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Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

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  • Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

    :start:
    :salams

    Alhamdulillah, a brother at my work place does a lot of charity fund raising and promotion for genuine and worthy causes within Islam. He is a good example of someone getting involved and he does not brag about what he does, the only reason I know about it is because of the leaflets and posters he leaves around in the staff room and events he promotes.

    Below, is the problem I need, (insha Allah), to solve.

    Whenever myself, (or any of the other Muslims working at our place), speak about anything other than these causes, he interjects reminding us of these causes.

    Nothing wrong with that, I know. It is good to have a reminder.

    However, he does it in such a way that I feel awful at talking or even sometimes thinking about any other topic other than these worthy causes. I realise that he is passionate, which is a good, good thing but often he infers that I am not involved with any cause, which isn't true, it is just that I don't advertise the good that I do because I am not promoting events, where as he is.

    Example:
    Myself and other female in the staff room on a break discussing that she needs to get a gift for her child, who lives back home with her parents while she works over here with her husband. She has no car, so I offered her a lift to a local large toy retailer, to get this gift because it would be cheaper. Brother Ibrahim, interjects that the money she is about to spend on this gift, together with the shipping, would feed or provide medicine for several people in a war torn area or our community.

    Which is true, I'm not disputing the truth in what he is saying. I am trying to find a way of communicating to him, that if he continues in this way, he will alienate the very people he is seeking to inspire to get involved in worthy causes because he comes across as really negative and depressing all the time without any let up.

    Please don't read my clumsey way of putting my problem across aand think I don't admire the passion and dedication that this brother has, I admire him greatly. If I let my tongue loose I would say "omg, other people do give more than you imagine it's just they don't talk about it or want to advertise it, so please don't assume that just because they buy a gift for their family that they can be judged by you!" but of course, my tongue stays in my mouth alhamdulillah, because I realise his passion and good heart.

    Seriously, yesterday he asked me how I can enjoy to go on a work person's birthday party when there are so many brothers and sisters crying out for my help. He put it like I was heartless and cold. I always feel reprimanded by him.

    Can you see what my dilemma is? I hope so.

    I help out the local Mosque with gardening and other things to provide housing for new young couples and I look after kids to enable single mum reverts to get some time. I also give financially to overseas. But I also look out for my own mother and brother. I am also a very positive and happy person in my personality which might irritate him when he hears that. I don't know.

    What can I do without explaining to him what I do; it's not a competition?
    None of us should have to justify ourselves only to Allah subhana wa ta ala.

    salams


    EDIT UPDATE HERE
    Last edited by ssh; 25-02-14, 05:15 PM.



  • #2
    Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

    i dont think you should name the brother :scratch:
    They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

      Originally posted by ibzy View Post
      i dont think you should name the brother :scratch:
      Edited :)


      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

        The simple answer to this is to politely say people also have other priorities

        truth is some of the brothers locally in my area who are all for aid to Syria and 99% of their time is based on collecting and distributing aid are often ignoring other priorities and needs,

        Having said that Birthday parties should be avoided and THAT should have been his reason for ''admonishing''

        Put even more simply I would tell to mind his business and what I give or don't give is between me and Allah swt and quote the the whole give with your right hand so your left doesn't know

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        • #5
          Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

          Originally posted by ssh View Post
          Edited :)
          koolio
          They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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          • #6
            Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

            :salams:

            I think it is a question of balance.You can buy gifts and still give sadaqa. It is not this or this. Maybe someone should explain to him that making people feeling guilty is not a good way to encourage charity involvement
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            • #7
              Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

              Waalaikumussalam,
              How people worship Allah SWT differs from person to person ,some are strong , some are weak.
              End of the Day we are as individuals answerable to Allah SWT , as one person may find something hard to do but that maybe his test or one of his tests in Dunya
              I think this brother looks at issues from one dimension.
              Explain to him that you also do your share of activities but not willing to discuss those as you like to keep it to yourself.

