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  • Sisters - help please

    Asalam aleikom

    I have been going through a rough couple of years and i've been noticing that my mental health is not very strong and hasnt been for a long time now. Lately i've been getting like breakdows where i just cry cry cry and feel like i just want to give up, like there is nothing i can do. I wish i can just accept what happens in my life and all the hardship and be greatful for what i have, and i am greatful, deep down inside im happy..but i just keep facing these problems where people keep pushing me down.

    When i was little i didnt really have support from my dad, i saw him every other weekend but he was a bit harsh to me and i always ended up crying in the bathroom wanting to go home. At moms home at one point there was a guy living there who hit me and did some other thing...anyway btw all my family are non muslims.....

    Well later on in my life i got married and well that was a very bad marriage and i finally left. Then again there was this guy who had done bad things, i wrote about that in another thread before.....and well it seems that even if you tell the police about any abuse they just drop the case all the time, like in this case cos he said he never had bad intent..

    Now i been crying again like crazy feeling like all men get awway with everything they do and i just cant stand any man, except my little boy lol ..

    I just feel so angry, if i would hurt someone in the same way i bet i would go to prison lol so i just dont get this, why is it ok for men to do like this and then society is like ...oh ok you were drunk and in an emotional state so its ok that you did this to these people...

    The reason why i mention all the other things in my life is that i feel i get sick around men now like i dont trust any of them and i never had any dad to protect me from all bad ones .....in a weird way i feel robbed of being this little girl who get protected and having someone to stand up for me ..

    I know i know not all men are like this ...im just pushed to my limit and just keep crying crying why cant i be stronger than this

    Any sister who had bad men around them ..how do you stand up for yourself properly and not let them get to you mentally?

  • #2
    Re: Sisters - help please

    Salaam Sister,

    Please be patient and try to see the good in anything that has happened, sometimes we don't have a say in the things that happen, but stay positive and soft, thank Allah for everything, may your pain gets alleviated. InshaaAllah. I do not know how to deal with abusive men, but stay away from them, if God wills and you get married again, do some research about the man. Be strong and teach your little boy the proper way of treating women. Respect should be mutual between men and women, but you have to stand for your right as a Muslim and whenever someone abuses, call the police. Seek help form any friends or Muslim community around you. God bless you and everyone of us with our struggles. .
    Last edited by Queensaba; 09-06-15, 09:55 AM.

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    • #3
      Re: Sisters - help please

      Salaam....

      Best advice I can give you is to avoid talking to men completely.. Don't even look at em cause they misunderstand and turn it into a movie...
      Alhamdulilah..Iv never really been hurt by a "man" so I can't comprehend what Ya going through.. But it's best you avoid all contact. Cut em off and remove em completely from your life. No friends or brotherly bonding for the sake of Allah swt..No nothing.

      Regarding protection... Make dua Allah swt will protect you amen.
      I love you, cherish you and worship you,
      Guide me on your path to your janna,
      Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


      :love:Allah:love:

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      • #4
        Re: Sisters - help please

        Originally posted by Halolani View Post
        Asalam aleikom

        I have been going through a rough couple of years and i've been noticing that my mental health is not very strong and hasnt been for a long time now. Lately i've been getting like breakdows where i just cry cry cry and feel like i just want to give up, like there is nothing i can do. I wish i can just accept what happens in my life and all the hardship and be greatful for what i have, and i am greatful, deep down inside im happy..but i just keep facing these problems where people keep pushing me down.

        When i was little i didnt really have support from my dad, i saw him every other weekend but he was a bit harsh to me and i always ended up crying in the bathroom wanting to go home. At moms home at one point there was a guy living there who hit me and did some other thing...anyway btw all my family are non muslims.....

        Well later on in my life i got married and well that was a very bad marriage and i finally left. Then again there was this guy who had done bad things, i wrote about that in another thread before.....and well it seems that even if you tell the police about any abuse they just drop the case all the time, like in this case cos he said he never had bad intent..

        Now i been crying again like crazy feeling like all men get awway with everything they do and i just cant stand any man, except my little boy lol ..

        I just feel so angry, if i would hurt someone in the same way i bet i would go to prison lol so i just dont get this, why is it ok for men to do like this and then society is like ...oh ok you were drunk and in an emotional state so its ok that you did this to these people...

        The reason why i mention all the other things in my life is that i feel i get sick around men now like i dont trust any of them and i never had any dad to protect me from all bad ones .....in a weird way i feel robbed of being this little girl who get protected and having someone to stand up for me ..

        I know i know not all men are like this ...im just pushed to my limit and just keep crying crying why cant i be stronger than this

        Any sister who had bad men around them ..how do you stand up for yourself properly and not let them get to you mentally?
        Asalaamu aleykum my dear sister,

        You have been through great hardship and the most important thing to note is this: it is not your fault. Everything that happened to you, the men that have abused you made you feel like you were not worthy. My dear sister, know that I love you even though I do not know you. I wish that I could have helped you and protected you from these people. I wish that somebody had been there for you because you deserved to have someone there for you. You are not to blame for anything that has happened. My advice is, when you cry, cry in prayer. Ask Allah to give you a way out. To make you strong. To give you the peace you need. InshaAllah you get everything you need, sis, your story has truly touched my heart. And if you need any help or advice feel free to pm me. May Allah reward you for your patience and ease your suffering soon. Ameen :)
        And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
        http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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        • #5
          Re: Sisters - help please

          Walaykum salam sister,

          Really sorry to hear such horrible things have happened to you. If you feel afraid or anxious then make regular dua seeking Allah's (swt) protection. I also suggest you take a good self defence class, not just so that you can protect yourself from potential future attacks, but also to help gain confidence when facing the world- maybe it'll help you feel less vulnerable.

          I don't know if this is the case with you, but I've often heard that people subconsciously fall into patterns in their lives, so for example if they were raised by abusive parents, they are more likely to end up in an abusive marriage when they grow up (either by becoming abusers or becoming victims of abuse themselves). Perhaps it's because even though we all hate abuse, on a subconscious level it feels familiar so a person in that situation might be more inclined to someone who is maybe controlling or showing other problematic behavioural traits. On the other hand, a loving, decent gentleman would seem so unfamiliar and shocking that such behaviour would arouse suspicion as to what is his 'ulterior motive' for being nice. If this is the case with you, then you need to look into this so that you don't fall into detrimental patterns or repeat old mistakes.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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