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  • I want to Die, I feel so miserable

    I am unbelievably depressed. It went away but now I am falling back into it. I haven't showered for over two weeks and I keep saying I will pray once I shower but i never shower. I cry and cry. I am sad and miserable.
    I never want to pray anymore.
    I really want to die. I keep thinking why cant i just die and end this test? I am failing this test ALlah has given us. I feel so worthless. I made so many mistakes.
    I want to scream a loud and cry that is how much pain I am in.
    I feel like I am so unworthy, even for Allah. I know He is all forgiving but why cant I put my hands up in prayer and ask for His guidance and forgiveness anymore? Why is this all happening to me? I do not understand!!

  • #2
    Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

    Salaam sister, dont despair! Help is at hand. Something mustve happened to you to feel so miserable anyway you are never lost or alone. Please take a nice shower and repent to Allah. Make dua to Him for your peace of mind and forgiveness. Allah is always there for us. You will be fine insha'allah - all you have to do is put some effort in getting better.

    I hope you are well and may Allah remove all your difficulties ameen.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

      To me it seems there's a couple of problems. 1. severe depression. 2. Giving in to shaytan may he be cursed and 3. tiredness.

      I've suffered from depression for over 10 years so I can relate but alhamdulillah I'm now in the best condition I've ever been, so I hope my response will help you or that there's something in what I write that will help you.

      The thing is, when you get depressed shaytans whispers are incredibly intense. Not only does your own thoughts make you go hayway, shaytan is doing it's best to misguide you all it can. Shaytans aim is for you to kill yourself an unbeliever, and if you don't pray 5 times a day you're an unbeliever and if you kill yourself shaytan totally wins. But there's another side to it. Allah saw wa ta aalaa is The Most Merciful. He knows what you're going through and your test is to get through it. To get through this test you need to take baby steps. Don't try and do everything at once, you'll only exhaust yourself and fall back in to this state.

      The first thing I want you to realize is that if Allah saw wa ta aalaa had forsaken you, you wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for not having prayed or showered. The fact that you're worried about Allah shows that you still got a chance. The fact that you're still alive alhamudlillah, also shows that Allah hasn't forsaken you. Allah saw wa ta aalaa knows this test is difficult for you, but he knows you have the strenght and braveness to get through this. You need to take this chance and tell yourself you are going to try to get out of this. You've got a chance until your last breath.

      The key to battling depression is claiming the small steps you've given up and increasing your worship. It makes all the difference. Maybe you want to start by asking Allah to help you, to help you pray and help you maintain hygiene, to help you breathe. Maybe you should go and see a doctor as well. Can't you lift your hands? Maybe put your head on the ground instead. Just do it, either way. Don't forsake yourself.

      It doesn't matter how many mistakes you've done. You are clearly repenting over them, so inshallah they are forgiven. Maybe you should scream. Scream in to the pillow, maybe it will reduce your stress. If you were so unworthy why would you have been sent to Earth in the first place? Did Allah make a mistake? No. He knows you can get through this. You just got to try. Cry if you must. Take deep breaths. Scream into your pillow if you think it will make you feel better. Then the hard part starts. Take a shower. If you can't do it, atleast wash your hands and face. It will make you feel so much better. if you can take a shower, do that. Change your clothes, your bed sheets. Start a new day. Say to yourself TODAY you are going to try. You might try and fail, but it doesn't matter. Try again, fail again, then try again. Each day. Try getting vitamines, especially vitamine D but also other types. Eat proteine. When you think it's possible pray 2 rakat. Concentrate ONLY in your prayer. Concetrate ONLY on your hands being washed. Shut out your thoughts and the waswaas. Concentrate as well as you can on the matter in hand. Ignore the thoughts. You know what you have to do. Your thoughts are no haywired and shaytan will see that you are taking an effort. Don't let him win.

      Start doing dhikr. Whenever you lay down and do nothing, do dhikr. Do as much as you can even if it is a little.

      Talk to a friend or a family member. You're not alone, if you don't have anyone home ummah forum is here.
      6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

        Originally posted by Kalikatu View Post
        To me it seems there's a couple of problems. 1. severe depression. 2. Giving in to shaytan may he be cursed and 3. tiredness.

        I've suffered from depression for over 10 years so I can relate but alhamdulillah I'm now in the best condition I've ever been, so I hope my response will help you or that there's something in what I write that will help you.

