Need help with social anxiety

[reranro]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm a 28 year old male living in the UK. I have had some worries lately because now is the time I need to get married and stuff. I am not complaining about my life or anything in this thread but I need you to know about my situation before you can advise me, i'm just asking because i'm worried about socialising and marriage at the moment.
Basically I have Asperger syndrome, I am honestly ugly (it's not just me saying it, people have told me too) and I'm overweight (yeah i'm a loser).
I have been bullied my whole life pretty much, in school people used to pick on me non stop (even all the girls would) and I was even physically attacked many times by the other boys in my classes , I made no friends growing up because no one would come near me (I was really soft too and didn't ever say anything back or try to hurt anyone so I was a even bigger target), even now some people tease me and stuff. My mum never knew about any of this and I used to pretend that everything was alright, I never told her because she was busy working really hard to put food on the table and she saved up and stuff to send me to a private school so I didn't want to disappoint her. Thing is that because of my problem (I have high levels of aspergers syndrome) I am unable to socialise with people and make friends, I try hard to be really nice to everyone but people always end up thinking i'm a big joke for some reason. In my late teens I gave up because my confidence had become so low that I would be too scared to talk to anyone other than my mum (because I thought that by talking to them they would think i'm annoying and a werido). To this day i've never had a friend and no one's ever texted me apart from O2 and my mother (my dad passed away as a child). Now recently i've been fine with this, I've gotten over this kind of stuff and nowadays I go to work, go to the mosque, look after my mother and then sleep and thanks to Allah i'm satisfied with my life.

But the only problem is that because i'm a loser, ugly, overweight and socially awkward I don't know any sister in the the world that would marry me lol. And also as a muslim I have a duty to socialise with people and insha'allah bring them to Islam. I've met some people at the mosque and they've been very kind, how do I then go on to make friends with these people? And also how can I find a sister crazy enough to marry me? And if no one will marry me, will it be allowed to just stay single?

JazakAllah.

[Green786]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Wasalam

First and foremost you are not ugly because nobody is. I have been called a weirdo many times too. Whoever says that you are unattractive is silly.
You have a job and you seem content with things which is a good thing. I would suggest you try volunteering with a Muslim charity or join a local book club.
You mentioned that you are overweight, have you tried going to the gym and eating healthily? Ask your mum to help you find someone. You said you go to a local Mosque , do they have a matrimonial service?
You could join a Muslim marriage agency. To be honest with you, I am in a similar position as you minus the social anxiety and aspergers syndrome. It is very difficult to find someone. Please do not give up. Try and look presentable, fast regularly, attend prayers/lectures, read books and eat good foods.

As for your social anxiety and aspergers syndrome, I hope you are getting treatment for it. All I can really suggest is that you give it a try and find someone similar to you.
May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen

[F_R]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Wa alaykumasalaam

Aside from everything that's happened, you should take a turning point and be happy with yourself. You should be content with yourself in those things that you have no say in such as features etc. Allah made you in that way so embrace it and love it (not in the obsessive way but be comfortable and content with how you are). You've got good traits like not being hurtful etc as you said and i'm sure you've got more good traits that Allah has blessed you with so embrace them all.

Marriage is qadr as with most things. Just do your bit and if it's meant to be then no one can stop it. So put your trust in Allah and make dua etc and think positively about yourself in those things that you can't change. People will always talk and will forever not be satisfied with others so we shouldn't take any notice of those things.

There's a difference between not getting married because it just didn't happen and making the intention to never marry. It's a sunnah and the way of the Prophet :saw: so no one should intentionally stay away from it.

Also being a weirdo is good, too many people are practically carbon copies of eachother. An so long as you're not stepping outside any boundaries of the shariah then there's no problem in staying as you are.

An don't call yourself a loser or ugly. If you're personally unhappy with your weight (and if it's a health concern) then it's good to reach a healthy weight. If, however, it's because of people or society and not health/self related then be careful of doing something about it because people or society will never be fully pleased.

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Wasalam

First and foremost you are not ugly because nobody is. I am been called a weirdo many times too. Whoever says that you are unattractive is silly.
You have a job and you seem content with things which is a good thing. I would suggest you try volunteering with a Muslim charity or join a local book club.
You mentioned that you are overweight, have you tried going to the gym and eating healthily? Ask your mum to help you find someone. You said you go to a local Mosque , do they have a matrimonial service?
You could join a Muslim marriage agency. To be honest with you, I am in a similar position as you minus the social anxiety and aspergers syndrome. It is very difficult to find someone. Please do not give up. Try and look presentable, fast regularly, attend prayers/lectures, read books and eat good foods.

