need sincere guidance and help

[sani_rulz]

Assalam o alaikum

i am a muslim lady at an age of 25. i wear hijab and alhamdulilah pray 5 times a day. the issue i have is that prior to wearing hijab i was not really a good muslim or a person. i danced, performed shows, got a bit intimated with boy friends lyk kissing only. Alhamdulilah after wearing hijab permanently i stopped everything. but now i am in a deep stress. i want to get married. but my fam is not ready to understand or support me. they want me to wait until my elder sis gets married. i cnt explain them the sexual desires i am getting. unfortunately i decided to wait. i have a guy whom i see as my future husband Insha Allah. unfortunately i got physical with him plenty of times each time i got physical i felt ashamed of my self. and now i am kind of hating my self. i tried many times n now manage to not indulge into sex. but at times i get on really high where then i watch porn though i know i shouldnt. i do get naked from top for him . y? i dont myself understand what goes wrong with him. i decided not to see him privately ever. n now i dream of seeing my self naked in front of guys and myself not feeling anything. this dream has put me into real tension. i dont know how to stop my self frm watching porn. am too much sinful. i feel rely bad for who i am. i feel lyk a hypocrite where i repent and repeat it all again. please advice me what should i do. i try to read Quran daily. but i seriously need guidance and help as to what to do. i know am too shameful. where i got physical but i cant express how i feel abt myself now. please for the sake of Allah guide me what to do. please. how can i increase my good deeds to make my rab agree with me. how cani stop being a hypocrite and be the way he wants me to be. please advice.

JazakAllah Khair

[Bint_Hajj]

Re: need sincere guidance and help

:wswrwb:

I'm sorry to read about what you're going through. May Allah ease your suffering and grant you patience. Ameen.

It's really difficult when we can't marry even though we need to and want to. Perhaps a good starting place is making sincere tawbah and finding a way to hate those sins. And remind yourself that you don't want your husband to do those things, so why would you?

We've also been advised to fast when we can't marry, so try fasting at least twice per week. Finally, make sincere dua to Allah to ease your difficulties and keep you away from bad actions, thoughts, and people.

This person that you think of as your 'future husband' is not good for you. He is NOT your husband and if he was good for you or cared about you sincerely he would have made efforts to marry you, not just play sexual games with you. Do you want a husband who would do those things? If he's willing to encourage this before marriage, do you think it will stop after marriage(with others he is not married to)?

The fact that you feel regret is a blessing from Allah and shows that He wants to help you to move away from these things and closer to Him :alhumdull . So take the invitation the He has given you and throw away the garbage that Shaytan offers you audhubillahi. You know which is better. May Allah make it easy for you.

[UmmAbdulMalik]

Re: need sincere guidance and help

Wow

Uhmm for a lack of better words sister: edit ur post. It's a bit shameful and explicit in my sight.
Sister all I can advise you is: remember your death. Remember you will die one day and face Allah.

I swear by Allah we all have desires Muslim even the best of them, we all feel tempted but it's taqwa which prevents us. Fear of Allah and bash fullness in exceeding the limits of Allah. Develop these two qualities sister, the best way to develop them: prayer. Maintain your prayers, on time, with khushoo, ihklaas and humility. WAllahi it will change your mind state. Stick to to your prayers, and develop hayah before Allah and that will excude into your relationships with other people.

Allah says in the Quran that salah prevents us from commiting fahisha. Think, if I am standing before Allah five times a day, The Lord of The Worlds with full conviction, how in the world could I commit something as grave as zina? How could I remove my garments and land on top of someone?

It's not possible. Only those who have left Allah, fall into those dangers.
I can't ascertain whether you've mentioned if your commiting this act now but all I can advise is the following:
Cut of all contact with this guy. Delete him from your life in totality . This is most defintently not someone you want to engage with, if he can violate your honour in that respect so carelessly then he is not someone you want in your life. Period.

Cut him off, sis.
Then return to your Lord.
Pray at night when everyone is asleep, and ask Your Lord for forgiveness. For it's narrated in a sahib Hadith that Allah descends in the last part of the night and asks who is asking of Me so I may give him? Who is seeking forgiveness so I may forgive Him?

Our Lord is a Generous Lord and He will forgive everything if you are sincere and truthful in your request. Ask Allah and don't lose hope, don't ever lose hope.

[Sky Lark]

Re: need sincere guidance and help

Wa alaikum salam sister

From what I read while you do have a sense of what is right and wrong you have veered off the path. When we give in to our lowly desires then the shaitan takes full advantage of this to lead us astray.
Although you do have a sense of dignity in the form of realizing your sins and wanting to abstain from such evil, you may need to wake up your conscience (which you are willing to do).

Alhamdulillah you are steadfast in 5 times salaah, something which some people who dont commit the sins you did, even do.

Make a fervent effort to never go near these sins again. Repent sincerely to Allah swt for what you have done, promise yourself to be steadfast and move on. All you have to do for now is (1) abstain from sin and (2) fulfill your obligatory duties towards Allah. If you do just these two things first then everything else will fall into place.

May Allah guide you onto the straight path and keep you steadfast on to the right path ameen.