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  • bad hosts and guests


    have you ever experienced any of the scenarios in the clip? i dislike when people snoop... like go in the closets.. cabinets.. flip through notebooks..
    Raindrops.hail.ouch

  • #2
    Re: bad hosts and guests

    :salams:

    Yeah it does happen. Sometimes they will start wandering through the house, or asking for things we don't have, and the worst part is when they criticize you.

    Subhaan Allah

    compare that to the adaab (manners) of visiting in Islam. You should eat what you are offered, you don't like it simply leave it and don't criticize it. And also not to over stay your visit, and if you visit someone they have the right not to open the door if they don't feel like they can entertain guests.

    It is really important to remember that these kind of bad habits can make the other person dislike you and hate your visiting them.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: bad hosts and guests

      Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
      :salams:

      Yeah it does happen. Sometimes they will start wandering through the house, or asking for things we don't have, and the worst part is when they criticize you.

      Subhaan Allah

      compare that to the adaab (manners) of visiting in Islam. You should eat what you are offered, you don't like it simply leave it and don't criticize it. And also not to over stay your visit, and if you visit someone they have the right not to open the door if they don't feel like they can entertain guests.

      It is really important to remember that these kind of bad habits can make the other person dislike you and hate your visiting them.
      are these family members when you mentioned the criticizing? still bad even if it is .. mighty bold!

      i also dont understand the wandering either : / ..and what to say to them?!

      as for not opening the door.. i remember in middle school, my house was right by the mall and the school .. sigh*** so many people would be knocking on my door after school . i wanted to do my homework and not **hang out* lol. reminds me of this one time someone said "i can see your eye" when i was looking through the peephole... BUSTED!
      Raindrops.hail.ouch

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: bad hosts and guests

        Originally posted by FeedMEknowledge View Post
        have you ever experienced any of the scenarios in the clip? i dislike when people snoop... like go in the closets.. cabinets.. flip through notebooks..
        My hubbys family is the type where you have to offer them 50 different foods, they'll eat a bit and who cares about the left overs that there is so many you can't eat. Just throw it out and too bad. Well 50% of his family is like that, the older ones.
        On one occasion we invited some and said please come for coffee. It was around 11am. I made 2 cakes and some muffins, put nuts, juices etc.
        The one says to me "are these all sweet?"
        Me: yeah, I made some things to go with the coffee.
        I didn't know this fact about them. I don't think he knew either.
        They sat and didn't eat anything. After 30min they left.
        I thought ok cool, in a rush maybe. Doesn't matter. Was nice to see them.

        Later a different relative said to me "people are talking" but gave little details.
        Soon after his parents called him and said I'm a terrible host, I need to ALWAYS have food even if they don't eat it. Said "how can your wife offer guests nuts??? They were starving and she gives them some tiny nuts!!!"
        Thankfully he told them "in my house my wife cooks enough for us to eat so we dont throw food. I invited them for coffee and they were offered several cakes and coffee. If they decided to wake up 11 and come to my house expecting a feast then its the wrong house"
        Anyway, all his old relatives are like that. They're never satisfied.
        For iftaar once I prepared 2 different foods like roast chicken, veges etc and a lasanga dish. Plus 2 cakes for dessert... People still complained.


        I give what I have, but I can't prepare 3 hours before u coke, sit 3 hours and then clean 3 hours after and throw food.
        Supposed to enjoy guests, not be a burden.
        Falling over toys....

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: bad hosts and guests

          Ohhhh yes I can tell you some stories lol but I'll tell you the worst one of all about a local woman I know. My mum's friend (a divorced mother of two young children) had an operation and so was very unwell and recouperating at home. Anyway, a local woman turned up at her house with her little rowdy kids who were all over the house wreaking havoc but that wasn't the worst of it. As my mum's friend was too unwell to cook, the only meal she had in the house was a meat and veg dish that had been sent over for her family by someone else. Anyway my mum's friend even in her unwell condition is very polite so she asked the local woman if she'd like something to eat and the local woman said yes, so my mum's friend offered that meal to the local woman and her kids.

