Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Parents still treat me as a kid!!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Parents still treat me as a kid!!

    Salaam to everyone on the Ummah forum.

    I will keep this short and simple and not divert the attention to any where else.

    Basically I am 25 and when ever I mention I am going to see cousins, parents always say, why do you need to go? Do they every come and see you? How long you going for?

    And eventually I go but that is just the start. I have to argue for them to let me go.

    Also my younger brother is out of the country for Work so friday or Saturday nights I just want to relax and chill, so I see my cousin (s) and well even if my parents know where I am... They will call me and ask where are you, come back home, and this is only like after 2/3 hours talking to the cousins, parents and just talking really.

    It is so embarassing when parents call and ask for me to come home...Its like I have no freedom whats so ever. As long as I am under their roof I have to do as they say.

    If so my sister is 15 now and its embarassing for her to see that I get called to get told to come home...and then I get questions from cousins asking why do you need to go, you only 5 min drive, they know where you are...

    It is so fustrating where ever I go, I get a grilling over the phone from mum or dad about where I am or who I am seeing...

    This winds me up so much I just feel like shouting back in all honesty.

    Then I hear stories about how their parents didnt let them go out much or what ever but this is a new generation, we cant be sitting at home watching Indian / Paki Dramas all day. Some of us do work and we do want to relax and chill.

    On a a side note... brother is looking to get married, he is younger and im not married.. and he already discussing of leaving home in few years after marriage as he wants privacy and freedom to which he will in his future home...

    Now I see why that is the case because I can not do anything without being judged from mum or dad, no matter how much I try and please them.

    I please them by getting a new job and starting inshallah next week and still see me as a kid with no responsibility...

    If that is the case I would rather move out as stress is not good for my health.

    Just need to get this off my chest as at times I feel so much anger and embarassment to get called to come home...and its like 10pm...So Ridiculous!

    Wsalaam

  • #2
    Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

    Parents will be parents bro. Just tell them how you feel, and see if they loosen that umbilical cord lol

    I don't have this issue, and I guess some others don't but i'm not saying those parents don't care, they're just a bit more trusting I guess.
    I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

    Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

      Salam.

      lol short and simple.

      anyhow, do not get angry or shout at your parents because they are just doing what they feel is right to protect you. Ofcourse they will ask who your friends are, they don't want you to be led astray.

      There is no problem having your 15 year old sister see this since then she may learn the rules set at home. Also your obedience to your parents will surely be beneficial for you and your sister, as she may look up to you as a role model so try to be calm.

      Your parents behaviour are natural. My parents are just the same. I tend to not take my phone out on the streets and 90% of the time it is on silence so if I missed their call and when i end up calling them later they are all like "I thought something bad happened, alhamduillah you are okay" and then we just carry on. She even does that to my 30 year old brother sometimes. Nothing to be angry about. Parents worry alot and we as their children should try and comfort them in times they worry.

      No matter if you get a job, get married or what not, you are still a kid in their eyes. Btw mashallah on your new job

      Regarding getting your own place that is your choice to make.
      Bye...

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

        When I tell them nicely they say oh because we care and dont want you to mix with them because they like to back bite and all that jazz.....

        They basically don't want them to know what is going on in my life and work life as that's all my parents care about "Not to tell anyone in the family what work you do because they just want to put you down and make you feel like dirt, that's why we don't want you to talk/spend time with them"

        Its like their mentality is like a competition with cousins about who is doing and not so well.. That's what my parents like to talk about so hence they dont want me to talk to them incase they find out what company I work for and I am thinking who cares what company I am working for..

        My dad espcially has this mentality that because no one knows what my dad does they think its something top notch and secretive and dad is like they will talk back about what I do and stuff.....

        Talking to my parents is not easy as they will say I am arguing back or souting where as I am stating my opinion and nothing will work on them.

        Like Constant Hope said.. "Trust" I am thinking what Trust do they want from me... am I not a good Son or something?

        They really do take the biscuit

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

          Sounds like you're from a south Asian family to me matey. Sorry to say but what they're doing is probably more because of that than anything. Izzat or reputation is mainly the goal. Just tell your parents your careful not to talk about such things, and just talk about leisure interests, hobbies etc.

          I dunno what to suggest really because if you tried everything most people would suggest, then you're not left with much else.
          I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

          Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

            Originally posted by Maghrebia00 View Post
            Salam.

            lol short and simple.

            anyhow, do not get angry or shout at your parents because they are just doing what they feel is right to protect you. Ofcourse they will ask who your friends are, they don't want you to be led astray.

            There is no problem having your 15 year old sister see this since then she may learn the rules set at home. Also your obedience to your parents will surely be beneficial for you and your sister, as she may look up to you as a role model so try to be calm.

            Your parents behaviour are natural. My parents are just the same. I tend to not take my phone out on the streets and 90% of the time it is on silence so if I missed their call and when i end up calling them later they are all like "I thought something bad happened, alhamduillah you are okay" and then we just carry on. She even does that to my 30 year old brother sometimes. Nothing to be angry about. Parents worry alot and we as their children should try and comfort them in times they worry.

            No matter if you get a job, get married or what not, you are still a kid in their eyes. Btw mashallah on your new job

            Regarding getting your own place that is your choice to make.
            Perhaps so but even when they do ring it is to ask how long I will be. I don't have friends that I see or talk to over the phone or text. I don't do any of that. I only see couple of my cousins now and then, if I can't do that then what freedom will I have IF I get married.

