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How to be more patient with difficult parents?

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  • How to be more patient with difficult parents?

    Salam,

    I'm turning 20 soon, and I've been struggling a lot with my parents. I'm from a South Asian background so I expect those who are part of this community to understand what I'm talking about here, They are constantly putting me down and pressuring me, and this is preventing me to be successful academically and and my life in general. Is it allowed to move somewhere else alone? The thing is, I want to tie every connections with the people i knew (friends, family) because of shameful incidents that are happening with me. I've been struggling with a lot of hardships, and I believe these people are the reason that is preventing me from starting a new life and move on. I don't think this will be easy if they are constantly putting me down and reminding me of my past mistakes.

    Any advices?

  • #2
    Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

    it's allowed for you to move out, but make sure to move out in good terms, don't leave them angry with you..because no matter what they say or do to anger you, you still gotta respect your parents
    O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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    • #3
      Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

      Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
      it's allowed for you to move out, but make sure to move out in good terms, don't leave them angry with you..because no matter what they say or do to anger you, you still gotta respect your parents
      good term or not, I leave this to Allah.


      I don't want to deal with these people anymore

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      • #4
        Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

        Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
        good term or not, I leave this to Allah.


        I don't want to deal with these people anymore
        Ok now you just seem to be exaggerating on things! You're wanting to move out, fine, but leave in good terms, is that really that difficult?? Remember you will not even smell the fragrance of jannah if your mother is angry with you, so I suggest you respect them regardless.. and how can you say " I don't want to deal with these people" Did they say that when they were looking after you when you were a hopeless child? No, they put up with you no matter how naughty you were. So be thankful.
        Last edited by *sheba*; 31-10-13, 07:49 AM.
        O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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        • #5
          Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

          Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
          Ok now you just seem to be exaggerating on things! You're wanting to move out, fine, but leave in good terms, is that really that difficult?? Remember you will not even smell the fragrance of jannah if your mother is angry with you, so I suggest you respect them regardless
          You're missing the whole point here. I just told you that they are ''difficult'' . They get angry with whatever I do, just because of a past mistake. Now explain what do you mean by ''good term'' here?

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          • #6
            Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

            Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
            You're missing the whole point here. I just told you that they are ''difficult'' . They get angry with whatever I do, just because of a past mistake. Now explain what do you mean by ''good term'' here?
            :salams ,

            You cannot cut ties with any family
            You must remain humble to your parents
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            Away for a bit

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            • #7
              Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

              its funny but your parents actually want to see you succeed academically and professionally, but they have a strange way of showing it.
              I have seen many south asian families (although I don't like to generalise and they are not all like that) put their children down or don't encourage them or build their confidence.
              Talking to them is the best way forward, try to make them understand. Its not good to abandon your family and move some where else alone that will bring its own problems, families are a means of support.
              And cutting off all ties with family is not recommended. there are hadith that state you shouldn't do this. Its very important that you have very good terms with your parents as mentioned above in the other posts.

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              • #8
                Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

                Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
                Salam,

                I'm turning 20 soon, and I've been struggling a lot with my parents. I'm from a South Asian background so I expect those who are part of this community to understand what I'm talking about here, They are constantly putting me down and pressuring me, and this is preventing me to be successful academically and and my life in general. Is it allowed to move somewhere else alone? The thing is, I want to tie every connections with the people i knew (friends, family) because of shameful incidents that are happening with me. I've been struggling with a lot of hardships, and I believe these people are the reason that is preventing me from starting a new life and move on. I don't think this will be easy if they are constantly putting me down and reminding me of my past mistakes.

                Any advices?
                :wswrwb:

                Whenever anyone turns over a new leaf it is really difficult because although with everyone else we can behave how they want us to behave as they only see us for a couple of hours a day. The hardest people to change or to give dawah to are ones closest family members, because they have seen us since day one…

                Without going into specifics of your past but your family have seen you in what you used to do, now you may feel the change but your family haven't seen it on a constant basis yet. You can't expect them to change with you, however when they see the constant change within you inshallah eventually they'll see your serious.

                Your story actually reminds me of a story a few years ago there was a brother who cheated on his wife and naturally she was hurt, so she rang my teacher and wanted a divorce. Now this brother came after class one day to talk to my teacher, and he kept insisting that he has lengthened his beard so she should see that he has changed for the better. We tried explaining to him that beard or not, she needs to see action… don't assume your family members know how you feel, and try to communicate with them in a respectful way.

                Lastly this vid by nouman Ali khan is really good on family relationships:

                http://youtu.be/YU87qBdkMVU

                Humble request for duas
                Last edited by طاهِر; 31-10-13, 08:06 AM.
                If knowledge was a justification for taqwa then shaytan would be the most muttaqi - maulana Zahir Mahmood
                'More beloved to me than 23 years of lecturing' Sheikh Ahmed Ali
                Islamic etiquette for social media
                http://youtu.be/VVa7av9eKkY

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                • #9
                  Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

                  Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
                  You're missing the whole point here. I just told you that they are ''difficult'' . They get angry with whatever I do, just because of a past mistake. Now explain what do you mean by ''good term'' here?
                  did you read my last part properly? here just in case you haven't " I suggest you respect them regardless."

                  and as for the second part
                  Make sure to leave them happy, not angry with you, and also like Yunus said don't cut ties

                  with them....and maybe the reason why they haven't forgiven you for your past mistake is because they haven't seen any change

                  in you? that could be it. oh and Instead of blaming your parents, why not question your own self? Ask yourself are you respectful

                  towards them? do you do things that will leave them pleased with you? Etc etc... because maybe you are the problem, not them.
                  Last edited by *sheba*; 02-11-13, 12:56 AM.
                  O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to be more patient with difficult parents?

                    Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
                    Salam,

                    I'm turning 20 soon, and I've been struggling a lot with my parents. I'm from a South Asian background so I expect those who are part of this community to understand what I'm talking about here, They are constantly putting me down and pressuring me, and this is preventing me to be successful academically and and my life in general. Is it allowed to move somewhere else alone? The thing is, I want to tie every connections with the people i knew (friends, family) because of shameful incidents that are happening with me. I've been struggling with a lot of hardships, and I believe these people are the reason that is preventing me from starting a new life and move on. I don't think this will be easy if they are constantly putting me down and reminding me of my past mistakes.

                    Any advices?
                    Tell them :

                    Ibn Mas’ood (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘A true believer is not involved in taunting, or frequently cursing or in indecency or abusing.” [At-Tirmidhee]
                    "The Messenger of Allah said: 'Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.'" Sunan an-Nasa'i 3687
                    Tell them they don't have a right to be abusive just because they're your parents. Leave. Visit frequently or infrequently if they don't tow the line. Stand firm.
                    "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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