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I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

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  • I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

    Assalamu-alaikum,

    I currently only wear hijab (i.e. the head covering). I cover my chest and wear it as simple as possible alhamdulillah. I've actually been wearing it for 2 years now alhamdulillah and can't see myself taking it off. To go without it outside, would for me, be odd and uncomfortable.

    However (and this is where the problem starts), I was walking round town today and suddenly started noticing abayas. I mean girls at my college where it all the time and I see it wherever I go. But I never really paid any attention. I mean, I do wear loose clothing. But it's not really loose loose, if you know what I mean. Believe it or not, I actually walk around with my hands protectively over my front, and I do it subconsciously. It's only when someone else points it out that I realise what I'm doing

    Anywho, I was noticing all the abayas and just seeing how nice they look on the Muslim sisters masha'allah. But I really don't know what's holding me back. Is it that I'll be discriminated even more when finding work? (those of you who know, already understand my work woes). Is it that I'll be mocked and I don't have the strength to fight back?

    I think it's because in my mind, 'I'm not ready'. Now I know that's going to sound like a ridiculous excuse, and normally, I'd be the first to metaphorically slap that statement out of a person, but I think it's applicable to me. When I decided to first wear the hijab, I spent months analysing it, looking at how my female relatives wear it, looking at the Muslim sisters and how they manage with it, asking them questions, searching and reading books on the topic. For me, when I go into something Islamically, I have to give my 100%. I couldn't see myself just going into it half-heartedly. I didn't want to have the hijab on one day and not the next. I felt it would be hypocritical of me. I wanted the hijab to be on my head and to not come off (until I'm in the safety of home). I think this is the same process for the abaya.

    I dunno, I think I just need some persuasion, advice and support.
    What I don't need is people telling me that I'm sinning. Like Nouman Ali Khan said, 'telling someone they're sinning isn't going to help. Chances are, they know what they're doing is wrong. They need their hearts softened towards the truth.'

    For the sisters who do wear it: how do you deal with everything? Other people? Have you tripped over? Does it get dirty?
    Where do you buy yours from? How many do you have?
    Did you find that wearing one negatively impacted on work/careers etc.?
    Do you have days when you don't want to wear one and you've had enough? How do you deal with that?

    No one else in my family wears one (yet) and I don't want to raise their hopes by discussing it with them, in case if I cave in and decide not to wear one in the end.

    Jazakallah Khayr for your support and advice.
    ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
    U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

  • #2
    Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

    I've been wearing jilbab for about 14 years now but before I put it on, like you, I just wore the headscarf and looser clothing. I analysed and thought and thought about wearing jilbab and was very unsure about it at first, especially as my mum became VERY hostile when I first started covering my head and I didn't want a repeat of all that drama. Eventually, a cousin sent me a jilbab from Pakistan and I saw it as a sign, within days I was ready and then realised I can't get by on one jilbab so went to a jilbab shop next to Shepherds bush station to buy a second one (so that i have one to wear if the other is being washed).

    When I put it on for the first time, I was thinking "why didn't I do this before?" as it didn't feel intimidating anymore and I've been wearing them ever since. It didn't make any difference in terms of finding work except that I avoided retail jobs with a uniform policy and started working at call centres and they didn't object to what I wore. I think you should try one on and see how you feel- either visit a friend who owns one or try it on in a shop and take it from there.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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    • #3
      Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

      but whats the diff between jilbab, and abaya?

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      • #4
        Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

        Originally posted by neelu View Post
        I've been wearing jilbab for about 14 years now but before I put it on, like you, I just wore the headscarf and looser clothing. I analysed and thought and thought about wearing jilbab and was very unsure about it at first, especially as my mum became VERY hostile when I first started covering my head and I didn't want a repeat of all that drama. Eventually, a cousin sent me a jilbab from Pakistan and I saw it as a sign, within days I was ready and then realised I can't get by on one jilbab so went to a jilbab shop next to Shepherds bush station to buy a second one (so that i have one to wear if the other is being washed).

