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  • my mum not letting me practice abaya

    assalam alaikum,
    my situation is that i want to start practicing abaya, but my mum is not letting me practice it.
    i wear a head covering(hijab) + a huge shawl(reda) so as to be covered properly but still inside me i feel as something is wrong, missing, as if m not properly covered. when i told my mum about this she was like no its ok, you r wearing a reda and its properly covering you. i cant understand why she ain't allowing me to wear an abaya.
    plz ukhti and akhi give me suggestions how to change my mum's heart & how to deal with this.

    P.S: i dont wanna upset my mum
    jazak alkhair.
    The Masjid's are free, but empty,
    The Clubs are paid and full,
    Its free to enter Heaven
    But costly to enter Hell.

  • #2
    Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

    Abu Jandal (RA) and His Brother were imprisoned by their Suhail (RA) for going to Islam, who later became a great Sahabi himself, but during the time of Jahilliya Parents were being disobeyed only for the pleasure and obedience of Allah

    you choose which you want to please, while you should still be very kind to your mother.
    ╰☆╮The Qu'ran is the Fuel of the Muslim's Heart.╰☆╮

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

      salam
      by saying i dont want to upset my mum, i dont mean to follow her advice but i dont want her to get aggressive over this issue, plus how to tell her in a polite manner that m firm on my dicision.
      jazak alkhair
      The Masjid's are free, but empty,
      The Clubs are paid and full,
      Its free to enter Heaven
      But costly to enter Hell.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

        Originally posted by nymph View Post
        assalam alaikum,
        my situation is that i want to start practicing abaya, but my mum is not letting me practice it.
        i wear a head covering(hijab) + a huge shawl(reda) so as to be covered properly but still inside me i feel as something is wrong, missing, as if m not properly covered. when i told my mum about this she was like no its ok, you r wearing a reda and its properly covering you. i cant understand why she ain't allowing me to wear an abaya.
        plz ukhti and akhi give me suggestions how to change my mum's heart & how to deal with this.

        P.S: i dont wanna upset my mum
        jazak alkhair.
        :wswrwb:

        I would listen to your mom. You don't have to wear the abaya to be fully covered. Just wear the huge hijab, a huge shawal, and loose clothing and you're fine alhamdulillah. Plus, you'll be getting even more rewards for listening to your mom. During this time, while you listen to her, you can get her use to the idea of an abayah so that she doesn't mind you wearing it. But make du'a and work with her first, instead of just getting her angry by wearing it regardless of what she says.

        Originally posted by Abu Protein View Post
        Abu Jandal (RA) and His Brother were imprisoned by their Suhail (RA) for going to Islam, who later became a great Sahabi himself, but during the time of Jahilliya Parents were being disobeyed only for the pleasure and obedience of Allah

        you choose which you want to please, while you should still be very kind to your mother.
        Please be careful with what you say. Are you equating her mother telling her not to wear the abayah to the Sahabai with non-Muslim parents? The abayah isn't a requirement of Islam. It's fashion. If the mother wants her to wear a long loose sleeve shirt with a batil/sheet and a jilbab then that is better for her than to wear the abayah.

        Like I said before, be careful of what you say and make tawbah. This isn't the right thing to say when it comes to this matter.
        Last edited by Pippin1376; 27-11-12, 06:03 PM.
        وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
        "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
        Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
        [2:186]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

          Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
          If the mother wants her to wear a long loose sleeve shirt with a batil/sheet and a jilbab then that is better for her than to wear the abayah.
          Since that's an if statement, there's nothing wrong in what he understood and the reply he gave as a result. The general idea gotten from the topic is that she prefers her to wear something the sister believes to be less modest and is not comfortable with, so his statement is natural. The story's moral is that there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Lord in this context, the fact that the woman in the narration happens to have been pushing her son to disbelieve does not mean he's saying that is comparable to what her mom is doing, this is because he's clearly using the moral of the story in general as you can see from his last sentence. Also isn't a jilbaab a Abaya already? I don't get it.

          @ sister nymph:

          :wswrwb:

          You said you wear redaa' already, isn't that like a Abaya/Jilbaab as it is? I'm not that familiar with the differences in these modes of dress. Also why does she not want you to wear it, is there a particular reason?
          والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

          "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

            Reach a compromise. If your mum doesn't like it, tell her you'll only wear it when you go out and never at home so she doesn't have to see you wearing it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

              ^ who wears an abayah at home?

