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sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

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  • sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

    I would like to preemptively apologize if this offends anyone, and state that i am genuinely looking for advice, preferrably from a brother as they have experience. I converted not too recently, so some aspects of islamic living remain unclear and others a mmystery, although Islam is far from foreign as a parent is muslim. Im in my first year of university and when i go to class i sit in front to concentrate on lecture and keep my mind off of women in my class. I also avoid socializing as this could be detrimental to my deen in the long run. I received a 100 and 90 on my tests and i didnt brag, so as to avoid being asked to help others study, however, an older maybe middle aged woman in her wisdom asked how well i did, knowing i did well. I told her my grades and she later asked if i'd help her stidy as she received low grades. I am not attracted to her and agreed intending to help raise her grade. Here is the twist, there is a girl in my class who i see this woman with occasionally, i believe her to be her daughter, because of their age gap and physical resemblance. I try to lower my gaze, but her form is captivating and her clothing only accentuates it. in saying this im not trying to be vulgar, but to illustrate my situation. While waiting on my bus i ran into the mother who informed me that her daughter would like to join our study session and that she(mother) would rent out a study room in the library (9x9, couple chairs a table and a board, nothing to look at but the study material and people in the room). I would still like to help her and i'd like to help her daughter pass, to assist them seems sunnah to me and i may even be able to speak aboit islam. If not for that reason i would still feel a strong obligation to help my people. During this tutoring i will have to look at this woman(daughter), how can i avoid glancing at her bosom, face is also difficult as she has nice lips. Thesr rooms are empty and i will have to look at her anyway to teach her. I am not married and its not currently an option as i am not strong enough spiritually(still some questions about hadith legitimacy and sunni shia split) and im not strong enough financially, nor do i have the credibility as a new muslim and i am not far enough in my studies. This is also a question on dealing with women in general. I agreed to help for 2 hours but this was before daughter was introduced. Brothers will understand the difgiculty of the situation i hope. Also, do you notice female muslim youth taking gay male friends. Perhaps only in America. If ypu need additional dtail, ask. Thank you, ijope this does not offend. Maybe the mother will peep my modesty and ask her to dress accord.

  • #2
    Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

    Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
    I would like to preemptively apologize if this offends anyone, and state that i am genuinely looking for advice, preferrably from a brother as they have experience. I converted not too recently, so some aspects of islamic living remain unclear and others a mmystery, although Islam is far from foreign as a parent is muslim. Im in my first year of university and when i go to class i sit in front to concentrate on lecture and keep my mind off of women in my class. I also avoid socializing as this could be detrimental to my deen in the long run. I received a 100 and 90 on my tests and i didnt brag, so as to avoid being asked to help others study, however, an older maybe middle aged woman in her wisdom asked how well i did, knowing i did well. I told her my grades and she later asked if i'd help her stidy as she received low grades. I am not attracted to her and agreed intending to help raise her grade. Here is the twist, there is a girl in my class who i see this woman with occasionally, i believe her to be her daughter, because of their age gap and physical resemblance. I try to lower my gaze, but her form is captivating and her clothing only accentuates it. in saying this im not trying to be vulgar, but to illustrate my situation. While waiting on my bus i ran into the mother who informed me that her daughter would like to join our study session and that she(mother) would rent out a study room in the library (9x9, couple chairs a table and a board, nothing to look at but the study material and people in the room). I would still like to help her and i'd like to help her daughter pass, to assist them seems sunnah to me and i may even be able to speak aboit islam. If not for that reason i would still feel a strong obligation to help my people. During this tutoring i will have to look at this woman(daughter), how can i avoid glancing at her bosom, face is also difficult as she has nice lips. Thesr rooms are empty and i will have to look at her anyway to teach her. I am not married and its not currently an option as i am not strong enough spiritually(still some questions about hadith legitimacy and sunni shia split) and im not strong enough financially, nor do i have the credibility as a new muslim and i am not far enough in my studies. This is also a question on dealing with women in general. I agreed to help for 2 hours but this was before daughter was introduced. Brothers will understand the difgiculty of the situation i hope. Also, do you notice female muslim youth taking gay male friends. Perhaps only in America. If ypu need additional dtail, ask. Thank you, ijope this does not offend. Maybe the mother will peep my modesty and ask her to dress accord.
    As-salamu alaykum Brother,

    First conflagrations on becoming Muslim, Allah guides whom he wills and No one can be misguided when He is guided by Allah.

