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  • Depressed!

    I have recently finished university and would like to get married but brothers turn away as I am unemployed, though Ive been searching for months on end. My family arent wealthy and father wont pay for my wedding so Im sort of on my own. I dont have older brothers to rely on only sisters who no longer live at home as they are married and my whole family seem to expect me to find a job just like that..then save up and marry. I feel so useless and my sexual frustration increases by the day and I fear I may do haraam just to take my mind of all this stress! :(
    Parents arent religious.
    Brothers probably dont accept me because they dont want someone depending on them...

    Dont know what to do but suicide seemed like a good way to go....


    I dont expect an answer to solve all this but would be nice to have some support and advice...

  • #2
    Re: Depressed!

    asalamu alaykum Catwoman,

    1)some brothers prefer their wives to not work.
    2)weddings don't need to be over the top - announce it and feed the people.
    3)can you not ask at the masjid. some masaajid do matrimonial services. do you have trustworthy friends who can help you out
    4)it's not necessarily dependence but it is their duty to provide, the wife is not obliged to work

    who are these brothers, they seem ... 'different'.

    seek refuge in Allah with regards the thoughts of suicide. literally. make a du'aa every time these thoughts enter your head, shaytaan may be exploiting your fears.
    suicide is never the answer for a Muslim who yearns for Allah's rahma, sis.
    what will you gain other than Allah's Wrath.

    we all await the day we meet Him ... imagine being left out,
    would He be happy with this ... hasha lillah !
    'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
    Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
    علي الحبشي

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Depressed!

      Originally posted by Catwoman View Post
      I have recently finished university and would like to get married but brothers turn away as I am unemployed, though Ive been searching for months on end. My family arent wealthy and father wont pay for my wedding so Im sort of on my own. I dont have older brothers to rely on only sisters who no longer live at home as they are married and my whole family seem to expect me to find a job just like that..then save up and marry. I feel so useless and my sexual frustration increases by the day and I fear I may do haraam just to take my mind of all this stress! :(
      Parents arent religious.
      Brothers probably dont accept me because they dont want someone depending on them...

      Dont know what to do but suicide seemed like a good way to go....


      I dont expect an answer to solve all this but would be nice to have some support and advice...
      The brothers that turn you away are not the ones you should marry, you don't want a traditional desi or a traditional desi wedding. It is the responsibility of the husband to provide. If his wife works that a bonus. I'm not sure where you've been looking or what type of brother you're looking for but you're the ideal type of wife for someone who is settled in work. The wedding should be simple and cost very little. Your background will be an irrelevance to a brother that follows Qur'an and Sunnah, his only concern will be your aqeedah. You're too young to lose hope. Look for brothers with beards, that will filter out a lot of the idiots. You're young, you shouldn't have problems finding anyone. There are plenty of young men out there that follow Qur'an and Sunnah and can provide for you.
      Last edited by Nulbreaker; 19-12-13, 02:45 AM.
      "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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      • #4
        Sister trust in Allah swt and make lots of duas especially in the last third of the night.

        Insha'Allah Allah will soon bless you with lots and lots of happiness :)
        7 Heavens and The Arsh & Kursi Of Allah - by Sheikh Ahmed Ali [HD] :up:

        Subhan'Allah wa bi-hamdihi
        Glorified is Allah with all praise due to Him:love:

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        • #5
          Re: Depressed!

          don't worry sister there's decent brothers out there that will marry you for who you are not your job status............the ones that have turned you away- not even worth the effort!!

          Do you have a local mosque nearby?
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Depressed!

            Originally posted by Catwoman View Post
            I have recently finished university and would like to get married but brothers turn away as I am unemployed, though Ive been searching for months on end. My family arent wealthy and father wont pay for my wedding so Im sort of on my own. I dont have older brothers to rely on only sisters who no longer live at home as they are married and my whole family seem to expect me to find a job just like that..then save up and marry. I feel so useless and my sexual frustration increases by the day and I fear I may do haraam just to take my mind of all this stress! :(
            Parents arent religious.
            Brothers probably dont accept me because they dont want someone depending on them...

            Dont know what to do but suicide seemed like a good way to go....


            I dont expect an answer to solve all this but would be nice to have some support and advice...
            Brothers don't accept you because they don't want you to depend on them? Are these brothers aware that as husbands they must provide and have their wife depend on them?

            If they aren't willing to take that responsibility, which is wajib, then they are not fit to marry
            Last edited by Talwaar; 19-12-13, 02:46 AM.
            How dare they challenge me with their primitive skills? They're just as good as dead

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Depressed!

