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My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying :(

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  • My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying :(

    Assalamu alaikum all. I am an 18 year old sister who is very concerned about her teenage brother. He is 17 (nearly 18) and is completely off the rails. Since he turned 17, he had been hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking weed and cigarettes (we can smell it off him and saw it), lying , swearing and stealing from my family. My father passed away 5 years ago and we live with our single mother. There are 5 of us and my mum is already under stress and he has increased this. We tried to help him by speaking to him, taking him to a sheikh (to read quran on him) and buying him new things like the new iphone (when he supposedly 'lost' his samsung s4). He never prays and comes home late after skipping classes during the day. We even thought about sending him to my hone country but he is an adult and will do whatever it takes to come back to the UK. Last night I begged my mum to kick him out but she can't bring herself too. My uncles won't help us. What can we do? :( i don't want him to die in this state and just want him to be a good muslim.

  • #2
    My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

    Assalamu alaikum all. I am an 18 year old sister who is very concerned about her teenage brother. He is 17 (nearly 18) and is completely off the rails. Since he turned 17, he had been hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking weed and cigarettes (we can smell it off him and saw it), lying , swearing and stealing from my family. My father passed away 5 years ago and we live with our single mother. There are 5 of us and my mum is already under stress and he has increased this. We tried to help him by speaking to him, taking him to a sheikh (to read quran on him) and buying him new things like the new iphone (when he supposedly 'lost' his samsung s4). He never prays and comes home late after skipping classes during the day. We even thought about sending him to my hone country but he is an adult and will do whatever it takes to come back to the UK. Last night I begged my mum to kick him out but she can't bring herself too. My uncles won't help us. What can we do? :( i don't want him to die in this state and just want him to be a good muslim.

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    • #3
      Re: My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying

      Wa alaikum salam sister

      Sorry to hear about your problems. Your mom needs to lay down firm rules with him. Sit him down and talk to him. How does he respond to your speaking to him? Maybe taking him to a rehabilitation centre would be best.



      Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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      • #4
        Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

        Salaam

        I think he would need help for his addiction first otherwise he will keep selling everything to buy weed etc.

        Your mom should look into this.



        Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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        • #5
          Re: My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying

          He won't listen. He just goes to his room if you try to talk to him about his problems

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          • #6
            Re: My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying

            Yeah, like I mentioned in your other thread, he needs help in removing his addiction, otherwise it will be impossible to solve his problems.

            Hopefully someone nearby can help you also.



            Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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            • #7
              Re: My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying

              Originally posted by secretnerd123 View Post
              Assalamu alaikum all. I am an 18 year old sister who is very concerned about her teenage brother. He is 17 (nearly 18) and is completely off the rails. Since he turned 17, he had been hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking weed and cigarettes (we can smell it off him and saw it), lying , swearing and stealing from my family. My father passed away 5 years ago and we live with our single mother. There are 5 of us and my mum is already under stress and he has increased this. We tried to help him by speaking to him, taking him to a sheikh (to read quran on him) and buying him new things like the new iphone (when he supposedly 'lost' his samsung s4). He never prays and comes home late after skipping classes during the day. We even thought about sending him to my hone country but he is an adult and will do whatever it takes to come back to the UK. Last night I begged my mum to kick him out but she can't bring herself too. My uncles won't help us. What can we do? :( i don't want him to die in this state and just want him to be a good muslim.
              Wa alaikum assalam.
              I understand how it feels my brother was in a worse situation

              Your brothers not listening to anyone or anything.
              Give him a lot of attention that what they need at that age.
              If hes doing all the things hes doing dont rebuke him all the time.

              Be nicer to him more comfort. Seems strange doesnt it? What will happen is then he will trust you andlisten to you
              Since we are in this situation we may as well deal with it properly rather than losing him.

              Dont shout at him when he comes in. You been smoking? Etc

              The whole family sit down and read 5mins hadith about salaah to each other. You will not u derstand jow big of an impact this makes in family!
              Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometime helps me and sometime opposes me

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              • #8
                Re: My teenage brother is ruining his and my family's life. Please help me im crying

                Wa 'alaykumussalaam,

                Maybe you can introduce him to some QuranWeekly videos inshaa'Allaah. Or something to inspire him to start practising. He can change himself, inshaa'Allaah. Maybe something that will open his eyes to what damage he is doing to himself and others inshaa'Allaah.
                Allāhu akbar

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                • #9
                  Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                  Originally posted by Sky Lark View Post
                  Salaam

                  I think he would need help for his addiction first otherwise he will keep selling everything to buy weed etc.

                  Your mom should look into this.
                  They can only help him with his addiction if he is wanting to stop. If not. No point really, he'll just get back on it
                  Last edited by *sheba*; 18-03-14, 12:51 PM.
                  O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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                  • #10
                    Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                    Bump

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                    • #11
                      Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                      Where is your brother now? What solutions have your mom thought about?



                      Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                        Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
                        They can only help him with his addiction if he is wanting to stop. If not. No point really, he'll just get back on it
                        Still too, he's still very young and needs all the help he can get.



                        Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                          its Uk and it's teenage age. will he bother to hear you if he has roof, food and all what he needs? if he doesn't listen to anyone he should leave. And you just need to tell him that in normal serious way. if he want to ruin himself it's his choice.

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                          • #14
                            Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                            Originally posted by Sky Lark View Post
                            Where is your brother now? What solutions have your mom thought about?
                            Hes out. My mum just said we should just make plenty of dua for him and just put our teust in allah's plans. Im trying to phone local mosques and get numbers of brothers who were misguided and then guided by Allah so maybe he will have someone to look up to? Its really dofficukt though. If you know anyone who lives in london who is now a better muslim, please help me and inbox it to me. I'd really appreciate it

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                            • #15
                              Re: My teenage brother is out of control. Im crying please help me

                              Sounds to me like he's acting out due to being a teenager and the pressure of your father passing away. All people deal with it differently. Tell him to lay off the smoking and to try and talk with mum about hanging around with better people. I used to hang around with crowds full of unsavoury older guys but I was never one of them, and I never smoked etc. Actually gave me a view as to why idiots like them don't have direction in their lives and are wastemen, and Alhamdulillah I was kept away from doing bad stuff they did.

                              Just keep encouraging him to get better slowly. Feeling abandoned by family just re-inforces his desire to act out like a spoilt brat cause he feels nobody is there for him. Try and spin the responsibility angle at him, that he's the man of the house now, and he needs to step up to help everybody and you'll support him as much as possible too.

                              Some children naturally adjust, while people like your brother seem to act out a bit more than others.

                              Inshallah you have a quick solution to your problem. Ameen.
                              I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                              Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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