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  • My flaws

    Peace.

    I wanted to open this thread to open up about the problems I have in my life. These problems, when I think about them, just make me break down in tears, as I feel helpless in front of them, and that I have no escape from them.

    Firstly I am very forgetful of things entrusted to me and tend to do things before thinking about them first. Often I go open my mouth or do an action before realising that I shouldn't have done so. It often leads me into telling about things that should have been kept as a secret, or causing unfortunate things by acting before thinking.

    Secondly I am completely intolerant of criticism. I find myself offended by it. Whenever I get criticised for my actions, I get shattered and broken, as if I had just been slandered and insulted heavily. Feelings of regret and depression flood me in such situations.

    Thirdly, which is probably the biggest flaw, is that I have a lack of initiative and have hard time approaching new people or talking about my life to my family. I have not yet disclosed to my parents about my reversion, and I haven't yet talked to a Muslim in real life. I feel highly uncomfortable about rectifying either of these things. Both are in theory so easy to do now, but I can't get myself to dare. I don't know what am I fearing, but this just happens. I always rely on being forced to do it when it comes to socializing.

    All these things depress me to no end. If it wasn't disallowed to do so, I would have probably committed suicide already (or maybe it is just yet again that I don't dare to harm myself)
    your online source of hadiths: http://sunnah.com/
    ask me questions: ask.fm/caetratilegion

  • #2
    Re: My flaws

    Salam,
    We all have problems.
    Trust me, 6/10 people around you think exactly what you have said about themselves.
    People don't even see your flaws ONLY YOU CAN.

    What I'm getting at here is you need to quit worrying.
    Worrying just makes things multiply.
    The convert story that has been read 15,000+ times
    "In the Ottoman Empire, Muhammadﷺ's descendants formed a kind of nobility with the privilege of carrying green turbans."

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: My flaws

      asalamu alaykum,

      for your second flaw, just learn to appreciate criticism.
      at first, it'll sting ... and eventually, you'll treat them as gems

      why ...
      1) they are tools to make you that much better (if it's constructive primarily but even the other kind)
      2) they humble you and it's a mercy in this respect

      Alhamdullilah for your reversion, may He continue guiding you. Ameen
      Last edited by Sirius; 19-12-13, 03:10 PM.
      'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
      Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
      علي الحبشي

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      • #4
        Re: My flaws

        Originally posted by Scutarilegion View Post
        Peace.

        I wanted to open this thread to open up about the problems I have in my life. These problems, when I think about them, just make me break down in tears, as I feel helpless in front of them, and that I have no escape from them.

        Firstly I am very forgetful of things entrusted to me and tend to do things before thinking about them first. Often I go open my mouth or do an action before realising that I shouldn't have done so. It often leads me into telling about things that should have been kept as a secret, or causing unfortunate things by acting before thinking.

        Secondly I am completely intolerant of criticism. I find myself offended by it. Whenever I get criticised for my actions, I get shattered and broken, as if I had just been slandered and insulted heavily. Feelings of regret and depression flood me in such situations.

        Thirdly, which is probably the biggest flaw, is that I have a lack of initiative and have hard time approaching new people or talking about my life to my family. I have not yet disclosed to my parents about my reversion, and I haven't yet talked to a Muslim in real life. I feel highly uncomfortable about rectifying either of these things. Both are in theory so easy to do now, but I can't get myself to dare. I don't know what am I fearing, but this just happens. I always rely on being forced to do it when it comes to socializing.

        All these things depress me to no end. If it wasn't disallowed to do so, I would have probably committed suicide already (or maybe it is just yet again that I don't dare to harm myself)
        If you can't face your family write it in a letter and give it to them in person. Go to a mosque and talk to sisters. There is a brother from Finland here, he's posted a thread in this forum. His wife is a native Finn. Maybe you could approach him via a moderator and ask if his wife would be willing to speak to you.
        "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: My flaws

          Originally posted by Nulbreaker View Post
          If you can't face your family write it in a letter and give it to them in person. Go to a mosque and talk to sisters. There is a brother from Finland here, he's posted a thread in this forum. His wife is a native Finn. Maybe you could approach him via a moderator and ask if his wife would be willing to speak to you.
          Correction: I am a brother. But most of that still applies.
          your online source of hadiths: http://sunnah.com/
          ask me questions: ask.fm/caetratilegion

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: My flaws

            Salaam,
            This would be a good start in dealing with your problems now that you have worded them here. A useful tip, next time whenever you want to speak, stop, think before you speak and think again before you'r about to anything just to make sure you wont regret what you are about to say later on. Try it.



            Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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            • #7
              Re: My flaws

              Originally posted by Scutarilegion View Post
              Correction: I am a brother. But most of that still applies.
              Thought your avatar was a sister in niqab.
              "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: My flaws

                I'm sorry to hear this, brother.
                It's important to think before we speak, but at the same time, if you think you may accidently say something while justifying yourself, you could simply tell the person that you don't wanna talk about it.

                criticism can be very helpful in learning things about ourselves from another person's perspective, depends whether the person gives you criticism in a harsh manner or in a way where their aim is to improve you rather than insult you, so if you feel like they're trinna insult you tell them how you feel, it will make you feel better in the long run, that you got it out of your system.

                As someone above said, write your family a letter if you're afraid of facing them. it's a good way to get everything you want out, and it gives them time to reflect and calm down (if they need to) and they can ask questions later, if they want.

                As for socialising it sounds like you have some kind of social phobia, talk to a councillor about it, if you feel comfortable doing that.

                I'm gonna make dua for you inshallah.

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                • #9
                  Re: My flaws

                  The secret I was keeping from my family came out yesterday when my mom approached me to ask about my recent behaviour (meaning the times I went to do ablution and prayer). After confessing it, I think she was more relieved than anything, as she was actually suspecting that I had gone crazy.

                  Though on this day I discovered a new, even problematic flaw about myself, and that is taking things for granted. Especially my friendship. My friend loves me greatly, and does a lot for me, yet I in return neglect him very often. Everytime I do it, he has admitted that it drives him insane. But I feel that my inability to learn from past misdeeds drives me insane as well as I repeat this same thing over and over again.
                  your online source of hadiths: http://sunnah.com/
                  ask me questions: ask.fm/caetratilegion

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: My flaws

                    :salams:

                    You have a very similar personality to me.

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                    • #11

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