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  • Re: Disobedient Wife

    Originally posted by candyapple View Post
    None of that should be condoned.

    The op mentioned he isn't perfect either, how so? Only he knows and maybe his wife
    Being humble and saying he is not perfect is him merely trying to not sound arrogant that he is perfect when he is trying to do good actions. In other words, commendable on his part.

    Me and you won't make things better by calling op's wife names, even it is the truth

    The best people here are the ones helped the OP by giving him advice, not cussing his wife.
    If a person is a sinner, they are a sinner, if they did something indecent, it's indescent. It's called for what it is, by nature we call it what it is, no one called her 'names' (as in you know) but said she is being sinful and indecent by what we has been mentioned like the two examples that I posted above (taking hijab off deliberately with husband seeing it with intent to insult or hurt the husband and rushing without hijab towards door men to again insult or hurt the husband. These are indecent acts.

    If this was an exercise in theory, you would conclude the same conclusion unless you had some strange gender bias because he is a brother. If the case was a woman or a man committing zina, she or he would be someone who committed zina. The issue does not change. If it was the same situation but genders were reversed, it would be indifferent.

    No one has deliberately pointed to a known individual,
    Last edited by Ahmed2013; 13-12-13, 12:34 AM.

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    • Re: Disobedient Wife

      No one should take anything personal here. It's just a discussion forum and we should be positive and express our views according to best of our knowledge.
      It's true there are two sides of every story. But I know I'm telling my story as true as it is.
      Husband and wife should not do things which are against our religion and good social values. She is not fully practicing muslima but got some values. She respects her parents and does not say no to them. She wears scarf as all the girls in family do and in our locality it's common for other girls too. So I respected her wearing scarf and suggested her if I ever felt something wrong in her dress. I'm not a controlling kind of person. If she's doing something good I should not say bad about it. But she uncovers her head just to tease me. Because she knows that I like her to be in covered head. This act is totally wrong and there's no justification for this act.

      I'm not a violent person, but definitely I feel angry if something wrong happens in front of me. I have been telling her Quranic verses and Hadiths on different things related to our issues and domestic problems. But it seems like she just listened them but no action.
      I want to solve any issue with positive arguments. My most arguments are based on islamic references and our family and cultural values. She has the right to differ, but instead of telling me the reason of her difference of opinion Or to make me understand her point of view. She always assumes and say that I'm using someone else's words. Sometimes if we talk about to run our own family system at home, she says we will run our home as her parents suggest. I feel surprised and irritated by her this kind of replies.

      I'm not a weak person, but I'm patient and hope for the good. I do love her but need respect and my status in home. I think about our kids too and I love them much as every father do. May be she thinks kids are my weakness. To be honest, my wife and my kids both are my weakness. Because I always wished to have a happy family life with one good wife and kids. I have all of them except happiness. I have lovely kids and beautiful wife and I'm fulfilling my responsibilities. But I don't have respect and value at home. It seems like I'm just a hired husband and father.

      Comment


      • Re: Disobedient Wife

        Originally posted by Ahmed2013 View Post
        candyapple i dont know if you're a brother or a sister, but you have completely jumped on the original poster in the most biased of ways in every ways. Just let go.

        Reading from the posts the man is struggling and seems sincere. We can but judge people based upon their outwardly, Allah knows the ghaib and if he is hiding something. As far as what he has said and tried from his end seems completely sincere and the woman seems not only sinful in behaviour but very cruel towards this man, merciless to say the least.

        I always say that there are two sides to a story as well, but since we'll never know that at least based on what has been said in here, we have here.

        Sorry to burst your bubble or anyone else's bubble but there are very cruel people out there, including amongst muslims who are abusive not just to women but to men. Women are the ones that are mostly talked about when they are abused, but there are men who are emotionally (and sometimes even physically -- yes) abused by women and their families.

        From what I've understood, he has come from abroad and it's his first marriage while her family had a business and she is divorced with previous kids? Her family has abused him and called him names and she has a habit of swearing, cursing and calling him names. They even have a habit of doing the same to the children and amongst each other. Seems like there is already a family problem at a larger scale. They also seem to put on faces for some people while act a different way to other people. Looks like a family that lacks a lot of islam in their upbringing/education/life/practice.

        Wa Allahu Alim.

        The man's father in law didn't want him to even work on his own and pressured him to work for him (while making poor wages), the man finally got a job, even a house for his wife and children and the emotional abuse continues. Finally, the woman seems to want to torture the guy even more by trying to be deliberately sinful. And yes there are women out there who will have such childish behaviour to 'control' their man while the man is emotionally vulnerable.

