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Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

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  • Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

    asalaam alaikum

    the topic below has been a very hot topic in my house for the last few weeks and a source of multiple arguments..
    at this point i have no idea what to and am hoping you members will provide me some advice

    i have been working very diligently at my job for the last 4 years-it is a demanding job as i work in the medical field and have had my share of night shifts, missed family events and festive occasions etc. at the same time working i was juggling school full time until recently when i graduated

    a few weeks ago i was offered the opportunity to interview for the corporate position which would be a HUGE promotion for me. my pay would increase significantly, going from mere wage to full salary with benefits. i myself was shocked that they offered me such a high level position and it was something i had been praying to allah for a long time. i had to support myself with loans for college tuition and unfortunately got stuck in credit debt as well. i was looking to start fresh with my first career where i could wipe out that debt and start with a clean slate free of interest and sins.

    the only catch is that this job requires me to travel 2 weeks at a time every 3-4 months to various hospitals throughout the country. i understand my parents concern but i am a responsible adult who has never broken their trust-they have always given me great liberty but i never felt the urge to go and explore this "freedom". i have always been content with being a home person and being with family.

    now that this job is in the process of being offered to me i have begun to talk to my parents about it. but my mother is very much against it!! when i confront her as to why she gives me no simple or straight reason, stating she trusts me and im the best daughter, but she wont allow it and thats it. my father is not here at this time so i cannot ask him but i know if mom says no then his answer is the same.

    i am starting to feel very frustrated and angry towards them. as someone in their mid 20s, i should have a career right now or at least start one-they put me through so much education for this only to leave it be. on top of that my we make by with very little so the job would offer great financial stability to my parents. and once my brother gets a job inshallah we will both have decent income to keep our parents comfortable and provide them good things (ie medical insurance, trips to hajj)

    i dont know what to do-everytime i confront my mother she says something along the lines of "pass this job, inshallah you will find a better one" or "i wish your brother could work this job-it would be perfect for a young man"

    i am so tired of hearing such things. is it gunna for a woman to work such jobs? and i cannot pass every job offer or position for her sake (i have refused two similar positions that required me to travel for months at a time-even i wasnt willing to do that to her)
    but this job is reasonable and we could REALLY use this money. besides me, there are 6 other people in the house and they need all the income that is provided. every day i stress out thinking of financial costs-even my father says dont worry allah will take care of us. but one must pull their weight-not just sit and pray to allah constantly!

    i dont know what to do-my temper has been running short these days and i try not to direct my displeasure/anger at my mother as shaitan is playing his hand.
    its alot of frustration and tension :(


    i apologize for the long thread but had to get this out there to someone

  • #2
    Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

    :salams

    Firstly,

    As a Muslim you are required to obey your parents in any demand that is not haraam; obedience to parents is the second-most important order after worshiping Allah Himself and it's a severe sin to disobey them. There is no age limit for obeying parents in Islam, this is a western innovation. We're not adults when we turn 18, we're adults when we hit puberty; but we still must obey our parents until their death, even if we are 65 when they die.

    Abdullah bin ‘Amr Ibnul 'Aas narrates, that a man came to Nabi S.A.W and said, “(O Nabi of Allah) I make a pledge of allegiance to you upon Hijrat and Jihad, and for this I seek reward from Allah.” Nabi S.A.W asked him, “Are any of your parents alive?” He said “Yes, both of them.” Nabi S.A.W asked him, “Do you wish to gain reward from Allah?” He replied, “Yes.” Then Nabi S.A.W said, “Return to your parents and live with them in an excellent manner.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

    Abdullah ibn Amr said, “A man went to the Prophet Allah's peace and blessings be upon him to pledge his allegiance to him for the coming (from Makkah to Madinah). However, he left his parents crying. The Prophet Allah's peace and blessings be upon him told him “Go back to them and make them as happy as you have made them sad”. (Bukhari)


    There is nothing wrong with keeping a low paying job if it keeps your parents happy and comfortable, the money really isn't worth upsetting them. Your father is your wali on top of being your parent, if he forbids you from doing something, you're not allowed to do it. Alhamdulillah he allows you to go out and work in this dangerous world we live in. I'd say they probably get worried sick every time you leave the house, the last thing a parent would want is their child off on their own, far away from their protection.

    Second,

    Your father and mother are both correct in their views. A Muslim must have total faith that Allah will take care of them, no matter the circumstances,



    and the Prophet promised that if we give up something we want in this dunya, Allah will replace it with something better than it.

    Umm Salama reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: If any Muslim who suffers some calamity says, what Allah has commanded him," We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," Allah will give him something better than it in exchange. [Sahih Muslim 1999]


    Have you prayed istikhara? You should probably do that every night.
    Last edited by |Sister|; 28-05-13, 11:09 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

      Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
      :salams

      Firstly,

      As a Muslim you are required to obey your parents in any demand that is not haraam; obedience to parents is the second-most important order after worshiping Allah Himself and it's a severe sin to disobey them. There is no age limit for obeying parents in Islam, this is a western innovation. We're not adults when we turn 18, we're adults when we hit puberty; but we still must obey our parents until their death, even if we are 65 when they die.