          A couple of hours later my mum's friend's kids came home from school and said they wanted to eat so she said to them look in the fridge so the kids looked in the fridge and what they found.... was that the local woman and her kids picked out ALL the meat from that dish leaving behind only the veg. And do you know what the worst thing is about this (no one said this but I believe this to be the case)? The worst thing about this little story is that the local woman is a very strict deeni type and I am convinced that she visited my mum's friend just cos' she knew about the hadith on visiting the sick so she probably thought she was earning rewards by turning up, eating their meat and letting her kids run riot.

          A couple of years later when that same local woman found out about my illness, she asked my mum's friend to pass on a message that she wanted to pay me a visit... I said NO thanks!
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: bad hosts and guests

            Yeah insulting you while eating your own damn samosas.

            Give me my samosa back you *censored*
            ‚ÄúAnd whatever you have of favor - it is from Allah. Then when adversity touches you, to Him you cry for help‚ÄĚ

            [an-Nahl 16:53].

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: bad hosts and guests

              Good message. ...but ghair mahram in the video :\
              وَالْعَصْرِ

              إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

              إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

              "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for usĒ - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

              "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

              Khanqah Habibiyah

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: bad hosts and guests

                Originally posted by redball View Post
                My hubbys family is the type where you have to offer them 50 different foods, they'll eat a bit and who cares about the left overs that there is so many you can't eat. Just throw it out and too bad. Well 50% of his family is like that, the older ones.
                On one occasion we invited some and said please come for coffee. It was around 11am. I made 2 cakes and some muffins, put nuts, juices etc.
                The one says to me "are these all sweet?"
                Me: yeah, I made some things to go with the coffee.
                I didn't know this fact about them. I don't think he knew either.
                They sat and didn't eat anything. After 30min they left.
                I thought ok cool, in a rush maybe. Doesn't matter. Was nice to see them.

                Later a different relative said to me "people are talking" but gave little details.
                Soon after his parents called him and said I'm a terrible host, I need to ALWAYS have food even if they don't eat it. Said "how can your wife offer guests nuts??? They were starving and she gives them some tiny nuts!!!"
                Thankfully he told them "in my house my wife cooks enough for us to eat so we dont throw food. I invited them for coffee and they were offered several cakes and coffee. If they decided to wake up 11 and come to my house expecting a feast then its the wrong house"
                Anyway, all his old relatives are like that. They're never satisfied.
                For iftaar once I prepared 2 different foods like roast chicken, veges etc and a lasanga dish. Plus 2 cakes for dessert... People still complained.


                I give what I have, but I can't prepare 3 hours before u coke, sit 3 hours and then clean 3 hours after and throw food.
                Supposed to enjoy guests, not be a burden.
                oh wow sis.. by the sounds of it.. u seem like a great host mashallah and : ) at ur hubby supporting you. awesome! and wow.. they acted like all you offered them were nuts and who ares about the size of a nut anyway.. confusing.. u offer someone over for tea but they are expecting a bbq lol

                Originally posted by neelu View Post
                Ohhhh yes I can tell you some stories lol but I'll tell you the worst one of all about a local woman I know. My mum's friend (a divorced mother of two young children) had an operation and so was very unwell and recouperating at home. Anyway, a local woman turned up at her house with her little rowdy kids who were all over the house wreaking havoc but that wasn't the worst of it. As my mum's friend was too unwell to cook, the only meal she had in the house was a meat and veg dish that had been sent over for her family by someone else. Anyway my mum's friend even in her unwell condition is very polite so she asked the local woman if she'd like something to eat and the local woman said yes, so my mum's friend offered that meal to the local woman and her kids.

                A couple of hours later my mum's friend's kids came home from school and said they wanted to eat so she said to them look in the fridge so the kids looked in the fridge and what they found.... was that the local woman and her kids picked out ALL the meat from that dish leaving behind only the veg. And do you know what the worst thing is about this (no one said this but I believe this to be the case)? The worst thing about this little story is that the local woman is a very strict deeni type and I am convinced that she visited my mum's friend just cos' she knew about the hadith on visiting the sick so she probably thought she was earning rewards by turning up, eating their meat and letting her kids run riot.

