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  • Free mixing guidance

    Asalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    Brothers and sisters,

    I have yet again another issue in my life which id like to share and gain some opinions on.
    Basically right, in my workplace free mixing is normal, and it's beginning to really impact on me. SubhanAllah.My imaan is getting lower.
    Thing is right, when a lot of us females converse with a male it's not usually with some hidden sexual feelings yu know? I actually would much prefer male companionship to females, not that I've had a male best friends or even close friends of the opposite gender before. But I just like how there's no competition, no secret envy, and much less drama than with females. Apart of me just likes the flattery and the attention but that's a very small part. Not that there is much drama amongst my social sphere because practicing sisters who are sincere in their efforts rarely get Into any mishaps/ misunderstandings alhamduliah.
    Its just I don't know Im almost beginning to crave male attention, more and more day by day.
    Seriously I was not like this way last year.
    I believe this is a huge problem in our society, marriage is made soo problematic and almost impossible yet the evils of free mixing and zina is basically at our door.
    So anyway

    What advise would you give on how I can guard myself when it comes to free mixing?
    Thing is, non Muslim males just don't understand they'll speak to you casually even if ur in niqaab. Even though I don't wear one this does happen.
    Most muslim males know not to push the limits etc.
    But subhanAllah, it's difficult.
    One sister I spoke to regarding this mentioned to give them like a very blank rudeish face, the kind of dont you dare talk to me type face, but that's not within my character.
    I tend to smile a lot, I'm a bit social you know? Not too social but I generally can create/keep up with conversations alhamduliah
    Plus isn't that rude? Wouldn't that give the wrong impression of Islam?
    I actually would do this, when I was newly practicing, and it worked for the most part but then I started to think isn't this a bit rude?
    So I would stop being so stand off ish.
    Was this decision correct? Apart me says yes but then now if I just behave like my normal self like just normal, obviously not too personal but just at a regular medium then they become more conversational and comfortable in speaking with me you know?
    It's a real dilemma

    May Allah make this path easy.
    Last edited by Confusedsisters; 21-11-13, 02:59 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Free mixing guidance

    *subscribes to thread*
    :sub: wabihamdihi:sub:hiladheem

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Free mixing guidance

      Originally posted by rainbow*~ View Post
      *subscribes to thread*
      Haha
      Are you In a similar situation too sis?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Free mixing guidance

        Quit the job or move to different workplace.

        What type of work do you do?

        Also, get married. I iz a manz but have stronger desires than you especially when i go to university and too many women with no modesty or shame.

        I would say that you have it easier than me, much easier and i can say Why, but it might annoy you.

        Not easy. I cannot talk about marriage with parents. I am so different to them and i do not think they understand the temptation to commit zina.
        Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
        ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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        • #5
          Re: Free mixing guidance

          Walaykum wa salam waa rahmatallahi waa baraktu

          Ah freemixing that hardest thing in the west sigh. The office i work in has 80 women and like 4 men. Sadly my manger is a male. I never see him much at all cause his always busy and i work among all the women but when he does ask me stuff I try to direct my eyes somewhere else (try best no eye to eye fails most times :( ) and keep straight tone.


          I got a business degree and now realizing islamically IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO WORK IN CORPORATE life :( So im making a career change into more teaching for children as therapist (make duaa for me!)Its a real dilemma ukhti.

          I wish I didn't have to work but for my instance, i have almost 30,000$ in debt from university loans (non practising days)My parents can't aid my day to day life. I been raised independent. Getting married is hard these days when my older siblings are not even married.

          May Allah azzawajal aid us ameen!

          On the issue of male attention: ukhti if it got that serious, leave or find another job. and GET married. Yes it hard trust me i know.

          May Allah azzawajal grant you a spouse who will be coolness of your eyes ameen!
          Last edited by Amuslimah; 21-11-13, 03:32 AM.

