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Question: How Would You Deal?

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  • Question: How Would You Deal?


    Bismillah, alhamdulillah was salatul wa Salam ala Nabi.

    As Salam alaikum

    Here's a question about dealing with family and in laws after they wronged you.
    You were recently hospitalized, in a medically induced coma, and suffering from life threatening sepsis.
    Meanwhile in a far away country while you were hospitalized and on life support, your wife's closest sister and her husband throw an engagement party for their oldest daughter despite knowing you were very sick.

    Now, you and your wife have given a great deal to this sister and her family. But because their daughter didn't want to delay he engagement party they went ahead as planned anyways.

    Should you hold,it against them?
    Should they have postponed the party until you were at least out of a coma? Should they take into consideration your wife's anxiety?
    You have almost recovered, but should you treat them like nothing happened, or should you distance yourself from them?
    Last edited by Abu Kamel; 08-04-14, 08:04 AM.
    Allahumma, aranee al haqqu haqqan wa arzuqnee itiba`ahu, wa aranee al baatilu baatilaan wa arzuqnee ijtinaabahu.Oh Allah! show us the truth as true, and inspire us to follow it. Show us falsehood as falsehood, and inspire us to abstain from it.
    " Do you know what destroys Islam? A mistake made by a scholar, the argument of a hypocrite in writing and the ruling of leaders who wish for people to stray

  • #2
    Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

    If I was very close to them then yes I would postpone it until a later date.
    "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

      Originally posted by Abu Kamel View Post
      Bis lilac, alhamdulillah was salatul wa Salam ala Nabi.

      As Salam alaikum

      Here's a question about dealing with family and in laws after they wronged you.
      You were recently hospitalized, in a medically induced coma, and suffering from life threatening sepsis.
      Meanwhile in a far away country while you were hospitalized and on life support, your wife's closest sister and her husband throw an engagement party for their oldest daughter despite knowing you were very sick.

      Now, you and your wife have given a great deal to this sister and her family. But because their daughter didn't want to delay he engagement party they went ahead as planned anyways.

      Should you hold,it against them?
      Should they have postponed the party until you were at least out of a coma? Should they take into consideration your wife's anxiety?
      You have almost recovered, but should you treat them like nothing happened, or should you distance yourself from them?

      Walikum-As-Salam

      Sorry to hear your troubles, thats a hard position to be in. I'm am glad you are doing better, Mashallah. Life is too short to hold grudges and to be separated from family. It's instances like these that can change relationships forever. I'd ask them about it and say it would have been nice to attend. But other than that turn the other cheek and forget it. Maybe they had circumstances for it. I completely disagree with what they have done. But you should be the stronger person always. I hope everything turns out well for you. But my advice is if you are close to them, try not to break the relationship.


      Edit: Of course they should have postponed it. When a family member is deathly ill, that is no time to celebrate.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

        what is 'bis lilac'? :s

        :wswrwb:

        If it was me hospitalized with severe condition, i wouldnt want people to halt their plans cos of me. So i personally dont see nothing wrong in it?

        May Allaah ta'ala bless the patient with full recovery, ameen ya Rabb

        sigpic

        Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta Khalaqtani wa ana'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa Wa'dika mastata'tu A'uidhubika min sharri ma sana'tu.' abu'u Laka bi ni 'matika wa'ala abu'u bidhanbi; faghfirli fa'innahu la yaghfiru-dh-dhunuba illa anta.
        O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I have committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledgemy sin, so forgive me, for verilynone can forgive sin except You.



        We are accountable for every letter we post here, so think before posting and maintain modesty.

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        • #5
          Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

          Walaykum salam,

          I don't know, there are so many factors to consider when it comes to organising an engagement such as if it's for their daughter, then they have to take into consideration how demanding the potential groom's family are. It also depends on how closely related you are. If you're a close relative of the girl then they should be more accomodating of your needs so that you'd both be able to come, but if you're a distant relative, then it would be a bit petty to expect them to change their plans for you, even though I accept dealing with a health crisis and coma is a big deal.

          I don't know how big the engagement is either; if they're expecting to do a small ceremony with a few close family members, I mean maybe they don't consider the engagement to be that important that all the main relatives MUST be there and it would be more important to them that you come to the wedding anyway.

