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I need some advices brothers & sisters...

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  • I need some advices brothers & sisters...

    I'm almost becoming 20 and it's my first year in University. (I'm a guy btw, just in case if you didn't know). I'm pretty serious in my deen enough. I always have the time to pray at least my fard prayers, if i'm busy. I read the Qur'an (in Arabic or the English translation) on my free time sometimes. So I think I'm fulfilling my religious duties well enough.

    I have issues with social situations (social anxiety). I tend to be awkward around people in general (except my family members and few old friends). When I meet new people, especially in Uni. I run out of things to say and people view me as a weirdo. I don't socialize with girls tho, so it's not a big deal for me.

    The thing is, I haven't acquired any social skills since childhood, so I think I have this social disorder. I've been emotionally scared by events that happened with me when i was in high school.

    Can anyone give me some advices on how to make friends and handling social situations? maybe talk about basic etiquette and stuff

    Jazakallahu Khairan

  • #2
    Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

    Don't feel like you have to drag convos on bro, some people you'll click with and convo flows and with others it won't. Also, how do you know they view you as a weirdo? Has anyone said anything or are you projecting your thoughts onto them?
    Last edited by rainbow*~; 28-08-13, 02:46 AM.
    :sub: wabihamdihi:sub:hiladheem

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    • #3
      Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

      Originally posted by rainbow*~ View Post
      Don't feel like you have to drag convos on bro, some people you'll click with and convo flows and with others it won't. Also, how do you know they view you as a weirdo? Has anyone said anything or are you projecting your thoughts onto them?
      That's because you have low confidence. Low confidence arise in thinking lowly of oneself..Why don't you say to yourself I am muslim and Proud. Too worried about what other people think? LOL

      I'm usually the guy that thinks too highly of myslef but at the very least that erases problems of social anxiety.

      Just be cofident with yourself man. Remeber, Try not to impress but just be you.

      Try not to talk about the right topics but speak out your mind.

      I'm not saying be loud and controversial, but avid over thinking in social situations.
      Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

      If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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      • #4
        Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

        Go see a doctor about this and he will refer you to the right people.
        My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
        ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
        “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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        • #5
          Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

          I think you should find out if your uni have an isoc so that you have a place to pray and meet other Muslims so at least you may find people with more common ground. To an extent, everyone feels nervous and unsure of uni, of whether they will 'click' with anyone. For many it means leaving home for the first time, being among a completely new set of people which is daunting for everyone... but there comes a point where you go there and realise everyone is in the same boat, most people are daunted and don't know each other and that common ground of turning up there, trying to find your way around (and people asking directions of each other) kinda helps to break the ice so you can get acquainted even if you don't end up as best friends. So don't be afraid to ask such things when you're lost and unsure as to where to go- people wont make fun of you or think you're stupid as they're probably in the same situation as you.

          It takes some weeks or a couple of months before 'cliques' get established and people start to form groups but don't let it put you off if you're not considered part of any group, there are probably others who aren't in the groups either and you end up sticking together and becoming your own group and there's no shame in that. I find you only really need one person to connect with, then it doesn't matter what else happens because you're not going through anything on your own- any more friends than that is a bonus. Also try not to make snap judgements based on appearances; the guy with fifty piercings could turn out to be friendly and well mannered whereas the smart Muslim guy could turn out to be a snob or worse, be there to drink and mess around.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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          • #6
            Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

            Originally posted by rainbow*~ View Post
            Don't feel like you have to drag convos on bro, some people you'll click with and convo flows and with others it won't. Also, how do you know they view you as a weirdo? Has anyone said anything or are you projecting your thoughts onto them?
            Alot of people told me that i'm weird, even my own family (because I don't talk a lot), some even spread rumors about me

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            • #7
              Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

              Originally posted by hassan246 View Post
              Alot of people told me that i'm weird, even my own family (because I don't talk a lot), some even spread rumors about me
              Yea i'm familiar with this problem....

              well there's always people that fit your description around they're more common then you may think. My advice is to learn what to say and what not to say so you can fit in. Its all about being comfortable, if you're not comfortable then cut the convo short but nicely. Also be careful not to offend people.

              Its really all about your comfort zone, if you're not comfortable then you'll always be awkward.

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              • #8
                Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

                Being quiet is a good thing. It's better than being a chatty blabber mouth. It's those kind of people who need to see a doctor.

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                • #9
                  Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

                  Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                  Being quiet is a good thing. It's better than being a chatty blabber mouth. It's those kind of people who need to see a doctor.
                  Too quiet is bad aswell, moderate is best.

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                  • #10
                    Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

                    Originally posted by Hadid View Post
                    Too quiet is bad aswell, moderate is best.
                    Theres a saying goes something like this:

                    "If you stay quiet, usually the person will tell you EVERYTHING."

                    Well I bear witness it works for the most part, next time someone is trying to explain themselves to you try it. Just continue to look at them and don't say a word. They will continue talking and talking until the whole story is revealed.

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                    • #11
                      Re: I need some advices brothers & sisters...

                      Originally posted by Muzdalifah View Post
                      Theres a saying goes something like this:

                      "If you stay quiet, usually the person will tell you EVERYTHING."

                      Well I bear witness it works for the most part, next time someone is trying to explain themselves to you try it. Just continue to look at them and don't say a word. They will continue talking and talking until the whole story is revealed.
                      But that person has got to be your friend first, and staying quiet all the time won't make you any friends.

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