            How bad would it be when you are married and parents call and ask " Beta where are you, come home now, you been out for hours" That to me would I would not like.

            It feels like a prison when I am at home, I can't do or say anything without my dad especially always diverting conversation to my work and that frustrates me. talking about doing this by certain age and doing that by certain age. I am thinking I have landed a new job and let me get on with it.

            Feel like my career and life going to be dictated by my dad by the sounds of it.

            New job pays better and is closer to home and rather be on my own to be honest. I can see why my uncles and cousins not fond of my dad not in a bad way but so strict and straight forward.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

              Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
              Sounds like you're from a south Asian family to me matey. Sorry to say but what they're doing is probably more because of that than anything. Izzat or reputation is mainly the goal. Just tell your parents your careful not to talk about such things, and just talk about leisure interests, hobbies etc.

              I dunno what to suggest really because if you tried everything most people would suggest, then you're not left with much else.
              Yup I am of Pakistani background and that is what parents do... discuss who is doing what job and what a waste of time that is or something. My mum seems to look at my dad think he has been through a lot and done so well in life and alot of people ask him for his advice and then she would say who doesnt listen to him will fail in life..

              I am thinking how can you think listening to someones opinion makes a different on your life choices. To me that seems arrogant on my dad part as he has a great job and done well and been with big companies, and he thinks no one in the family can be where he is career wise... But that is a side note...

              That is what/why they dont like us to see relatives so we dont tell them much about what we are doing in our lives...

              I am left with nothing else..Now I just dont pay attention or just take what comes in one ear and out the other.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                Perhaps so but even when they do ring it is to ask how long I will be. I don't have friends that I see or talk to over the phone or text. I don't do any of that. I only see couple of my cousins now and then, if I can't do that then what freedom will I have IF I get married.

                How bad would it be when you are married and parents call and ask " Beta where are you, come home now, you been out for hours" That to me would I would not like.

                It feels like a prison when I am at home, I can't do or say anything without my dad especially always diverting conversation to my work and that frustrates me. talking about doing this by certain age and doing that by certain age. I am thinking I have landed a new job and let me get on with it.

                Feel like my career and life going to be dictated by my dad by the sounds of it.

                New job pays better and is closer to home and rather be on my own to be honest. I can see why my uncles and cousins not fond of my dad not in a bad way but so strict and straight forward.
                Well brother, I don't know what to say. Have sabr.

                If it is really bothering you, you are a grown man with potentially a job so you could move out. Obviously, that does not mean you have the freedom to go out till whatever time, you have to restrict yourself to what you consider appropriate.

                But even if do move out you will still have to keep in contact with your parents. Maybe for you moving out will be a good option.
                Bye...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                  Originally posted by Maghrebia00 View Post
                  Well brother, I don't know what to say. Have sabr.

                  If it is really bothering you, you are a grown man with potentially a job so you could move out. Obviously, that does not mean you have the freedom to go out till whatever time, you have to restrict yourself to what you consider appropriate.

                  But even if do move out you will still have to keep in contact with your parents. Maybe for you moving out will be a good option.
                  Sabr for what? I don't always see my cousins and when I do could for some hours as I have not seen them in months so yeah its natural and just to be chilled when I see them.

                  I know my limits and I won't be out until what ever I time. That is not me. I am only saying to spend the evening with cousins once every month or so...Is that too much to ask?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                    you're family sounds like mine lool

                    the only difference is the gender
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                      Dude, chill out. My parents were like that too but only with my mates.

                      I listened to them initially but slowly started to stay out longer as time progressed and slowly my restrictions got lifted. I still hear my dads lecture of how to drive tho I have done thousands of motorway miles. To me, it seems that your parents are more concerned about you meeting your cousins as they think that they are bad influence.

                      In addition, I would recommend you to sit down with them and speak about everything in a polite manner.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                        What type of job do you do?

                        What field?

                        I only ask because I feel as if i know you.

                        You remind me of someone.
                        Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                        ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                          u dont like it? move out n be a big boy with his own place n own responsibilities

                          parents care n worry

                          so just accept it, one day they wont be there to ask where u are, n then ull cry.
                          My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                          ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                          “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                            Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                            u dont like it? move out n be a big boy with his own place n own responsibilities

                            parents care n worry

                            so just accept it, one day they wont be there to ask where u are, n then ull cry.
                            Lol, you mustn't get how things work with such families. They'll blackmail you emotionally about staying and even when you're married do it. I don't know how to give any advice to people in such situations, because it's a rock and hard place. Only something time will fix, but sounds like his parents also got that backwards culture of Pakistani attitude towards reputation, and being seen as 'model citizens' for the rest to follow.

                            Sorry if this sounds hopeless, but usually not much to be done because of their attitudes.
                            I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                            Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Parents still treat me as a kid!!

                              Only one solution, be patient with them, they love you, they took care of you when you were small and will always be worried about you, you will only know when your a parent one day.

                              Be nice, give them a hug and tell them not to worry, maybe call them once in a while and tell them you'll be home at such and such time.

                              Parents are a huge blessing, can you imagine a day without them?

                              Do not invest your hopes in anyone but Allah and do not fear anything but the consequences and repercussions of your sins!

                              Uthmaan R.A

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X