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Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

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  • Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

    I will try to keep this as short as possiblle. I lived in Pakistan for some time where I developed my love for Islam. However upon moving to the USA I lost interest and claimed to be agnostic. My parents abused me physically and emotionally and treated me very unfairly so I started to despise the religion. I found a man who was Muslim and we were going to go to our families to ask to get married. But one day he got angry and beat me. He used Islam to defend his actions and from that day I started to despise Islam. I sinned in all ways possible. I just couldn't restore my faith I didn't know how to. Now I am in the lowest point of my life. I am suicidal and severely depressed. I have no one for support and am not getting better. There was another boy who was athiest that I became to attached too, truth is only for attention and he has recently abandoned me too. I feel as if every time I meet someone (even girls) that bring me happiness are somehow ripped away from me. Please help me sisters I need advice and guidance. Will this ever get better? I think about killing myself everyday i am so depressed

  • #2
    Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

    I am not a sister but I must quickly advise you to not think on such a low level.

    Allah (swt) says in the qur'an do not kill yourselves.

    This is you just being unstable. Everyone can have a down point in their life, but turn to Allah (swt) don't let shaytain sink you lower and lower. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Clearly your family and the people you were around were cultural muslims and abused you while trying to use islam as an excuse. This is unacceptable. The prophet (pbuh) never beat any of his wives and hated people who are abusive. He is the best of you are those best to women.

    Islam teaches respect and protection of women but unfortunately cultural degenerate people who do not follow islam abuse women.

    Sinning will not liberate you it will sink you lower in life. Even people who drink alcohol to 'forget' their worries end up worse and worse, sinking lower and lower. This is shaytain's trick. To the point now you are even suicidal this is shaytain's trick trying to make you feel hopeless and lost.

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    • #3
      Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

      salam

      Suicide is not even a choice for a muslim. The consequence of suicide is eternal suicide i.e. you keep killing yourself again and again for eternity as a punishment.

      sinning is never the solution or answer to a problem you should know this.

      abuse from family and others is not because of islam but due to ignorance and hate.

      Get close to Allah and change your life, otherwise you will continue to suffer. And stay away from sin sister it will only cause you more grief.

      The best advice is to follow islam properly, read and listen to the quran and have hope and yes things do and will get better but you need to make the right effort.

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      • #4
        Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

        As long as you are still breathing, then repent and start again.

        ALLAH will forgive as if you never did these sins in the first place. Ameen.
        Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
        ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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        • #5
          Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

          -:salams

          -You don't know how to restore your faith? One step is to sincerely, and I mean sincerely return back to Allah and repent for every evil deed you've committed. All of that pain you feel, all of that burden, all of that weight on your shoulders, just lift your hands in dua and just tell Allah everything. Talk to him about your short comings and just talk to him sister, and ask him for forgiveness for all of the evil you've done. Allah loves it when his servants turns to him in repentance, hastening in disobedience isn't going to make things better, because if your doing it in a way to get back to Allah, you'll never be able to harm him and you'll destroy yourself in the process. But sister if you just turn back, just turn back and ask for forgiveness you can earn his love. Like the above brothers stated, domestic abuse is not Islam, people who say that are ignorant of the deen and Allah with his perfect justice will hold people accountable. Don't hate the religion, don't hate Allah for what these imperfect creations did, humans are weak. The only being you can trust 100% and rely on is Allah, he'll never let you down, he won't betray you, he won't leave if you follow him. All you have to do is have patience and continue to worship him and inshallah he'll be your main choice of happiness, just remember that everybody will be held accountable for what they did, nobody is off the hook. And please don't contemplate suicide, that is not an option, do not throw away your hereafter like that, you think you'd run away from your problems but you'll only put yourself in a deeper situation you couldn't possibly bare. So my dear sister please just start fresh, start all over, you're still breathing and the mercy of Allah is here, start over.

          -As for how to get back on track, first make taubah, ask for forgiveness for all the wrongs you've committed, turn back to your creator and humble yourself. Any problem you have he's always there to listen, after you make sincere repentance, listen and recite the Quran. It's the best medince for the heart, verily with the remembrance of Allah does the heart finds rest, whenever you feel down just recite or just keep listening to it, the words of Allah is the best source for finding ease. I ask you to please think deeply about your creator and don't think about giving up, everybody in life goes through trials, but the best of those are the ones who are patient and steadfast on the deen. Jannah isn't cheap sister, we all have to work for it. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you a soft heart, and may he ease all of your pain away ameen.

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          • #6
            Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

            I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, sister. We are here for you. No dont kill yourself. No one is worth killing for. Each one is responsible for his and her own actions.

            Repent, sister, turn a new life. Do not associate with people like that. Keep good company. May Allah keep you on straight path of Iman and Islam. Turn to Him. He will not let you down.



            Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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            • #7
              Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

              I'm really worried and yet still hopeful that the OP/girl of this post will reply back soon telling us how she is.

              To her/to you:

              I've lived your life in a different way. In my own way. I know what it's like to see someone you like destroy you emotionally and physically. The cries that turn into silent screams. The desperation that Allah will relieve you, and the silence that follows. I've never felt more alone than in this moment now, at this time yet I know that within my loneliness there are people like you; just as lonely as I am. I know what it's like to have the Muslim community turn your back on you, for reasons you won't ever know and to have an atheist of all people be the one with a helping hand just for them to abandon you as well. To see happy couples, happy families in their moment soaking up this time and enjoying it; and wondering why that's not you, and why you didn't receive that. The bitterness, the rejection, without any reason we know of. For what it seems to be hated, for what? Being you? Existing? The cruelness of people is so filled within some individuals even their eyes are unemotional and alien-like. What is most devastating is that it's your eyes and heart you give to those who deserve it least, which you didn't know because sometimes the best people in this life are the one with the most innocent eyes to view the world.

              I remember, in a not too long ago past. I lost the only friend I ever had, the one who loved me, supported me in every way, the one who promised me to never leave my side. Whom has left forever, suddenly, strikingly and without a reason known to me. I ask Allah al-kabir as-sabbur to replace this emptiness in my heart and fill it with someone who won't ever break me. May He do the same for you. I've cried too much that I can't cry anymore. There is so much suffering on my face everyone sees it, no words need to be spoken. I can't hide the fact that I start to shake, I start to twitch perhaps even gone a bit mad. Yet the bright screen in front of me is the only friend I have, my confidante and my escape. Allah is there somewhere, working in ways I don't understand. To have a human emptiness never seems to be easily filled with Allah, maybe not for me being a new Muslim, maybe that point is irrelevant. I have lost hope in most Muslims, I don't even try to be friends anymore. No one will understand my story, just as you find it hard for people to relate to yours. I have Allah, in the God-like form He is. I pray, wa Allahi I pray, and my du'aa is like a string with too many beads that stretch endlessly. Yet it's silent, and I still believe Allah is there, I have to because there is nothing more I have.

              You have to stay alive. Do it for Allah, do it for me. Stay alive because I have a scar on my wrist that reminds me how close I was to ending it (as a Muslim). Stay alive because if you can't make it I don't know if I can. You have to be there so that your story is known, so that your suffering can be heard by people like me who can say "yes...I am not alone." If nobody cares about you, than meet me and I love you because Allah loves you and for that alone you are closer than my non-religious family. If you don't have a family meet me, I'm someone you never met who is your family by religious adoption so to speak. All those people that hurt you, are the lowest **** on this planet they aren't even worthy to be called "human." Move forward because they don't want you to, this life called dunya is just a game; and we stay alive for Allah's sake and for each other. IF you ended your life, I will mourn you and believe me I would, even now it puts me so close to tears because that depression is the ghost on my back whom has been in my life more than my family.

              If you suffer this bad, it's because your enemy is greater than these other people. Shaitan hates you and wants to destroy you. Learn to fight him back, fight him with me. I truly believe in the goodness of my soul as beaten and battered and sinful things it has done I know that Allah loves me, and that Shaitan despises me. I know you are good, I believe in that as much as I believe my hands typing for Allah wouldn't do this to you without a reason. Don't look so sorrowful about your life, look at the darkness of it now because someday it's going to be brighter than everyone elses. All the struggles you have been through shape you chemically, physically, spiritually and I don't know when the suffering will end but I promise you it will. Right now, I did this tonight for myself. Right now this second get a pen and paper. You better have one. Write down what's bothering you, and solutions to the problem. I know it's confusing why Allah ta'ala allows this suffering for you but ask Him later, for now you are busy. Busy because things have to change, and you have to be the strong one to do that. Write down solutions, your dreams, what you want and how you think you can get it. Keep it by you. Include Allah, He constantly is watching you and wants to be involved with you, He loves you really but we forget that sometimes.

              Just don't be agnostic.
              Don't lose Islam, I don't want to lose you to that asshole shaitan. Don't stop being my sister, don't leave the family. We need you and I need you, stay strong for me because if you suffer, I suffer and I'm tired of seeing everyone like this. Let's change, let's start right now.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                As long as you are still breathing, then repent and start again.

                ALLAH will forgive as if you never did these sins in the first place. Ameen.
                THIS

                remember sister. islam is perfect. muslims are not
                there are always going to be people in life who are going to upset you, who will pain yiu, will make you suffer - have sabr because they ahve been sent as a test from allah - to strenthen us abd ti bring us closer to his deen.

