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  • Woes

    :D I knew it'd be a catchy title....but seriously, it's a real problem.

    I have trouble making khushoo' and keeping my iman high. I read a lot, but I think I know where the problem is coming from. So please help m and give me useful tips.
    They say that you have to start 'trying' to cry when hearing Qur'an and lectures and making worship. I live with my aunt in a very small house where everyone can know what everyone's doing and I share my room.....and I realized if I try doing extra worship it's going to go viral. She's sweet masha Allah, but she'll tell my parents 'Oh, she is so good she cries in salah' and my parents will brag to the entire planet. Sound familiar? So I don't want my niyah ruined, so even when I hear something that rarely does get me emotional, I keep it inside, and I stress, because how can I increase my fear of Allah and do khushoo' when my circumstances compel me to prevent myself from it?

    Also, crying excessively is looked down upon, as is simply sitting and doing dhikr. I am afraid, even when I'm with dad, that he might say 'Go memorize or study something instead.'

    And I always promise myself I can just wake up for Tahajjud, and use that time to read as much Qur'an, do as much dhikr as possible,but I can never wake up. I go to school and it's problematic for me.

    The reason this hurts me so much is because now I feel like giving up- and yesterday I realized I have to find a solution because I was praying late for most of the prayers and not with quality......HELP! I guess I wished that if I lived in a normal family situation (please do not ask me why) I wouldn't have to worry. I even try to incorporate dhikr in school, or Qur;an, but doing dhikr will not only look awkward, I don't want any Muslim passing by and thinking 'Heck, she's religious' when I am a very grave sinner.

    Any tips for improving iman and successfully hiding it from the world (because hidden deeds are better)? I heard dhikr is good for iman and brings it up....but I do get stares if students see my lips move when I'm walking to classes.....and the last thing I need is for people to think I talk to myself. Why must it be so hard?
    Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

  • #2
    Re: Woes

    I just want a couple of answers.....really desperate.....
    Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Woes

      السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

      I can relate to your problem sister, but I personally think you're exaggerating it by overthinking too much. You should not blame yourself for what others do and may do, the consequence of a good action is never bad, if there's good intention within the action.

      The thought that others may stare upon you when you move your lips and is actually from your own imagination. How many times do you stare at someone a day? Does that mean, that every time you stare upon someone, that it is because of a negative clear reason? Do you actually know that they're staring at you because you're moving your lips? And if they might ask, why not tell the truth? That you're glorifying Allah, the most High.

      I can understand what you're trying to get at, but this is not the correct attitude. You should worship Allah no matter what everyone thinks, because it is your right to Allah. I sometimes pray outside when I'm on a long trip and people usually stare whenever I perform my prayer. The thought does appear in my mind that they might think it's strange etc. But I suppress that thought and tell myself, "It might be a source of guidance for them and a source of mercy for me.". So it all depends on your attitude on things.

      Every action is judged by the intention.
      Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for." (Book #1, Hadith #1)
      I really don't understand why you'd be ashamed if someone told your parents that you're a good person, somene who loves Allah and loves invoking Him in prayer and outside of the prayer. This should be a source of comfort and mercy for you, because then your parents might ask good for you from Allah.

      Narrated Ibn Mas'ud: A man asked the Prophet "What deeds are the best?" The Prophet said: (1) To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, (2) To be good and dutiful to one's own parents. (3) and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause." (Book #93, Hadith #625)
      Just like I said, that actions are judged by ones intentions, if you do your prayers late because there is a good reason for doing them late, then Allah knows your intenions and your actions are based upon that. But do your best to pray in time, for it is our connection to Allah and it is what keeps us on good and keeps us away from harm.

      Prophet Muhammad SAW said: ” The heart of the son of Adam changes more quickly than a pan of rapid boiling water”
      In another report he SAW said: “The likeness of the heart is that of a feather in an empty plot of land, being blown over and over by the wind”.
      No one has an Iman that stays the same forever, it is always in constant change depending on the situation. But, you should not be hopeless, because only the disbelievers are hopeless.
      Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

      ( سورة الزمر , Az-Zumar, Chapter #39, Verse #53)
      "O my sons! Go you and enquire about Yusuf (Joseph) and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve."

      ( سورة يوسف , Yusuf, Chapter #12, Verse #87)
      [Ibrahim (Abraham)] said: "And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?"