        The thing is, when you get depressed shaytans whispers are incredibly intense. Not only does your own thoughts make you go hayway, shaytan is doing it's best to misguide you all it can. Shaytans aim is for you to kill yourself an unbeliever, and if you don't pray 5 times a day you're an unbeliever and if you kill yourself shaytan totally wins. But there's another side to it. Allah saw wa ta aalaa is The Most Merciful. He knows what you're going through and your test is to get through it. To get through this test you need to take baby steps. Don't try and do everything at once, you'll only exhaust yourself and fall back in to this state.

        The first thing I want you to realize is that if Allah saw wa ta aalaa had forsaken you, you wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for not having prayed or showered. The fact that you're worried about Allah shows that you still got a chance. The fact that you're still alive alhamudlillah, also shows that Allah hasn't forsaken you. Allah saw wa ta aalaa knows this test is difficult for you, but he knows you have the strenght and braveness to get through this. You need to take this chance and tell yourself you are going to try to get out of this. You've got a chance until your last breath.

        The key to battling depression is claiming the small steps you've given up and increasing your worship. It makes all the difference. Maybe you want to start by asking Allah to help you, to help you pray and help you maintain hygiene, to help you breathe. Maybe you should go and see a doctor as well. Can't you lift your hands? Maybe put your head on the ground instead. Just do it, either way. Don't forsake yourself.

        It doesn't matter how many mistakes you've done. You are clearly repenting over them, so inshallah they are forgiven. Maybe you should scream. Scream in to the pillow, maybe it will reduce your stress. If you were so unworthy why would you have been sent to Earth in the first place? Did Allah make a mistake? No. He knows you can get through this. You just got to try. Cry if you must. Take deep breaths. Scream into your pillow if you think it will make you feel better. Then the hard part starts. Take a shower. If you can't do it, atleast wash your hands and face. It will make you feel so much better. if you can take a shower, do that. Change your clothes, your bed sheets. Start a new day. Say to yourself TODAY you are going to try. You might try and fail, but it doesn't matter. Try again, fail again, then try again. Each day. Try getting vitamines, especially vitamine D but also other types. Eat proteine. When you think it's possible pray 2 rakat. Concentrate ONLY in your prayer. Concetrate ONLY on your hands being washed. Shut out your thoughts and the waswaas. Concentrate as well as you can on the matter in hand. Ignore the thoughts. You know what you have to do. Your thoughts are no haywired and shaytan will see that you are taking an effort. Don't let him win.

        Start doing dhikr. Whenever you lay down and do nothing, do dhikr. Do as much as you can even if it is a little.

        Talk to a friend or a family member. You're not alone, if you don't have anyone home ummah forum is here.
        This is incredible advice,

        It would be foolish not to take it.

        :jkk:
        La illaha ilallah

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

          I think you have depression. Please dont go through this alone, talk to family, friends, other people.

          Sorry to hear you feel that way.

          We should never be hopeless, Allah is forgiving and merciful. Dont doubt His mercy.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

            I hope you feel better piousmuslimah, take one step at a time, start with seeking refuge from the shaitan and then bismillahirrahmneerrahim

            I know sometimes you just want to give up, but it will only get worse. So take a shower first and pray as soon as you can, it will make you feel a lot better. listen to recitations of the Quran

            You can do it! :-)
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

              HAVE UTMOST FAITH IN ALLAH'S MERCY

              Allah is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. His mercy is all-embracing. Whoever is bereft of Allah’s mercy is most truly lost. It is only by Allah’s mercy that anyone attains Paradise. It is by His mercy alone that sins are pardoned and that anyone is assured of salvation. Allah is worthy of our fear. Equally, He is worthy to be the One to show us mercy.

              Allah says: “He is worthy to be feared and worthy to forgive.” [Sūrah al-Mudaththir: 56]

              It is right for us to fear Allah. We should shun sinful deeds and show obedience to our Creator. Likewise, Allah is worthy to show mercy to those who strive to obey Him and who return to Him whenever they might stray.

              Allah says: “And those who, when they do an evil thing or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins – and who forgives sins besides Allah – and then do not knowingly persist in the wrong that they did.” [Sūrah Āl `Imrān: 135]


              In this verse, Allah is describing the God-fearing people, those whom He has promised salvation. Nevertheless, he describes these very people as those who, at times: “do an evil thing or wrong themselves”.

