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Adopting instead of having kids

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  • .Kid.
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by HmInh View Post
    Okay, but I'm arguing that she's not doing something haram.
    :P
    Besides, is it really haram if someone is just omitting from doing something she may end up having happen?
    It's not haram, but contrary to the sunnah which makes it foolish in my eyes.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Okay, but I'm arguing that she's not doing something haram.
    :P
    Besides, is it really haram if someone is just omitting from doing something she may end up having happen?

    Leave a comment:


  • .Kid.
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Let's just end it with what op is doing
    /planning is contrary to the sunnah.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mikhaeel
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    raising righteous children can such a rewarding action. They can benefit you after you pass away, by their dua, and good deeds.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Yeah, I can understand what you all are saying.
    In no way am I saying that I will never have children. I don't want to limit my life if that's why could bring me success in the eyes of Allah.
    But I don't aim to have children. I think that's what the OP means too.

    Leave a comment:


  • n_n_n
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by MoMo. View Post
    Man intends one thing, but Allah intends another - Khalid ibn Al-Walid
    I've heard a similar thing, no attribution:

    "Man proposes, God disposes."

    Leave a comment:


  • MoMo.
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
    OP : You remind me of my friend X who thought exactly the way you did some years back. She was adamant that she would never get married and never, ever have biological kids of her own, but she was ever-willing to adopt kids. Another friend, Y and myself tried our utmost to reason with her but she wouldn't budge. Later, she relented a bit saying she might consider marriage but would never have kids because she didn't want to go through pregnancy, child-birth etc etc. All of us parted ways soon.

    Fast-forward a few years :

    We learnt X was getting married, Y & I were both :shock:. Later , she even went on to give birth to children which made us doubly :shock:. It seemed totally unbelievable.

    It was so ironic that X who had always been anti-marriage and kids was basking in marital bliss and motherhood while Y and I who had spent hours extolling the virtues of marriage to her were moaning about being single.

    We now reminisce about those days and laugh.

    So, I'd advise you not to stress too much over it. Chances are , you'll change your stance at a later stage in life. :)
    Man intends one thing, but Allah intends another - Khalid ibn Al-Walid

    Leave a comment:


  • ~TwinklingStar~
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    OP : You remind me of my friend X who thought exactly the way you did some years back. She was adamant that she would never get married and never, ever have biological kids of her own, but she was ever-willing to adopt kids. Another friend, Y and myself tried our utmost to reason with her but she wouldn't budge. Later, she relented a bit saying she might consider marriage but would never have kids because she didn't want to go through pregnancy, child-birth etc etc. All of us parted ways soon.

    Fast-forward a few years :

    We learnt X was getting married, Y & I were both :shock:. Later , she even went on to give birth to children which made us doubly :shock:. It seemed totally unbelievable.

    It was so ironic that X who had always been anti-marriage and kids was basking in marital bliss and motherhood while Y and I who had spent hours extolling the virtues of marriage to her were moaning about being single.

    We now reminisce about those days and laugh.

    So, I'd advise you not to stress too much over it. Chances are , you'll change your stance at a later stage in life. :)

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Asiya, I think you misunderstood what I'm saying. :)
    There are ways of preventing pregnancy which don't involve medicine and were okay with the Prophet.
    I am not seeking, in my life and plans, to have children of my own. I have a severe pregnancy phobia and generally don't want to have any children (not one, two, or even three). Yes, it's sunnah. But I am not comfortable with that, it steps into territory I have issues with.

    If my halal ways of preventing pregnancy did not work, and I was expecting... I would have to suddenly rearrange my life for that. I would have to suddenly figure things out on how to be a good parent etc.
    But if God wants me to have children, there's no preventing it of course.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by HmInh View Post

    I don't understand the push to get everyone to have children. It's not a religious obligation, but it contains a lot of benefits.
    you know the prophet :saw: told us to seek to have many children insha Allah.



    Encouragement to have a lot of children


    I noticed that people are of two types: those who encourage us to have few children and those who encourage us to have a lot of children. Is there is evidence to support either of these two opinions?.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.”
    Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784.

    This hadeeth indicates that it is encouraged to marry women who are fertile, so that the numbers of the ummah will increase, and so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of his ummah before all other nations. This shows that it is encouraged to have a lot of children.

    Al-Ghazaali said that when a man gets married, intending thereby to have children, that this is an act of worship for which he will be rewarded because of his good intention. He explained that in several ways:

    1 – This is in accordance with what Allaah wants, which is to perpetuate the human race.

    2 – Seeking the love of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in having many children, so that he will feel proud of them before the other Prophets and nations on the Day of Resurrection.

    3 – Seeking barakah (blessing) and a great deal of reward, and forgiveness of sins through the du’aa’ of a righteous child after one dies.

    It is well known that since ancient times children have been the hope of the Prophets and Messengers and all of the righteous slaves of Allaah, and that will continue to be the case so long as man’s innate nature (fitrah) remains sound. Children are a blessing whom people love and on whom they pin their hopes.

    Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) prayed to his Lord, saying (interpretation of the meaning):

    “My Lord! Grant me (offspring) from the righteous”

    [al-Saafaat 37:100]

    And Allaah says of Zakariya (peace be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):

    “When he called out his Lord (Allaah) a call in secret.