      ( سورة الحجر , Al-Hijr, Chapter #15, Verse #56
      )
      Never lose hope, because you have Allah, only the disbelievers lose hope, because they do not want Allah. Never underestimate the fact that Allah gave you Islam, that He gave you knowledge, that He made you aware of the dangers and traps that the devil may put ahead of you. Be grateful towards Him, thank Him and praise Him day and night. Who is worthy of more praise than He who made you exist? Never be ashamed to praise Allah, in front of anyone. Do you never consider that millions of people before you were heedless of the sins prohibited by Allah, because they were ignorant? But Allah gave you knowledge and awareness of those sins, should you then not be thankful towards Him and be happy about it? I can't describe the feelings going on inside of my heart when I think of what Allah has given me and not others. The pure and perfect religion of Islam, the way to eternal Paradise and the refuge from eternal Hellfire. Praise be to Allah.

      And here's a little information regarding giving charity in secret & publicly, it might somehow be related to your issue. May Allah make it easy for you, guide you to never lose hope in Him. He is Most-Forgiving and Compassionate.

      GIVING CHARITY IN SECRET & PUBLICLY

      MAY 23, 2010

      Giving charity is—or at least, its purpose—a way for those whom Allah has blessed with wealth to share with their neighbors in need. But Muslims are not just ordered to give charity to the poor from their wealth; they are also ordered to give it in a certain way.

      We often hear that, when giving charity, we should do so in a way that our left hand doesn’t know what our right hand has spent. So does that mean we are only ever supposed to give charity in secret?

      Actually, both ways are permissible. Islam supports giving charity in private as the best form of giving, but there’s something to be said about giving it publicly (as long as one is aware of their intentions and behavior).

      Islam supports giving charity in both ways, but there are a few things Muslims should keep in mind when going about either way.

      Giving Charity in Secret
      The Prophet Mohammad said that one of the seven groups of people that will be granted shade on the Day of Judgment includes the one who gives charity but hides it, so that even his left hand does not know what his right hand has spent.

      Islam places a great emphasis and reward on giving charity in secret. It preserves the dignity of those who receive the charity, and also prevents the giver from being boastful or seeking praise.

      Islam teaches Muslims that giving in secret is far superior to giving publicly, and that drawing attention to one’s charitable actions is a highly undesirable quality. The Prophet said: “Allah loves the God-fearing rich man [who gives much in charity but still] remains obscure and uncelebrated.” (Muslim)

      Giving charity in secret is best when giving charity that is voluntary (Sadaqah). Regarding voluntary charity, God says in the second chapter of the Quran:

      “If you disclose your Sadaqaat (almsgiving), it is well; but if you conceal them and give them to the poor, that is better for you.” [Quran 2:271]

      Giving Charity Publicly
      If a person fears that he will be showing off, or tempted to show off, when giving charity, or that he may cause some humiliation or embarrassment to the poor person, then it is better for him to give it in secret.

      However, giving charity publicly—as long as the giver knows his intentions are not to show off or be boastful, and can donate charity in a modest way—sets a good example to the community. It encourages others to follow in the giver’s footsteps and give charity, too.

      Giving charity publicly is best when giving obligatory charity (Zakat). Scholars agree that doing obligatory acts in Islam is best done openly and announced, so as to encourage others to fulfill their duties as well.

      A Mix of Both
      In Chapter 2, verse 274 of the Quran, Allah says:
      “Those who spend their money in the night and in the day, secretly and openly, they will have their reward with their Lord, there is no fear over them nor will they grieve.” [Quran 2:274]

      This verse means that we should give charity both in public and in private. While keeping the amount of charity given private, a person can publicly—avoiding invitations of praise—give charity, serving as a reminder for others to also give and setting an example for the community. But it is also important for the Muslim to give charity in private (or “in the cover of night”), to establish to themselves and to God that they are giving charity because Allah commands it, and because they seek His pleasure and to fulfill their charitable duty.

      Muslims, if possible, should practice giving charity both publicly and privately by giving Zakat in public, and giving any Sadaqah in private. Allah knows best.
      Last edited by Rezgar; 08-03-15, 06:58 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Woes

        Originally posted by Rezgar View Post
        السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

        I can relate to your problem sister, but I personally think you're exaggerating it by overthinking too much. You should not blame yourself for what others do and may do, the consequence of a good action is never bad, if there's good intention within the action.

        The thought that others may stare upon you when you move your lips and is actually from your own imagination. How many times do you stare at someone a day? Does that mean, that every time you stare upon someone, that it is because of a negative clear reason? Do you actually know that they're staring at you because you're moving your lips? And if they might ask, why not tell the truth? That you're glorifying Allah, the most High.

        I can understand what you're trying to get at, but this is not the correct attitude. You should worship Allah no matter what everyone thinks, because it is your right to Allah. I sometimes pray outside when I'm on a long trip and people usually stare whenever I perform my prayer. The thought does appear in my mind that they might think it's strange etc. But I suppress that thought and tell myself, "It might be a source of guidance for them and a source of mercy for me.". So it all depends on your attitude on things.

        Every action is judged by the intention.


