Assalam o alaikum
i am a muslim lady at an age of 25. i wear hijab and alhamdulilah pray 5 times a day. the issue i have is that prior to wearing hijab i was not really a good muslim or a person. i danced, performed shows, got a bit intimated with boy friends lyk kissing only. Alhamdulilah after wearing hijab permanently i stopped everything. but now i am in a deep stress. i want to get married. but my fam is not ready to understand or support me. they want me to wait until my elder sis gets married. i cnt explain them the sexual desires i am getting. unfortunately i decided to wait. i have a guy whom i see as my future husband Insha Allah. unfortunately i got physical with him plenty of times each time i got physical i felt ashamed of my self. and now i am kind of hating my self. i tried many times n now manage to not indulge into sex. but at times i get on really high where then i watch porn though i know i shouldnt. i do get naked from top for him . y? i dont myself understand what goes wrong with him. i decided not to see him privately ever. n now i dream of seeing my self naked in front of guys and myself not feeling anything. this dream has put me into real tension. i dont know how to stop my self frm watching porn. am too much sinful. i feel rely bad for who i am. i feel lyk a hypocrite where i repent and repeat it all again. please advice me what should i do. i try to read Quran daily. but i seriously need guidance and help as to what to do. i know am too shameful. where i got physical but i cant express how i feel abt myself now. please for the sake of Allah guide me what to do. please. how can i increase my good deeds to make my rab agree with me. how cani stop being a hypocrite and be the way he wants me to be. please advice.
JazakAllah Khair
i am a muslim lady at an age of 25. i wear hijab and alhamdulilah pray 5 times a day. the issue i have is that prior to wearing hijab i was not really a good muslim or a person. i danced, performed shows, got a bit intimated with boy friends lyk kissing only. Alhamdulilah after wearing hijab permanently i stopped everything. but now i am in a deep stress. i want to get married. but my fam is not ready to understand or support me. they want me to wait until my elder sis gets married. i cnt explain them the sexual desires i am getting. unfortunately i decided to wait. i have a guy whom i see as my future husband Insha Allah. unfortunately i got physical with him plenty of times each time i got physical i felt ashamed of my self. and now i am kind of hating my self. i tried many times n now manage to not indulge into sex. but at times i get on really high where then i watch porn though i know i shouldnt. i do get naked from top for him . y? i dont myself understand what goes wrong with him. i decided not to see him privately ever. n now i dream of seeing my self naked in front of guys and myself not feeling anything. this dream has put me into real tension. i dont know how to stop my self frm watching porn. am too much sinful. i feel rely bad for who i am. i feel lyk a hypocrite where i repent and repeat it all again. please advice me what should i do. i try to read Quran daily. but i seriously need guidance and help as to what to do. i know am too shameful. where i got physical but i cant express how i feel abt myself now. please for the sake of Allah guide me what to do. please. how can i increase my good deeds to make my rab agree with me. how cani stop being a hypocrite and be the way he wants me to be. please advice.
JazakAllah Khair
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