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need help!!

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  • need help!!

    Asalamu Alaykum to everyone

    I dont usually post on forums but right now I need help and advice. When I was young I used to be a very good Muslim. I used to go to the Mosque every day to read the Qur'an and pray to Allah swt when ever I could, that continued into my teenage years and I was very happy and doing very well in my studies. I am 20 now. When I was about 16/17 Years of age I made a big mistake which I regret so much I started hanging around with the wrong people.

    Slowly this effected me because I started losing my beliefs all because of the people I called my "friends". They used to take Drugs which I have always refused and I have never taken any drugs to this day. One day they were talking about a Porn website and pushed me to view it I would always refuse but after peer pressure I could not hold any longer. Before I would always lower my gaze but once I started I could not stop and it has ruined my life when ever I view it I feel guilty but I just cant stop I would go a few weeks and then watch more porn. It has affected my happiness and my studies I am in uni now but I have just scraped through whereas before I would always work hard on my studies.

    Recently it has gotten even worse because as well as the constant masturbating I met with a girl that i have been friends with, she is a non muslim we have not had intercourse but have kissed and you know. It has only happened once. It has made me feel terrible, I know that it is wrong but I just cant stop. It is like i have no emaan left I stopped going to the mosque even stopped praying on Friday my parents don't understand why, I just cant tell them I cant bare them being ashamed of me. I just had to get it out of me and this was the best way i know.

    I seek advice Please don't judge.

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