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This recently happened, and I honestly wish I hadn't learned too much about what nullifies salat, because the curiosity killed the cat. I learned that INTENDING to break your prayer breaks the
prayer, because it breaks niyat. Well, I ended becoming one that majorly overburdened myself.
It all started one day, cannot remember which prayer. I was praying, normal. And the events happened as followed.
1.) Praying
2.) See's some clothes hanging at the corner of eye, which are sort of distracting.Keep in mind, there is no point in me going somewhere else to pray. I've been praying with things surrounding me for months, and khushoo was okay. My best option is to ignore, but that is very hard when 3.) comes into effect.
3.) Debates in head whether to get rid of clothes and start again. Tries to abstain from thoughts and instead just carry on prayer.
4.) Tries to acknowledge that "I didn't make an official intention that I'm going to stop praying".
5.) Starts to doubt that debating about it invalidates prayer.
6.) Shaytaan starts to win and whisper, using 5.) to support his whisper.
6.) Khushoo collapses and thoughts about stopping prayer enter mind.
7.) "Supposed" intention to stop praying becomes increasingly real as the doubt increases greatly, and boom. I end up throwing my hands up and breaking the prayer, under the impression that I intended to break prayer, so I stop it.
(Essentially, the above steps is like how poison is spilled into something, and how effect slowly taken)
I start to sob and get frustrated, and even angry and shake my fists. I weep stuff like, "O Allah! Make this stop! Salah has become a nightmare!". If I were to continue the prayer with the doubt, and if I weren't to break it, then I would finish the prayer, and have severe doubts it was nullified.
That I'm angry and frustrated, I get doubts that "has my wudu broken because it is being insane?" . Alhamdulillah, I am not an insane person. I am not from a mental asylum. I acknowledge very well these are waswas, but how do I acknowledge that if they trouble me, Allah (SWT) will accept my prayer and be on my side if I continue the prayer? I think of things Allah himself said in Quran, he does not want to task us beyond our scope or capability. Also, the Prophet Muhammad said that religion is really easy, and that it's hard for those overburdening themselves (which is what I do by giving into the waswas).
So can you guys tell me, no matter how convincing it seems that I intended to break salah, no matter how real it seems, will Allah accept my prayer if I continue it? Surely I shall shrug it off as a whisper, no matter how certain I feel. Isn't niyat a quality of the heart?
I know intention is something of the heart, but trust me, intention has been holding me back. It takes a delay to start wudu and salah. Before I could start instantly. Now it's a burden.
When praying Zuhr an hour ago, it took over FIVE attempts just to get the fard done. Before I already did a four sunnah rakats, so I then being there for so long and not getting fard done, made me feel like "I don't want to pray anymore!". I was in the mood to just go downstairs. But Alhamdulillah, I was able to finish it.....with low khushoo, worry about it being nullified because something I did, and doubt.
I'm now dreading the coming hour, because I pray to Allah this doesn't occur in Asr. I want it to be like the good ole days, just pray, and that's that. The only reason I'd pray again would be sunnah or nafl. Prayer feels like something that is not straightforward. Even when I have khushoo, it has always felt like something that when you make any little mistake, it's broken. It feels like strict conditions. I do one little thing, invalid. How can I acknowledge for what it TRULY is.
I take it that the Zuhr I did, I don't need to do it again. Surely doing it again is like treating it as a burden. I even did four sunnah rakats before zuhr. (Did I mention I broke the sunnah prayer 2-3 times before praying it fully).
I try to think, that I shouldn't stop, Allah has commanded me to pray, but...Thanks for reading.
prayer, because it breaks niyat. Well, I ended becoming one that majorly overburdened myself.
It all started one day, cannot remember which prayer. I was praying, normal. And the events happened as followed.
1.) Praying
2.) See's some clothes hanging at the corner of eye, which are sort of distracting.Keep in mind, there is no point in me going somewhere else to pray. I've been praying with things surrounding me for months, and khushoo was okay. My best option is to ignore, but that is very hard when 3.) comes into effect.
3.) Debates in head whether to get rid of clothes and start again. Tries to abstain from thoughts and instead just carry on prayer.
4.) Tries to acknowledge that "I didn't make an official intention that I'm going to stop praying".
5.) Starts to doubt that debating about it invalidates prayer.
6.) Shaytaan starts to win and whisper, using 5.) to support his whisper.
6.) Khushoo collapses and thoughts about stopping prayer enter mind.
7.) "Supposed" intention to stop praying becomes increasingly real as the doubt increases greatly, and boom. I end up throwing my hands up and breaking the prayer, under the impression that I intended to break prayer, so I stop it.
(Essentially, the above steps is like how poison is spilled into something, and how effect slowly taken)
I start to sob and get frustrated, and even angry and shake my fists. I weep stuff like, "O Allah! Make this stop! Salah has become a nightmare!". If I were to continue the prayer with the doubt, and if I weren't to break it, then I would finish the prayer, and have severe doubts it was nullified.
That I'm angry and frustrated, I get doubts that "has my wudu broken because it is being insane?" . Alhamdulillah, I am not an insane person. I am not from a mental asylum. I acknowledge very well these are waswas, but how do I acknowledge that if they trouble me, Allah (SWT) will accept my prayer and be on my side if I continue the prayer? I think of things Allah himself said in Quran, he does not want to task us beyond our scope or capability. Also, the Prophet Muhammad said that religion is really easy, and that it's hard for those overburdening themselves (which is what I do by giving into the waswas).
So can you guys tell me, no matter how convincing it seems that I intended to break salah, no matter how real it seems, will Allah accept my prayer if I continue it? Surely I shall shrug it off as a whisper, no matter how certain I feel. Isn't niyat a quality of the heart?
I know intention is something of the heart, but trust me, intention has been holding me back. It takes a delay to start wudu and salah. Before I could start instantly. Now it's a burden.
When praying Zuhr an hour ago, it took over FIVE attempts just to get the fard done. Before I already did a four sunnah rakats, so I then being there for so long and not getting fard done, made me feel like "I don't want to pray anymore!". I was in the mood to just go downstairs. But Alhamdulillah, I was able to finish it.....with low khushoo, worry about it being nullified because something I did, and doubt.
I'm now dreading the coming hour, because I pray to Allah this doesn't occur in Asr. I want it to be like the good ole days, just pray, and that's that. The only reason I'd pray again would be sunnah or nafl. Prayer feels like something that is not straightforward. Even when I have khushoo, it has always felt like something that when you make any little mistake, it's broken. It feels like strict conditions. I do one little thing, invalid. How can I acknowledge for what it TRULY is.
I take it that the Zuhr I did, I don't need to do it again. Surely doing it again is like treating it as a burden. I even did four sunnah rakats before zuhr. (Did I mention I broke the sunnah prayer 2-3 times before praying it fully).
I try to think, that I shouldn't stop, Allah has commanded me to pray, but...Thanks for reading.
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