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  • Frienship problems

    Asalamu Alaikum.

    Me and my ''friend'' are having problems with our friendship. (Really wish I could end it, but we can't because of oath...)

    We are friends on the internet, both Muslim reverts, same age, both members of this forum. We became friends in April 2012.
    Most problems come from him. He doesn't feel no emotions or anything at all. I remember in 2013 when we played games ''together'' whenever there was another or 2 other guys, I was ignored and left alone, always would go kicking with someone else. Also have fun with others, but not with me. It hurts so much, because I have never had any reals friends really, and all have betrayed me, with whomever I could have any closer ties and such. I'm an anti-social person, quiet and shy, just like he is. Basically he has never have had any friends too. Also when playing games, we are playing Team Fortress 2 mostly, it's something like Counter Strike, where there are 2 teams and everything. When we play together we often avoid each other there. Whenever I just something fun to do, he totally rejects it and says it's bad etc. Like using a bug to get into enemy spawn camp using high 5, like it was dunn in one video, but no... Also totally ignoring when I finally succeeded to freeze into high 5 pose and slide like that, I saw that as such a cool thing, but no, he doesn't care, rather he later says that he finds it annoying that I do it... But watching videos where others do such things is totally fine and funny to him, but not when do some activities together... Always rejected, but will always find fun with someone else... And this is just example with games, since we can't be together we can't do many activities, but I don't expect different results there.

    Also he says that he has no feelings at all. He feels nothing, no love or anything. Well when feeling bad and we argue, he says that. And sometimes says things like ''there can't be real friendship on internet'' ''go find a better friend'' etc. I sometimes say ''wish we couldn't be friends anymore''
    So yeah, we argue often as well, sometimes about silly things. He also says that he doesn't really find any interest to talk with me and is playing games too much (especially now that his army ended) and he does it to kill time. At 1st when we became friends, we weren't Muslims, but I was interested in Islam and kinda knowing that it's the truth. I always have supported him as much as I can, but he often has sided against me nor shown support, doing a lot of for like ''free'' for him, used to say nice words (can't say much anymore). Because of this, I have became less kind, I have lost a lot of trust in him, I'm kinda suspicious on him, more aggressive (generally). Basically it has touched heart a lot, but Allah (SWT) through me guided him to Islam in February/March 2013, made him stay away from secular trash, sects and supporting the right side (Y'all know who I mean). Together we have quit music, learned a lot of knowledge about Islam, learned how to pray, quit other sins as well and improve simply, all thanks to Allah (SWT). But yet seems like he doesn't even like me...

    We have made a lot of duas, while sometimes we sometimes can have a good time, it's short and goes back how it was. Actually it hasn't been really good since middle of March 2013. The best time actually was when he wasn't even a Muslim. From then, somehow everything has went downhill. It was actually the best time... But it wasn't because he reverted, can't really say what. Is shaytan on us? I don't know. Is Allah (SWT) testing us? Is Allah (SWT) punishing us?

    Also we plan to meet up in Finland (his country) after a month for 3-4 days, In Shaa Allah. (I'm from Latvia)

    Well maybe this all looks too one sided, but he In Shaa Allah tomorrow will write about me. (I was giving permission to write it now, so we can see replies in the morning, In Shaa Allah)
    Also maybe I made it now a bit too bad than it actually is, but that's because we are out of ideas and would like to see our family's (y'all) help. Any suggestions and also duas would be appreciated.
    Last edited by Turkey Ball; 21-03-14, 11:49 PM.
    http://treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com/

    Ask me questions!