              Therefore, believers should never doubt Allah’s mercy or that He can pardon their sins. To despair of Allah’s mercy is a greater crime than the sin that brought on the despair. If such despair and doubt settles in the heart, it is a manifestation of disbelief. This is why Allah says: “Surely none despairs of Allah's mercy except people who disbelieve.” [Sūrah Yūsuf: 87]


              Allah’s mercy is far too great to yield to our narrow assessments of cause-and-effect. It is simply something that we believe in and rely upon. Our faith in Allah’s mercy and our reliance upon it must be far greater than our confidence in the good deeds we do.

              Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has told us: “No one’s good deeds will get them admittance into Paradise.” The people who heard this asked: “Messenger of Allah, not even you?” He said: “Not even me, unless Allah showers me with his grace and mercy.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī (5673) and Sahīh Muslim (2816)]

              This is Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who used to stand in prayer at night so long that his feet would swell up. `Ā’ishah asked him: “Messenger of Allah! Why do you do this, when Allah has forgiven you your past and future sins?”

              He replied: “Should I not, therefore, be a thankful servant?” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī (4837) and Sahīh Muslim (2820)] In spite of h

              is peerless and constant devotion to worship, and in spite of his unfaltering gratitude to his Lord, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) made it clear that his deeds, on their own, would not be enough to gain him admittance into Paradise.

              Nevertheless, our deeds are vitally important. They draw us closer to Allah and make us more worthy of receiving His mercy. Allah says: “Allah’s mercy is always near to those who do good.” [Sūrah al-A`rāf: 56]

              FROM

              Regarding the nightmare you had the other night, ignore it sis, shaytan is playing with you, we all get horrible dreams, no matter how bad and significant it seems, it cant harm you. ----This was what I said, and this would be the case usually, but the sister seems to be suffering from dangerously extreme waswasa with all the suicidal thoughts, in this case I think action is necessary...it sounds jinn related (march 2014)

              It was reported that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If any one of you sees something that he dislikes (in a dream), let him get up and pray, and not tell people about it.’” (narrated by Muslim, 2263)

              protection from nightmares


              stay strong. May Allah give you happiness. ameen. :love:

              start praying again, it is afterall obligatory. not performing salah is a sin so go back to salah. insha'Allah it will be a comfort to you

              why would you be unworthy of Him? He created you and you have always depended upon Him and He has always provided for you and protected you from countless known and unknown dangers. He even listens to the dua of one who disbelieves in times of adversity, even if that person is calling on some false god instead of Him! You are not unworthy.
              Last edited by cho09082489; 05-03-14, 03:35 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                Salaam
                We all go through depression at some point in our lives. You are not alone. Your case seems serious have you tried speaking to your doctor ? There is treatment out there you just have to try it.
                CBT, counselling, medication and psychiatric help available. Alternatively , you could try Islamic counselling or herbal remedies. All these are just short term way to get better. Realistically, you need to decide what is best for you and stick to it. You need to get up and have a shower and pray even if you are feeling down. Truth is there is no cure except for God. God heals us so please trust in him and do not give up. Death will surely come to us alll but god decides when that will be. In the meantime take control of your life and situation. Nothing is worth taking your own life.

                Relax
                pray
                Read
                Explore
                Eat
                Smile
                Last edited by Green786; 14-02-14, 12:54 AM.
                "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                  :salams

                  Sister, you seem to be going through very serious difficulties.

                  Please see an Imam/Sheikh for spiritual guidance and see a Dr. for medical help. There are many types of depression. It could be spiritual based in which case you just need to try to be patient and consistent in your prayers. Shaytan will have an easier time getting to you if you are inconsistent. However, there is also biological basis for depression which can be caused by a chemical imbalance. Medication and counseling can help with this :insha: .

                  You have made many threads about your difficulties. May Allah ease them for you. But it may be time for you to actively seek help in your 'real' life rather than online. Members here can offer support, suggestions, and dua's, but it's up to you to take them and do something with them or leave them. I hope that you seek help and feel better soon. :there:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                    personally i found Quran memorization to be the best and only cure for depression. is amazing amazing amazing SubhanAllah. also let's not forget the benefits of istighfar! Allah swt mentioned it in the Quran. simply if there is anything that u want just constantly say astaghfirullah as much as u can say and night and whenever u remember and u will inshaAllah get everything you want and feel a sense of deep happiness and be content and relaxed. just stick to these two advises for a while and u will see the results for yourself inshaAllah. please please please pray just try your best to keep praying until this prescription i have u takes its affect and then u don't be trying anymore but u will be loving your prayers and can't wait to offer them and feel khushoo and the sweetness of Iman InshaAllah