      Abdullah bin ‘Amr Ibnul 'Aas narrates, that a man came to Nabi S.A.W and said, “(O Nabi of Allah) I make a pledge of allegiance to you upon Hijrat and Jihad, and for this I seek reward from Allah.” Nabi S.A.W asked him, “Are any of your parents alive?” He said “Yes, both of them.” Nabi S.A.W asked him, “Do you wish to gain reward from Allah?” He replied, “Yes.” Then Nabi S.A.W said, “Return to your parents and live with them in an excellent manner.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

      Abdullah ibn Amr said, “A man went to the Prophet Allah's peace and blessings be upon him to pledge his allegiance to him for the coming (from Makkah to Madinah). However, he left his parents crying. The Prophet Allah's peace and blessings be upon him told him “Go back to them and make them as happy as you have made them sad”. (Bukhari)


      There is nothing wrong with keeping a low paying job if it keeps your parents happy and comfortable, the money really isn't worth upsetting them. Your father is your wali on top of being your parent, if he forbids you from doing something, you're not allowed to do it. Alhamdulillah he allows you to go out and work in this dangerous world we live in. I'd say they probably get worried sick every time you leave the house, the last thing a parent would want is their child off on their own, far away from their protection.

      Second,

      Your father and mother are both correct in their views. A Muslim must have total faith that Allah will take care of them, no matter the circumstances,



      and the Prophet promised that if we give up something we want in this dunya, Allah will replace it with something better than it.

      Umm Salama reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: If any Muslim who suffers some calamity says, what Allah has commanded him," We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," Allah will give him something better than it in exchange. [Sahih Muslim 1999]


      Have you prayed istikhara? You should probably do that every night.
      Masha'Allah VERY VERY sound advice!

      I recently left my job due to some of the reasons you mention sis, it involved travelling and was just a corrupt environment. I prayed istikhara and asked for guidance - you should definitely do the same. Career is all very well but as the sister above has said, your duty to obey your parents is second to NONE. Think about it, as Mufti Menk said "You owe your parents a lot. You never prayed to have them, but they may have prayed to have you”.

      They're just being protective especially since you're a girl, they worry for your safety and I know you say you've never broken their trust and they probably trust you a whole load but the same cannot be said for the people around you.

      May Allah guide you to the straight path in this situation. Ameen.
      My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
      As You have sanctified Your house,
      Make my heart as protected and as honoured
      In which permission of entry
      Is only granted to a few,
      Please Allah, allow my heart
      To be preserved only for You.



      ---


      It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
      when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
      In Jannah, we will meet :love:


      If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

        may Allah replace both of your losses with something much better that will benefit you and your family. Don't forget to make the dua in the hadith, you can never ask Allah for too much :)

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

          Yeah go for it, good luck and congrats. Sounds like you worked really hard.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

            You already know what the right thing to do is.

            You can feel it in your heart, hence the reason for you coming here to get some sorta validation.

            It is better that you listen to your parents.

            It took me 29 years to come to the conclusion that our parents are right most of the time.

            Everytime I disobeyed my mother, something went wrong.
            And its only after I grew older that I realised that a mother is a mother, Allah has blessed her with a 6th sense or something, I cant explain, its jus weird how she knows when I'm planning to do something or have done something.

            Bottom line, obey your mother, Allah gave you her for a reason.

            Jobs will come and go, money will come and go.
            There is rest only in the aakhira.
            Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

            - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

            If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
            and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
            then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

            - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

            I saw a dog without any clothes on .
            That's right, a nude dog.
            The Deepweb is disgusting.
            - Unknown -


            Links
            The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
            Inheritors of Qur'aan

            Download Links




            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

              thank you everyone for your responses

              of course it is farz on us to obey our parents and not displease them. my frustrations lied in the fact that i wanted to do this to help ease their life and difficulties. we have loans and loans of debt upon us and even the food we eat is tainted by being bought by credit card. being able to pay for our meals with halal money (ie not credit cards) is a step forward in itself and will allow us to live a more halal lifestyle. and i strongly feel we get more baraka from that

              i have been praying vigorously to allah swt to guide me in the right choice and making it easy for me. alhamdullilah today the same company called me for an interview for a different position that would not require traveling. granted the commute is a long ways but at least its a step in right direction

              please make dua for me that i get this job as it will remove one of the many burdens on my family :)

              jazakallah khair

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

                IA it works out for you, Allah doesnt burden anyone with somethin they cannot handle.

                May Allah give you halal and tayyib rizq and make it easy for you and your family.
                There is rest only in the aakhira.
                Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                That's right, a nude dog.
                The Deepweb is disgusting.
                - Unknown -


                Links
                The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                Inheritors of Qur'aan

                Download Links




                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Muslim Woman/Traveling Job?

                  Sister I advice that you pray istikharah.

                  I had one experience that I really wanted to quit a job because the environment was not comforting anymore. I really hated the top management because they were being unfair. One day, I got an offering from a company, which is a competitor from my previous company. They gave better offer and better salary. I prayed istikharah like 5 times. I also told my parents about this. My parents did not quite agree at first, because for some reasons. They said, do not quit your recent job. Be patient, there will be another job coming your way. But I continued to pray istikharah and consulted with some friends. I decided to quit and take the new job. And alhamdulillah it all goes well till now. I get a better work environment and my parents finally realizes that it is the right thing to do. I am actually blessed to have such understanding parents, they listen to what I want. They give their opinion or objection, though, but the final decision is up to me. Alhamdulillah.

                  So, I must tell you sist, do pray istikharah. May be what your parents see bad is good for you. Try to discuss things wisely enough with them. Sometimes parents have their selfishness as well, but if we try to explain to them wisely, Inshallah they will understand. But the key is in the istikharah. It will guide you, and it will finally guide your parents' heart. Inshallah.
                  So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (55:16)

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