                BUT sister, yoou have walked away from allah!!!
                allah said ' remember me, and i will remember you he also said ' if you come to me walking, i will come to you running'

                what are you doing???
                how can allah turn to you in mercy if your heart has turned away from he who is your creator, he who has power over all things, he who is most merciful, forgiving to his servants. You are doing YOURSELF a great injustice.

                forget all those people.
                clear you mind, read salah EVEN if you dont feel it in your heart, go through the actinos, do dhikr, make dua and beg beg beg allah that he give you hidayat. guidance is in the hands of allah sis. people give up on you but allah NEVER gives up on anyone, as long as that person has the ability to turn towards hilm, and to search him out that path to allah is always there.

                and suicide??
                come on sister. allah has given you a life, he is the giver, he is the taker. Your body has a right over you. Dont harm it and dont deprive it of lfie. Dont you fear a day when allah says to you ' did you really lose your hope in me, did you not think that i didn't see your pain, your anguish, did you really have no patience'............

                as one sister taught me on this forum - attach your heart to allah, not to anything else :)

                keep safe, but please start salah again. may allah guide you

                __________________________________________________ _____________________________



                please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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                • #9
                  Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                  :salams

                  I am sorry for what you are going through, but you can take charge of your situation in shaa Allah. Turn to Allah constantly. We only need Him. Suicide is not the answer. I am not even talking about yourself, and the sin...but is that how you want to be remembered? No way! You are a fighter, hence why you are here seeking advice alhamdulillah. :) Dig deep, and with Allahs help, you will find that will to live.

                  What you have been through sounds awful. I cannot take that away for you, and may Allah reward you with good for your trials. What doesnt break us, only makes us stronger, and we as muslims, most def are fighters :) Think positive and seek help from Allah ...that is all the advice I can give.

                  May Allah aza wa jal ease your situation ameen

                  barakAllahu feekum

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                  • #10
                    Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                    :wswrwb:

                    Op May Allah make things easy for you on a side note I just want to say:

                    Brothers when choosing your spouse, please don't only go for outer beauty or even 'obvious' practising behaviour. The same applies to sisters, don't just find a brother who is 'practising' because the last thing you want is to be married and then within 2 months of marriage you find a monster in him.

                    He prays five times a day in the masjid but then comes homes and strangles his wife if his food isn't ready.

                    To really know about someone you must find out about them through close friends and relatives, you must be able to find someone trustworthy who will not be bias so you can find out exactly how their mizaaj is, how they behave with their own family members, father, mother, sister etc.

                    Wallahi especially too many sisters unfortunately are in marriages whereby they now feel trapped and stuck but they are not happy, why?

                    All because they live with a monster.

                    If you are a monster, then know that one day, one day you will pay for your heinous crimes.

                    And don't give me rubbish about weakness of imaan and what not.

                    You simply didn't get beats when you threw your tantrums as a baby, so now you still throw it in your 30s
                    If knowledge was a justification for taqwa then shaytan would be the most muttaqi - maulana Zahir Mahmood
                    'More beloved to me than 23 years of lecturing' Sheikh Ahmed Ali
                    Islamic etiquette for social media
                    http://youtu.be/VVa7av9eKkY

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                    • #11
                      Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                      It bothers me a lot when so many people talk about suicide. Above everything, it is haram. That should be enough reason for us to not even consider it. But we are weak humans and see that as an easy solution to our problems. In the grand scheme of things, our problems are so not a big deal although it seems like it now.

                      Don't be the victim of cultural Islam. Once you find true Islam, your heart will be at peace automatically. Don't believe those cultural freaks who claim Islam in their animalistic actions.
                      Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                        Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                        THIS

                        remember sister. islam is perfect. muslims are not
                        there are always going to be people in life who are going to upset you, who will pain yiu, will make you suffer - have sabr because they ahve been sent as a test from allah - to strenthen us abd ti bring us closer to his deen.

                        BUT sister, yoou have walked away from allah!!!
                        allah said ' remember me, and i will remember you he also said ' if you come to me walking, i will come to you running'

                        what are you doing???
                        how can allah turn to you in mercy if your heart has turned away from he who is your creator, he who has power over all things, he who is most merciful, forgiving to his servants. You are doing YOURSELF a great injustice.

                        forget all those people.
                        clear you mind, read salah EVEN if you dont feel it in your heart, go through the actinos, do dhikr, make dua and beg beg beg allah that he give you hidayat. guidance is in the hands of allah sis. people give up on you but allah NEVER gives up on anyone, as long as that person has the ability to turn towards hilm, and to search him out that path to allah is always there.

                        and suicide??
                        come on sister. allah has given you a life, he is the giver, he is the taker. Your body has a right over you. Dont harm it and dont deprive it of lfie. Dont you fear a day when allah says to you ' did you really lose your hope in me, did you not think that i didn't see your pain, your anguish, did you really have no patience'............

