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Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

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  • Ansaariyah
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Fairy View Post
    I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

    do they then eat at urs

    what did u make?

    also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

    i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL
    yes thats right, but still you have to offer something, right? beside this time they come asr time nearly and left after maghrib and some were fasting so alhamdulillaah had chance to do iftaar together :)

    only made cutlets lol rest mentioned earlier was all shop bought :o

    looooool shame tsk tsk :p .... i dont mind doing work behind the veil, my main concern was/is to come infront room and greet and meet and entertain them :o something am not comfprtable with and for a very goood reason

    Leave a comment:


  • Fairy
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Ansaariyah View Post
    if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street :o

    now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.
    I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

    do they then eat at urs

    what did u make?

    also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

    i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL

    Leave a comment:


  • Ansaariyah
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Fairy View Post
    To the OP -

    I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

    Please explain.
    if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street :o

    now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.

    Leave a comment:


  • faatima18
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    ok then, I understand
    the poor thing, I meant in general, I apologise I should have made that clearer.

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    These weren't poor people, or of restricted means- give us some credit! They'd just returned from living in Saudi where they'd made a fortune. They'd also just renovated a brand new bathroom and wanted to show it off. Like I said before the food issue is not the only reason we found them rude. My mum was newly diagnosed as diabetic so needed to use the bathroom often and they had another toilet but they refused to let her use it because they wanted her to use the NEW one- except that their son was bathing in the new bathroom so they made her wait rather than use the ordinary bathroom... such was their insistence on showing off and she was just desperate for the loo she didn't care if it was new or not!

    This was aside from the fact that Mr R's wife was making up nonsense about her lifestyle so when we got home and my mum said oh Mrs R was telling us this such and such about her family but me and my siblings talked to her children and they were all telling us the opposite of what Mrs R was saying, they were inconsistent about everything (we weren't there to look for or pick out faults but these were glaringly obvious things that came out in conversation) which is another thing my mum didn't like it meant the couple were clearly putting on a front and pretending and making stuff up about themselves when there was really no need for it.

    Daal means lentils in desi culture it's considered to be one of the cheapest foods and only takes about ten minutes to make.

    Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
    what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
    tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
    we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

    my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.
    Last edited by neelu; 13-11-13, 09:29 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fairy
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    To the OP -

    I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

    Please explain.

    Leave a comment:


  • faatima18
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.



    We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.
    what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
    tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
    we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

    my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.

    Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
    yes some do.
    they talk about your house, you, your food, your family, what they saw in your home etc...you get the point
    which is why guests stress me out
    We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.

    Leave a comment:


  • faatima18
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
    SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

    My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

    I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

    Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

    My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.
    I totally agree (even though we don't get sheikh visitors lol) but the righteous are the best guests, you never have to stress or overthink because you know they won't backbite or gossip and all the rest.
    they won't look at what they are not supposed to

    the others drive me crazy, demanding this and that, demanding to see every corner of your house! bringing their haram and their sins to your home....

    Leave a comment:


  • Jenicca
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

    My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

    I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

    Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

    My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.

    Leave a comment:


  • faatima18
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
    Do people really complain or spread rumours etc

    As a guest or a host its never even crossed my mind.
    yes some do.
    they talk about your house, you, your food, your family, what they saw in your home etc...you get the point
    which is why guests stress me out

    Leave a comment:


  • Ansaariyah
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    aye, it spreads all over the world infact :/

    Leave a comment:


  • Jenicca
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Do people really complain or spread rumours etc

    As a guest or a host its never even crossed my mind.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ansaariyah
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by islam lover View Post
    What on earth is khamar?
    It's a moist savory cake, appetizer :o https://www.google.co.uk/search?clie...UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 :up:

    Originally posted by i.badat View Post
    Paatra! Thats what everyone else calls it! lol..we freeze them at home once they're boiled, ready for frying..

    EDIT: Not boiled, steamed..

    Yeh Dunya Bohot Choti Hai......
    oh yea my mum does that but this time i had to do last minute preps.

    Do you guys make paatra with lamb? try that, its delicious, i even have paatra with roti

    Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
    you should be happy voman, gold is synonymous with desi'ness..now don't tell me you've already forgotten that thread.. *sad*
    didju just say what I think you said?

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Thanks for the dhokla image, I've heard of them but never knew what they were.

    Sounds like it all went well with the guests then- it's nice that there were two gorgeously edible kids there:) I think as long as you put in a sincere effort you did good and the rest depends on what sort of guests you had. Some guests are snobby (as mentioned in the other 'bad guests' thread) that even if you serve them appropriate simple nice things they go to the gossip circuit complaining that you were a bad host for not giving them a five course meal on the finest crockery whereas other guests are reasonable and understanding.

    One time some years ago I organised an iftar dinner for some friends and some relatives who live locally. I hadn't really prepared a full meal for guests before as that was usually mum's department so this was new to me but I did my best. I think my mum was a bit embarrassed cos' although I made fairly good food but it wasn't as elaborate as the OTT lengths she was used to going to. Towards the end of the evening mum sheepishly approached my aunty and was trying to apologise for the food not meeting my mum's excessive standards and the aunty said the food was absolutely fine I don't know what you're apologising for and besides, there are very few people I know who are your daughter's age and can cook even the basic things you'd expect to find in a decent Pakistani meal I think she did really well (then came her inevitable quip to her own daughters "See! These are skills you should learn too!" :P ). My mum refuses to invite snobby demanding guests anyway so that makes life easier.
    So far i havent heard no complaints lol and its been what, 2 days now? :o so :alhumdull........ they were genuinely good company to be around.

    The worst taunt i had was that i dont give time to guests, as in spend time with them in front room, which is true, cos i am reserved person and prefer to instead stuck in kitchen looking after snacks and drinks, after have greeted them at the beginning.

    I reckon you come from proper asian background then, i can relate to what you mentioned above, especially the bold bit, although it would be me been told how other girls can do so much and have achieve so much and so on :masha: lol

    I am all for 'going out of your way' to offer food and drinks to the guests SO LONG AS IT DON'T GET WASTED, arghhh thats one of my pet peeve.

    Leave a comment:


  • islam lover
    replied
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    Originally posted by Ansaariyah View Post
    we dont have bakery in locals so i will have to see what my cash&carry got with regards to cakes :jkk: would be cheap to offer fairy cakes? lol :o


    LOOOOOOOL :jkk: had i knew about this thread, i wouldnt have asked there, that clip is hilarious and i hope i dont make same mistakes what the host in that video did :insha: :)


    :jkk: that's the thing, they are coming over soon after walimah so they will be well fed anyway, hence iam confused what to serve, otherwise usual fried goodies would be best option inni

    for sweets am going with cakes (swissroll) and almond naan khatai? stil dont knwo if crisps alone would suffice for savory side hmm



    haha :jkk: yes yes, course, most are tea drinkers so :insha: tea for sure



    lol with masala eh?



    samosas was thinking earlier, but wouldnt it be too heavy for after meal ? :/

    oh :jkk: i need to get juice too, forgot about that, for kids.



    OMG you sisters are the bestttttt :jkk: khamar is sucha brill idea and jens no lol i dont have time to cook/bake anything now, they coming after dhuhr :insha:

    why i didnt think of chocolates, sucha easy option and liked by most :alhumdull



    :jkk: jwhat is pateriya? :scratch:

    they will be here for couple of hours, and i wont be alone all the time, but only at the beginning when i have to serve snacks and drinks, i will be alone as my fam will be @walimah venue.
    What on earth is khamar?

    Leave a comment:

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