                A couple of years later when that same local woman found out about my illness, she asked my mum's friend to pass on a message that she wanted to pay me a visit... I said NO thanks!
                i didnt intend to laugh at this story, but honestly i did granted the fact, its still pretty sad.. reminds me of holidays when people pick through a dish to get the 'best parts' of something... and el oh el @ you saying no thank you.....

                and about that... would that be a reward and a strike on you like being greedy from the sick or taking advantage of them just for a reward and not really intending to be there for them? seems pointless to me : / maybe im wrong

                Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                Good message. ...but ghair mahram in the video :\
                who is ghair? and how come u are bothered by him in the video?
                Raindrops.hail.ouch

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: bad hosts and guests

                  Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                  Good message. ...but ghair mahram in the video :\
                  Theres actually no need to watch the video in relation to the thread. If we really got into a discussion about the video there's a million things that can be said about it.
                  It's one of those videos that try to be funny but just lack humour and everything (or maybe I lack humour? )

                  Anyway, no need to watch the video. A short text would suffice
                  Falling over toys....

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: bad hosts and guests

                    Originally posted by redball View Post
                    My hubbys family is the type where you have to offer them 50 different foods, they'll eat a bit and who cares about the left overs that there is so many you can't eat. Just throw it out and too bad. Well 50% of his family is like that, the older ones.
                    On one occasion we invited some and said please come for coffee. It was around 11am. I made 2 cakes and some muffins, put nuts, juices etc.
                    The one says to me "are these all sweet?"
                    Me: yeah, I made some things to go with the coffee.
                    I didn't know this fact about them. I don't think he knew either.
                    They sat and didn't eat anything. After 30min they left.
                    I thought ok cool, in a rush maybe. Doesn't matter. Was nice to see them.

                    Later a different relative said to me "people are talking" but gave little details.
                    Soon after his parents called him and said I'm a terrible host, I need to ALWAYS have food even if they don't eat it. Said "how can your wife offer guests nuts??? They were starving and she gives them some tiny nuts!!!"
                    Thankfully he told them "in my house my wife cooks enough for us to eat so we dont throw food. I invited them for coffee and they were offered several cakes and coffee. If they decided to wake up 11 and come to my house expecting a feast then its the wrong house"
                    Anyway, all his old relatives are like that. They're never satisfied.
                    For iftaar once I prepared 2 different foods like roast chicken, veges etc and a lasanga dish. Plus 2 cakes for dessert... People still complained.


                    I give what I have, but I can't prepare 3 hours before u coke, sit 3 hours and then clean 3 hours after and throw food.
                    Supposed to enjoy guests, not be a burden.
                    sorry sis but this made me laugh as I recalled my wifes encounters with my family. She is white and I am Pakistani

                    My mother came around to our house for the first time. My wife got up and headed towards the kitchen. when asked where she was going she said ''put kettle on''
                    don't bother was the response so she came back and sat down. Later on my mum says to me

                    see this is what happens when you marry gore (white folk) they ask you once and if you say no they sit down

                    I said why did you say no then if you wanted some

                    response

                    You have to say no but it doesn't mean no

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: bad hosts and guests

                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      sorry sis but this made me laugh as I recalled my wifes encounters with my family. She is white and I am Pakistani

                      My mother came around to our house for the first time. My wife got up and headed towards the kitchen. when asked where she was going she said ''put kettle on''
                      don't bother was the response so she came back and sat down. Later on my mum says to me

                      see this is what happens when you marry gore (white folk) they ask you once and if you say no they sit down

                      I said why did you say no then if you wanted some

                      response

                      You have to say no but it doesn't mean no
                      that wasnt even a no.. that was a 'dont bother'... i wouldve been like umm ok?! ... i think when people respond in a polite way by saying 'no thank you'.. it is more likely for the host to offer a 2nd or 3rd time makign sure the guest is sure... but if someone told me not to bother.. i would think they didnt like my food or cooking
                      Raindrops.hail.ouch

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: bad hosts and guests

                        Originally posted by neelu View Post
                        Ohhhh yes I can tell you some stories lol but I'll tell you the worst one of all about a local woman I know. My mum's friend (a divorced mother of two young children) had an operation and so was very unwell and recouperating at home. Anyway, a local woman turned up at her house with her little rowdy kids who were all over the house wreaking havoc but that wasn't the worst of it. As my mum's friend was too unwell to cook, the only meal she had in the house was a meat and veg dish that had been sent over for her family by someone else. Anyway my mum's friend even in her unwell condition is very polite so she asked the local woman if she'd like something to eat and the local woman said yes, so my mum's friend offered that meal to the local woman and her kids.