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                      Originally posted by piousmuslimah View Post
                      I am unbelievably depressed. It went away but now I am falling back into it. I haven't showered for over two weeks and I keep saying I will pray once I shower but i never shower. I cry and cry. I am sad and miserable.
                      I never want to pray anymore.
                      I really want to die. I keep thinking why cant i just die and end this test? I am failing this test ALlah has given us. I feel so worthless. I made so many mistakes.
                      I want to scream a loud and cry that is how much pain I am in.
                      I feel like I am so unworthy, even for Allah. I know He is all forgiving but why cant I put my hands up in prayer and ask for His guidance and forgiveness anymore? Why is this all happening to me? I do not understand!!
                      I pray for you sister that Allah guides you and fills your heart with light and love. May Allah bless and protect you and take away your sadness, ameen. Can I suggest a few things insha'Allah, maybe you can try to contact this group called Muslim Youth Helpline so you can talk to someone anonymous about your problems without having fear of being judged and what not. It's good to talk and It's important you let out what's inside to somebody so you can feel better and seek Allah's help to make the right slow steps back to him. Dhikr and Salaah are a must, if you have a tasbeeh (prayer beads) I highly recommend you keep this with you all the time and when you feel sad or low just recite praises to Allah swt, especially when you sleep, also just make d'uaa and repentance as much as you can. You're not alone, you have brothers and sisters making d'uaa for you insha'Allah you can do it, try to surround yourself with Good Muslim sisters who can open their door for you and show you love and compassion. Please try to contact Muslim Youth Helpline they will be great for you I think, also as other brothers and sisters have mentioned going to the doctors and seeing a counselor would be great. Keep yourself busy, try to get out and meet some good sisters and I found when I was going through my rough times that if you grant ease to someone else then Allah will grant you ease. So go out do some charity work, feed someone who's homeless do acts of kindness that will make Allah swt happy and thus making you happy. Never forget Allah tests those who he loves :) May Allah bless you sister, ameen.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                        Taking care of yourself, even if you don't want to is so important Sister. Shower, bath will help you feel better insha'Allah and also when you peform ghusl/wudu etc. It's a way of cleansing our sins so look at it in that perspective that you are cleansing away any bad and you are purifying yourself insha'Allah. Make sure you eat, and eat healthy and bathe so you can relax and feel clean and better about yourself.

                        I humbly request that respected sisters on this forum can privately message this sister to make sure she is ok and possibly lend a helping hand/ear.

                        May Allah protect us all, ameen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                          So sad to read your message, sister. There are difficult times in life. we all have them. When I felt at the edge, I forced myself to go the mosque and was sitting there for hours... I used the word "forced" as I know how difficult to motivate yourself to do anything when you are in depression. Just get up, take a shower, look into the mirror and say "I'm strong" and go to the mosque... Don't pray if you cant, just feel yourself under the shelter. go again at Djumma time... being among people (especially the ones of your religion) helps a lot. Also do smth good to people (charity, helping to disabled ones). The feeling that you can help also brings you back to life. To fight depression is hard, but possible... we will pray for you... start now...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                            Just remember.. Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear, things will get better inshaAllah. Have faith & pray.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I want to Die, I feel so miserable

                              Originally posted by piousmuslimah View Post
                              I am unbelievably depressed. It went away but now I am falling back into it. I haven't showered for over two weeks and I keep saying I will pray once I shower but i never shower. I cry and cry. I am sad and miserable.
                              I never want to pray anymore.
                              I really want to die. I keep thinking why cant i just die and end this test? I am failing this test ALlah has given us. I feel so worthless. I made so many mistakes.
                              I want to scream a loud and cry that is how much pain I am in.
                              I feel like I am so unworthy, even for Allah. I know He is all forgiving but why cant I put my hands up in prayer and ask for His guidance and forgiveness anymore? Why is this all happening to me? I do not understand!!
                              Don't ever thimk you've failed in the test of this world. Just remember Umar Bin Khattab was once an idolater and now he is remembered as one of the closest and most beloved companion of our Prophet(SAW) just because he spent the rest of his life in the service of Allah.
                              Just take a shower spend more time in praying and crying in front of the most forgiving, your creator, ALLAH.
                              Insha'Allah you will be successful in this test.
                              Your well-wisher
                              Bandon say dil naa lagao sirf Allah say lagao.

                              Comment

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