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Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

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  • #46
    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

    SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

    My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

    I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

    Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

    My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.
    وَالْعَصْرِ

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah

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    • #47
      Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

      Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
      SubhanAllah..... something I was oblivious regarding hosting

      My former in laws were like this - very concerned about what people would say or think.

      I sincerely think its the worst possible way to do anything in life.....something that doesn't even occur to me.

      Just because the world perceives or says something to be true doesnt mean it is or ever will be true.

      My favourite guests are my righteous Mashaaikh. They leave a noor in the heart and the home.
      I totally agree (even though we don't get sheikh visitors lol) but the righteous are the best guests, you never have to stress or overthink because you know they won't backbite or gossip and all the rest.
      they won't look at what they are not supposed to

      the others drive me crazy, demanding this and that, demanding to see every corner of your house! bringing their haram and their sins to your home....
      "O you who have believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?
      (It is that) you believe in Allah and His Messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is best for you, if you should know.
      He will forgive for you your sins and admit you to gardens beneath which rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
      .


      "And (you will obtain) another (favour) that you love - victory from Allah and an imminent conquest; and give good tidings to the believers"
      .

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

        My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.

        Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
        yes some do.
        they talk about your house, you, your food, your family, what they saw in your home etc...you get the point
        which is why guests stress me out
        We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.
        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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        • #49
          Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

          Originally posted by neelu View Post
          My mum keeps people like that away from the house for the most part. She has certain tactics like if they phone and hint that they haven't seen her in ages, she gives a lukewarm response or says she's swamped with other responsibilities to drop the hint that she's not available to receive visitors and over time they've stopped coming round. Mum also avoids visiting them cos' she says if you visit them then they feel it's their right to come to your house and be served etc so she only phones occasionally for formalities sake (as she wouldn't break ties either) and most of her social life is on the phone now.



          We wouldn't talk in that way about houses we visit unless, in some rare case if we've really been treated inhospitably even on a basic level then we'd go home saying to each other what is wrong with those people. Many years ago, we had relatives staying with us from abroad, so those relatives said whilst we're in the UK, we want to visit Mr R (a distant relative). The problem was that his house was something like two hours drive away but anyway we called and arranged an afternoon to visit them and my mum said not only it was such a long journey there and back but Mr R's family just gave tea and biscuits. If we visited someone locally we could understand that, but when going somewhere further away, you wont leave after five minutes you'll be sitting there for a while and wont return home for hours, it's viewed as inhospitable to the point of rudeness to not even serve a basic plate of daal and rice (ie it doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something simple would've been fine). Also we're not the sort of people who turn up uninvited in which case you have an excuse to say I've not had a chance to prepare anything, we always call in advance. They were inhospitable (and show offs) in other ways too so my mum eventually told our relatives you're welcome to stay at our house but we will not take you to visit Mr R again.
          what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
          tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
          we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

          my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.
          "O you who have believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?
          (It is that) you believe in Allah and His Messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is best for you, if you should know.
          He will forgive for you your sins and admit you to gardens beneath which rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
          .


          "And (you will obtain) another (favour) that you love - victory from Allah and an imminent conquest; and give good tidings to the believers"
          .

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

            To the OP -

            I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

            Please explain.
            My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
            ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
            “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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            • #51
              Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

              These weren't poor people, or of restricted means- give us some credit! They'd just returned from living in Saudi where they'd made a fortune. They'd also just renovated a brand new bathroom and wanted to show it off. Like I said before the food issue is not the only reason we found them rude. My mum was newly diagnosed as diabetic so needed to use the bathroom often and they had another toilet but they refused to let her use it because they wanted her to use the NEW one- except that their son was bathing in the new bathroom so they made her wait rather than use the ordinary bathroom... such was their insistence on showing off and she was just desperate for the loo she didn't care if it was new or not!

              This was aside from the fact that Mr R's wife was making up nonsense about her lifestyle so when we got home and my mum said oh Mrs R was telling us this such and such about her family but me and my siblings talked to her children and they were all telling us the opposite of what Mrs R was saying, they were inconsistent about everything (we weren't there to look for or pick out faults but these were glaringly obvious things that came out in conversation) which is another thing my mum didn't like it meant the couple were clearly putting on a front and pretending and making stuff up about themselves when there was really no need for it.

              Daal means lentils in desi culture it's considered to be one of the cheapest foods and only takes about ten minutes to make.

              Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
              what if they never had anything though. I don't what daal and rice is btw
              tbh when I am visiting people I couldn't care less about what they serve us as long as they are not rude to us.
              we know from islam though that guests should be served with the best of what you have. some people may be going through problems and not have much. at least he gave you tea and biscuits right? that's something :D

              my mum always cooks huge meals for guests, but if they are coming around evening she only serves tea, biscuits, cakes etc. it's the same when we visit others.
              Last edited by neelu; 13-11-13, 09:29 PM.
              The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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              • #52
                Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

                ok then, I understand
                the poor thing, I meant in general, I apologise I should have made that clearer.
                "O you who have believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?
                (It is that) you believe in Allah and His Messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is best for you, if you should know.
                He will forgive for you your sins and admit you to gardens beneath which rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
                .


                "And (you will obtain) another (favour) that you love - victory from Allah and an imminent conquest; and give good tidings to the believers"
                .

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

                  Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                  To the OP -

                  I dont understand, who are these people that came round your house? randomers? people get married n then they go round the houses eating food?

                  Please explain.
                  if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street :o

                  now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.

                  sigpic

                  Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta Khalaqtani wa ana'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa Wa'dika mastata'tu A'uidhubika min sharri ma sana'tu.' abu'u Laka bi ni 'matika wa'ala abu'u bidhanbi; faghfirli fa'innahu la yaghfiru-dh-dhunuba illa anta.
                  O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I have committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledgemy sin, so forgive me, for verilynone can forgive sin except You.



                  We are accountable for every letter we post here, so think before posting and maintain modesty.

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                  • #54
                    Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

                    Originally posted by Ansaariyah View Post
                    if people have come to your town to attend a wedding from far off places then its a custom to visit other rellies/friends who reside in the town and this wedding venue was on my street :o

                    now obviously no one goes to no house to 'eat' but its obvious that you offer them food and drinks.
                    I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

                    do they then eat at urs

                    what did u make?

                    also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

                    i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL
                    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Expecting guests, need help with hosting :o

                      Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                      I see but they already had a meal at the wedding?

                      do they then eat at urs

                      what did u make?

                      also its funny, even tho im a grown adult. if my mum wasnt home, her friend/rellies would never come over

                      i wouldnt even open the door for them LOL
                      yes thats right, but still you have to offer something, right? beside this time they come asr time nearly and left after maghrib and some were fasting so alhamdulillaah had chance to do iftaar together :)

                      only made cutlets lol rest mentioned earlier was all shop bought :o

                      looooool shame tsk tsk :p .... i dont mind doing work behind the veil, my main concern was/is to come infront room and greet and meet and entertain them :o something am not comfprtable with and for a very goood reason

                      sigpic

                      Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta Khalaqtani wa ana'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa Wa'dika mastata'tu A'uidhubika min sharri ma sana'tu.' abu'u Laka bi ni 'matika wa'ala abu'u bidhanbi; faghfirli fa'innahu la yaghfiru-dh-dhunuba illa anta.
                      O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I have committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledgemy sin, so forgive me, for verilynone can forgive sin except You.



                      We are accountable for every letter we post here, so think before posting and maintain modesty.

                      Comment

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