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Drama at the Masjid

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  • Drama at the Masjid

    So there is a masjid that I'm acquainted with and familiar with most of the people that go there. It's very family oriented. Most of the people that go there are south Asian, Uzbekis and a few Arabs. I enjoy going there but I am not comfortable with the gossip and behavior that goes on there. I think gossiping is universal among women but as muslims it's disappointing to see this behavior. When I first started going there I noticed the cattiness but overlooked this behavior as a woman thing. Is this generally how all masjids are? Any advice on how to handle?
    Last edited by Zahira13; 13-03-14, 11:58 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Drama at the Masjid

    Talking in the masjid about unnecessary things and worldly things is desecrating the masjid. Gossiping in their is even worse.

    Are the women completely separate from the men?
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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    • #3
      Re: Drama at the Masjid

      Originally posted by Zahira13 View Post
      So there is a masjid that I'm acquainted with and familiar with most of the people that go there. It's very family oriented. Most of the people that go there are south Asian, Uzbekis and a few Arabs. I enjoy going there but I am not comfortable with the gossip and behavior that goes on there. I think gossiping is universal among women but as muslims it's disappointing to see this behavior. When I first started going there I noticed the cattiness but overlooked this behavior as a woman thing. Is this generally how all masjids are? Any advice on how to handle?
      Not all masjids are like this, unfortunately the only thing you can do is either speak up( most people won't care or ignore you) or find another masjid.

      I've seen people get really vicious in the masjid, had to stop a fight once. Just use your words wisely.

      Do not invest your hopes in anyone but Allah and do not fear anything but the consequences and repercussions of your sins!

      Uthmaan R.A

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      • #4
        Re: Drama at the Masjid

        Advice them,if they still don't listen ignore and concentrate on your ibadah.

        Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

        **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

        Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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        • #5
          Re: Drama at the Masjid

          Originally posted by Zahira13 View Post
          So there is a masjid that I'm acquainted with and familiar with most of the people that go there. It's very family oriented. Most of the people that go there are south Asian, Uzbekis and a few Arabs. I enjoy going there but I am not comfortable with the gossip and behavior that goes on there. I think gossiping is universal among women but as muslims it's disappointing to see this behavior. When I first started going there I noticed the cattiness but overlooked this behavior as a woman thing. Is this generally how all masjids are? Any advice on how to handle?
          I feel bad because I avoid masjids for this very reason. I would love to find one(just ONE!) where the sisters' area is not a battle ground of gossip, cattiness, and evil eyes but I haven't seen it yet. Wait, not true.

          I experienced a very nice welcome in a masjid in Texas once where the sisters were very nice - they hugged me and everything :masha: . It was the nicest reception I ever received in a masjid.

          The rest were not like that.

          At all. :(

          Now if I go at all, I just go for ibadah and leave.

          If you want to overcome that, you would probably have to be a regular there and make some actual friends so you can be part of a 'clique.' But I'm not that friendly and have too much to do for that. So I just go and leave and don't worry about what other sisters are doing.
          Last edited by Bint_Hajj; 14-03-14, 02:30 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: Drama at the Masjid

            Originally posted by Bint_Hajj View Post
            I feel bad because I avoid masjids for this very reason. I would love to find one(just ONE!) where the sisters' area is not a battle ground of gossip, cattiness, and evil eyes but I haven't seen it yet. Wait, not true.

            I experienced a very nice welcome in a masjid in Texas once where the sisters were very nice - they hugged me and everything :masha: . It was the nicest reception I ever received in a masjid.

            The rest were not like that.

            At all. :(

            Now if I go at all, I just go for ibadah and leave.

            If you want to overcome that, you would probably have to be a regular there and make some actual friends so you can be part of a 'clique.' But I'm not that friendly and have too much to do for that. So I just go and leave and don't worry about what other sisters are doing.
            can you elaborate on the evil eye part.

            @ cliques, so true
            'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
            Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
            علي الحبشي

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            • #7
              Re: Drama at the Masjid

              Originally posted by Sirius View Post
              can you elaborate on the evil eye part.

              @ cliques, so true
              Giving dirty looks, angry looks at random sisters who aren't a part of their 'clique.' Even my daughter experienced it before. She went to a masjid that was relatively close to our home and said that the sisters there were giving her dirty looks and seemed angry at her. She said one was nice to her :alhumdull , but she has never gone back there again because of the atmosphere. And my daughter is a very sweet, shy young girl. It's so sad how some sisters can be to each other. :(

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              • #8
                Re: Drama at the Masjid

                Women are like that everywhere. You can't escape it.

                Now for the dirty/angry/crazy looks and stares. That might just be cultural. Some people didn't grow up overseas with "hometraining" plus their family keeps them on lock down 24/7 so they don't know how to interact with other people. Don't let them run you away from the masjid.

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                • #9
                  Re: Drama at the Masjid

                  Originally posted by Sky Lark View Post
                  Talking in the masjid about unnecessary things and worldly things is desecrating the masjid. Gossiping in their is even worse.