                        as one sister taught me on this forum - attach your heart to allah, not to anything else :)

                        keep safe, but please start salah again. may allah guide you
                        MashAllah^^ follow the above advice sister. May Allah swt give u strenth and sabr and ease your pain. Ameen
                        "Do not get attached to what will not stay with you, get closer to The One Who never leaves you"
                        (Ibn Al-Qayyim)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                          and killing yourself is going to help you how? if you take that route things only get worse, trust me

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                          • #14
                            Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                            Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
                            I will try to keep this as short as possiblle. I lived in Pakistan for some time where I developed my love for Islam. However upon moving to the USA I lost interest and claimed to be agnostic. My parents abused me physically and emotionally and treated me very unfairly so I started to despise the religion. I found a man who was Muslim and we were going to go to our families to ask to get married. But one day he got angry and beat me. He used Islam to defend his actions and from that day I started to despise Islam. I sinned in all ways possible. I just couldn't restore my faith I didn't know how to. Now I am in the lowest point of my life. I am suicidal and severely depressed. I have no one for support and am not getting better. There was another boy who was athiest that I became to attached too, truth is only for attention and he has recently abandoned me too. I feel as if every time I meet someone (even girls) that bring me happiness are somehow ripped away from me. Please help me sisters I need advice and guidance. Will this ever get better? I think about killing myself everyday i am so depressed
                            Salam sister, I have been down this road (removing myself from Islam) and believe it only gets worse...my childhood wasnt the best which eventually lead to me living on the streets for nearly two years, this was also the point when I left my beliefs due immense rejection from family. Sleeping in abandoned houses, sleeping on buses/parks/broken cars (etc) and it really hurt when the winter months came round... but one day I just woke up in a black room and just cried my eyes out to Allah in pure desperation so that I could be helped. I didnt even have to pray that day for my cries to be heard, that afternoon I was out of that hell hole and after a few months I got back on my own two feet. Subhanallah! Look at the power of sincerely needing Allah...your prayers WILL be answered, believe that when you call on Allah (even if is just putting your hands up to Allah whilst facing the Kibla), its happened to me and Im the worst. I am in a bad place at the moment but Alhamdulillah I already feel some hope by joining this forum, I know Allah doesn't want me to burn in hell, why else would Allah put this sadness in me if Allah didnt want me to turn to Him. I prayed today, the first time in a LONG time but its a start, so why not try with me sister, although we are residing in different continents (Im UK resident) we are both sisters who NEED Allah and we can both try to worship Allah by taking one prayer at a time, then one day at a time...and the answer to your question is yes, it will get better inshaAllah.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Desperate Need Of Advice Before I kill Myself

                              Originally posted by tanragagirl View Post
                              I will try to keep this as short as possiblle. I lived in Pakistan for some time where I developed my love for Islam. However upon moving to the USA I lost interest and claimed to be agnostic. My parents abused me physically and emotionally and treated me very unfairly so I started to despise the religion. I found a man who was Muslim and we were going to go to our families to ask to get married. But one day he got angry and beat me. He used Islam to defend his actions
                              Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. Qur'an 4:34
                              Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)"
                              The above would appear to contradict the verse in the Qur'an but this explain when and how a husband should admonish his wife :

                              hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark
                              And we see this in the Qur'an. This verse instructs prophet Ayub in how to 'beat' his wife.

                              "And take in your hand a bundle of thin grass and strike therewith (your wife), and break not your oath . Truly! We found him patient. How excellent (a) slave! Verily, he was ever oft-returning in repentance (to Us)! 38:44
                              Ibn Sa`d in al-Tabaqat al-Kubra, Al-Tabarani in al-Mu`jam al-Kabir, Abu Ya`la in his Musnad, Abu Nu`aym in Hilyat al-Awliya' and al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak narrated from Umm Salama: "The Prophet was in my house and there was a siwak in his hand. He called for Wasifa [the servant-girl] to come to him or to her [i.e. to serve Umm Salama] but she tarried until anger was visible on his face. So Umm Salama went out to her and found her playing with an animal. She said to her: "You are playing while the Messenger of Allah is calling you?" She replied: "No, by the one who sent you with truth! I did not hear you." Whereupon the Prophet said: "Were it not for fear of exaction (qawad) on the Day of Resurrection, I should surely make you sore (la'awja`tuki) with this toothpick."

                              Al-Munawi in Fayd al-Qadir mentioned that al-Mundhiri and al-Haythami declared its chain of transmission good. Al-Suyuti graded the hadith "fair" (hasan) in al-Jami` al-Saghir.

                              The hadith is in Kanz al-`Ummal (#39820, 39821, 39829).
                              In summary a man must not beat his wife in a manner that causes injury or leaves a mark. Beating is done to show displeasure not to cause pain. You have had bad experiences because unfortunately the vast majority of Muslims in the World do not practise according to Qur'an and Sunnah.
                              "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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