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  • Disobedient Wife

    I have a question related to my wife's disobedience. I need urgent answer to this question in the light of Quran and Hadith.
    It's a long story and better to be precise for only one question right now. I'm married for almost four years and have three kids. Me and my wife had some ups and downs in our marital relationship. She's always been abusive and never hasitate to call me by names. I have been bearing it and have been warning her that she's doing a grave sin. I always asked for respect only from her. With the passage of time when she did not stop abusing me orally I warned her if she would call my family (mother n father) by bad names and in disrespected manner then I can also do the same to her. But she carried on disrespecting me. One other thing she is doing for last few weeks. Whenever she's angry with me and go out of home to visit her parents who live very near to our house, she take off her scarf to tease me. And if she orders food to be delivered and I'm at home, she does not tell me to collect it from delivery man on the door, But to tease and to show me she goes to open the door with uncovered head and sometimes in night dress. As she knows I like her to cover her head whenever she go out. In normal circumstances she covers her head with scarf. I have talked on this issue with her many times but she does not listen me. I was thinking about give her warning one more time that If she will uncover her head with intention to disrespect and tease me than consider it as I have divorced you. Can I say this to her???
    In this situation, How should I deal with her???
    I shall be grateful to your answers.

  • #2
    Re: Disobedient Wife

    Im glad that you have gone so rationally about giving divorce, not like some when who blurt out three and its all over in a matter of seconds.

    Have you tried to figure out why is she doing this? Sounds like a very bitter woman and she's trying to get back of you, anyway, just my opinion. Try involving an alim where both of you can sit down and speak about whats bothering you, maybe this will help.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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    • #3
      I would be very carefull and smart about it. There are kids involved and if you divorce her your kids will most likely stay with her. So be carefull don't speak to her when you are angry seek out Religious help.

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      • #4
        Re: Disobedient Wife

        Assalaamu Alaykum,

        "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand."
        [Surat An-Nisaa:34]
        إن للمتقين مفازا

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        • #5
          Re: Disobedient Wife

          I'd try to find out why she was behaving like this? There must be some underlying reason as to why she wants to 'tease' you by going out uncovered. That's quite strange.

          Props to you for your patience with her.
          Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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          • #6
            Re: Disobedient Wife

            You haven't told us what you're doing? Why is she constantly disrespecting you? I mean, I'm aware her behaviour is childish and unacceptable but nobody would do all of those things for no reason unless they have mental issues. There are two sides to every story.

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            • #7
              Re: Disobedient Wife

              When we got married she was divorced from her previous marriage while it is my first marriage. I was living in other European country and moved here almost three years ago. I started working in his father's business and was blamed for everything if his business was going down. I know I'm hardworking and honest person. Sometimes I did not get my wage myself from her father considering that he's going down in his business. Sometimes her father did not pay me as he thought I was responsible for his loss. Even though he is well sound person financially. He did not allow me to look for any other job. I wanted to get other job to support my family fully. In my low income I paid for anything my wife needed. At last I found one job and moved to our house which was on my wife's name. Since day one I'm responsible for everything like mortgage and all bills. I'm happy that in my income I can fullfill these responsibilities. She has access to my account because I opened that on joint names while I can't get access to hers.

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              • #8
                Re: Disobedient Wife

                Akhi, beside telling her to wear a scarf, what are you doing to increase her iman?
                "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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                • #9
                  Re: Disobedient Wife

                  What abhorrent behaviour. Unfortunately your intrinsic problem is a woman who has no fear of Allah (swt).

                  Please seek advice from someone of knowledge in your locality on how to deal with this.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Disobedient Wife

                    Originally posted by RashidD View Post
                    Akhi, beside telling her to wear a scarf, what are you doing to increase her iman?
                    Question is, what is she doing to increase it.

                    OP?

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                    • #11
                      Re: Disobedient Wife

                      True, but you can't just close your eyes and leave your wife be. You are the shepherd of your family.

                      Also, jaahil people have no interest in increasing their iman. That's why their in jahiliyyah in the first place.
                      "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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                      • #12
                        Re: Disobedient Wife

                        Originally posted by RashidD View Post
                        True, but you can't just close your eyes and leave your wife be. You are the shepherd of your family.
                        This might be true for some minor issues, dips in emaan now and again, you need motivation and support.

                        However, our true strength comes not from our husbands, but from within ourselves. This is how it should always be. So that when he falters, which he inevitably will, who will also be his strength?

                        This situation seems a little far gone, requires some intervention.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Disobedient Wife

                          Fair points :up:
                          "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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                          • #14
                            Re: Disobedient Wife

                            I were to ask your wife, do you do this, why?

                            What do you think she'll say?
                            "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                            "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

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                            • #15
                              Re: Disobedient Wife

                              What a situation...I'm at home with two kids, both are crying and I'm trying to feed both one by one. They don't get settle down. And their mother(my wife) has gone to visit her parents three hours ago.

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