              Originally posted by علي View Post
              Since that's an if statement, there's nothing wrong in what he understood and the reply he gave as a result. The general idea gotten from the topic is that she prefers her to wear something the sister believes to be less modest and is not comfortable with, so his statement is natural. The story's moral is that there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Lord in this context, the fact that the woman in the narration happens to have been pushing her son to disbelieve does not mean he's saying that is comparable to what her mom is doing, this is because he's clearly using the moral of the story in general as you can see from his last sentence. Also isn't a jilbaab a Abaya already? I don't get it.
              I still don't feel like it's right to compare a mother telling her daughter to not wear an abaya and wear a reda, which is both good and Islamic, to telling their family members to stop worshiping Allah and if you don't I'll torture you. The latter is encouraging Shirk, while the former is just different fashion sense. A better example would have been the Sahabah who wanted to go to Hajj but his parents told him no. Both are khayr, but the hadith (or was it an athar?) ends off by saying to listen to your parents.

              Jilbab and Abaya are different. One goes on your head and looks more like a poncho and the other is more like a dress with no head covering.
              وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
              "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
              Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
              [2:186]

              .:.
              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                Oh yeah okay I know the Jilbaab, it's the best out of all of them imo. But then what's the difference between a Abaya and a Redaa' ? It seems like they're both cornered into being the same thing given the unique nature of the Jilbaab.
                والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                  Originally posted by علي View Post
                  Oh yeah okay I know the Jilbaab, it's the best out of all of them imo. But then what's the difference between a Abaya and a Redaa' ? It seems like they're both cornered into being the same thing given the unique nature of the Jilbaab.
                  I think a reda is just a shawl. So you'd still have to wear the hijab and put the shawl on top of it, or your shoulders....I think? I don't really know what it is, I'm just going by the op. An abayah is the black (though it does come in different colours) dress that a lot of Muslim sisters wear these days. There is nothing to cover the hair, which is why you need a hijab or jilbab to go with it.
                  وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
                  "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
                  Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
                  [2:186]

                  .:.
                  .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                  Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                    ^ who wears an abayah at home?...
                    (exactly... but don't tell her mum that)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                      I think a reda is just a shawl. So you'd still have to wear the hijab and put the shawl on top of it, or your shoulders....I think? I don't really know what it is, I'm just going by the op. An abayah is the black (though it does come in different colours) dress that a lot of Muslim sisters wear these days. There is nothing to cover the hair, which is why you need a hijab or jilbab to go with it.

                      if you don't know what it is then why are you telling the sister it's fine?
                      "O you who have believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?
                      (It is that) you believe in Allah and His Messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is best for you, if you should know.
                      He will forgive for you your sins and admit you to gardens beneath which rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
                      .


                      "And (you will obtain) another (favour) that you love - victory from Allah and an imminent conquest; and give good tidings to the believers"
                      .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                        Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
                        if you don't know what it is then why are you telling the sister it's fine?
                        She said that the reda is a huge shawl. I know what a shawl is, so that's why I said it was fine. :scratch: Unless it isn't a shawl. Even then, a hijab and loose shirt/skirt combo is still fine to wear, as long as the hijab is long enough.
                        وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
                        "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
                        Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
                        [2:186]

                        .:.
                        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                          :aku_wsalam:

                          Sister, see if she will aloow you to wear long dresses or long skirts with a long, loose top. That way it is not an abaya, but you are still covered in a way that will be comfortable to you. It will also get her used to seeing you covered in this way, then she may be more accepting of you wearing an abaya in a quicker amount of time :insha: .

                          I agree that you should continue to be kind to your mother. Perhaps she doesn't want to you to overburden yourself at a young age then "burnout" as so many then end up leaving it all together.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                            :salams
                            :start:

                            Increase the length of shawl than the current length.Do not wear anything which is transparent, tight-fitting, or flashy.Not everyone can hold the key of hijab when wearing abaya.Abaya is a dress of hijab from Arabs.
                            صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
                            Al-Muslimeen

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: my mum not letting me practice abaya

                              Hijaab is from the word HJB which essentially means to screen, diffeent countries have different methods so eg the chador in Iran or the abaya in saudi

                              The jilbab is a head covering and doesnt cover the body

                              If the reda is like the chador then no problems, if it is a shawl that hangs from the shoulders to waist and you wear jeans etc then that in the eyeas of Allah swt you are naked

                              The long dresses and shirts and skirts advice is also dangerous and you maybe need to read up on what is classed as hijaab and what isnt

                              Also read the story of Musab (I think it was) his mother hated him for becoming muslim and practising. She refused to eat. He simply kept bringing her food as per his obligation, if she didnt eat that was her decision.

                              Being kind to parents in Islam and what we think is often 2 different things

                              and Allah swt knows best

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