                  Are the women completely separate from the men?
                  Yes the women are completely separate from the men- in whole other separate room.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Drama at the Masjid

                    Originally posted by Bint_Hajj View Post
                    I feel bad because I avoid masjids for this very reason. I would love to find one(just ONE!) where the sisters' area is not a battle ground of gossip, cattiness, and evil eyes but I haven't seen it yet. Wait, not true.

                    I experienced a very nice welcome in a masjid in Texas once where the sisters were very nice - they hugged me and everything :masha: . It was the nicest reception I ever received in a masjid.

                    The rest were not like that.

                    At all. :(

                    Now if I go at all, I just go for ibadah and leave.

                    If you want to overcome that, you would probably have to be a regular there and make some actual friends so you can be part of a 'clique.' But I'm not that friendly and have too much to do for that. So I just go and leave and don't worry about what other sisters are doing.
                    Yes most masjids are pretty cliquish. Actually I am a part of the cliques and I talk to everyone including the aunties. They are also pretty loving here and I feel like they are a second family for me since my blood family are not muslim. I am just afraid that the gossip that goes on will cause some drama. I have already witnessed a few sisters that have had issues there. One even left the masjid for good because of conflict. What annoys me is that when ever there is a lecture woman talk so much that you can't even hear the lecture. This happens at every masjid I've been to except for the Islamic lectures that take place in universities. I think it's because so many woman at the masjid are not strong in English and they don't understand the lectures well.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Drama at the Masjid

                      Originally posted by Zahira13 View Post
                      Yes most masjids are pretty cliquish. Actually I am a part of the cliques and I talk to everyone including the aunties. They are also pretty loving here and I feel like they are a second family for me since my blood family are not muslim. I am just afraid that the gossip that goes on will cause some drama. I have already witnessed a few sisters that have had issues there. One even left the masjid for good because of conflict. What annoys me is that when ever there is a lecture woman talk so much that you can't even hear the lecture. This happens at every masjid I've been to except for the Islamic lectures that take place in universities. I think it's because so many woman at the masjid are not strong in English and they don't understand the lectures well.
                      Well that good that at least you have a clique. :p

                      I don't think there's anything wrong with people having groups of people that they are friendly and comfortable with. The only problem to me is, as you have stated, the gossiping and how it can alienate some and drive others away.

                      That's unfortunate that the sisters are mostly unable to understand the lectures. Is there anyone to translate? I know at one predominately Arab Masjid where I live they have someone who translates the lecture and/or khutba into English and you can listen on headphones they provide. Even if they can't understand, it's kind of rude to speak during the lectures. If I don't understand something, I still stay quiet so others can hear and benefit.

                      If you have a regular masjid that you go to, maybe you can make suggestions? If there is a person who organizes things on the sisters' side, maybe speak with her about trying to keep the sisters a little more quiet during lectures? Or if your masjid has a suggestion dropbox, you can leave an anonymous note there every week until the Imam addresses it. :p

                      Of course I'm speaking as someone who doesn't have a regular masjid that I go to at this point so I'm not sure about the dynamics or if my suggestions will help at all.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Drama at the Masjid

                        :salams
                        :start:

                        The only suggestion that I may give would be that women to not get offended. Sometimes they do not listen to the Imam as well. It happens so that if Muslim brothers are pointed to their weakness of imaan towards their bad virtues and sins. They do not mind it and listen with an open mind. However, when it comes to ladies. They feel so offended that they speak with loud voice against the Imam after the Qutbah. Which may well be very pathetic to see coming for a person from a place where Islam is dominating such as Medina.Where these things do not take place.

                        Relevant to the topic, I would suggest that be calm. Do not speak much and speak only when required. If someone befriends you, keep it very professional and ethical. Do not indulge or speak about your personal life because Masjid is not a social place. Do not wear make up or rather go into the men's section in order to speak with mens even though how old you are. It happens to be that some ladies indulge in talks that may well be not suitable in Masjid. It is idle talk and it should not be encouraged. Idle talk also depends on nationalities and people from different nationalities do different idle talks. Look on one hand how mens behave in masjid and try to be like them.

                        Do not take this again personally. Nor am I against women. I have a mother and sister. I respect them and so do I respect all Muslim women. Pointing to shortcomings is not disrespecting.
                        صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
                        Al-Muslimeen

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                        • #13
                          Re: Drama at the Masjid

                          Lol that is nothing...my husband once went to a masjid for jumma prayers and there was this fight broken out between 2 men ...and the fight was about the dustance to be kept between imam and first row.The lower story of masjid had people performed their prayers,didnt know what was happening up there.. while fight was going on in upper story...People although seperated the 2 men..but prayed late.
                          ".......He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from Allah increaseth in most of them (kuffar) their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy.Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, Allah doth extinguish it;but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And Allah loveth not those who do mischief."(5:64)

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