Where did parenting go wrong?

[Winter]

:salams

I was in my psychology lecture class today and my prof was speaking about escorts in there and had some articles, quotes etc. In the article he had some escorts speak about their lives, where some become one due be in a broken family, some had no other choice, some had to do it to pay off loans/debt of either theirs, or their families, some had abusive/bad relationship, no father in the house, Needed to gather money for a treatment to someone close to them, etc. It was interesting to see the majority highlight how family pressure, stress and neglecting lead them to this path.

A 3-4 years back I went to a Madrasa, I felt I got further my deen, so I headed there. I befriend a few Bangli kids and while speaking to them they told me how their parents forced them to come here and they had no choice, while their parents were probably at home being praised by their community little did they know these kids were planning on going clubbing, dating girls, talking about a ton of dirty stuff. There was another young boy who was Malaysian and he told me how he'd cry to his parents not to send him there and how they'd yell at him, hit him, etc and he like those other boys some about how he can't wait to turn 18, so he can hit up clubs, parties, etc.

In my area theres about 4 guys roughly the same age all quran hafiz at young age and today only one knows it full while the rest have forgotten some of it and those 3 have also been to clubs, drink, girlfriends, etc.

Is it me, or do you people today forget how to be parents? You have those who neglect their kids, those who force them to do things, those who simply don't understand them and refuse to make any attempt too. This comes from all kinds of parents...traditional, islamic, modern, etc.

Where is parenting going wrong? Or is this sadly the cycle that will continue on?

[Muslima London]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

islam has to be taught from the heart ok

like everything we do we have to explain to our children why we do it.

will give you an example.
when i was growing up, parents stressed community, neighbours, family fathers name all the time. Like i felt i needed to be good to keep all thso elements happy. But what happens when i walk out of hte door - no parents, no community and who cares who my father is at school right.

with my kids i stress allah.
if i ask them someting and i am not sure if they are lying i say ok that s fine but allah swt knows everything so fear allah.
other example is teaching them about tawheed, pricncipes of qadr, taqwa.

if something goes wrong for my kids, i telll them to say alhamdulillah. perhaps there is somet good in this
when my children ahve friends i remind them that a good friend is one that brings them closer to allah,, not takes thm away from allahs rememberrance.

we were not taught islam as a way of life.
we were taught islam as a chore, gotta be done, gotta compete with boy next door coz he's already on quran and your still on ...........

So in sha allah this generation is different

[Winter]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

islam has to be taught from the heart ok

like everything we do we have to explain to our children why we do it.

will give you an example.
when i was growing up, parents stressed community, neighbours, family fathers name all the time. Like i felt i needed to be good to keep all thso elements happy. But what happens when i walk out of hte door - no parents, no community and who cares who my father is at school right.

with my kids i stress allah.
if i ask them someting and i am not sure if they are lying i say ok that s fine but allah swt knows everything so fear allah.
other example is teaching them about tawheed, pricncipes of qadr, taqwa.

if something goes wrong for my kids, i telll them to say alhamdulillah. perhaps there is somet good in this
when my children ahve friends i remind them that a good friend is one that brings them closer to allah,, not takes thm away from allahs rememberrance.

we were not taught islam as a way of life.
we were taught islam as a chore, gotta be done, gotta compete with boy next door coz he's already on quran and your still on ...........

So in sha allah this generation is different

My grandfather when I was a young kid told me if you walk through a coal factory and walk out you'll have dirt and a bad small on you and if you through into a fragrance store, you'll have a a nice smell on you. Its similar to how if you walk into a group of bad friends, who will most likely walk out as one and if you walk into a group of good friends you walk out as one.

All tho I do agree, but this is where the problem stems from kids who's parents are constantly nagging them the last thing they want is a friend to be doing it, hence why most will mingle with the bad crowd only because they'll give them fresh air to breathe.

I agree 100% with being taught Islam as a chore, so many people say that in general, X does this or that and has finished this and that, while you haven't, but this is a problem with probably 70% of parents in todays world, so why exactly is this happening? where is this problem coming from? Most importantly why haven't people learned from this? And what is the guarantee the future generation will, as to me it seems the cycle remains the same.

[Muslima London]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

ignorance
how much did our parents know about islam

i grew up listening to music......alllll the time.
me and my sisters would put on music videos, films like grease and watch them.

Point i am trying to make is we never knew it was haram because our parents didnt know so they didnt keep us away from this.

i think muslims of today (inclu the older generation) are starting to actively seek knowlege - tajweed, tafseer, reading books of fiqh. We are starting to actively embrace the role that islam plays in our life and are starting to take more resonsibility for our learning.

once upon a time, you went to madrassah and it stopped at 16. you had finished the quran and thats it. your done, but now we realise that just reading the quran is only one step in that journey to allah swt

and the nagging. yep, as a 'modern day parent' even i succomb to it :(
you wait till you become parents. its one of those inevitable things

[Winter]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

I think more muslims today are pushing away from Islam rather then seeking knowledge. They have different goals in life etc. People also have different views on certain matters. I actually left the madrasa a week into it.

I don't disagree with nagging part, we all do it and actually should, but some don't understand the limit of it.

[cho09082489]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

grease huh?

[Muslima London]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

grease huh?

Loool
Astsghfirullaha yes
My second sister was obsessed with the songs
Rewind play rewind play

[Muslima London]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

I think more muslims today are pushing away from Islam rather then seeking knowledge. They have different goals in life etc. People also have different views on certain matters. I actually left the madrasa a week into it.

I don't disagree with nagging part, we all do it and actually should, but some don't understand the limit of it.

I find the desi moms are worse n my theory is that this is them showing their love

[HopefulOne]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

Parenting is going wrong because parents are telling their kids 'No don't do this. It is haram' but they are not explaining why...

[neelu]

Re: Where did parenting go wrong?

It depends, to some extent, you come across parents who handle their kids in the wrong way, either by being too forceful and pushy about the deen or by being too lenient and not teaching it at all or other parents make the mistake of worrying what the community think and only teach values on that basis "you must do this otherwise what will people say?" and that is also wrong. Having said that, there are cases in which people turn out a certain way regardless of their upbringing so then you can't always point the finger at the parents.

The son of Nuh (as) followed misguidance and he was the son of a prophet! We can't blame upbringing for that, the bottom line is Allah ta'ala guides whom he wills and he whom Allah guides, no one can misguide and vice versa. Conversely, Ibrahim (as) was the son of an ardent kafir so again, he went completely against his upbringing but in this case, going against his upbringing was the right thing to do and had nothing to do with the influence of parents.