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what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

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  • what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

    Assalamu alaikum everyone :)

    I had no idea where to post this, hoping I've categorised it properly.
    Anyway, I'll just get straight to the point now, I have a younger brother who is 14, he just turned 14 a few months ago.
    So what happened was, I ended up going onto his facebook since he left it logged... and yeah, I went through his messages. (trying to be a good sister.)
    I noticed he's been messaging this girl that he "Likes", she's not muslim, I think she's christian, but a non-practising one. Right now of course it's all innocent (I think) and he's been sending "poems" *cringe* and what not, asking her to meet him early in the morning, he's saying he'll pay for her food, he'll buy her a necklace, and the most cringing things. I've actually noticed he's been leaving early in the morning, and taking more money from my dad lying saying he gets really hungry so he eats more.
    Mind you, she does not seem the slightest bit interested in him at all, it all just seems beggish at the moment.

    Now Islamically, dating and all of that is not allowed and it's haram, however my family isn't loaded with money either, to send him to an all boys school or madrasa to avoid any mixing between genders.
    Also where we are located doesn't really help, it's very far from the capital and there aren't very many muslim schools etc in my city.
    Me and my mum have explained to him several times, (before I found out he likes this girl) my mum kind of THINKS he will end up going out with some girl so she and I warn him before hand but he really won't listen. We tell him it's not allowed islamically, he nods and says he won't but clearly from what I've seen today, he is doing exactly what we said not to.
    We make sure he prays, reads quran (with our supervision most of the time so we know he's actually doing it.) also me and my mum read hadith to him, but seriously, it's like he does all that but he carries on doing the bad thing. I really don't understand.

    Now I've assumed whatever we say goes in one ear and out the other, no point in shouting at him since that will probably will make things worse.
    What to do next? we've explained, a billion times, not only about girls, but alcohol, drugs, not to hang around with bad company, we told him to hang around with good muslims. Me and my mum have explained almost everything in detail to him. Now if he's not understanding after all of that then what do we do? Not only is he doing something haram but he's ruining his education by constantly thinking about this girl, and she doesn't even give a crap, while he seems so stuck to her. He's getting low marks and isn't performing as well as he should, he already has learning disability and it's really getting me stressed. I haven't told this to my mum yet, I don't think I can since my mum is already under a lot of stress and is partially depressed because of other family problems. I just want to handle this myself. I know it's hard for new teens to handle "crushes" and what not, I mean, I'm not even going to lie, I've had crushes, but I was explained just like my brother did, and I knew enough to not do anything haram and date. Now for a girl (well, in my opinion.) it isn't so hard to control one self but for some reason my brother is finding it extremely difficult, or he probably isn't even trying. In todays society, muslim kids take going out as a light thing, especially at that age. So how I'll get him to stop, only allah knows.
    So..... any idea's? anybody in a similar situation with their siblings/children? what could I do without involving my parents?

  • #2
    Re: what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

    Wa alaikum salam

    He is still very young and doesnt know the consequences of his actions. Right now he's found something and finds it exciting. Cut out internet until he is over this craze and learns to be more responsible then limit his time on it.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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    • #3
      Re: what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

      Actually, we don't let him use internet much at all, I mean he doesn't use the laptop or computer at ALL. There's a password so he can't get in without asking and when he does we usually say no.
      He actually uses facebook through his phone, I found his phone and saw he left his FB logged on so that's how I went on it. We had to give him a good phone since we don't let him use the computer, so it felt fair to give him a good phone but I was still against the whole idea of giving him a phone with internet access and 3G. Thinking to confiscate his phone from him, but still unsure on what to do.

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      • #4
        Re: what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

        Originally posted by Sky Lark View Post
        Wa alaikum salam

        He is still very young and doesnt know the consequences of his actions. Right now he's found something and finds it exciting. Cut out internet until he is over this craze and learns to be more responsible then limit his time on it.
        14 is not young at all. He should be mature at this age.
        لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله

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        • #5
          Re: what to do about younger brother who "likes" this girl?

          Originally posted by gominam View Post
          Actually, we don't let him use internet much at all, I mean he doesn't use the laptop or computer at ALL. There's a password so he can't get in without asking and when he does we usually say no.
          He actually uses facebook through his phone, I found his phone and saw he left his FB logged on so that's how I went on it. We had to give him a good phone since we don't let him use the computer, so it felt fair to give him a good phone but I was still against the whole idea of giving him a phone with internet access and 3G. Thinking to confiscate his phone from him, but still unsure on what to do.
          It would be better he got access to the computer rather than the phone. You cant really check up on him if he has a phone. You must have him sit down and have a good talk to him about what he is doing and come to some kind of 'agreement' where he will accept that there are consequences to his actions if he uses the computer wrongfully - that you will introduce drastic measures to stop his usage.
          “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


          Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

          Comment

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