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              • #8
                Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                asalaamu alaykum. To remove ill feelings, calmly say you have given charity 'this week'. This reassures him that u are constant in charity, but u have priorities elsewhere too. Tell him he is doing something great, but he shouldn't 'burn himself out' because once he gets married or gets family responsibilities, he'll realise he needs to spend at home too. Stay calm always, he's young, that's all.
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                • #9
                  Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                  Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                  The simple answer to this is to politely say people also have other priorities

                  truth is some of the brothers locally in my area who are all for aid to Syria and 99% of their time is based on collecting and distributing aid are often ignoring other priorities and needs,

                  Having said that Birthday parties should be avoided and THAT should have been his reason for ''admonishing''

                  Put even more simply I would tell to mind his business and what I give or don't give is between me and Allah swt and quote the the whole give with your right hand so your left doesn't know
                  Why this please?


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                    Originally posted by @nda View Post
                    asalaamu alaykum. To remove ill feelings, calmly say you have given charity 'this week'. This reassures him that u are constant in charity, but u have priorities elsewhere too. Tell him he is doing something great, but he shouldn't 'burn himself out' because once he gets married or gets family responsibilities, he'll realise he needs to spend at home too. Stay calm always, he's young, that's all.
                    That's the thing though, myself nor anyone else needs to explain our life to him. The same as he doesn't have to explain his life to me. Who am I? No one. We all answer to Allah.


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                    • #11
                      Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                      Wa alikumasalam.

                      P.s problem 1? Are you going to post a list of problems, do we have to be prepared for problem 1 2 3 and etc... i like this listing thing.

                      Anyhow... how good is your patience?

                      Maybe exercise your sabr. If he addresses you again, you do not have to respond but say always "jzk brother for the reminder". Just continue biting your tongue, even if it looks like he is coming off as questioning you as a person just know that you know what you do and thats enough. By stating what you do may come off in a negative way or he may always come to you more often since he will think his message will come through to you since your a charitable individual. You do not want more attention from it, so its best to keep it simple yet not hurting his feeling.
                      Bye...

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                      • #12
                        Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                        Originally posted by Maghrebia00 View Post
                        Wa alikumasalam.

                        P.s problem 1? Are you going to post a list of problems, do we have to be prepared for problem 1 2 3 and etc... i like this listing thing.

                        Anyhow... how good is your patience?

                        Maybe exercise your sabr. If he addresses you again, you do not have to respond but say always "jzk brother for the reminder". Just continue biting your tongue, even if it looks like he is coming off as questioning you as a person just know that you know what you do and thats enough. By stating what you do may come off in a negative way or he may always come to you more often since he will think his message will come through to you since your a charitable individual. You do not want more attention from it, so its best to keep it simple yet not hurting his feeling.
                        That's totally it Maghrebia, I don't want to hurt his feelings or even (and more importantly to me), cause Islam any harm by saying anything wrong to him either in front of others (non-Muslim) or not.

                        I should continue to bite my tongue because there is nothing bad he is doing, only good! Also, he is only speaking the truth but sometimes it feels like he wants no one to have any fun. All fun and laughter and humour must stop because someone in the world somewhere is hurting - you know?

                        There is a good colleague at work who I like working with a lot, her work is exceptional and I know she finds this difficult too but doesn't express it either. :insha: think we should actively remind each other when we are working together, just how small our irritation is in comparison to how large the good is of keeping our tongues in our head.

                        Thanks a lot for helping me think it out everyone.
                        :jkk:



                        P.S. Alhamdulillah, there are only 2 problems but I am bare slow in posting the other one, if I can't think of how to word it correctly.
                        Last edited by ssh; 25-01-14, 10:45 AM.


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                        • #13
                          Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                          Walayk Salam

                          The salafs used to do their normal stuff while never forgetting the needy. The gift scenario is normal.

                          Like everyone said, say jazakhullah and do your thing.
                          "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                          Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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                          • #14
                            Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                            Let him know charity begins at home. :)

                            I understand where you are coming from. People who are as passionate as said brother, they tend to have tunnel vision and only see what is straight ahead. Let him be in his happy place, easier said than done I know ;)
                            Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Problem 1: A Passionate Brother at Work

                              This brother has left our workplace and is going out to Syria!

                              I don't know what to say. I am worried, in awe, saying du'a for him and his family and saying alhamdulillah as well.

                              May Allah, subhana wa ta ala, keep him safe and use him mightily as well.


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