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Adopting instead of having kids

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  • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
    OP : You remind me of my friend X who thought exactly the way you did some years back. She was adamant that she would never get married and never, ever have biological kids of her own, but she was ever-willing to adopt kids. Another friend, Y and myself tried our utmost to reason with her but she wouldn't budge. Later, she relented a bit saying she might consider marriage but would never have kids because she didn't want to go through pregnancy, child-birth etc etc. All of us parted ways soon.

    Fast-forward a few years :

    We learnt X was getting married, Y & I were both :shock:. Later , she even went on to give birth to children which made us doubly :shock:. It seemed totally unbelievable.

    It was so ironic that X who had always been anti-marriage and kids was basking in marital bliss and motherhood while Y and I who had spent hours extolling the virtues of marriage to her were moaning about being single.

    We now reminisce about those days and laugh.

    So, I'd advise you not to stress too much over it. Chances are , you'll change your stance at a later stage in life. :)
    Man intends one thing, but Allah intends another - Khalid ibn Al-Walid

    Comment


    • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

      Originally posted by MoMo. View Post
      Man intends one thing, but Allah intends another - Khalid ibn Al-Walid
      I've heard a similar thing, no attribution:

      "Man proposes, God disposes."

      Comment


      • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

        Yeah, I can understand what you all are saying.
        In no way am I saying that I will never have children. I don't want to limit my life if that's why could bring me success in the eyes of Allah.
        But I don't aim to have children. I think that's what the OP means too.

        Comment


        • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

          raising righteous children can such a rewarding action. They can benefit you after you pass away, by their dua, and good deeds.
          Allah is always watching [VIDEO]

          How To Weep For The Fear Of Allah

          Please remember to share these links with people you know so they can also benefit from them. :jkk:

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          • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

            Let's just end it with what op is doing
            /planning is contrary to the sunnah.
            "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

            GOOD MANNERS

            Comment


            • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

              Okay, but I'm arguing that she's not doing something haram.
              :P
              Besides, is it really haram if someone is just omitting from doing something she may end up having happen?

              Comment


              • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                Originally posted by HmInh View Post
                Okay, but I'm arguing that she's not doing something haram.
                :P
                Besides, is it really haram if someone is just omitting from doing something she may end up having happen?
                It's not haram, but contrary to the sunnah which makes it foolish in my eyes.
                "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

                GOOD MANNERS

                Comment


                • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                  Originally posted by [email protected] View Post
                  i do but being unmarried, i would not think of adopting a child, to me it'd not be a practical option

                  and if it makes any difference, my mother was on the verge of adopting a baby whose mother abandoned him after giving birth to him, we named him 'esa, he was absolutely gorgeous mashaAllah and yes i still remember him, he'd be 6 years old now..

                  anyway, it's your life and your own decision[s] but just because some people disagree with your views doesn't make them "selfish", maybe they say what they say 'cause they've seen more than you
                  Oh I didn't mean people who birth kids are selfish! I meant people who are selfish are the ones who don't think others can love an adopted child as much as a biological one.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                    Originally posted by n_n_n View Post
                    There's all kinds of perks that come with pregnancy. Strangers coo at you. People give up their seats for you even if you're feeling perky. Housework ignored at will with nary a sigh. Can demand foot rubs every day. Cold-hearted, saw-it-all cops tear up $250 parking tickets they just stuck on your windshield for double-parking when they see your pregnant self waddle out of a store! Don't write it off till you tried it :)
                    Haha :) Nice ones, (esp foot massage) but I doubt many sisters would go through pregnancy for those reasons. People cooing in public isn't much, and usually people have their own cars :D Foot massages can be done in spas and some cops just write it down anyways :D

                    Comment


                    • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                      Originally posted by Mikha’eel View Post
                      Things can change. People change. 1 day you don't want them, the next the man will decide that he wants his own child that will carry on his lineage, and a child he can call his own.
                      Well, it's not just about the man you know. It's about mutual understanding between the wife and the husband. You know the woman is the one who carries that baby for 9 months. This should all be sorted out before the marriage of course, and if someone changed their mind and wants a divorce, fine. And the thing I don't understand is "lineage". ?? The important thing in islam is not lineage, but raising good pious muslims. :)

                      Comment


                      • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                        Originally posted by Ebony View Post
                        Not all children are at the age where you can mahram-ise them by breastfeeding. So they'd remain non-mahram to you for the rest of your/their life. And if you were really wanting to do this in order to provide them a loving home, safety, security etc then you'd adopt them regardless of their age.