        I really don't understand why you'd be ashamed if someone told your parents that you're a good person, somene who loves Allah and loves invoking Him in prayer and outside of the prayer. This should be a source of comfort and mercy for you, because then your parents might ask good for you from Allah.



        Just like I said, that actions are judged by ones intentions, if you do your prayers late because there is a good reason for doing them late, then Allah knows your intenions and your actions are based upon that. But do your best to pray in time, for it is our connection to Allah and it is what keeps us on good and keeps us away from harm.



        No one has an Iman that stays the same forever, it is always in constant change depending on the situation. But, you should not be hopeless, because only the disbelievers are hopeless.




        Never lose hope, because you have Allah, only the disbelievers lose hope, because they do not want Allah. Never underestimate the fact that Allah gave you Islam, that He gave you knowledge, that He made you aware of the dangers and traps that the devil may put ahead of you. Be grateful towards Him, thank Him and praise Him day and night. Who is worthy of more praise than He who made you exist? Never be ashamed to praise Allah, in front of anyone. Do you never consider that millions of people before you were heedless of the sins prohibited by Allah, because they were ignorant? But Allah gave you knowledge and awareness of those sins, should you then not be thankful towards Him and be happy about it? I can't describe the feelings going on inside of my heart when I think of what Allah has given me and not others. The pure and perfect religion of Islam, the way to eternal Paradise and the refuge from eternal Hellfire. Praise be to Allah.

        And here's a little information regarding giving charity in secret & publicly, it might somehow be related to your issue. May Allah make it easy for you, guide you to never lose hope in Him. He is Most-Forgiving and Compassionate.
        Thank you brother, what a beneficial answer! I guess I'm scared my niyah would get corrupted and that I'll learn to like being praised......but since it's endangering my salah I guess I shouldn't overthink it. Such is life.....and thanks for answering my thread, may Allah reward you.
        Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Woes

          I think doing dhikr in school is good, especially when there are lots of noisy students. You could just move your tongue, and not move your lips, just for not being obvious. I think dhikr is good for memorizing the stuff you want to memorize for exams, and so on. :)

          Just repeat Ya Hafidz (The Protector) or send salawat to our beloved Prophet S.A.W., inshallah taala, those hard stuff will be easy to memorize. :)

          Also, Prophet Yunus dua, is good as well. :)
          Last edited by Muz1234; 09-03-15, 03:41 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Woes

            Originally posted by Figs View Post
            :D
            Any tips for improving iman and successfully hiding it from the world (because hidden deeds are better)? I heard dhikr is good for iman and brings it up....but I do get stares if students see my lips move when I'm walking to classes.....and the last thing I need is for people to think I talk to myself. Why must it be so hard?
            when you say laa ilaha illallah your lips dont move at all, try it out
            Even in the belly of the whale there was hope.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Woes

              pretty cool huh
              Even in the belly of the whale there was hope.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Woes

                even if you can improve a little but constantly this would be good. Set yourself a goal maybe saying subhanallahi wa bihmadihi a hundred times a day. You will be able to find time alone for five minutes in order to do it inshaallah. Just be on the lookout for the opportunity to do some good deeds. Maybe your mum will go shopping leaving you alone in the car, maybe your aunt will leave the room in order to talk on the phone. I have a non muslim family and if they saw me reciting quran to myself they would be like oh oh jeremys gone mad so alhamdulilah i sort of trained myself to recite without moving my lips otherwise when i visit them id be very limited in what good i could try and do.
                hope this helps
                Even in the belly of the whale there was hope.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Woes

                  I came because it was titled "woes" it's very catchy.

                  I don't even know what khushoo is so maybe someone can tell me that lol.

                  Well...what a tricky situation. Our parents should be proud of us but my goodness why to the level and extent of bragging about it which can make other parents envious or saddened by their children. I would speak with your family that you want to increase your iman and working on it so they won't get the shock of seeing you be extra-awesome *mashAllah* I would then ask for quiet support, if your intentions are clear in that beautiful non-riyah way it should give you more space to do what you want to do and inshAllah your parents will listen to you on keeping this private and you may even have the benefit of getting extra helping du'aa!

                  In essence my advice: Announce your intentions on doing extra things but to keep it with the family and list reasons why and that you would like helpful supportive du'aa and a little privacy. Time is short and good deeds are worth the minutes and seconds...who knows maybe you will inspire them to do more themselves! If you get praised, know that it's because of what you are doing for Allah's sake.

                  I need to go study more Islamic things,you inspired me! Allah reward you and inshAllah I can get to a level you are at, mashAllah.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                    Re: Woes

                    I have a non muslim family and if they saw me reciting quran to myself they would be like oh oh jeremys gone mad so alhamdulilah
                    Gone mad and angry? Why is that, read Quran and angry?

                    Comment

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