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How to be patient wth loneliness?

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  • How to be patient wth loneliness?

    So I know this guy in the forum with social anxiety, and he asked me about what he can do to do something about it. He's a good guy to be honest, and sincere in his worship. However he's struggling with his incapability of socializing or at least talk to people, because he fears being judged by others. He's not good looking also, perhaps that's the root of his problem in general. He always have this impression that people react to him and look at him differently and strangely, so he decided to isolate himself from social situations. He also dropped out of college this semester.

    Any tips or advices you wanna give to him? He's looking for guidance so that he may become successful, beneficial and useful for the society.

  • #2
    Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

    The more he isolates himself the worse he is making it for himself. People are not judged by their looks rather their character. Whoever does that is not worth their judgement in the least bit. So try snapping out of this dark shell of isolation, become proactive in different activities whether its hobbies or voluntary.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

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    • #3
      Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

      Originally posted by Yusuf_ View Post
      So I know this guy in the forum with social anxiety, and he asked me about what he can do to do something about it. He's a good guy to be honest, and sincere in his worship. However he's struggling with his incapability of socializing or at least talk to people, because he fears being judged by others. He's not good looking also, perhaps that's the root of his problem in general. He always have this impression that people react to him and look at him differently and strangely, so he decided to isolate himself from social situations. He also dropped out of college this semester.

      Any tips or advices you wanna give to him? He's looking for guidance so that he may become successful, beneficial and useful for the society.

      Hazrat ali (ra) said silence is more preferred over gossips.

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      • #4
        Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

        Salaam,

        If he is all fine with his ibadat etc then what he needs to do is boosting his confidence. How? He must be able to share what in his mind. Writing diary, blog, making video of his own self documentary. It is done alone so it is gonna be fine for him. Try this over few months and see if his confidence is improving. Then after it improves, try finding place to socialize. Not a large place, may be something like book club, or small halaqah or Islamic letcture. Here he will be able to communicate in a small scale. On a large scale is join speech contest, or dawah contest. This is really gonna boost up self esteem and confidence. But remember it should be done step by step. You cant force him to get out from his shell. It will freak him out more.

        Hope that helps.
        ~ Don’t trade a house in Jannah :insha:, for a lowly house in this transient world ~

        They want to extinguish the light of Allah with their mouths, but Allah will perfect His light, although the disbelievers dislike it (61 : 8)

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        • #5
          Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

          I know a very decent brother who is suffering from the same problem- in his case he is not bad looking, but he insists that he is because he has very low self esteem so I'm wondering if you've actually seen the brother you're talking about or does he just describe himself in those terms? Anyway appearance is a side issue. He took anti depressants for a while and this helped him to function so that he could go to work and go shopping etc, otherwise before taking the anti depressants, he often went out feeling as though people were looking at him, laughing at him or staring at him thinking he was making a fool of himself (even if in reality people were just going about their day and not paying attention to him). Having said that though, anti depressants can lead to their own problems, they dull the emotions altogether which can help dampen down depression or anxiety but also can prevent a person from feeling highs and joys as well when they occur so it's not healthy in the long term.

          Ironically if it were up to me I'd tell the brother to come here and contact your friend so that they could discuss this thing they have in common, but my guess is his social anxiety would prevent him from coming here or opening up to a new person, in spite of their similar circumstance. It's such a difficult thing I really don't know what to suggest. Ideally, I'd say to the person to just try to spend time pursuing a passion (as long as its halal). It doesn't have to be conventional studying at college, it could be spending time with babies and enjoying their innocence and little smiles, or looking after animals, or art work or whatever helps alleviate the negative emotions or enhances the positive, spend time on it regularly and inshaAllah it can help alleviate the stresses of other areas of life as well.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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          • #6
            Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

            Please tell the brother that this life is temporary and we are travellers, we are neither here or there and we do not really belong anywhere. Nothing in this world lasts forever. We will be judged on our actions and what is in our hearts. Brother needs to find the real problem that increases his anxiety. If it is fear of people and social settings then he needs to keep away from it until he is ready to face his fears. People will only warm to us if we are ourselves and relaxed. If you are very nervous people may not understand you. Look at that way life is full of temptations the more we resist, the more
            Achieve.
            "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

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            • #7
              Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

              You should see some of these people that walk the high street with their torn half dresses, tattoes, piercings here n there, looking like they aint had a bath in weeks. If anything they one' s with self esteem issues.

              Is the brother scared to come face such people?
              Last edited by Umar_; 03-10-13, 11:11 PM.

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              • #8
                Re: How to be patient wth loneliness?

                All I can recommend for him is for him to pray for help in his social issues and to remove his social problem. Make sure he knows that he has a friend that he can rely on (That's you by the way). It would be nice for him if you could also pray for him. Make sure he stays patient and inform him that this is a test from Allah.The Quran says, "Indeed, Allah is with the patient." But the best thing he can do is to pray for himself. And This is a blessing in disguise because Allah will remove some of his sins on the day if judgement because he is suffering.

                Assalamu Alykum

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