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Should I move out of my Parents house?

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  • Should I move out of my Parents house?

    Salam alaykom Brothers and Sisters, I need help in what could possibly be one of the most important decisions in my life.

    Growing up I've always had big dreams. I wanted to build my own mosque, help people the most recent Idea of mine is building a huge complex in the Southern Philippines for all the Muslims in the world that is struggling in war torn countries...None of this is possible without Money, and certainly isn't possible with 200 dollars on my bank account

    In the last 3 years, after moving back with my parents. I've lost complete control of my ability to organize myself and lost the work attitude because it's so easy to be lazy at home. I was far more and I mean FAR more productive when I was in college aged 16-19 and living with my brother who was also a teenager.. I can't even wash my own freaking clothes now out of laziness..I am so spoiled. I tried Saying I will do all of those while living with my parents, but over and over again I fail.

    I am 24 years old now, and I want to aggressively start working on my dreams...But I am so confused.

    - My parents are paying mortgage..Istagfurllah...And I pay for 25 percent of the mortage plus other bills..It makes it easy for them...Because they are in their 50's and 60's, I worry If I leave i won't be able to provide them the same amount of money they need.

    - But my goal is to get them out of this Haram...Pay for everything with cash..but that's not possible right now. I don't know how much I xan help financially, I i move out..At most 500 dollars a month but realistically, 300 dollars a month.

    - If I work two Jobs, more than 500..for sure, but how am I suppose to be working on my ideas..I wouldn't have time for my business..

    What should I do?
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  • #2
    Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

    Wa alaikum salam

    Yeah its normal to be like that, being in the parents' home makes you feel too comfortable and you'r less inclined to do things for yourself. Rather move to your own place in that way you'd be more independent and learn to do your own thing.

    Its also good to have that zest to reach new heights and start progressing in life. Your goal to get out of haram is a great one. I hope others can give you advice further..
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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    • #3
      Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

      Dont stress on it too much brother. Things in life dont normally tend to go the way we planned them to. And always remember there are many who are even in worst condition than us. Just like you i am at my single parent home, yes my father have passed away, and I am 27 soon to turn 28 and unemployed at this moment by the way.
      A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

      Sisters dont pm me

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

        See it as a test of discipline. If you cannot be independent at home, how are you going to achieve your big dream?
        Imo the priority here isn't your big dreams, but rather getting your parents out of this mortgage. The longer it takes to pay off the more it will cost and the more interest there will be.

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        • #5
          Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

          ^ agreed.

          Also, imo until a young adult moves out of their family home, only then will they have solid life experience. It is very easy to become spoiled and sheltered from the many strings that come with life if your in ur family home. That's why I've heard many scholars advise that a woman should only marry a guy who is capable of handling his affairs independantly, that includes his bills, rent etc. A man who is constantly being babyed by his parents hasn't really experienced the trials of life.

          Plus, moving out will give you the foundation and the life experience you need to go ahead in life. You'll become aware of the fact that if you don't work, you won't eat, you won't have a roof over ur head etc. You'll gain self-sufficiency and have a higher motivation to achieve your dreams and pursuits.
          Personally speaking, if I had a son I wouldnt confine him and control him like the way many Asian parents do (I'm not Asian btw and no offence to Asians out there - but we both know this is a reality) I'd advise him, be three for him, and guide him along in life in shaa Allah but once he's finished his university years (or even prior to that) like in his early 20s I'd allow him to get his own place.
          It's not good for your development as an young adult to be confined to the pillars of your parents home. It really isn't. Unless there is a valid non negotiable reason to do so, I don't see why you should. You gain alot of key life skills and experience if you get out into the real world.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

            I am an asian and I love my asian parents though more than anything in the world. I am now in my late 20's but in my early twenties after graduation, i had this same thought u know i need to be independant, my parents specially my father who spent his entire life working hard for his kids was now ready to help me make big, u know getting me highly educated, setting up some business for me if i wanted but u know what, I kept saying these things to my parents that i need to be independent, it kind of hurt them and I didn't take anything from them. I went to the professional life and i got a lesson, There is no such thing as true INDEPENDENCE, yes to survive in this world u need FAVORS, you need REFERENCES, unless you are really brilliant though which most of us are not. Then i thought to myself that how ironic it is that i may ask others for favors and references but i avoided my own parents. You would rather take loans on interest from the universities and other institutes but u wont bother ur parents. Western parents wont give you their money anyways, You wont land a job that easily after graduation unless you get a refernce letter from the same universities.

            So i ask how independent you really are; flash news you're not. Its all depends on one's circumstances though, if ur parents really cant afford u anymore its time to do something for urself and them but if ur blessed enough to have their help, and they are willing to help dont ignore it.
            A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

            Sisters dont pm me

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Should I move out of my Parents house?

              Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
              ^ agreed.

              Also, imo until a young adult moves out of their family home, only then will they have solid life experience. It is very easy to become spoiled and sheltered from the many strings that come with life if your in ur family home. That's why I've heard many scholars advise that a woman should only marry a guy who is capable of handling his affairs independantly, that includes his bills, rent etc. A man who is constantly being babyed by his parents hasn't really experienced the trials of life.

              Plus, moving out will give you the foundation and the life experience you need to go ahead in life. You'll become aware of the fact that if you don't work, you won't eat, you won't have a roof over ur head etc. You'll gain self-sufficiency and have a higher motivation to achieve your dreams and pursuits.
              Personally speaking, if I had a son I wouldnt confine him and control him like the way many Asian parents do (I'm not Asian btw and no offence to Asians out there - but we both know this is a reality) I'd advise him, be three for him, and guide him along in life in shaa Allah but once he's finished his university years (or even prior to that) like in his early 20s I'd allow him to get his own place.
              It's not good for your development as an young adult to be confined to the pillars of your parents home. It really isn't. Unless there is a valid non negotiable reason to do so, I don't see why you should. You gain alot of key life skills and experience if you get out into the real world.
              I agree with you, but the issue is not wanting to move out. I do want to move out..Plus, I've already lived alone and paid for my bills when I was 18-19...I've done that.

              I wanna move out again, but I'm worried my parents will suffer..if I say anything, they will act happy for me, and support me, but I know they will struggle..I don't want to see them suffer.

              I make enough money for myslef, but some of my money I give my parents to help them out..

              In a way, I do help my parents a lot...And that's probably the reason why they wouldn't even dare say anything if I am too lazy in the weekend.
              Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

              If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

              Comment

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