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  • Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

    Asalamu Alaikum

    I was assaulted and the guy who did it tome used Islam to justif his actions. So I ended up leaving Islam :(
    I am now returning but am wondering if anyone else suffers from PTSD and depression How do you cope with it? Does praying help?

  • #2
    Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

    Wa alaykumussalam. What you have been through sounds horrific, and I can't even imagine how you feel sis. If u wanna pm me or one of the sisters, you're more than welcome. Just wanted to say that a lot of ppl do wrong things and use Islam to justify their actions, which is entirely false. Islam is a religion of peace, but ppl have distorted this view sooo much that if u said that in the west, ppl would laugh..Anyway I'm glad you've come back to Islam sis Alhamdulillah :) And welcome back.

    I understand that you must have gone through and are currently going through a really tough time. Life is a test and sometimes we're faced with unimagineable things, but I'm happy that you're on the straight path. I'm not a victim of rape as the qs asks, but I do understand how depression feels. So with ptsd I know other sisters and brothers can help you more with that. But in regards to general things, yeah praying does help. Not sure if you're talking about Namaaz, the Qur'an; Du'aas or other elements too, bt yeah it all help.

    And there will probably be specific Du'aas for what your going through aswell sis. Praying to Allah S.W.T helps, because we're supposed to go to him sincerely, and keep asking for what we want. So be persistent and don't give up. Keep asking. And Insha ' Allah it will come. Also I know it must really be traumatic ofcourse but if theres any way of trying to let go of what happened or trying to get over it, pls try that. Ofcourse its not easy bt atleast try. So if u google it, help may come up. Visiting the doc as therapy n counselling often help. Just try your best to let go n move on, bt obviously not easy todo.

    Now r.e the depression again make lots of Du'aa and see the doc. I understand why you're depressed, but try to think more positively so about ur future, so that the sick and twisted guy who did this doesnt win, because he wont have managed to ruin your life. Try to be patient and strong talk to someone about it, aswell. Try to surround urself with a close network of family and friends and if you feel like doing so, spend more time in their company. Because being alone n isolated can aggravate depression aswell. Concentrate on all the blessings that Allah has given, and give yourself time to help. It will take a lot of time. Maybe life. But that doesnt mean you cant try to move on. Ofcourse you can Insha' Allah, pray and ask Allah, visit the docs, try to focus on good things in life. Like ur future..aspirations, goals dreams etc. What dyu wanna do sis..etc

    Again all this is just my opinion ofcourse. We're all here for you
    And Allah S.W.T knows best.
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

      have you approached any organisations such as solace womans aid (if youa re based in the UK)
      they shoudl be albt to offer you counseling for the trauma that you faced

      alhamdulillah you have come back to the deen. this is the first step to getting out of the depression in sha allah
      lots of zhikr, salah, make istighfar
      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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      • #4
        Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

        Wa alaykumussalam

        I'm sure it must have been a very traumatic situation. I'd like to say that your reaction to the event is normal and many other people would react in the same manner. Secondly, its important that you know that you're not alone. There are many services and individuals that are able to assist you so don't feel as though its something that you have to face on your own. Depression is often a secondary symptom of PTSD. I would recommend that you consider visiting a doctor or mental health professional. They will be able to assist you more than anyone on a forum. With PTSD, cognitive behavioral therapy may be offered as well as building coping skills and stress management.

        I'm a psych graduate so if you'd like referral links to helpful resources or something just let me know

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

          Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
          Asalamu Alaikum

          I was assaulted and the guy who did it tome used Islam to justif his actions. So I ended up leaving Islam :(
          I am now returning but am wondering if anyone else suffers from PTSD and depression How do you cope with it? Does praying help?
          Sister, I am so sorry.
          I'm a rape victim too except my rapist was my father. I had PTSD and depression both. Listen to me, don't leave Islam.
          Islam protects us rape victims. Here: http://islamqa.info/en/72338

          I know things aren't easy right now, but it will get easier. I promise. I know it's probably difficult to get motivated right now. You probably have flashbacks and nightmares. But those WILL go away. You'll be happy again one day. I'm here if you want to talk.
          “Ask forgiveness from your Lord. Indeed! He is Oft-Forgiving.” (71:10)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

            Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
            Asalamu Alaikum

            I was assaulted and the guy who did it tome used Islam to justif his actions. So I ended up leaving Islam :(
            I am now returning but am wondering if anyone else suffers from PTSD and depression How do you cope with it? Does praying help?
            Wa laikum ah salam sis.