                        Also any children you do adopt would have different surnames to yours (they have to retain this, you cant change it)
                        Oo-kay...then I'll take one that can be breastfed. But like you said, "Not all children are at the age where you can mahram-ise them by breastfeeding. So they'd remain non-mahram to you for the rest of your/their life" and then you're saying "if you were really wanting to do this in order to provide them a loving home, safety, security etc then you'd adopt them regardless of their age."

                        How can I give them a proper loving, secure home without them being a mahram. Is this such a huge deal? And yea, the surname thing is noooo problem.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                          Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                          This post should be emphasized. Even if you agreed to not have children before the marriage, you can't force your spouse to not have children if they change their mind. Your only option would be to divorce (and this is the most hated of halal things).


                          This is highly encouraging :rotfl:



                          Yea sis, that's entirely possible, but it's a horrible solution. You grew close to this person, shared your life with them, then divorce them over something like this? I mean, it doesn't seem fair to me at all. In the end she would have wasted the poor guy's time that he could have been spending with a wife that had similar goals. I think it's safer to just seek out an infertile man who doesn't have the opportunity to change his mind later.
                          Woaahh woahh. Just back up a moment here.
                          That's making the man a victim, not cool. Like I said, both couple of course need to agree on this. And after marriage if someone changes their mind, they are NOT the victim. They are the ones who can choose to accept what the couple agreed on before marriage, or the one who will initiate the divorce.
                          Wasting the "poor man's" time? What about the poor woman's, her husband of many years is gonna divorce her just because she didn't pop out a genetic child of his, even though they had agreed on not to have kids before marriage. Some husband.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                            Originally posted by Umm-Aaliyah View Post
                            there is more to having a baby then that sis. My Allah reward you for your honorable intentions but adopting a baby is nothing like having a baby. the outcome is similar but you didnt experience the actual carrying which i think is one of the bests parts of being a parent. having a child that looks like you or your hubby. And insha'allah having them be your your reason to enter the jannah. i understand what your saying but it will not be the same, similar but not the same.
                            i am not saying you should look down on adopting but don't look down on having your own child because of it.

                            massila.. no one is making the sis seem like a weirdo i think we are just curios as to why the sis has that view.. its not a reason 2 get defensive, its a open discussion not a bloody dissection.
                            Thanks sis, but I'm set on my ways. :) A baby doesnt need to look like me, or be carried in my body cavity for me to love it just like a real child. If you had learned that your child or baby was switched at birth, and you had in fact, not birthed it, would your love fade away for him/her?

                            Comment


                            • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                              Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                              I have an example of an opinion that differs from the one posted above. My mother birthed many children and also raised quite a few children that were not hers biologically (including me). I call her mother because that is what she is, my mother. She never treated me any different than any of her other children, and she often takes my side over theirs because I am "the favorite" (alhamdulillah).

                              Opinions are just that, opinions. Some parents favor blood children and some don't see a difference between them. Either way, equal treatment is required in Islam, whether you love them or not.

                              I understand the desire to not give birth to children and I'm not judgmental against those sisters who just don't want to have kids... but it does remind me of a lecture I heard on the end times that women of these days will despise having children, and the infertile woman will be overjoyed that she is free of the burden of child-rearing.

                              EDIT:
                              Hadhrat Abu Musa Ash'ari (R.A.) narrates that Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alayhii Wassallam) said, "Qiyamah will come...
                              "When women with children come displeased on account of them bearing offspring, and barren women remain happy on account of having no responsibility of offspring."
                              http://www.islamawareness.net/Prophecies/minor.html

                              Can you list what ayah/surah that is from in the Quran?

                              Comment


                              • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                                Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                                Allahu alam, it is so important to realise before marriage that you cannot prevent your spouse from having children, it is so painful to marry and then be told by your spouse that they will try to prevent you having children. Its best to understand before marriage that this simply isnt an option, and muslims who know their deen will of course seek to have children as everything about our deen encourages this, and its just not a desicion a person can make because as long as they are having intimate relations, then its simply not in their control.
                                It actually is sis.
                                There is nothing that says you cannot have adopted children instead of biological. Saying anymore is crossing the line between fact and opinion, and I suggest we not confuse it here.

                                Comment

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