          My dad's brother in law died two days before my sister's wedding, but my dad's sister told us to go ahead with the wedding as planned. We cancelled the mehndi but the wedding still went ahead. We were so relieved that she gave the go ahead as several relatives including the groom's family made special plans to come here from abroad and it took several months for people to sort out visas and arrangements like that. It would've been really difficult to rearrange the whole thing or postpone it cos' of the bereavement issue. The day after the wedding we went to the janaza. It was surreal, half the guests in our house were all joyful like oh congrats you must be so excited to have a wedding in the family and the other half were coming to offer condolences.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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          • #6
            Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

            Originally posted by Abu Kamel View Post
            Bis lilac, alhamdulillah was salatul wa Salam ala Nabi.

            As Salam alaikum

            Here's a question about dealing with family and in laws after they wronged you.
            You were recently hospitalized, in a medically induced coma, and suffering from life threatening sepsis.
            Meanwhile in a far away country while you were hospitalized and on life support, your wife's closest sister and her husband throw an engagement party for their oldest daughter despite knowing you were very sick.

            Now, you and your wife have given a great deal to this sister and her family. But because their daughter didn't want to delay he engagement party they went ahead as planned anyways.

            Should you hold,it against them?
            Should they have postponed the party until you were at least out of a coma? Should they take into consideration your wife's anxiety?
            You have almost recovered, but should you treat them like nothing happened, or should you distance yourself from them?
            I'm gonna assume the other way around since I'm female. What's exactly an engagement party? I thought there was just nikah. If there wasn't the actual nikah, I wouldn't be as angry. Also, there is no guarantee I would get out of a coma, so I can't exactly hold it against them, although I would express my slight annoyance

            Just my 2 cents
            www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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            • #7
              Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

              Jazakumullah khayran for your replies.

              To be honest, I am torn. I can forgive my sister-n-law and her husband because they have been good family up until now. But their oldest daughter is something else- she has hurt my wife before and has disrespected me and my home, and I had to forgive her or else tell her father who might have killed her.

              As well, I am a forgiving person who looks to the positive- sometimes to a fault. But my wife is deeply hurt by them- I think she is more hurt than I. She suffered while I was literally unconscious and out of the coverage area. Her family was absent while our friends and even our Muslim doctors took extraordinary measures to help and support us. We haveto keep making excuses for them, but time and time again is too much.

              I understand that young people often act out to try to build their lives, and marriage is certainly one of the most important steps to independence, maturity, and building one's own life. But while I may eventually forgive the personal insult to me, I cannot so easily forgive the hurt and disrespect committed against my wife. And this would not be the first time we had to cover for this niece.
              Allahumma, aranee al haqqu haqqan wa arzuqnee itiba`ahu, wa aranee al baatilu baatilaan wa arzuqnee ijtinaabahu.Oh Allah! show us the truth as true, and inspire us to follow it. Show us falsehood as falsehood, and inspire us to abstain from it.
              " Do you know what destroys Islam? A mistake made by a scholar, the argument of a hypocrite in writing and the ruling of leaders who wish for people to stray

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

                Originally posted by Abu Kamel View Post
                Bismillah, alhamdulillah was salatul wa Salam ala Nabi.

                As Salam alaikum

                Here's a question about dealing with family and in laws after they wronged you.
                You were recently hospitalized, in a medically induced coma, and suffering from life threatening sepsis.
                Meanwhile in a far away country while you were hospitalized and on life support, your wife's closest sister and her husband throw an engagement party for their oldest daughter despite knowing you were very sick.

                Now, you and your wife have given a great deal to this sister and her family. But because their daughter didn't want to delay he engagement party they went ahead as planned anyways.

                Should you hold,it against them?
                Should they have postponed the party until you were at least out of a coma? Should they take into consideration your wife's anxiety?
                You have almost recovered, but should you treat them like nothing happened, or should you distance yourself from them?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

                  :wswrwb:

                  Personally, this isn't something I would even think about, and it wouldn't bother me. Me being sick has nothing to do with her wedding plans, parties, ect. I agree with sis Ansaariyah that I wouldn't want people's lives to be halted because of me, so I don't understand your pain.

                  But because you mentioned that this girl is selfish and has hurt your wife before, and because I don't know your situation, I could only say that if she did it on purpose to hurt your wife, then it's your choice to tell her father or keep it to yourself. You inshaAllah would get more reward for forgiving her, but maybe if you told her father, she would learn a valuable lesson. Someone who does things to purposely hurt people doesn't seem mature enough to get married in the first place.

                  And may Allah give you a speedy recovery and make that trial a reward for you in this life and the next.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Question: How Would You Deal?

                    :wswrwb:

                    Wouldnt bother me at all.

                    Many a times have people married, died and everything else, whilst I have been ill.

                    Its life and it carries on.
                    وَالْعَصْرِ

                    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                    Khanqah Habibiyah

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