  • #2
    Re: Frienship problems

    there's so many more brothers on here, they seem friendly? they all like to play games don't they??? have you ever spoken to others

    he might be going through some difficulties and everyone has emotions some just have different ways of showing it. I'm sure he cares about you, when he (or either one of you) 'end' this friendship he'll know it's his loss. But it also shows that all we really need is Allah swt, but we need to connect to Allah swt, we can't expect magic to take place

    is it that 'scrualigeon' ?

    games are sometimes a bad influence, it's good to hear you're meeting up, maybe that will change his attitude towards you

    don't give up
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    • #3
      Re: Frienship problems

      Sooo......this thread is for him to know how you feel?
      :scratch:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Frienship problems

        erm...How old are you?
        My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

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        • #5
          Re: Frienship problems

          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
          there's so many more brothers on here, they seem friendly? they all like to play games don't they??? have you ever spoken to others

          he might be going through some difficulties and everyone has emotions some just have different ways of showing it. I'm sure he cares about you, when he (or either one of you) 'end' this friendship he'll know it's his loss. But it also shows that all we really need is Allah swt, but we need to connect to Allah swt, we can't expect magic to take place

          is it that 'scrualigeon' ?

          games are sometimes a bad influence, it's good to hear you're meeting up, maybe that will change his attitude towards you

          don't give up
          Everyone needs one special close friend/companion. Seeing the brotherhood what other brothers have between each other and such makes it hurt as well. Even some kuffar have bigger brotherhood between them! And these kuffar also just had internet friendship (they met up few months earlier), yet their friendship is much closer and more stable. Well he gets depressed and such over nothing really. Very, very small stuff, even about giving some tips on Islam.

          Yeah, games aren't that good, but what else there is if it's only through internet? Can't pray together, talk face to face, hug, go to Mosque, go out somewhere (like park or take a walk). And In Shaa Allah meeting up will fix things, if it actually happens.
          Yes, Scutarilegion.

          Also he says that I hate all kuffar. While I mostly say very negative things about them, some which are over the border (expressing want to behead every Assad guy), I don't hate all of them.


          And I love Allah (SWT) the most, do all 5 daily prayers, wish I could practice more than I do now, but I can't, because I'm living with parents. Only place where I get in touch with Islam obviously is computer.

          And these problems make it feel like living in a box, I wish I could get away from all this and stay alone. When I get to Jannah (In Shaa Allah I will) I would want to stay completely alone with no one else, except Hoor al-ayn.

          I don't even want to think how I will be able to do Ramadan and pay zakat...

          Originally posted by Fairy View Post
          erm...How old are you?
          19.


          Originally posted by TCKMuslima View Post
          Sooo......this thread is for him to know how you feel?
          :scratch:
          No, so we could get some help/suggestions from others.
          http://treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com/

          Ask me questions!

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          • #6
            Re: Frienship problems

            I know what you mean, people find life partners through the internet, there is absolutely nothing wrong with making friends on the internet :-)

            Does Latvia have many Muslims? are there any mosques near to where you are? I know how you feel about not having many Muslim friends, there are many reverts on here that you can talk to as well they seem like nice people

            You have differences but doesn't mean you can't be friends, your both Muslims, and the most important thing is that you love each other for the sake of Allah swt, right? This is really hard to practise for people like me lool

            you're only 19, so from what you have said you've had a lot of sabr, so well done
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Frienship problems

              Originally posted by Turkey Ball View Post

              19.
              I suppose u will go through life meeting diff ppl, then not seeing them again, so ur teenage years u r close knit n then in ur 20's its a diff bunch of peeps

              dont let it get u down, u seem so invested in a friendship which seems so 1 sided

              u said he doesnt like u , we shouldnt be around ppl who bring us down

              maybe take a break from him, u cud be too much in his face.

              try n make other friends, keep him as a friend too, when he decides he wants to put time n effort in the friendship too then u can hang out with him again

              DONT TAKE IT TO HEART

              life goes on, ppl move on
              My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Frienship problems

                Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                I suppose u will go through life meeting diff ppl, then not seeing them again, so ur teenage years u r close knit n then in ur 20's its a diff bunch of peeps
                Yup, that's really true. I went through many different cycle of friends throughout my life during different ages. At the time it was as if we were brothers...Now I don't even speak to them.

                maybe take a break from him, u cud be too much in his face.

                try n make other friends, keep him as a friend too, when he decides he wants to put time n effort in the friendship too then u can hang out with him again
                Yes bro, keep a strictly impersonal relationship with him where you do not cut him off as Islamically that is wrong, but just treat him as any other person on the internet.

