I fell into depression and after going through so many hardships I turned away from Allah. But then when things just became impossible to bear I began to ask Allah for help and SubhanAllah things started to improve slightly. Most importantly my relationship with my family improved. When I went astray from Islam I fell in 'love; with an atheist. He made me happy and was the only person closest to me. But when I turned to Allah I knew I had to leave him and so I after I invited to him to islam and he refused I turned away. I prayed to Allah and Allah made it easier to leave him.
But a few days ago I fell back into depression because something terrible happened and just lost it. I stopped praying because I could not even get up to shower. But I made dikhr and cried to Allah which helped me from not commiting suicide again.
But one night after doing dikhr I felt bad for all the things I had put the atheist boy through. In my heart I felt as if he needed help and that I was obligated to help him. I felt determined that with time I had to convince him to accept Islam. Then something else happened my love for him returned. I missed him and just loved him. All these feelings returned.
Is this Allah or is it Shaytaan?
But a few days ago I fell back into depression because something terrible happened and just lost it. I stopped praying because I could not even get up to shower. But I made dikhr and cried to Allah which helped me from not commiting suicide again.
But one night after doing dikhr I felt bad for all the things I had put the atheist boy through. In my heart I felt as if he needed help and that I was obligated to help him. I felt determined that with time I had to convince him to accept Islam. Then something else happened my love for him returned. I missed him and just loved him. All these feelings returned.
Is this Allah or is it Shaytaan?
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