I had a rough year where I suffered a lot. I became angry with Islam and Allah and left my Muslim tittle. BIG MISTAKE. I suffered even more. It was not until recently I turned to Allah repented and life turned well. But unexpectedly something terrible happened and I became slightly despaired. I continued to pray but it became difficult to concentrate in prayers and to pray salah on time which made me feel even worse. I felt like I was disappointing Allah. I would cry at night and so one night I recited ayat al kursi and last two verses of surah baqrah to keep the shaytaan away. The same night I had a dream about a jinn possessing my mother and then me. There was an agel in the form of a boy who tried to recite Quran to keep it away but because of my temptations by the shaytaan I messed it up. The dream frightened me. And now I have this pain this fear in my heart. As if Allah is not angry but is sad/disappointed with me. I feel like He is trying to tell me something but I do not know what.
I feel like crying because I feel as if I can feel Allah's sadness. Its a terrible feeling. I also feel pain ugh but a pain like loss? I do not know. I really love Allah I hate making Him feel like this. But I also feel so weak. Like a failure. Like whateveer I do in life is always just me messing up. Please help me. Please
I feel like crying because I feel as if I can feel Allah's sadness. Its a terrible feeling. I also feel pain ugh but a pain like loss? I do not know. I really love Allah I hate making Him feel like this. But I also feel so weak. Like a failure. Like whateveer I do in life is always just me messing up. Please help me. Please
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