    He said: ‘My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, and I have never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord!

    And verily, I fear my relatives after me, and my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir.

    Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity of Ya’qoob (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious knowledge and Prophethood, not of wealth). And make him, my Lord, one with whom You are Well-Pleased!’

    (Allaah said) ‘O Zakariyya (Zachariah)! Verily, We give you the glad tidings of a son, whose name will be Yahyaa (John). We have given that name to none before (him)’”


    [Maryam 19:3-7]

    Allaah praises His righteous slaves in many ways, such as when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And those who say: ‘Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)’”


    [al-Furqaan 25:74]

    And Allaah tells us that Shu’ayb (peace be upon him) commanded his people to remember Allaah’s blessing to them when He made them many after they had been few. He said (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you”


    [al-A’raaf 7:86]

    He regarded their being multiplied after they had been few as a great blessing which obliged them to obey Allaah and obey His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

    Undoubtedly the benefits of increasing the nation’s offspring are obvious to everyone who thinks about the matter. Hence nations who understand this matter have been keen to encourage their people to increase their numbers and also to make their enemies reduce their numbers by means of specious arguments and sometimes by using means that lead to infertility and having few children, by means of drugs, contaminated food stuffs that reduce fertility and so on. This is one of the means of war used against the Muslim ummah by its enemies.

    We ask Allaah to ward off the evil of those who disbelieve and to thwart their plots against the Muslims.

    And Allaah knows best.
    Islam Q&A

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by HmInh View Post
    I won't go as far as to say I'll never have children... just that I don't want to.
    If I did get pregnant, I'd have to deal with that as it came. Of course I'd take care of it, but you take proper measures not to get pregnant if you don't want to (none of which are haraam).
    as the prophet :saw: said, why would any of you do that ? dont you know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills" you can take all the contraception measures you want, none of them will prevent you having a child. If you dont become pregnant thats simply because Allah ta ala didnt decree it for you, not down to the medicine you took, people plan but Allah is the best of planners :) every time a man engages in intimate relations, he asks Allah ta ala to protect any offspring concieved, from shaitan.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
    as muslims we wouldnt ever assume that our spouse did not want children, its simply a given that u will try to have children insha Allah as the ruling in islam is that we just cannot deny a person such a blessing from Allah. As i said before resuming intimate relations, the husband must make a duaa to ask Allah ta ala to protect any child concieved from shaitan.

    hence i feel its important that if muslims are not aware of this and think they will simply announce theyre not having children, after marriage, they need to know that is not an option, and a quick divorce would be the more likely solution.

    even discussing it before marriage isnt going to solve the issue, if u are having physical relations, then there is simply nothing you can do to prevent having children, abortion is not an option.
    No but you misunderstand. No one is saying that they're going to abort children if they do get pregnant.
    My view on the subject is that I don't want children, and if I do, I'll likely adopt. I won't go as far as to say I'll never have children... just that I don't want to.
    If I did get pregnant, I'd have to deal with that as it came. Of course I'd take care of it, but you take proper measures not to get pregnant if you don't want to (none of which are haraam).

    I don't understand the push to get everyone to have children. It's not a religious obligation, but it contains a lot of benefits.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by n_n_n View Post
    Surely this is something one would discuss with a potential spouse BEFORE getting married? I agree it would be a painful surprise after the ceremony but would hope anyone with such firm views would share them before marriage and ensure the partner is on the same page.
    as muslims we wouldnt ever assume that our spouse did not want children, its simply a given that u will try to have children insha Allah as the ruling in islam is that we just cannot deny a person such a blessing from Allah. As i said before resuming intimate relations, the husband must make a duaa to ask Allah ta ala to protect any child concieved from shaitan.

    hence i feel its important that if muslims are not aware of this and think they will simply announce theyre not having children, after marriage, they need to know that is not an option, and a quick divorce would be the more likely solution.

    even discussing it before marriage isnt going to solve the issue, if u are having physical relations, then there is simply nothing you can do to prevent having children, abortion is not an option.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 12-11-12, 10:54 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • n_n_n
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
    Allahu alam, it is so important to realise before marriage that you cannot prevent your spouse from having children, it is so painful to marry and then be told by your spouse that they will try to prevent you having children.
    Surely this is something one would discuss with a potential spouse BEFORE getting married? I agree it would be a painful surprise after the ceremony but would hope anyone with such firm views would share them before marriage and ensure the partner is on the same page.

    Leave a comment:


  • .Hajar.
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    this actually is a good post

    Originally posted by Umm-Aaliyah View Post
    there is more to having a baby then that sis. My Allah reward you for your honorable intentions but adopting a baby is nothing like having a baby. the outcome is similar but you didnt experience the actual carrying which i think is one of the bests parts of being a parent. having a child that looks like you or your hubby. And insha'allah having them be your your reason to enter the jannah. i understand what your saying but it will not be the same, similar but not the same.

    i am not saying you should look down on adopting but don't look down on having your own child because of it.

    massila.. no one is making the sis seem like a weirdo i think we are just curios as to why the sis has that view.. its not a reason 2 get defensive, its a open discussion not a bloody dissection.

    Leave a comment:

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