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  • Family members who constantly criticize a person

    Family members who constantly criticize a person, pointing out shortcomings, even at times exaggerating things and making assumptions about a person, telling a person they are doing wrong even when the person does something good and always overlooking a person's good works, etc. Such family members slowly and slowly chip away at a person's self-confidence. If this happens once in a while, it won't have such a bad effect. everyone gets criticized sometimes. But if it's happening too often, the effects can be terrible.
    at times this makes the victim feel so bad about themselves, like nothing they do is ever right or worth anything, they want to stop doing everything, even good deeds, getting suicidal thoughts, etc. so what can be done to counter such things in families? I reckon a lot of people go through this, although the severity of it may differ.

  • #2
    Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

    i have a family member who does this. I don't see the point of criticizing people like this at all. so you want to get into someone's ego? you don't think you have an ego of ur own? there is nothing rewarding about criticizing people constantly, most ppl don't have good intentions but just want to break a person down. the qur'an swears by the self-reproaching soul, so we should encourage others to reproach and think for their own selves, instead of attacking others!
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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    • #3
      Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

      Ha, you got that right. When there not backbiting about others their arguing amongst themselves.

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      • #4
        Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

        Originally posted by umm salabil View Post
        Family members who constantly criticize a person, pointing out shortcomings, even at times exaggerating things and making assumptions about a person, telling a person they are doing wrong even when the person does something good and always overlooking a person's good works, etc. Such family members slowly and slowly chip away at a person's self-confidence. If this happens once in a while, it won't have such a bad effect. everyone gets criticized sometimes. But if it's happening too often, the effects can be terrible.
        at times this makes the victim feel so bad about themselves, like nothing they do is ever right or worth anything, they want to stop doing everything, even good deeds, getting suicidal thoughts, etc. so what can be done to counter such things in families? I reckon a lot of people go through this, although the severity of it may differ.
        usually these people are damaged themselves, lacking in self-confidence and only able to feel better by tearing others down to their level or lower. They are not helpful or productive, and their 'advise' is destructive, so they are better ignored.

        concentrate on getting yourself into a better position, then think about helping them if you can but don't take them seriously.
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        • #5
          Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

          :salams

          Do not let this get to you. Put it in your mind that they are the damaged ones. We are not perfect, but we are not as wrecked as these people portray us to be.

          I face the same problem with my father. So believe me, it is hard since I am the only male child in the family. But I grew up in this constant struggle. Hamdellah I believe I am a stable minded guy, so I taught myself that, yes, even though I have my flaws, it is never as bad as he always pictures me. I taught myself that he is the one that has this constant urgency to be criticizing and belittling to those around him. The older generation calls it "tough love".

          Sadly, most of the times this may lead to fights and arguments which end up messing up the relationships. In my case, I have decided to move away, I am currently searching for a job abroad. Be as far as I can at least until he learns that the way he is hurts those around him, and it is not a way to be.

          Be strong and build your own character and personality.

          Peace.

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          • #6
            Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

            if it is like that then best thing to do is if one is an adult, to move out!; that's the only solution, as people who criticize like that know exactly what they're doing and they enjoy putting the other down or even driving one crazy!

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            • #7
              Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

              Originally posted by Abu Yusuff View Post
              if it is like that then best thing to do is if one is an adult, to move out!; that's the only solution, as people who criticize like that know exactly what they're doing and they enjoy putting the other down or even driving one crazy!
              What happens if your a sister? Not married yet and people will talk if you move out.. What then?
              I love you, cherish you and worship you,
              Guide me on your path to your janna,
              Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


              :love:Allah:love:

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              • #8
                Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

                Originally posted by Fragile View Post
                What happens if your a sister? Not married yet and people will talk if you move out.. What then?
                do people really talk if you move out? as long as you don't cut ties with family, i don't think is seen as a bad thing nowadays
                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

                  Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                  do people really talk if you move out? as long as you don't cut ties with family, i don't think is seen as a bad thing nowadays
                  Yea they talk.. It's a big shame on the parents name and the only way out is through marriage.. If one gets divorced then she's back home till she's married again and so on.
                  I love you, cherish you and worship you,
                  Guide me on your path to your janna,
                  Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


                  :love:Allah:love:

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                  • #10
                    Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

                    1. Return their bad behavior with good. Nothing extinguishes fire like water! Successful people don't just ignore malice - they take every opportunity to convert their foes into friends. The best way to do that - and the most difficult - is by doing good to such people as soon as the chance comes by.

                    So, a family member who insulted you & put you down is sick? Visit her at the hospital with some flowers and wish her a quick recovery. Chances are your strained relationship with her will get better too, as a result.

                    2. Never stoop to their level! Don't fight fire with fire. If you start returning tit for tat, you are no better than they. Two negatives don't make a positive. Don't resort to revenge, no matter how tempted you might be. Ignore any attempts at war.

                    3. Maintain a personal journal to vent anger: Write down how you feel in a personal journal. This should be done especially when your anger is at the highest level. Believe me, it really, really helps vent the negative emotions in a non-destructive manner! It also helps you get in touch with your feelings, and see the situation from an objective point of view.

                    Be content with what you have and who you are. Work hard at doing what you love. Positive thoughts and sincerity for others lead to good health and high spirits!

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                    • #11
                      Re: Family members who constantly criticize a person

                      Originally posted by Fragile View Post
                      What happens if your a sister? Not married yet and people will talk if you move out.. What then?
                      if it's too bad, like their tryna drive you nuts, then move out to mahrams house if you can!!!, or safe house!!!; anything better than an evil family!

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                      • #12
                        Family members who constantly criticize a person

                        :sub:
                        [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
                        [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

                        [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

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