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  • seeking attention

    asalamu alaykum,

    when does wanting a bit of attention go from being a normal human thing to becoming excessive and slightly worrying?
    'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
    Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
    علي الحبشي

  • #2
    Re: seeking attention

    :wswrwb:

    When the individuals gets angry when they do not get the attention they need.

    Everyone strives attention one way or another...

    If fir instance i produce a great piece of something and tried to get attention by showing my father but he is busy and can't look at it. If i just accept that today i will not be getting attention then that type of attention seeking is okay, because if i fail i understand.
    If i cry, get upset, or have a tantrum... that is when the attention seeking goes extreme.

    However, constant failed attempts of attention seeking (or in other words efforts being ignored constantly) then being upset seems normal in this scenario...

    I am sorry, i am not making alot of sense and i can't rewrite it all again... im abit tired, excuse my lack of ability to structure my sentences correctly.
    Bye...

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: seeking attention

      Originally posted by Sirius View Post
      asalamu alaykum,

      when does wanting a bit of attention go from being a normal human thing to becoming excessive and slightly worrying?
      when the thought of it controls your mind that you can no longer think about anything else
      and when you go to such extremes in order to get attention - i.e dressing to impress, doing something drastic etc

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      • #4
        Re: seeking attention

        I've heard of people purposely hurting themselves so other people who give them attention. That seems pretty drastic lol

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: seeking attention

          Originally posted by Asma28 View Post
          when the thought of it controls your mind that you can no longer think about anything else
          and when you go to such extremes in order to get attention - i.e dressing to impress, doing something drastic etc
          It's natural to have an increased tendency to crave (especially male) attention when we hit late teens / early 20s. We want to dress the best, and look aesthetically most pleasant in hope of scoring the best man we can. We know this is not the best way foward but that's how things come to us. In some families they give their daughters soo much attention since they are aware of this transition so the daughters don't become too indulged into this whole social desire. They educate their daughters about the Deen in a loving way that there is no unnecessary capacity for them to require unlawful attention off of men. Hormones are very difficult to handle at certain ages and this attention-crave 99% of the time is because your own family does not pay you sufficient attention.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: seeking attention

            Originally posted by jafema View Post
            It's natural to have an increased tendency to crave (especially male) attention when we hit late teens / early 20s. We want to dress the best, and look aesthetically most pleasant in hope of scoring the best man we can. We know this is not the best way foward but that's how things come to us. In some families they give their daughters soo much attention since they are aware of this transition so the daughters don't become too indulged into this whole social desire. They educate their daughters about the Deen in a loving way that there is no unnecessary capacity for them to require unlawful attention off of men. Hormones are very difficult to handle at certain ages and this attention-crave 99% of the time is because your own family does not pay you sufficient attention.
            not male attention.
            just general attention.
            'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
            Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
            علي الحبشي

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: seeking attention

              Originally posted by Maghrebia00 View Post
              :wswrwb:

              When the individuals gets angry when they do not get the attention they need.

              Everyone strives attention one way or another...

              If fir instance i produce a great piece of something and tried to get attention by showing my father but he is busy and can't look at it. If i just accept that today i will not be getting attention then that type of attention seeking is okay, because if i fail i understand.
              If i cry, get upset, or have a tantrum... that is when the attention seeking goes extreme.

              However, constant failed attempts of attention seeking (or in other words efforts being ignored constantly) then being upset seems normal in this scenario...

              I am sorry, i am not making alot of sense and i can't rewrite it all again... im abit tired, excuse my lack of ability to structure my sentences correctly.
              ok but what about just wanting it.
              'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
              Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
              علي الحبشي

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: seeking attention

                Originally posted by Sirius View Post
                asalamu alaykum,

                when does wanting a bit of attention go from being a normal human thing to becoming excessive and slightly worrying?
                Wassalāmu ‘alaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu

                Well from opinion... I think humiliating yourself to get attention... Lieing about things to get attention.. But small talk is probably normal??
                Allāhu akbar

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: seeking attention

                  Originally posted by neighbour View Post
                  Wassalāmu ‘alaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu

                  Well from opinion... I think humiliating yourself to get attention... Lieing about things to get attention.. But small talk is probably normal??
                  yeah, that does seem over the top.

                  is it even ok to want attention, though ? is that a weakness in a person, do you think ?
                  or is it just in our nature ?
                  'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
                  Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
                  علي الحبشي

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: seeking attention

                    Originally posted by Sirius View Post
                    yeah, that does seem over the top.

                    is it even ok to want attention, though ? is that a weakness in a person, do you think ?
                    or is it just in our nature ?

                    Ermmm...
                    I think the context is important ukhti... Wife wanting attention from Husband? .. Daughter from father? From opinion a wife 'craving' attention from her husband doesn't sound weird to me, but again depends on context. Wallāhu ‘ā’lam
                    Allāhu akbar

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: seeking attention

                      Originally posted by neighbour View Post
                      Ermmm...
                      I think the context is important ukhti... Wife wanting attention from Husband? .. Daughter from father? From opinion a wife 'craving' attention from her husband doesn't sound weird to me, but again depends on context. Wallāhu ‘ā’lam
                      context is important, truesay.
                      is it still a deficiency, though?
                      doesn't mean it's a bad thing ... not all weaknesses need to be bad.

                      some people think to want attention is not good, full stop.this is what i want to understand.
                      'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
                      Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
                      علي الحبشي

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: seeking attention

                        it depends, what kind of attention? the feeling of being 'wanted'? to be 'loved'? and do you mean the actions that person carries out to get what they want?

                        As adults, sometimes it becomes obvious when someone is trying too hard for attention.
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: seeking attention

                          Bunch of girls
                          How dare they challenge me with their primitive skills? They're just as good as dead

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: seeking attention

                            i actually forgot i get to see what you post when I am not logged on, Talwaar.
                            you can take part and contribute if you like, i'm really interested in hearing what people have to say.

                            --
                            sis Yas,
                            i'm not talking about wanting to feel loved. just plain attention. attention from the neighbour, from your teacher. just attention.
                            'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
                            Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
                            علي الحبشي

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: seeking attention

                              yes context is important here. I'm wondering what is causing you to think that you're not getting enough attention as it is and whether you're being oversensitive about it or whether you have a genuine grievance cos' you have good reason to believe that you just get ignored all the time by the vast majority of people you care about and that really isn't okay (in my case I fit in the latter category). Then if you point it out you worry if people will think you're being irrational for wanting attention at all.

                              I've been dwelling on this a lot recently, wondering what lengths I should go to (nothing drastic, just stuff like sending the odd email or text to catch up with people) cos' over the years I became very withdrawn myself- I think it was the fear of rejection that if I reach out to someone and admit to how bad the problem is and if the person runs a mile in the opposite direction then I wouldn't be able to cope with that kinda rejection cos' I've been abandoned by too many others (who i once thought were friends) before.

                              Dunno why I'm telling you this I wasn't intending to start a pity party here. I think it's cos' I'm at a crossroads now, at a point where I've attempted to reconnect with someone I used to know a long time ago and it's brought a lot of buried/suppressed emotions to the surface and I'm still trying to figure this out myself. Again in that case too part of me wants to reach out and reestablish the old friendship and part of me is afraid of rejection and going through that all over again.
                              The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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