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          • #6
            Re: Free mixing guidance

            It's not practical to quit the job.
            Because a) it's difficult to even secure a job in this day and age.
            B) there's free mixing practically everywhere
            The purpose of this thread was not to obliterate the actuall cause of this. We are in a kaffir land, free mixing is normal to them.
            You know?
            There will be free mixing or some sort of related evil in these workplaces, I just want some guidance, practical guidance on how to combat this problem effectively. Especially with non Muslim males, as they seem to be the most inclined in engaging in this act.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Free mixing guidance

              Edit: Got your original post confused. Thought you were craving coworker male attention I assume you meant just regular male companionship?

              Lowering your gaze and less words should help in the office sense in shaa'Allah

              I don't like speaking to my manger much so here is a trick: If i need him I email him and that minimize the convo's. try emailing your coworkers!

              May Allah azzawajal guide you to whats best ameen!
              Last edited by Amuslimah; 21-11-13, 03:49 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Free mixing guidance

                :wswrwb:

                I know that befriending opposite gender is fun. But Islamically, it is forbidden. So, you must really avoid that. It's better to be alone than in the company of the opposite gender. Start lowering your gaze right now and avoid unnecessary talk with men. It needs commitment because temptation will always be there.
                ~ Don’t trade a house in Jannah :insha:, for a lowly house in this transient world ~

                They want to extinguish the light of Allah with their mouths, but Allah will perfect His light, although the disbelievers dislike it (61 : 8)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Free mixing guidance

                  Yes, similar predicament here :\ i was standoffish until i realised i didn't want to give the wrong impression of Islam so even though i don't actively engage myself in convo with the male species if they start talking to me i let the convo flow but try to hold myself back as to how much i divulge. I did not realise how much of a struggle lowering your gaze is though..i swear everywhere i look my eyes lock with guys, gahh this is driving me insanee. Muslim guys are the most fitna so i maintain the standoffishness with them in the hope theyd realise why i was like that. Felt proper bad the other day when a brother smiled at me and i looked ahead with a straight face cz it was too much fitna!
                  :sub: wabihamdihi:sub:hiladheem

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Free mixing guidance

                    Originally posted by rainbow*~ View Post
                    Yes, similar predicament here :\ i was standoffish until i realised i didn't want to give the wrong impression of Islam so even though i don't actively engage myself in convo with the male species if they start talking to me i let the convo flow but try to hold myself back as to how much i divulge. I did not realise how much of a struggle lowering your gaze is though..i swear everywhere i look my eyes lock with guys, gahh this is driving me insanee. Muslim guys are the most fitna so i maintain the standoffishness with them in the hope theyd realise why i was like that. Felt proper bad the other day when a brother smiled at me and i looked ahead with a straight face cz it was too much fitna!
                    Yeah!
                    SubhanAllah sis, I get like that as well.
                    It's like you don't wan to start a conversation but yu also dont want to come across as rude/ obnoxious and a bit stuck up like yur too good to reply back with kindness. It gets really difficult, most Muslim guys don't even try speaking to you like that well practicing ones. They generally observe the limits, but then there's those typical player/ confident non Muslim guys who actually incline towards you even more because you were hijab, so they're wondering what kind of person yu are?
                    This happens a lot, and it really bewilders me on what's appropriate to do.
                    What adds fuel to this, is of your going though your own nafs struggles and youve got a handsome guy carelessly enquiring about your life.
                    Ah
                    The West.

                    Another reason to make leave this country and settle in the Muslim lands.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Free mixing guidance

                      Guys are all the same everywhere. You will find that obnoxious type too in Muslim lands. Lots of non practicing muslims too there and free mixing does exist though not quite explicit. The thing is you need to choose your environment. You need to surround yourself with practicing muslims as a counter attack. I am sure you can find group of good muslims too in UK or US. Where do you come from? If not on a daily basis it could be on weekly or monthly basis to get along with them. They can be a good filter for any bad habit, Insha Allah.
                      ~ Don’t trade a house in Jannah :insha:, for a lowly house in this transient world ~

                      They want to extinguish the light of Allah with their mouths, but Allah will perfect His light, although the disbelievers dislike it (61 : 8)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Free mixing guidance