        When I put it on for the first time, I was thinking "why didn't I do this before?" as it didn't feel intimidating anymore and I've been wearing them ever since. It didn't make any difference in terms of finding work except that I avoided retail jobs with a uniform policy and started working at call centres and they didn't object to what I wore. I think you should try one on and see how you feel- either visit a friend who owns one or try it on in a shop and take it from there.
        Jazakallah Khayr for that sister :)
        ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
        U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

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        • #5
          Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

          how do you deal with everything? Other people? Have you tripped over? Does it get dirty?
          Where do you buy yours from? How many do you have?
          Did you find that wearing one negatively impacted on work/careers etc.?
          Do you have days when you don't want to wear one and you've had enough? How do you deal with that?


          I deal with everything in exactly the same manner as I did when I dint wear the abayah. I was a little worried driving, as its full length, put pull it up a little and its fine Alhumdollilah :)

          Have I tripped over? Ask a silly question, of course I have, though not recently. It is more likely to do with my walking habits and multi tasking whilst I was younger rather than the abayah, but really no major problems there. I recently stopped wearing heels altogether, and switched to total flats which was a bit tricky to master, as my abayahs are all slightly longer to allow for the heel, but again, Im used to it now, so its okay!

          Does it get dirty - yes, I only wear black, so you can see any slight stain on it easily - but thats that what the washing machine is for. ( Wash inside out and line dry inside out to avoid any marks on the front!)

          I buy mine from a friend who has a Boutique and designs her own abayahs in Dubai, shops in Dubai, Saudi. I got a lovely one from a shop in Birmingham but the prices were too expensive!

          How many....a few everyday ones, ( like rushing out whilst cooking ones ), a few smarter ones, a occasion wear ones.....my basis is generally always all black, khaleeji soft fabric, with no work on the body of the abayah itself if i can help bit.

          No sister, not at all. With work wear, its fine to smarten up with jackets, blazers, cardigans etc. If you are at ease, confident and comfortable as you are, then that will Insha'Allah shine through!

          Not really, I hink once you start wearing it you feel uncomfortable without it.

          Its fine sister, if if you do one day, its better than none, If you do part time, its better than no time.

          I went out with parents at the weekend to 100% British tourist town at the weekend. It was FULL of non Muslims, as they had an event going on. Dad, was in full Sunnah clothing and I was dressed headto toe in black....I expect some kind of racism/bad comment, but alhumdollilah everyone was really friendly. I think you only pick up negativity if you seek it

          Ask Allah swt to make it easy for you and go for it! you'll have days and moments of weakness, we all do, but the imaan of a believer only strengthens like this, sister.

          I think your are really over thinking things and just go for it ukthi. My mum wasnt overly supportive with me, but Alhumdollilah even shes used to it and will even buy me one if she sees one that she knows I like now.
          Last edited by Jenicca; 29-08-13, 07:10 PM.
          وَالْعَصْرِ

          إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

          إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ


          "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

          Khanqah Habibiyah

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          • #6
            Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

            For the sisters who do wear it: how do you deal with everything? Other people? Have you tripped over? Does it get dirty?
            Where do you buy yours from? How many do you have?
            Did you find that wearing one negatively impacted on work/careers etc.?
            Do you have days when you don't want to wear one and you've had enough? How do you deal with that?
            I think wearing jilbab/abaya is much easier than the head covering because the latter is more of a leap and now that you've done that i think abaya is much easier.

            -i tripped up in school once, very embarrassing, i tripped going up the steps which was a first. It's fine tho, it's normal because it's not as big of a change as covering ones hair/chest etc so it was much much much more easier to do.
            -the shop :p although sunnahstyle.com are very good with these things so check them out. I have enough alhamdulilah
            -nope...actually i found work affected all of my hijab hence i don't work (because you get sucked into the environment and start thinking about matching colours and get lost into that which kinda defeats the purpose of hijab)
            -nope alhamdulilah but i think one way to deal with that would be to wear whatever you want to wear if you weren't wearing one, under it so you're not missing out on anything.

            Just do it and don't look back.

            لا تفكر كثيرا
            بل استغفر كثيرا

            -------------------------------------------------------
            The children need your prayers more than anyone else
            -------------------------------------------------------
            www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

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            • #7
              I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

              Aww jazakallah khayr sisters for your experiences. Just reading them, my heart's already starting to sway towards it <3

              I may have to talk to my mum so we can go to the Muslim area of the city to have a look, before I lose my confidence.

