please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

[Soldier.of.God]

aslam o alikum everyone
i am a 20 years old university student. and i always try to follow islam
i don't smoke. i don't have the habit of telling lies or speaking i'll of others nor i think ill of others.i always lower my gaze whenever i am in public place or in university etc i don't have any girlfriend ... never been on date etc and Alhamadulillah i offer my prayers, keep my promises and pay my debts no matter how small of big it is etc
recently i have started growing my beard..... and list goes on an on
i mean i try to follow islam at my best to please Allah swt but the problem is that i end up watching porn and i cannot control it don't know why it happens after a month or a little more time after that. and i apologize Allah swt for my sin and make up my mind not to do it again but it still happens again
i am really frustrated, sad and disappointed right now. Every time i commit this sin i feel very ashamed before offering prayer because i think how can i go before Allah swt with this face and because of sin i recently committed and after one day i feel real bad that i cry and apologize Allah for what i did. i know for sure that when i will get married it will not happen again.

but the question in my mind is am i able to be called a good muslim? because if i were i would not end up doing this sin again and again. this is the reason i hate myself alot.

[SpiritualSeeker]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

walaikum aslaaam brother. Listen as a fellow brother and a man I understand the complexities of this issue. Nobody will judge you, it's good that you have identified that it is a problem and that's a massive step masha'Allah so be proud of yourself that you understand its a problem. Everbody is a sinner, it's what you do after i.e. repentance and the steps you take to prevent this from happening again. This is actually a huge problem within not just the Muslim community but the entire world itself so do not despair brother, this is why you have brothers like me and insha'Allah around you to help guide you and understand how difficult it can be.

I'm going to keep this short but insha'Allah we can discuss more later but just a low down in what you can do to help.

* take yourself from situations that arouse your pleasures, tv, music, lowering your gaze when you see women in public etc.
* keep yourself busy
* surround yourself with a group of good brothers who talk of good things, do not hang around company that degrade women or talk about women in any lustful manner.
* involve yourself in activities that will be good for your soul, Q'uran, Circles, Charity work, Exercising

There is a hadith but I'll try to find it. A man who would commit zina and degrade women came to the Prophet (PBUH) I think he alluded to the fact that he can't stop committing zina. The Prophet (PBUH) said on the lines. Would you like another man to do that to your mother? He replied no, would you like a man to do that to your sister? He replied no. Would you like a man to do that to your daughter? He replied no and so on.

Pornography is detrimental to your mind, your body and soul. And Wallahi brother it brings nothing but destruction in peoples lives so treat it as a MASSIVE evil that the devil uses to mislead people. If you put it in your heart that this is one of the most evil tools of the devil in modern society insha'Allah condition your mind, body and soul to understand that these things are Destructive. Because in the end of the day when you get married, and you may not be satisfied with your wife's body or your relations because you have this fantasy reality world created from the evils that is pornography. Hope I have helped insha'Allah again more than willing to discuss this with you on here I think it's an important topic in modern society. So don't be shy or feel ashamed - Alhamdulilah we are all here for guidance and help :) May Allah bless and protect you and everyone, ameen.

[Soldier.of.God]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

JazakAllah khair... brother i really appreciate response
well just wanted to tell somethings i never see women in public place or in university Alhamadulillah...
i have a mixed company some people are very good and one or two are astray from the right path.. whenever i am in university my friends are always pointing at girls but i never look at girls and i always lower my gaze.. i never do the dirty talk about women or at any matter i have got myself used to stay quite and talk only when necessary or even when i talk for fun its never ever vulgar......
most of the time when i am really depressed i commit this sin and sometimes when i commit this sin the reason is that may be some bad post came in front of my eyes while searching torrents for video games and cartoons or movies....i ignore it for a while perhaps for some days but at the end shetan gets me :(
so there is nothing wrong with my company and even if there are some people with low faith they have never done me any harm because every single dirty act they do and mention it in front of the whole group i seek Allah forgiveness at that time from that sin and feel hatred for that sin in my heart for real.... that is the reasons i dont have bad habbits other that this evil of watching porn :(

as for my marriage life well... i know for sure that inshAllah it will not harm it in anyway because i am a very loving and caring person and i will love to marry a normal looking girl if she is pious with good moral values and who tries to follow islam
so long talk short these are the two reasons for my sin
1) depression
2) dirty posts that i may find on internet sometime

[SpiritualSeeker]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

as for my marriage life well... i know for sure that inshAllah it will not harm it in anyway because i am a very loving and caring person and i will love to marry a normal looking girl if she is pious with good moral values and who tries to follow islam
so long talk short these are the two reasons for my sin
1) depression
2) dirty posts that i may find on internet sometime

Wa Iyyakum. Ok so you've identified the problems, I think you should speak to a counselor and a good shaykh about the problems you are having regarding depression. Open up to your family because insha'Allah they will give you support too. This is amongst the main thing which is to pour your heart out to Allah swt, through worship, prayers, duaa, dhikr etc.

Brother I think you need to stay away from the internet especially in the circumstances when you find yourself looking into things that are going to be detrimental for you. Can I recommend that you substitute this 'free' time you have listening to lectures. I highly advise finding lectures by Mufti Menk and Shaykh Hamza Yusuf especially regarding Pornography to get a better Islamic/Morale/Philosophical view point. You need to talk to somebody about your depression, keep yourself busy with good things that make you happy insha'Allah that are halal and good for your soul.

[Mustaqueemi]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

aslam o alikum everyone
i am a 20 years old university student. and i always try to follow islam
i don't smoke. i don't have the habit of telling lies or speaking i'll of others nor i think ill of others.i always lower my gaze whenever i am in public place or in university etc i don't have any girlfriend ... never been on date etc and Alhamadulillah i offer my prayers, keep my promises and pay my debts no matter how small of big it is etc
recently i have started growing my beard..... and list goes on an on
i mean i try to follow islam at my best to please Allah swt but the problem is that i end up watching porn and i cannot control it don't know why it happens after a month or a little more time after that. and i apologize Allah swt for my sin and make up my mind not to do it again but it still happens again
i am really frustrated, sad and disappointed right now. Every time i commit this sin i feel very ashamed before offering prayer because i think how can i go before Allah swt with this face and because of sin i recently committed and after one day i feel real bad that i cry and apologize Allah for what i did. i know for sure that when i will get married it will not happen again.

but the question in my mind is am i able to be called a good muslim? because if i were i would not end up doing this sin again and again. this is the reason i hate myself alot.

Avoid being alone, when you are alone and deviated thoughts starts erupting in your mind. just jump off and move out. also, workout, play, go to gymnasiums for this will help you in loosing some calories and this keeps you stable. One of my friend shared working out tip with me and he heard it on a islamic lecture explaining how to save yourself from masturbation.

[Soldier.of.God]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

jazakAllah everyone for such nice suggestions i will inshAllah try my best to handle this problem now. thanks again Allah bless you all :)

[SpiritualSeeker]

Re: please help me... am i a muslim of very lower level?

Wa iyyakum brother, may Allah make things easy for you and protect you, ameen. Please check out Mufti Menk's talks please especially about the topic you have a problem with :)