Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

[Jenicca]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.

[faatima18]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.

I totally agree (even though we don't get sheikh visitors lol) but the righteous are the best guests, you never have to stress or overthink because you know they won't backbite or gossip and all the rest.
they won't look at what they are not supposed to

the others drive me crazy, demanding this and that, demanding to see every corner of your house! bringing their haram and their sins to your home....

[neelu]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.

yes some do.
they talk about your house, you, your food, your family, what they saw in your home etc...you get the point
which is why guests stress me out

We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.

[faatima18]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.



We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.

what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.

[Fairy]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

To the OP -

I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

Please explain.

[neelu]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

These weren't poor people, or of restricted means- give us some credit! They'd just returned from living in Saudi where they'd made a fortune. They'd also just renovated a brand new bathroom and wanted to show it off. Like I said before the food issue is not the only reason we found them rude. My mum was newly diagnosed as diabetic so needed to use the bathroom often and they had another toilet but they refused to let her use it because they wanted her to use the NEW one- except that their son was bathing in the new bathroom so they made her wait rather than use the ordinary bathroom... such was their insistence on showing off and she was just desperate for the loo she didn't care if it was new or not!

This was aside from the fact that Mr R's wife was making up nonsense about her lifestyle so when we got home and my mum said oh Mrs R was telling us this such and such about her family but me and my siblings talked to her children and they were all telling us the opposite of what Mrs R was saying, they were inconsistent about everything (we weren't there to look for or pick out faults but these were glaringly obvious things that came out in conversation) which is another thing my mum didn't like it meant the couple were clearly putting on a front and pretending and making stuff up about themselves when there was really no need for it.

Daal means lentils in desi culture it's considered to be one of the cheapest foods and only takes about ten minutes to make.

what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.

[faatima18]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

ok then, I understand
the poor thing, I meant in general, I apologise I should have made that clearer.

[Ansaariyah]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

To the OP -

I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

Please explain.

if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street

now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.

[Fairy]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street

now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.

I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

do they then eat at urs

what did u make?

also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL

[Ansaariyah]

Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting

I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

do they then eat at urs

what did u make?

also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL

yes thats right, but still you have to offer something, right? beside this time they come asr time nearly and left after maghrib and some were fasting so alhamdulillaah had chance to do iftaar together :)

only made cutlets lol rest mentioned earlier was all shop bought

looooool shame tsk tsk :p .... i dont mind doing work behind the veil, my main concern was/is to come infront room and greet and meet and entertain them something am not comfprtable with and for a very goood reason