              May Allah reward you abundantly. They were so lovely to read masha'allah
              ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
              U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                May Allah swt make it easy for you ukthi.

                Let me know where you are going to shop and see if there are any recommended places the Ummah sister elsewhere on the forum :love:
                وَالْعَصْرِ

                إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ


                "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                Khanqah Habibiyah

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                  I was planning on trying all the abaya shops in Leicester.
                  There's one on St. Saviour's Rd owned by Moulana Mogra's brother, I forget the name.
                  The Islamic Establishment on Asfordby Street
                  A shop called Dubai on Green Lane Rd and I've heard there are more along there too.
                  Jazakallah Khayr sis! <3 <3
                  ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
                  U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

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                  • #10
                    I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                    UPDATE: so I told my mum and she did the typical thing and started crying with happiness lol. Insha'allah we've decided to go tomorrow whilst this feeling is inside of me. Please make du'a for me, I'm so nervous/ excited :D
                    ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
                    U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                      Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                      UPDATE: so I told my mum and she did the typical thing and started crying with happiness lol. Insha'allah we've decided to go tomorrow whilst this feeling is inside of me. Please make du'a for me, I'm so nervous/ excited :D

                      Awww. That's sooo beautiful and heartwarming :love:. Masha'allah. I remember the feeling getting ready to go and buy my first abaya. Insha'allah you will absolutely not regret it for one momen and will find it gives your emaan a huge boost. Will remember you in my duas. Let us know how tomorrow goes.
                      Allah is so Great and Merciful that although we continue to disobey Him, He still awaits for our repentance so that He may forgive us.

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                      • #12
                        Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                        Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                        UPDATE: so I told my mum and she did the typical thing and started crying with happiness lol. Insha'allah we've decided to go tomorrow whilst this feeling is inside of me. Please make du'a for me, I'm so nervous/ excited :D
                        Awwwwwwwww alhamdulilah :D

                        لا تفكر كثيرا
                        بل استغفر كثيرا

                        -------------------------------------------------------
                        The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                        -------------------------------------------------------
                        www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                          1. For the sisters who do wear it: how do you deal with everything? Other people? Have you tripped over? Does it get dirty? Abayas are the norm around here, although most of them are the fashion ones, but still. An abaya does not attract much attention unless it is the overhead ones. Despite people telling me I would trip over, the time I did fall over was nothing to do with the abaya lol. Gets dirty sometimes because mine drag a bit, but easy to wash and dries quite quick even in winter.

                          2. Where do you buy yours from? How many do you have? Had some sewn in the past, current ones are from a local Islamic clothing shop. I have 2, too many clothes make me feel suffocated and create more washing and ironing.

                          3. Did you find that wearing one negatively impacted on work/careers etc.?
                          It depends where you want to work really. I wore abaya since college so I shaped my ideas around how I was dressing at the time. I have worked and worn an abaya but if I stayed there I could have worn niqaab too because it was a Muslim place.

                          4. Do you have days when you don't want to wear one and you've had enough? How do you deal with that? No, abaya is second nature now. There were times I had issues, like on the last day of college everyone was expected to 'dress up' and even though I wore abaya everyone kept asking me what I was going to wear It got really annoying and on the day people gave me some funny looks but my friends weren't bothered and neither was I.

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                          • #14
                            Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                            I was looking at some abayas on eastessence.com
                            At lot of them just look like normal dresses to me (must......control.......shopping......)

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                            • #15
                              Re: I think I want to start wearing an abaya [help/advice/support really needed]

                              I also started wearing abayas a couple months ago alhamdullilah, but I also wear maxi skirts, especially in summer. Here in The Netherlands they only have abays in the shops that are too short for me, so I order mine online at muslimbase.com.When it's raining it does get a little dirty from the bottom but they are easy to wash.. I do handwash them because they will shrink in the washer I'm afraid, and I don't like abaya's that show your feet/ankles so make sure you get the ones that are long enough for you. And my first couple of days in abaya I would trip over when I'm walking upstairs lol, I actually still do sometimes. :D I really love my abaya, I'd feel really naked in tighter clothes.

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