
            Aslamuallikum brothers and sisters my name is Saiful Amin, Born in England and Im 26 years old
            First of all I am new to this forum and I will try to concise this issue as I do not want to tell you my whole life problem that can be boring, but here goes:
            I have a huge problem with my father who does not respect family, he used to be abusive towards his children and treating my mother like crap. He had given all his financial towards his father (my grandfather) as the money supposed for our support or buying a new house. He had done that for 15 years to think children won't notice, or we think differently of him.
            My father does not care about us or even especially me as he likes to earn more money not spend time with family. This where I got disconnected the relationship between father and son. I even asked my mother for divorce but she hates and loves him same time I cannot tell if she is being honest or afraid being alone and the same goes for him too. The way I see him is selfish, hatred and ambitious.
            Now, the rest of my family is are unbelievers as they make loads of excuses like for e.g. if I ask my sisters why they are not praying because of period and problems in life but I’m not to judge them for their action. When I ask my mother she will say something like “ We need to buy another house so I could pray better” absoutley rubbish, and I have given my point the fact about the financial that was given away towards greedy selfish father. No matter how much I remind them they will not listen I could tell by looking in their eyes. We’re having all these problems in life where my family cannot even see they are delusional or being blind. I thought if one of us prayed to Allah least help the family to get back on their belief. I have been praying and trying to best Muslim I could be, never smoked or do drugs in my life, or even having a girlfriend, but my prayers have not been answered. I have come to the point where I was begging and tears for guidance and help my family to stabilise. I just gaved up I can no longer stand saying this is a test and I cared less. I asked myself what did I deserve to get in this path?
            As you can see the environment Im living is doubtful and hatred, misguided and confused. I see Islam is about peace and clean of discipline, but I don’t see Allah is helping anymore. Forgot mention that my father does pray but I can see in his heart he is not a good person and asks “ Why other people are success than us? ” He is immature and unreliable for not helping family in the first place maybe this wouldn’t even occur in the first place. Plus he went to Hajj and I used to believe that it will purify him and make a better person but did not and this made me more doubt to follow Islam. And also I wanted to get married but again my mother wants a house. I understand where she is trying to do best for kids but honestly she cares about wealth.
            So the conclusion is I cannot longer stand with my family either am the problem, the father or the family is the problem. I am not going to pretend these issues are normal cause I know it isn’t. In the future, I'm going to move out to get my own apartment and find the right spouse to start a good family of my own.
            Please do not say :
            • I'm impatient for not waiting for Allah’s miracle to happen but same time im not asking instant dramatic change, 16 years of my life been pretty same and I have not seen anything
            • Or leading more into sinful but right now it’s no difference what is happening right now

            If I can't follow Islam maybe this where Allah might have guided me to this forum but I do not know that otherwise I wouldn't mention it in the first place but it may show I maybe a believer.
            It is obligatory to obey your family, and stay with them if that is what they wish...

            unless it is causing harm to your deen, and you are not able to practice islam in such circumstances.

            Also remember it though your dua is answered, the answer is not always what you want and Allaah knows best what is best for you, and Ibrahim (alayhi salam) prayed for his father to be guided, and his du'a was not answered in the way he wished, just as Nuh (alayhi salam) prayed for his son, and his son was not guided.
            FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

            www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: My Family Are Unbelievers and Hateful Father

              Originally posted by Saifamin View Post
              Aslamuallikum brothers and sisters my name is Saiful Amin, Born in England and Im 26 years old
              First of all I am new to this forum and I will try to concise this issue as I do not want to tell you my whole life problem that can be boring, but here goes:
              I have a huge problem with my father who does not respect family, he used to be abusive towards his children and treating my mother like crap. He had given all his financial towards his father (my grandfather) as the money supposed for our support or buying a new house. He had done that for 15 years to think children won't notice, or we think differently of him.
              My father does not care about us or even especially me as he likes to earn more money not spend time with family. This where I got disconnected the relationship between father and son. I even asked my mother for divorce but she hates and loves him same time I cannot tell if she is being honest or afraid being alone and the same goes for him too. The way I see him is selfish, hatred and ambitious.
              Now, the rest of my family is are unbelievers as they make loads of excuses like for e.g. if I ask my sisters why they are not praying because of period and problems in life but I’m not to judge them for their action. When I ask my mother she will say something like “ We need to buy another house so I could pray better” absoutley rubbish, and I have given my point the fact about the financial that was given away towards greedy selfish father. No matter how much I remind them they will not listen I could tell by looking in their eyes. We’re having all these problems in life where my family cannot even see they are delusional or being blind. I thought if one of us prayed to Allah least help the family to get back on their belief. I have been praying and trying to best Muslim I could be, never smoked or do drugs in my life, or even having a girlfriend, but my prayers have not been answered. I have come to the point where I was begging and tears for guidance and help my family to stabilise. I just gaved up I can no longer stand saying this is a test and I cared less. I asked myself what did I deserve to get in this path?
              As you can see the environment Im living is doubtful and hatred, misguided and confused. I see Islam is about peace and clean of discipline, but I don’t see Allah is helping anymore. Forgot mention that my father does pray but I can see in his heart he is not a good person and asks “ Why other people are success than us? ” He is immature and unreliable for not helping family in the first place maybe this wouldn’t even occur in the first place. Plus he went to Hajj and I used to believe that it will purify him and make a better person but did not and this made me more doubt to follow Islam. And also I wanted to get married but again my mother wants a house. I understand where she is trying to do best for kids but honestly she cares about wealth.
              So the conclusion is I cannot longer stand with my family either am the problem, the father or the family is the problem. I am not going to pretend these issues are normal cause I know it isn’t. In the future, I'm going to move out to get my own apartment and find the right spouse to start a good family of my own.
              Please do not say :
              • I'm impatient for not waiting for Allah’s miracle to happen but same time im not asking instant dramatic change, 16 years of my life been pretty same and I have not seen anything
              • Or leading more into sinful but right now it’s no difference what is happening right now

              If I can't follow Islam maybe this where Allah might have guided me to this forum but I do not know that otherwise I wouldn't mention it in the first place but it may show I maybe a believer.
              Wa Alaykumussalam
              Make Du'aa for your family and try to advise them. Never let go off Islam yourself, start practicing more firmly, learning more about Islam, getting Muslim friends from the Masjid etc. we are created to worship Allah s.w.t, so never stray from our purpose in this short world, insha ' allah. Also you have all of us here.
              And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
              [al-An’aam 6:59]

              Comment

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