              Why do you need to work?

              Marry a man who is willing to provide.

              Do a simple nikah and small walima with a few people and that's that. No need for wastage and no need for huge weddings.
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Depressed!

                I hate working
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Depressed!

                  i must say i find it unusual that brothers want a working woman for a wife

                  what is your cultural background? is this the norm?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Depressed!

                    subhanAllah... this is disheartening. I know plenty of brothers who would love to get married and they get the opposite treatment from families who expect super expensive weddings, high mehr (for the family not even for the girl which is against islam -- basically selling daughter). You come from a humble background and don't have high expectations so its mind boggling.

                    Men who fear that you would 'depend' on them clearly don't know what it's to be a man.. and expecting you to work? That's ridiculous. Islamically you're not obliged to work, you can, and if you do it's your earning for yourself, but it's nice if you contribute for the peace of the family (especially here in the west where its more of a struggle financially), but whether you work or not this is in on itself is a ridiculous request!

                    I know a few nice brothers who wish to get married but are in canada, and they come from desi backgrounds, they dont want no crazy cultural weddings or non-sense like you cited that others expect but they are in canada. What they want is a woman that fears Allah and wants to practice Islam.

                    It's sad that your family is not supportive and especially not religious, but so you know, Muhammad (saw) said the most blessing wedding is a simple wedding. So what you want is simplicity which is commendable. Many brothers try to find humble families and humble sisters.

                    You are actually in a position where a lot of brothers would probably want to marry you, as long as you are practicing. I am guessing the brothers that you were interested in were back home mentality combined with liberal western culture up bringing... as they seem very confused men.

                    Don't despair, because Allah (swt) is putting a trial on you... be patient... may Allah (swt) ease your suffering and find you a righteous and pious muslim man who will take care of you, understand you and treat you kindly as well as increase your iman ameen.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Depressed!

                      Firstly sorry to hear that, remember that what is meant for you will not pass you by - So whatever Allah has decreed and its in your fate that will happen

                      So fret not

                      Work on yourself, being a good practising muslim woman, start memorising surahs, or learning arabic, gaining knowlede on Islam

                      A real man wouldnt care if ur working or not, only a greedy chasing money grabber would.

                      We as women should depend on men because In Islam they are our providers and protectors.

                      Dont feel down, these men are in the wrong not you!



                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      i must say i find it unusual that brothers want a working woman for a wife
                      ?
                      Actually you would be surprised, a lot of guys when meeting for marriage say oh its a good thing both of us are working as we need two pay cheques to survive.

                      Guys feel they cant contribute to everything n want the woman to chip in.

                      but a REAL PRACTISING MAN wouldnt think like this << thats to catwoman
                      My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                      ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                      “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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                      • #12
                        Re: Depressed!

                        don't worry catwoman I'm depressed too, we'll find the light at the end of the tunnel together in Sha Allah

                        personally I would never get married to a man who wants me to work, he can sort the bills out, I'm not stressing over finance lol, the dilemma with what to cook everyday will will be enough
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Depressed!

                          As salamu alaykum, sis

                          Firstly, may ALLAH the lord of the heavens and universe bless you and your family.

                          Remember it is a husband's duty to provide. A lot of the guy's that ask that you must work are greedy for money and value the dunya more than the hereafter. I would wonder if they take islam seriously. You do not ant a guy like this anyway.

                          I can understand if the guy wants his wife to have a degree in case he gets sick and he needs the wife to get a job

                          Also, you said you had trouble finding work. What degree did you do? You need to tailor your cv for each job you apply for. Do you have lots of work experience or any at all. Let someone here have a look at your cv and they can help you out.

                          Also, about your sexual desires, I can understand. I feel the same way also. It is tough because parents do not understand with all the filth around us these days.
                          Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                          ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                          • #14
                            Re: Depressed!

                            و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

                            I think you are looking at the wrong brothers. No brother on deen would reject someone because she didn't work. Make sure you only meet practicing brothers, ask them this question before hand.

                            And in the mean time do as sister fairy said , seek knowledge , find your local circles and join them ان شاء الله

                            جزاك الله خيرا
                            The life of the heart is knowledge; so preserve it,
                            The death of the heart is ignorance; so avoid it.
                            Your best provision is true devotion; so provide it.
                            This advice of mine is enough for you; so heed it.
                            –Imam Al Ghazali

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                            • #15
                              Re: Depressed!

                              Salaam

                              The thing is the brothers I come across expect me to work :/ and my family wont get me wed anytime soon unless I start work ..:(

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