            Al-hamdullilah you came back to Islam mashAllah, how on earth this evil man used Islam as justification is beyond me given that the punishment in Islam is death.

            But on to your problem, I'd assume praying would bring you peace and ultimately time will to, as for PTSD you may need see a psychiatrist and let it all out but Allah swt is the best of Helpers and Listeners so pour your heart out in prayer and dua sis, I can fully understand what you're going through and that's why I say time too.

            Try and stay strong sis, try and talk about it as keeping it bottled up doesn't help. Hope all begins to get better Insha'Allah.
            May Allah swt give you strength, and reward your coming back.
            Ameen.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

              Thank you everyone for the kind words.
              I am trying to stay strong. I do visit a doctor and go to counselling but it has not been enough which is why I am trying to return to Islam. After the assault I was lonely and so I sought comfort in a boy.

              But nothing is making me happy. Not the boy (he just brings me more stress) not the counselling or the meds alone. So I am hoping that coming here I could have some guidance as to what to do to achieve that happiness by returning to Islam. Please do not judge me for being with a boy. I was hurt and lost and just turned to whatever provided me with the quickest source of comfort.
              Last edited by tanragagirl; 17-08-15, 03:48 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                what you went through must have been terrible, may Allah make things easy for you
                give this dua a go, perhaps it will help you feel better
                -The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:
                “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says:
                ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatika naasyati bi yadika, maadhin fiyya hukmuka,
                ‘adlun fiyya qadhaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu
                fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilmil-ghaybi ‘indaka
                an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa thihaab hammi
                [O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave; my forelock is
                in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just.
                I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed
                in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge
                of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast,
                and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety],’ but Allaah will take away his distress
                and grief, and replace it with joy.” 27

                He was asked: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?” He said: “Of course; everyone who hears it
                should learn it.”
                The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                  also make sure you reach out to the sisters on here for support
                  The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                  ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                    Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
                    Thank you everyone for the kind words.
                    I am trying to stay strong. I do visit a doctor and go to counselling but it has not been enough which is why I am trying to return to Islam. After the assault I was lonely and so I sought comfort in a boy.

                    But nothing is making me happy. Not the boy (he just brings me more stress) not the counselling or the meds alone. So I am hoping that coming here I could have some guidance as to what to do to achieve that happiness by returning to Islam. Please do not judge me for being with a boy. I was hurt and lost and just turned to whatever provided me with the quickest source of comfort.

                    It's understandable that you reached out to someone for comfort and assistance, usually someone you're willing to confide in and express yourself to. Your doctor may have already mentioned it, but it's a good idea to build up a social network of people who you can talk to when you're having difficulties, maybe someone who's experienced a similar event. If you'd like to approach it in an Islamic nature than I'm sure there's many female members here who you can speak to. It's a gradual process to recovery, so the counselling and medication shouldn't be seen as a quick fix so to speak. You can also seek comfort in salah and quranic recitation.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                      Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
                      Thank you everyone for the kind words.
                      I am trying to stay strong. I do visit a doctor and go to counselling but it has not been enough which is why I am trying to return to Islam. After the assault I was lonely and so I sought comfort in a boy.

                      But nothing is making me happy. Not the boy (he just brings me more stress) not the counselling or the meds alone. So I am hoping that coming here I could have some guidance as to what to do to achieve that happiness by returning to Islam. Please do not judge me for being with a boy. I was hurt and lost and just turned to whatever provided me with the quickest source of comfort.
                      You could try Dhikr.


                      Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!

                      [13:28]


                      Additionally, keep the following Qur'aanic Verses in mind:



                      Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return."

                      Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.


                      [Qur'aan 2:156 and 157]


                      And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]

                      [Qur'aan 2:45]


                      O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.