                DONT TAKE IT TO HEART

                life goes on, ppl move on
                ^^That is the attitude to have!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Frienship problems

                  I'm gonna start with confessing that I am a messed up person. I've never been a socially good person, was always bad at it, despite having been 9 years in therapy about it. I'm probably emotionally damaged too. I guess I can't expect to have genuine affection towards anyone when death of family members doesn't affect me much either.

                  That said, I find unfunny many of the things he finds fun. Those things he does in gaming can't be funny at all, in fact I perceive them as unfair fun killers. He cites that most people find them funny even when targeted by them, but the important thing is that I don't like them, so why should I do to others what I don't want to myself? I wonder if he'll next download hacks too. And his claims that I enjoy others doing these things or that I do them with others is simply not true.

                  In fact, how could I do anything with anyone else, when he basically forces me to isolation from everyone else on the internet? He doesn't want me to talk with my old contacts or make any new contacts. Its probably right for him to do so given that those people have all been non Muslims. But he often cites that it makes me ignore him, while its obvious that he isolates himself in those situations and doesn't make himself vocal.

                  But then when he makes himself vocal, ugh. He does that when someone throws a comment about him which he deems as an insult at himself or at Islam. Which they aren't always. I've tried telling him to calm down and ignore them, but he goes on full rage mode and invokes curses on them. Its often a lot of commotion for nothing . If its about Islam, he had started the debate himself usually. In other occasions nobody even knew at the start that he's a Muslim. Once when gaming, someone threw a comment about his gaming avatar which had nothing to do with Islam, and his response was to ask Allah to curse the guy. As he ends up in these situations, he wants me to either to conform him or join him in them. Its like parenting a naughty out of control child. "daddy come help me punch these boys in the face!"

                  Yet in almost every arguing I seem to be the being wrong, since its me who ends up getting showered with guilt and then falling to depression because of my shortcomings. I don't know if I'm actually the one in wrong or is it just my sub consciousness willingly taking the blame for everything. But pretty much every story ends like that.

                  What stops this friendship from ending is the oath we made long ago. We swore by Allah to keep the friendship forever, and that on the occasion of breaking it we would be severely punished. We've tried holding pauses in the friendship before though. Its never that I'm agonised by being alone but more that I feel guilty for him being in agony.

                  And I suppose the only reason I'm holding onto him is because I need him, as mental support for future. I've always needed mental support for starting big things. So when I want to migrate away to Muslim lands, I'll need mental support from him to do it.

                  That's my perspective into the problem. I may have forgotten some things, since forgetfullness is another major problem for me. Allah knows best though.
                  your online source of hadiths: http://sunnah.com/
                  ask me questions: ask.fm/caetratilegion

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                  • #10
                    Re: Frienship problems

                    Who is that member...name and shame him....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Frienship problems

                      Learn to practise emotional detachment. Sounds cruel but is necessary.
                      And whatever you have of favor - it is from Allah. Then when adversity touches you, to Him you cry for help

                      [an-Nahl 16:53].

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Frienship problems

                        Originally posted by Spider man View Post
                        Who is that member...name and shame him....
                        Smh
                        O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Frienship problems

                          Ohhhhh I get it now. So this is like.....group therapy...or no Couple of Friends therapy, I guess....

                          Well let that be a lesson to everyone to never make oaths lightly!

                          But I get what you mean, you can hardly go your own separate ways after making such an oath. Oh deeear. Conundrum...

                          Well there must be some things you two like about each other. Just focus on those.

                          But I think it's a good healthy thing you're doing. All of the issues are out in the open. You both know what you don't like about each other. So you don't have to pretend

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Frienship problems

                            Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
                            Smh
                            Lollll some people though...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Frienship problems

                              This whole thread :1popcorn:

                              Look, just take a breather and try and find new friends too however you can in real life. Being anti-social can be bad for your mental health. I keep to myself, but i'm an introvert/extrovert person. I take on both roles very easily, seems like you two are just introverts so going outside and making friends away from the computer might help a little.

                              Look, seems like you two can be friends, just find a way to do things that you're not going to argue over or try and slowly change your attitudes.
                              I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                              Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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