    I'm not a brother, but maybe I can just give you some advice inshallah.

    The Prophet (pbuh) said when a man and a woman are alone the third person is always Shatian, these feelings you are getting are from shatian.

    If you can tell them that you no longer want to tutor them then this is better all together while helping someone is good and Allah rewards you for it, Allah would rather you keep your deen more then anything.

    If you can not then are there perhaps any male friend that you can take with you to these tutoring sessions? This will perhaps keep Shatian's whispers away if there is another male there.

    Perhaps you could advise her very nicely to cover up because of your religion?
    Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

      Make up some excuse that you can't give this 1-2-1 tuition in the library in the 9x9 room. You're too busy or you've gotta part time job. Or, be brave and tell them the truth that it's not acceptable in Islam to be alone with unrelated females. But offer to give help by email.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

        I like the quote. Im determined to help the mother at least and id hate to call it off because of my weakness and she fails, it seems like something i should confront, i dont have friends who attend. Asking her to cover up would be sort of emasculating especially in America where you're expected to take advantage of a woman as a man. Also ppl here see women covered as a sign of oppression as if they cover bruises or have low self esteem from verbal abuse. As a young black woman, she may react with hostility or anger if i ask that of her (i know my people). Her mom is more old school though, she spoke about church so i may ask her to discreetly mention it for next time if necessary. I thank you for ur input and reading my wall of text. More suggestions and instruction on the matter is still desired

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

          Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
          I like the quote. Im determined to help the mother at least and id hate to call it off because of my weakness and she fails, it seems like something i should confront, i dont have friends who attend. Asking her to cover up would be sort of emasculating especially in America where you're expected to take advantage of a woman as a man. Also ppl here see women covered as a sign of oppression as if they cover bruises or have low self esteem from verbal abuse. As a young black woman, she may react with hostility or anger if i ask that of her (i know my people). Her mom is more old school though, she spoke about church so i may ask her to discreetly mention it for next time if necessary. I thank you for ur input and reading my wall of text. More suggestions and instruction on the matter is still desired
          Perhaps email would be a better idea? Or skype? And maybe your mother or father or cousin could supervise?
          Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

            Email seems plausible.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

              Originally posted by FutureImam View Post
              Perhaps email would be a better idea? Or skype? And maybe your mother or father or cousin could supervise?
              Originally posted by chameleon View Post
              Make up some excuse that you can't give this 1-2-1 tuition in the library in the 9x9 room. You're too busy or you've gotta part time job. Or, be brave and tell them the truth that it's not acceptable in Islam to be alone with unrelated females. But offer to give help by email.
              Originally posted by FutureImam View Post
              As-salamu alaykum Brother,

              First conflagrations on becoming Muslim, Allah guides whom he wills and No one can be misguided when He is guided by Allah.

              I'm not a brother, but maybe I can just give you some advice inshallah.

              The Prophet (pbuh) said when a man and a woman are alone the third person is always Shatian, these feelings you are getting are from shatian.

              If you can tell them that you no longer want to tutor them then this is better all together while helping someone is good and Allah rewards you for it, Allah would rather you keep your deen more then anything.

              If you can not then are there perhaps any male friend that you can take with you to these tutoring sessions? This will perhaps keep Shatian's whispers away if there is another male there.