                        Originally posted by Confusedsisters View Post
                        It's not practical to quit the job.
                        Because a) it's difficult to even secure a job in this day and age.
                        B) there's free mixing practically everywhere
                        The purpose of this thread was not to obliterate the actuall cause of this. We are in a kaffir land, free mixing is normal to them.
                        You know?
                        There will be free mixing or some sort of related evil in these workplaces, I just want some guidance, practical guidance on how to combat this problem effectively. Especially with non Muslim males, as they seem to be the most inclined in engaging in this act.
                        I'm a non-Muslim man living in the Middle East. I work alongside and manage a number of Muslim women, and free-mixing at work is common here, so I don't think your issue has anything to do with being in a non-Muslim country (though when I lived in the UK I also worked with and managed many Muslim women, which is pretty normal in London).

                        Can I ask what exactly the problem is? None of the men you mention seem to have done anything untoward?

                        I'd also humbly ask you not to use the term kafir. It's pretty offensive to non-Muslims, even if it's not meant to be (as I'm sure it wasn't).

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Free mixing guidance

                          Originally posted by Heb 7:4 View Post
                          I'm a non-Muslim man living in the Middle East. I work alongside and manage a number of Muslim women, and free-mixing at work is common here, so I don't think your issue has anything to do with being in a non-Muslim country (though when I lived in the UK I also worked with and managed many Muslim women, which is pretty normal in London).

                          Can I ask what exactly the problem is? None of the men you mention seem to have done anything untoward?

                          I'd also humbly ask you not to use the term kafir. It's pretty offensive to non-Muslims, even if it's not meant to be (as I'm sure it wasn't).
                          Why is it offensive???

                          You just referred to yourself as a non-Muslim, was that offensive?

                          kaffir = Arabic word for non-Muslim/disbeliever in Islam.

                          The only time anyone should find it offensive is if they are Muslim.
                          O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Free mixing guidance

                            Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
                            Why is it offensive???

                            You just referred to yourself as a non-Muslim, was that offensive?

                            kaffir = Arabic word for non-Muslim/disbeliever in Islam.

                            The only time anyone should find it offensive is if they are Muslim.
                            The why is interesting. I suspect it's to do with the way in which the word has been used. There is no reason in an of itself for the word (and forgive me for using it) "paki" to be offensive. It's just an abbreviation of the word Pakistan, and indeed Australians I know insist that there the abbreviation is used of the Pakistan cricket team with no negative connotations. But for me, as a Londoner, I despise the word. It's use by bigots and racists when I was growing up mean it has an association that is wholly negative and I recoil when it is used (which thankfully these days is rare).

                            So I can't give you a detailed breakdown of why kafir is offensive to us non-Muslims, I can only tell you that it is. It is of course your choice what to do with that information.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Free mixing guidance

                              Originally posted by Heb 7:4 View Post
                              The why is interesting. I suspect it's to do with the way in which the word has been used. There is no reason in an of itself for the word (and forgive me for using it) "paki" to be offensive. It's just an abbreviation of the word Pakistan, and indeed Australians I know insist that there the abbreviation is used of the Pakistan cricket team with no negative connotations. But for me, as a Londoner, I despise the word. It's use by bigots and racists when I was growing up mean it has an association that is wholly negative and I recoil when it is used (which thankfully these days is rare).

                              So I can't give you a detailed breakdown of why kafir is offensive to us non-Muslims, I can only tell you that it is. It is of course your choice what to do with that information.
                              I don't get how paki is racist either lol but i'm avoiding it since many have said it is and its never been something I say. As for the word kaffir, other non-Muslims don't find it offensive, you're the only one that does. you need to understand this is a Muslim forum and many prefer to use the Arabic term for non-Muslim and they mean no insult, but you seem to find it offensive, so unless you are able to request all 1000 something members to stop using an everyday term I suggest you try to see it for what it really is, another word for non-Muslim.
                              Last edited by *sheba*; 22-11-13, 10:06 AM.
                              O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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