                        A couple of hours later my mum's friend's kids came home from school and said they wanted to eat so she said to them look in the fridge so the kids looked in the fridge and what they found.... was that the local woman and her kids picked out ALL the meat from that dish leaving behind only the veg. And do you know what the worst thing is about this (no one said this but I believe this to be the case)? The worst thing about this little story is that the local woman is a very strict deeni type and I am convinced that she visited my mum's friend just cos' she knew about the hadith on visiting the sick so she probably thought she was earning rewards by turning up, eating their meat and letting her kids run riot.

                        A couple of years later when that same local woman found out about my illness, she asked my mum's friend to pass on a message that she wanted to pay me a visit... I said NO thanks!

                        Don't get me started on when I had my first child.
                        I was in hospital 1.5wks. People visited 5 days after I came out. They wanted straight away but i said no. After pushing I said fine, come then.
                        Of course the house was not vacuumed, it was last done 2wks before when I was half well (9months pregnant isn't all that well), I hadn't had a decent meal except hospital food and what my husband could bother making on the rare occasion. I had a brand new family member and taking 20min just to figure out how to change one nappy and clothes. (Soon enough u can do it blindfolded),
                        Suddenly 14people came over when I said 2 people.... Starts telling me my windows need wiping (the lease of my worries), sit there waiting to be served like kings and queens.... Usually their Mums would stay a few wks and make food and clean etc , my family all work, husband had to work, and we didnt want guests coming and sitting and waiting to be served.
                        We ordered pizza and served coffee.
                        The talking after that made it back in a circle around to my ears. Pfft
                        Falling over toys....

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: bad hosts and guests

                          Originally posted by FeedMEknowledge View Post
                          that wasnt even a no.. that was a 'dont bother'... i wouldve been like umm ok?! ... i think when people respond in a polite way by saying 'no thank you'.. it is more likely for the host to offer a 2nd or 3rd time makign sure the guest is sure... but if someone told me not to bother.. i would think they didnt like my food or cooking
                          I remember listening to a lecture where he said if we're offered something we actually can't say no if mean yes. It's not being polite. If they ask if you want juice say yes lol.
                          I do the same thing. I ask if they're hungry .
                          "No no. I came only for a glass of water",
                          Me: ok, i have food if you want.
                          Puts coffee and cake on table. Hehe
                          Falling over toys....

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: bad hosts and guests

                            Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                            sorry sis but this made me laugh as I recalled my wifes encounters with my family. She is white and I am Pakistani
                            ROFL your post was a perfect example of the culture clash it really made me laugh. It reminds me of my student days when I went to the house of any English student friend, they'd ask if I like a cup of tea and if I said yeah they'd give me... A CUP OF TEA!!! I swear the first couple of times it happened I just stared at the tea in shock ROFL. I'm sooooo used to being raised by Pakis where you NEVER just get a cup of tea it's always tea and samosas or tea and cake or at the very least tea and a biscuit to just get a cup of tea was the most shocking thing to me I'm still laughing now just thinking about it.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: bad hosts and guests

                              Love these videos! I found this one a bit disappointing because the actual founder wasn't in many sketches and he's really funny :/ nonetheless, still funny :)
                              My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
                              As You have sanctified Your house,
                              Make my heart as protected and as honoured
                              In which permission of entry
                              Is only granted to a few,
                              Please Allah, allow my heart
                              To be preserved only for You.



                              ---


                              It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
                              when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
                              In Jannah, we will meet :love:


                              If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

                              Comment

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