        So... it sounds like a pretty messed up family he married into. :wacko:

        Is such a scenario possible? Yes. There are people who lack a proper upbringing in islam and will act evil, cruel and messed up, cussing, swearing, abusing, etc... developing a cruel nature even though they may be 'muslim' by name. Wa Allahu Alim.
        Brother I would like to make a correction...She did not have any child from her previous marriage. We both are the parents of our all three kids. In one post I mentioned, I was not here at the time of our first child's birth. But recently we got twins.
        I'm an educated person and have been living in one European country for study. But after marriage I moved here. My In laws have got some religious and cultural values. But I can't say them as fully practicing muslim family. But I have noticed that they lie for even a little financial benefits, like false insurance claims and access to social benefits. Even though they are financially sound. But I feel and have expressed that they are wrong. If someone say them wrong, it considered as their disrespect.

        Comment


        • Re: Disobedient Wife

          Originally posted by Explorer View Post
          No one should take anything personal here. It's just a discussion forum and we should be positive and express our views according to best of our knowledge.
          It's true there are two sides of every story. But I know I'm telling my story as true as it is.
          Husband and wife should not do things which are against our religion and good social values. She is not fully practicing muslima but got some values. She respects her parents and does not say no to them. She wears scarf as all the girls in family do and in our locality it's common for other girls too. So I respected her wearing scarf and suggested her if I ever felt something wrong in her dress. I'm not a controlling kind of person. If she's doing something good I should not say bad about it. But she uncovers her head just to tease me. Because she knows that I like her to be in covered head. This act is totally wrong and there's no justification for this act.

          I'm not a violent person, but definitely I feel angry if something wrong happens in front of me. I have been telling her Quranic verses and Hadiths on different things related to our issues and domestic problems. But it seems like she just listened them but no action.
          I want to solve any issue with positive arguments. My most arguments are based on islamic references and our family and cultural values. She has the right to differ, but instead of telling me the reason of her difference of opinion Or to make me understand her point of view. She always assumes and say that I'm using someone else's words. Sometimes if we talk about to run our own family system at home, she says we will run our home as her parents suggest. I feel surprised and irritated by her this kind of replies.

          I'm not a weak person, but I'm patient and hope for the good. I do love her but need respect and my status in home. I think about our kids too and I love them much as every father do. May be she thinks kids are my weakness. To be honest, my wife and my kids both are my weakness. Because I always wished to have a happy family life with one good wife and kids. I have all of them except happiness. I have lovely kids and beautiful wife and I'm fulfilling my responsibilities. But I don't have respect and value at home. It seems like I'm just a hired husband and father.
          MaashAllah you defended your wife :up:
          Brother, then if all else fails, you pray 5 times a day, be a good muslim and if she does hurt you , let her know gently. Don't interfere with her family.. And askAllah azawajal for help.
          Don't provoke her when she is upset, because that will rubb off badly on you.. Discuss with her for your children's sake not to argue or bad mouth each other in front of them
          Also if you start swearting at her, she is likely to retaliate.
          "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

          "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

          Comment


          • Re: Disobedient Wife

            Originally posted by Explorer View Post
            Brother I would like to make a correction...She did not have any child from her previous marriage. We both are the parents of our all three kids. In one post I mentioned, I was not here at the time of our first child's birth. But recently we got twins.
            I'm an educated person and have been living in one European country for study. But after marriage I moved here. My In laws have got some religious and cultural values. But I can't say them as fully practicing muslim family. But I have noticed that they lie for even a little financial benefits, like false insurance claims and access to social benefits. Even though they are financially sound. But I feel and have expressed that they are wrong. If someone say them wrong, it considered as their disrespect.
            Brother what her family are sinning about doesn't need to be said here. JazakAllahu khair
            "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

            "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

            Comment


            • Re: Disobedient Wife

              brother there is patience and there is desperation and a word I don't want to use as its sensitive. In the eyes of Allah swt she is naked in front of non mahrams as you describe

              With the greatest of respect akhie the problem seems to be you and your ''patience''. You are the amir, the shield of your house. no one and I mean NO ONE should be dictating your life (I mean in laws etc)

              Sister candyapple I disagree completely with you. Its for his childrens sake he needs to ''man up'' (sorry cant think o fa better word here and I don't mean machismo)
              Just as a girl growing up in a DV household think its nnormal so will boys who see their father as a weak downtrodden man

              I would actually go as far as to say THIS is why his wife is the way she is. Its a cry for help as she needs a man not someone who is bullied left right and centre

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