                      [Qur'aan 2:153]


                      So be patient, [O Muhammad], over what they say and exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord before the rising of the sun and before its setting,

                      [Qur'aan 50:39]
                      Watch those eyes

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                        Sister,

                        we aren't here to judge...it's actually normal after you went through that experience to try to find some sort of peace somewhere. I'm not sure how long ago that pain happened, or how far along you are in recovery but if you live days where you feel depressed, not wanting to leave bed, very deeply lost in thought, tense and stressed, making poor decisions. If this is you right now, my advice is to take life slower. Start to reward yourself for just doing something so small, write down on a piece of paper just one goal, even if that goal is praying one time. If one goal is too simple, add 2 more, add until you have 10-20 things you make yourself do each day. Reward yourself for doing them, you know yourself what is rewarding (maybe it's free time, maybe it's chocolate *but not too much*, maybe it's a girly movie) Take life at a time piece by piece to regain your spiritual strength, learn to be kind to yourself and to stop punishing yourself with being sad. Ask Allah for lots of things, make constant du'aa, your du'aa is so strong actually ask him for peace in your soul so you can move on. This process could take months/years but it's important you do it...because the process of slowly building yourself again has to be done, it's for survival you see...and survive is what you must do.

                        When you get to that point where you can go somedays without thinking of what happened, you can go a long time forgetting about the bad things then I admire you for getting that far. Some people live with your pain and never learn to get up on their feet again, but inshAllah I don't think you will be one of them since you go to counseling, and you are here now looking for new ideas. My new idea is that if you can go days almost normal but then hit that bad moment, or something comes up in life that reminds you then avoid the things. Avoid things that are bad for you. Learn to be the hero of your life and not the victim, you have a golden chance to turn your life around and be stronger than before.

                        Take kickboxing classes, go workout get super fit so that you feel confident, your healthy, and psychologically you will feel better defended.
                        Remember your old hobbies, go back to them...did you paint? did you draw? did you swim? Go back into what you used to do...or try new things out.
                        Make new habits, did you always want to be good at something? languages? history? art? Refine yourself, be your own superhero...explore what this life has to offer that's halal, test new things you never tried.
                        Qur'an! Pick up a Qur'an, if you never ever read it. Just get wudu, and hold it. Good that's it, your homework is simple. Just pick up the book, tomorrow, turn the next page. After that, read a little bit. Soon enough you find yourself actually reading it everyday.
                        Change your clothes, buy something new, clean out your closet. Go to a store, try on clothes you'd never try, critique what you think. Buy oversized sunglasses. Be your own model at home, and a muslimah outside.
                        Do you wear hijab? If you do, keep it up. If you don't, same as Qur'an, just throw it on your head. There homeworks done, tomorrow wear it at home for like 2 minutes. Youtube styles, think of colors that would look good for you...take it sloooowww...

                        THEN if you did a lot of this, your confidence will bloom, you will live an authentic life, you will regain your life and your own inner strength and you'll be the one helping me with something inshAllah. Then you need to drop that boy like a bad habit, you already admitted he's not good for you...get rid of him, your husband is waiting for you somewhere out there and I don't think he'd be too happy with your boyfriend. Be the princess/superhero of your life again, rebuild and renew yourself. Through pain comes healing. Increase your islam and iman, it's important to healing your soul.

                        Also stay active on here, you never know when a sister might need you who went through the same thing. Be their inspiration. ALSO PM any of us for anything, at anytime. We obviously are here too much which makes us essentially a 24/7 sister hotline. You can always PM me too. PLEASE I know I always write too much but consider what I said, just consider it...start small, it takes just the smallest movement to go towards something good.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                          May Allah protect you and console you.


                          This life is so tough.
                          8 powerful habits to succeed


                          1. Wake up early!
                          2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                          3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                          4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                          5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                          6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                          7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                          8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                          NEW UPDATE

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                          Watch this when you're distressed!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                            This is a really really serious topic and matter, but please understand yhou wil not find dozens of people ( men or women) who are/were raped on a forum. This might not be the best place to find councelling. Have you tried to seek councelling somewhere else> ( not on the internet)
                            "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Anyone else a rape victim? Has depression?

                              Hopefully nobody will judge here sister, it is not anyones place. I am so sorry you went through such an ordeal. I haven't been through that but I have been through some horrific stuff and do understand ptsd and depression. I was a soldier before I became muslim and some of the things I saw and had to be a part of affected me deeply. For a time I was essentially dead spiritually and definitely emotionally. I can tell you sister, it does get better and after becoming a muslim and turning to Allah once I knew he was there, I started to achieve some sort of peace. I'd be lying if I said all was sunshine and roses now, thats just not realistic. Life still gets me down and I struggle. Its much better than it was though and I have my brothers and sisters in Islam now, as do you. Welcome sister :D

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