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  • #16
    Re: seeking attention

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    yes context is important here. I'm wondering what is causing you to think that you're not getting enough attention as it is and whether you're being oversensitive about it or whether you have a genuine grievance cos' you have good reason to believe that you just get ignored all the time by the vast majority of people you care about and that really isn't okay (in my case I fit in the latter category). Then if you point it out you worry if people will think you're being irrational for wanting attention at all.

    I've been dwelling on this a lot recently, wondering what lengths I should go to (nothing drastic, just stuff like sending the odd email or text to catch up with people) cos' over the years I became very withdrawn myself- I think it was the fear of rejection that if I reach out to someone and admit to how bad the problem is and if the person runs a mile in the opposite direction then I wouldn't be able to cope with that kinda rejection cos' I've been abandoned by too many others (who i once thought were friends) before.

    Dunno why I'm telling you this I wasn't intending to start a pity party here. I think it's cos' I'm at a crossroads now, at a point where I've attempted to reconnect with someone I used to know a long time ago and it's brought a lot of buried/suppressed emotions to the surface and I'm still trying to figure this out myself. Again in that case too part of me wants to reach out and reestablish the old friendship and part of me is afraid of rejection and going through that all over again.
    neelu, you're very insightful and i hoped you'd chime in cos your contributions are very thought out.
    alhamdullilah, i'm alright on that front but i was just thinking about when the line is crossed and in addition, if a person should accept that wanting attention is an ok thing.

    it seems from your post that you're undecided on how far to reach out in the case of a negative outcome and how you'd feel as a result of that. is it companionship that you're seeking (for the sake of reconnecting and making friends) or do you just want someone's attention to make you feel good/normal/better.

    am i making sense, neelu.
    'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
    Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
    علي الحبشي

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    • #17
      Re: seeking attention

      I think wanting attention is perfectly normal, especially from people you're close to or care about. It shouldn't seem like something creepy or stalkerish or weird to feel a need for that on a simple basic level (unless obviously it's taken too far to the point of wanting attention all the time or something unreasonable like that).

      I don't know how far to go in reaching out myself- it's something I'm still trying to figure out. As for what sort of attention/companionship/friendship I wanted from this person; all I can say is that I know a lot of people and I get on with a lot of people as acquaintances but there are extremely few people that I can call proper friends, that I can call at the drop of a hat if I'm distressed or simply need to talk or to confide in without being betrayed or let down somehow. I think what I'm seeking here is far too much and I should learn to settle for less than that, especially in this particular case. I need to maintain more realistic expectations.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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      • #18
        Re: seeking attention

        Originally posted by neelu View Post
        I think wanting attention is perfectly normal, especially from people you're close to or care about. It shouldn't seem like something creepy or stalkerish or weird to feel a need for that on a simple basic level (unless obviously it's taken too far to the point of wanting attention all the time or something unreasonable like that).

        I don't know how far to go in reaching out myself- it's something I'm still trying to figure out. As for what sort of attention/companionship/friendship I wanted from this person; all I can say is that I know a lot of people and I get on with a lot of people as acquaintances but there are extremely few people that I can call proper friends, that I can call at the drop of a hat if I'm distressed or simply need to talk or to confide in without being betrayed or let down somehow. I think what I'm seeking here is far too much and I should learn to settle for less than that, especially in this particular case. I need to maintain more realistic expectations.
        Is it unfair to suggest that you shouldn't invest much energy into individuals you feel this way about? doesn't make them bad necessarily but just unsuitable for what you looking for. the friends you describe exist, i imagine, but they're just harder to find.
        'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
        Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
        علي الحبشي

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        • #19
          Re: seeking attention

          I think you are right. I also think my heart and my head really aren't in sync when it comes to such matters. The number of times I've invested my energies, emotions and efforts towards people who really weren't worthy of it you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now- but I guess sometimes I still take that risk cos' I still hold out hope that maybe, just maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time it'll be worth it.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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