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  • Engaged but......

    Salam dear brothers and sisters, hope u all are fine and doing well. I am from Afghanistan but living in Pakistan. I and my cousin (female) got engaged in 2010. She lives in Afghanistan it is like long distance relation. I have noticed certain things about her it is not like i m doubting her for something wrong or what so ever. but yes one thing i m sure about is that she doesnot love me. I love her so much but...... I am student actually i m 21 yrs old. things i noticed like after 2 months of our engagement she told me that she regret this relationship with me on Eid ul adha 2 day. I thought she might be tensed about something thats why she is saying this. but with passage of time I started to notice her behavior changing and so on. It is me who always buy gifts for her whenever i pay my visit to their house. It is always me who calls. In this three yr of relationship she called me like at max 10 times not to 4get only when she needs something. Please don't misunderstand me it is not like i want gifts from her or i m upset about she not giving me any gift but i m just saying. Ok behavior changing i was talking about is that when ever we talk on phone she always start fighting on little things like anything. it is always me compromising. when i send her text it takes her like 10hours to reply me. thing that bothers me is that she calls her aunt (also lives in Pakistan) frequently and she cant call me jst to know even if i alive. she sometimes say I don't want to get married I want to live with my family etc. in short she already told me that she doesn't love me. her behavior is 100% good with everyone but with me...... Please don't give me suggestion like break relationship with her couse our family will never agree on it.

  • #2
    Re: Engaged but......

    talk to her and ask her how she feels... since you KNOW your family will not agree, ask her how he thinks or what she thinks you guys can do to change the atmosphere of how the relationship is going u know?

    will make dua.. iA
    Raindrops.hail.ouch

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    • #3
      Re: Engaged but......

      Originally posted by FeedMEknowledge View Post
      talk to her and ask her how she feels... since you KNOW your family will not agree, ask her how he thinks or what she thinks you guys can do to change the atmosphere of how the relationship is going u know?

      will make dua.. iA
      brother i tried ask her about this matter but she says when time comes we will see. like not even month ago I text her at 3pm that should i call u nw she told me no call me after dinner after dinner she texted me to call her. I was bit busy at time i texted her back that i will call u within 5 mins and she her text came back I was excited about what sent me since my phone was in my pocket. wat i saw in text was "ok you r not going to call I m going to watch drama".

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      • #4
        Re: Engaged but......

        brother i tried talking to her but she always says when time comes we will see. she asked me to make my hair the way she want to i even changed my dress style for her everything she wanted me to do. I did. but still........

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        • #5
          Re: Engaged but......

          maybe she's like this because it's long distance, i mean 3 years is a long time to not see someone, she'll hopefully feel different once she sees you in person more regularly, why don't you surprise her and send her gifts or visit if you can? talk to her, she must know the family won't let you break it up, so she must be accepting deep down.

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          • #6
            Re: Engaged but......

            tnx for reply sister, ys i think u might be right but i can go only twice year couse of university as i mentioned i am student.

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            • #7
              Re: Engaged but......

              please help me! what should i do?

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              • #8
                Re: Engaged but......

                Do what FMK already advised you, you wouldn't know what's really going on in that head of hers if you don't ask whats up...P.s and it's best you both discuss that once you see her face to face, because as much as the phone being an easier thing,you need to read facial expression's, because that does tell you a lot
                Last edited by *sheba*; 21-09-13, 05:04 PM.
                O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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                • #9
                  Re: Engaged but......

                  It's long distance, so it's expected. You are only engaged and not married so maybe she finds it awkward to always call you, and feels weird talking to you a lot?

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                  • #10
                    Re: Engaged but......

                    Originally posted by alone1991 View Post
                    please help me! what should i do?
                    :salams

                    Women like talking. Ask her details. Tell her you noticed all these things, why it's bothering you, ask her if anything is wrong, did you do something to upset her, do you have any bad habits she hates, is there anything about yourself that you can fix, and ask if she really does want to marry you. Being forced into a marriage may make her hate the situation and maybe that is why she is lashing out at you and being rude.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Engaged but......

                      My question why the drag for marriage ,engagements and marriages are normally not too far apart.
                      Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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                      • #12
                        Re: Engaged but......

                        Originally posted by sabah suleiman View Post
                        Do what FMK already advised you, you wouldn't know what's really going on in that head of hers if you don't ask whats up...P.s and it's best you both discuss that once you see her face to face, because as much as the phone being an easier thing,you need to read facial expression's, because that does tell you a lot
                        tnx for reply. Insha Allah I will talk to her face2face about this problem next time i meet her
                        Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                        It's long distance, so it's expected. You are only engaged and not married so maybe she finds it awkward to always call you, and feels weird talking to you a lot?
                        yeah may be it is true. but I have seen lot of people have distance relationship never heard or saw anything like this. the thing bothering me every second of my life is that from her behavior i came to know that she doesn't love me.
                        Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                        :salams

                        Women like talking. Ask her details. Tell her you noticed all these things, why it's bothering you, ask her if anything is wrong, did you do something to upset her, do you have any bad habits she hates, is there anything about yourself that you can fix, and ask if she really does want to marry you. Being forced into a marriage may make her hate the situation and maybe that is why she is lashing out at you and being rude.
                        Tnx for reply sister. I asked her about my what i am feeling and about things that are bothering me instead of discussion she started fighting and this time i m thinking i will talk to her face2face about this problem next time i meet her
                        Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                        My question why the drag for marriage ,engagements and marriages are normally not too far apart.
                        Sorry dear brother I don't get you

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                        • #13
                          Re: Engaged but......

                          -----------
                          Last edited by Rebel101; 22-09-13, 07:12 AM.
                          Gone with the wind.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Engaged but......

                            Originally posted by alone1991 View Post
                            tnx for reply. Insha Allah I will talk to her face2face about this problem next time i meet her

                            yeah may be it is true. but I have seen lot of people have distance relationship never heard or saw anything like this. the thing bothering me every second of my life is that from her behavior i came to know that she doesn't love me.

                            Tnx for reply sister. I asked her about my what i am feeling and about things that are bothering me instead of discussion she started fighting and this time i m thinking i will talk to her face2face about this problem next time i meet her

                            Sorry dear brother I don't get you
                            Replying aggressively is normal for a young girl or teenager, especially when she's mad about something. I'm not saying you should put up with it though, it's a bad habit. She could be trying to purposely make you dislike her. Or maybe something is upsetting her at home and you are the only one who will listen to her explode and complain. There are many reasons why people pick fights and most of the time they are not your fault, but something wrong with them and they won't say it.

                            If she has any male cousins or brothers near her, you might try to ask them if anything is bothering her or upsetting the family lately, it might help you.

                            You shouldn't expect her to love you if you are far away. It's possible for some and their marriages work out, while others break up and divorce because of that. Maybe she is the kind that needs to be physically with her husband to keep the love, and that may be the reason she's upset or afraid of you. She might be scared of moving away from her family or something, or scared she will always be separated from the one she is marrying because of work.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Engaged but......

                              tnx for reply sister. after reading your post I came to conclusion that yes there are certain things i think going on with her like she staying away from her family, always me how listens to her with cold mind like compromising with everything she do, and yes i think she wants me to dislike her. she has brother near to her, he is also like best friend to me but he never said anything that is bothering my fiance. I think i will have to talk to her face2face in order to know what is actually wrong.

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