              Perhaps you could advise her very nicely to cover up because of your religion?
              The thing is im sure ill eventually have to work or do a project with a woman or women at school or a job eventually so i must develop a method by which i can inyeract with them in an easy, practical, sunnah way.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

                Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
                The thing is im sure ill eventually have to work or do a project with a woman or women at school or a job eventually so i must develop a method by which i can inyeract with them in an easy, practical, sunnah way.
                This may be something you might not want to hear but is there anyway to quit and just go to school online?
                Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

                  Originally posted by FutureImam View Post
                  This may be something you might not want to hear but is there anyway to quit and just go to school online?
                  not entirely, this class among others isnt offered online. I doubt i could go 4 years in college and x years in grad school without having to interact, i definitely couldnt hold a job.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

                    Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
                    not entirely, this class among others isnt offered online. I doubt i could go 4 years in college and x years in grad school without having to interact, i definitely couldnt hold a job.
                    What is the process of becoming an imam?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

                      Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
                      What is the process of becoming an imam?
                      http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-t...f-an-imam.html
                      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: sort of new muslim: sunnahin dealing with opposite sex in class

                        Firstly, mabrook on accepting Islam. May Allah (swt) always keep you steadfast.

                        Originally posted by Rasputin View Post
                        The thing is im sure ill eventually have to work or do a project with a woman or women at school or a job eventually so i must develop a method by which i can inyeract with them in an easy, practical, sunnah way.
                        Yes, yes, yes! You have to remember that Islam as a religion is a code of life. You are meant to live it practically in this world! Please don't think in order to be a good muslim you have to become an imam and hide away in a masjid somewhere never emerging from there to interact with the world. That sounds more like the unreasonable expectations that christians have of their priests. That's not what our imams are like anyway.
                        I realize that you are new to the faith and may not yet have strong discipline. But from your posts here it seems to me that you are trying very hard to be the best muslim you can. May Allah make your path easy for you.
                        Listen, you do not have to hide. You can help these women who very probably did come to you with no other intention than an innocent hope to improve their own grades.
                        Think of this as your chance to do da'wa. And I don't mean preach away at them about Islam (that's usually very off-putting) but rather just by your actions. Show them how a Muslim man respects women and is helpful to those in need (of your knowledge in this case).

                        What the sister said above : The hadeeth that the shaitan is the third person when an unrelated man and woman are alone is not something you have to worry about, right? This girl's mother will be right there. Just make sure that you are never left alone with her (or the mother, in fact) and you can make that clear to them should the situation arise. For example, you are all studying, the mother gets up says I'm going to go get some coffee. You say, well let's all take a five minute break.

                        And if it comes up just explain it to them! They might be surprised but I'm telling you they will most likely appreciate and respect it. Just tell them that your religion doesn't permit you to be alone with a woman you are not related to (when it's not out in public). If they ask why which they probably will, tell them the truth that we believe it promotes respect for women (maybe leave it's for their protection for now as they might start looking at you warily).

                        You can do this in sha Allah! Before walking in to help them make a sincere dua to Allah for help to keep you steadfast. Then help them.

                        As for how to avoid glancing at her body and face. I think the fact that you are aware that you should not be doing this means you are halfway there. The other half is to control yourself. Self-discipline. Lower your gaze - if she's wearing shorts, avert your gaze. Look at her mother more than you do her since attraction is not a factor there for you. Look to the side, your book, the table. When you do look at her, look her respectfully in the eyes for appropriate lengths of time and focus and concentrate on what she is saying or what you are saying to her.
                        Tie a piece of string around your finger to remind you of your good intentions and the dua that you made before you walked into the room. Every time you see it or feel it, in sha Allah your self-discipline will re-instate itself.

                        You can live in this world and be a good muslim. Just remember that Allah is watching you. (Maybe another piece of string to remember that? :o)

                        Also, if you cancel on them, you might also give them a poor impression of muslims. Something we are already struggling to dispel.

                        That's my advice. In sha Allah when you have done this correctly and modestly and in halal way you will be proud of yourself. You'll know that your self-discipline for Allah's sake has gone up a level. May Allah reward you richly every time you avert your gaze from her, every time you avoid being alone with her (or her mother) for Allah's sake, because it is what He wants you to do.

                        I hope I may have said something to help you. At the end of the day, only you know what you are strong enough for.

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