As for your social anxiety and aspergers syndrome, I hope you are getting treatment for it. All I can really suggest is that you give it a try and find someone similar to you.
May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen

Thank you very much for the reply.
Yeah maybe I should try some muslim volunteering at a charity as that would be helping other people too, not only myself.
I am trying to lose weight at the moment, it's hard for anyone but i'll get there soon. And i'm not sure about any marriage services at my mosuqe.
JazakAllah for the reply, i'll get my act together now and hopefully gain some confidence and I should find someone out there.
I have gotten treatment but it hasn't helped, however I did have a stuttering problem and I had speech therapy for it a year ago and although it still happens from time to time alhamdulillah it's gone better.
May Allah make it easy for you to find a wife too brother, don't worry you will soon!

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Wa alaykumasalaam

Aside from everything that's happened, you should take a turning point and be happy with yourself. You should be content with yourself in those things that you have no say in such as features etc. Allah made you in that way so embrace it and love it (not in the obsessive way but be comfortable and content with how you are). You've got good traits like not being hurtful etc as you said and i'm sure you've got more good traits that Allah has blessed you with so embrace them all.

Marriage is qadr as with most things. Just do your bit and if it's meant to be then no one can stop it. So put your trust in Allah and make dua etc and think positively about yourself in those things that you can't change. People will always talk and will forever not be satisfied with others so we shouldn't take any notice of those things.

There's a difference between not getting married because it just didn't happen and making the intention to never marry. It's a sunnah and the way of the Prophet :saw: so no one should intentionally stay away from it.

Also being a weirdo is good, too many people are practically carbon copies of eachother. An so long as you're not stepping outside any boundaries of the shariah then there's no problem in staying as you are.

An don't call yourself a loser or ugly. If you're personally unhappy with your weight (and if it's a health concern) then it's good to reach a healthy weight. If, however, it's because of people or society and not health/self related then be careful of doing something about it because people or society will never be fully pleased.

Yeah I am thankful for my life, I wasn't trying to complain (sorry if it looks that way), just was telling you the situation so you would know about me properly before you could advise me.
I won't intentionally stay away from marriage but if no girl wants me and i've tried everything then I think it'll be better to just focus on being a good muslim and helping other people instead so I can at least do all the other duties.
Thank you for the reply, may allah bless you.

[F_R]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Yeah I am thankful for my life, I wasn't trying to complain (sorry if it looks that way).
I won't intentionally stay away from marriage but if no girl wants me and i've tried everything then I think it'll be better to just focus on being a good muslim and helping other people instead so I can at least do all the other duties.
Thank you for the reply, may allah bless you.

Btw the whole marriage thing will come when it's time, don't lose hope and don't lose your life over it. If it's meant to be it'll come for you and no one and nothing will be able to stop it.

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Btw the whole marriage thing will come when it's time, don't lose hope and don't lose your life over it. If it's meant to be it'll come for you and no one and nothing will be able to stop it.

yeah there must be at least some sisters who are on the same level as me out there lol

[Fairy]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

cant really help, but will keep u in my prayers

try and do things that will make u feel confident about urself

[ksaid037]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Im not going to insult you by telling you i understand your plight because i truly dont, however i do know a sister in a wheelchair who got married, people were stunned. I believe there's someone out there for everyone and hopefully you will find her. Some of the smartest people in the world had aspergers so it shouldn't stop you from finding someone.

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

cant really help, but will keep u in my prayers

try and do things that will make u feel confident about urself

Jazakallah, I will remember to keep you in my prayers too insha'allah

[Green786]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Thank you very much for the reply.
Yeah maybe I should try some muslim volunteering at a charity as that would be helping other people too, not only myself.
I am trying to lose weight at the moment, it's hard for anyone but i'll get there soon. And i'm not sure about any marriage services at my mosuqe.
JazakAllah for the reply, i'll get my act together now and hopefully gain some confidence and I should find someone out there.
I have gotten treatment but it hasn't helped, however I did have a stuttering problem and I had speech therapy for it a year ago and although it still happens from time to time alhamdulillah it's gone better.
May Allah make it easy for you to find a wife too brother, don't worry you will soon!

Thank you

Call me sister

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Im not going to insult you by telling you i understand your plight because i truly dont, however i do know a sister in a wheelchair who got married, people were stunned. I believe there's someone out there for everyone and hopefully you will find her. Some of the smartest people in the world had aspergers so it shouldn't stop you from finding someone.

Yes I'm sure there is someone out there, if there isn't then it doesn't really matter too much because I can still perform my other duties so I'm not stressed about it. I will try my best to find someone, my mum said she will help me but I don't want to bother her too much as she's got problems of her own at the moment. I will try and get to know some brothers at the mosque or something, they may know people.
Jazakallah for the response. May Allah help you in any struggles you have too.

[reranro]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Thank you

Call me sister

Oh sorry sister,

[Fairy]

Re: Need help with social anxiety

Jazakallah, I will remember to keep you in my prayers too insha'allah

thank oooooo