:salams
I don't know how i got into this,i don't understand some things i'm happy at a moment and then i just don't feel like living...i remember i had finished my 12th grade and then i wanted to go study more i was so pumped at the time and now here i am 1 year later and i don't even care having an exam or not.i don't care me passing or failing i'm not nervous anymore and i don't want to have an ambition.I wanna be sad but i don't wanna cry because i don't deserve to (i feel like it's drama at times) ....all those poor choices made..my past is just garbage.I feel hopeless now in deen there's no luck..i'm not despairing from allah's mercy either i think practical at times like jesus (as) said :
If You should punish them - indeed they are Your servants; but if You forgive them - indeed it is You who is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.
of course i am nothing but 1 person out of billions and billions of people who might end up in hell and who cares but....but in the end i am human i will suffer if i end up there....
anyway i have wronged myself and made these poor choices and now i don't know looking back is just ugly and my future i cant figure out anything because who knows his future?? my present is full of regrets i can't think properly....i'm weird..i don't even know what love means anymore,for ANYONE....i laugh and cry for no reason at times ...and i know you might think i have some mental prob or something but anyway i tried to share part of my (own destruction) story at least.....
only thing is i don't get some things and i don't know what i must know exactly....
i think it's moderation...i'm too happy at times or too sad i should be in between ...but how? this is how i can improve things..how do you do it?
I don't know how i got into this,i don't understand some things i'm happy at a moment and then i just don't feel like living...i remember i had finished my 12th grade and then i wanted to go study more i was so pumped at the time and now here i am 1 year later and i don't even care having an exam or not.i don't care me passing or failing i'm not nervous anymore and i don't want to have an ambition.I wanna be sad but i don't wanna cry because i don't deserve to (i feel like it's drama at times) ....all those poor choices made..my past is just garbage.I feel hopeless now in deen there's no luck..i'm not despairing from allah's mercy either i think practical at times like jesus (as) said :
If You should punish them - indeed they are Your servants; but if You forgive them - indeed it is You who is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.
of course i am nothing but 1 person out of billions and billions of people who might end up in hell and who cares but....but in the end i am human i will suffer if i end up there....
anyway i have wronged myself and made these poor choices and now i don't know looking back is just ugly and my future i cant figure out anything because who knows his future?? my present is full of regrets i can't think properly....i'm weird..i don't even know what love means anymore,for ANYONE....i laugh and cry for no reason at times ...and i know you might think i have some mental prob or something but anyway i tried to share part of my (own destruction) story at least.....
only thing is i don't get some things and i don't know what i must know exactly....
i think it's moderation...i'm too happy at times or too sad i should be in between ...but how? this is how i can improve things..how do you do it?
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